Silent Night (2023)

Alright guys Silent Night is pretty rad.  I had a blast taking in the latest John Woo action extravaganza and this is only a brief message to let you know that it’s definitely worth your time.

Amazingly the title has no less than three meanings.  It’s basically a silent movie in part due to the main character, Brian (Joel Kinnaman (Child 44)), not being able to speak.  The film opens with him getting his throat shot out (ouch) so it’s a legit physical impairment.  On top of that the concept is then taken to the maximum natural end point of having no characters say any dialogue at all!  Everyone’s emotions and thoughts are expressed totally clearly without speaking and that’s a daring avenue to explore in this day and age.  Additionally, this is a revenge story and the best time to enact that revenge is at night so that checks out.  But then of course the date in question is Christmas night.  It’s like the filmmakers actually thought about it.  An accurate title where every part checks out is really just icing on the cake but man I love it.

And shit, besides no dialogue John Woo takes a run of the mill picture about a father going after the people who shot and killed his five year old son and makes so many other unique choices.  For example having the bad guys be Latino gangbangers instead of the usual Russians, setting the story in Texas instead of California, the lead is simply some average Joe with no hints that he’s an ex-cop or ex-military or anything, the extreme sentimentality Brian displays over his dead son, there’s sort of a jazzy song used for the getting tough/gearing up/training montage, the main villain and his lady waltz to an industrial song, his lair has giant Christmas ornaments hanging from the ceiling and skulls projected onto the walls, a teardrop falling is intercut with a bullet falling to the ground and etc.

One particularly cute part is when a henchman is battling Brian and gets thrown into a table full of handguns but then reaches next to it to pull a machine gun that was out of view.  My complements to the chef.  I also like that Brian has a look on his face sometimes like even he can’t believe the incredible shit he’s pulling off and what he’s up against.

Look, this isn’t on the same tier as Woo’s masterworks but for a guy in his late 70’s who hasn’t been in the game for a long while this is fuckin’ cool as hell.  He had to learn a few new tricks to adapt to modern action and sure, there’s part of me that wishes he would’ve made this thing as if it were still the 80’s or 90’s but you know what?  That’s ok.  Setting aside the kind of not great looking digital blood splatter he updates himself well.  One instance is the (probably fake?) oner where our hero ascends five or six flights of stairs all while dispatching baddies.  It’s a neat sequence but admittedly is a touch clunkily executed hinting that either John wanted to prove he could be just as relevant as current action filmmakers or it was something he felt was essential for today’s audiences.  With that said let’s not forget he gave us one of the all time best oners during the hospital scene in Hard Boiled.  So he has nothing to prove in that department.

I mean what’s impressive is because it’s John motherfuckin’ Woo we essentially got a direct to streaming picture on the big screen and in my book that alone counts for something.  Not to mention he delivered a fun piece making his comeback a sweet one.  If he’s feeling spry and gets the opportunity to make more films there’s no question that I’m there.

Harefooted Halloween: Sadako

What I Liked: Like all the other Ring sequels there are a couple of genuinely eerie moments.  We do get a full blown scene of a TV flipping on by itself, Sadako climbing out of the well, inching her way towards the screen, crawling out of the TV into the real world and attacking a person who’s paralyzed by the fear of what they’re witnessing.  When she pops out into reality she does this slither across the ground too which looks good and weird.  There are also times when we catch glimpses of the devil child either in the background or reflected in blank screens that create some decent atmosphere.

Thankfully this isn’t tedious like I remember some of the other installments being.  They setup enough mystery and goals for the characters to propel the story forward.  It’s definitely not the intense ticking time clock of the first film but the second half picks up the pace with a race to find a victim before Sadako strikes.

What I Didn’t Like: The biggest issue I have is the film doesn’t properly lay out the rules of the curse.  Initially it was extremely simple.  If you watch this specific VHS tape you die seven days later.  There’s a cure but just in case you haven’t seen that original masterwork I’ll leave it there.  In this one there’s no tape, no video online you need to click on or anything.  Sadako attacks anyone who trespasses onto her turf and acts more like a typical slasher villain in that sense.  At the same time her hauntings and assaults seem kinda random.  On top of that the plot features this other little girl with telekinetic powers that’s sort of like Sadako’s protégé and whoever comes in contact with her tends to get caught up in the curse.  Plus the filmmakers retconned some of Sadako’s backstory (I’m pretty sure?) which I won’t even go into.  Bottom line is the whole thing needed more focus.

The passage of time feels off with the way everything flows.  I thought events were occurring in consecutive days but then a character will mention it’s been months or days and that took me aback.  Maybe it’s just me but the storytelling didn’t properly convey the time in between major plot points.

Overall Impressions: Even the keepers of this series could not resist the reboot-quel trend of creating a sequel while also hitting the reset button like Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022), Halloween (2018), The Force Awakens, Jurassic World, The Exorcist: Believer, etc.  And like most of them this isn’t very successful.  None of Ringu’s successors ever managed to capture the same magic or find a tremendously exciting fresh direction to take the franchise in.  And I’m not sure how much new territory there is to explore by this point.  I mean they already gave us a movie that updates shit to a cursed YouTube video, one that centers more on the science of the curse, one where Sadako grows up and goes to theater school (yea that was a strange one) and a crossover with the Ju-on monster.  This one uses a similar idea to the first sequel where Sadako takes control of another child to help continue the spread of her misery.  It’s unclear if the child already has psychic powers or if Sadako is feeding them to her.  Nonetheless we’ve pretty much been here before.

Director Hideo Nakata makes his big return after helming the first two Japanese entries and the American sequel The Ring Two.  He still knows how to get some nice creepy shit on camera and remains the best at capturing the essence of Sadako with her disposition and how she moves and having her ghostly aura permeate the entire picture.  But unfortunately I get the sense his heart wasn’t in this one.  The script is half baked and the general mood comes across tired.

So while this isn’t terrible it’s not great either.  It could be the strongest sequel but it’s been a while since I’ve seen the others.  If you really dig Sadako and are looking for her to do her thang then sure, it’s worth checking out.  Otherwise don’t worry about it.

Harefooted Halloween: Saw X

What I Liked: They actually sorta did something different.  They make John “Jigsaw” Kramer (Tobin Bell (Seinfeld)) the center of the story for the first time, they show him overseeing and executing his deathtraps, they make him the most sympathetic he’s ever been and there isn’t a subplot of the police searching for Kramer or where the victims are being held.  Another first is he carries out his “game” in a foreign country but it’s still within an abandoned warehouse so in the end this location change doesn’t amount to much.

I’d like to expand on the above for a moment because we’ve never spent this much time with Kramer in one sitting and it was kinda nice.  The story revolves around him seeking an unapproved underground treatment for his brain cancer.  He’s given months to live so he’s desperate to try anything.  Now even though he’s the main villain of the series he’s always been more of a figure in the shadows than out front when his victims are working their way through the traps.  It was cooler than I would’ve thought to spend the entire runtime with Kramer and see him operate up close.  Throughout the film, especially the first third, they humanize the character by showing him at his lowest point and searching for hope to cling to.  I think they succeed too which is a pretty impressive feat.

What I Didn’t Like: For me the real reason the Saw pictures are a guilty pleasure are the crazy twists and turns of the soap opera that plays out in between Jigsaw murdering folks.  It’s much more like a TV show in that sense where everyone’s related somehow and locations get revisited and paths cross endlessly and Kramer has more accomplices than you’d ever expect.  Since this picture takes place in an entirely different location than all the rest those connections are lost.  There are a couple of reveals for sure but they’re more ho hum than the bonkers shit we’re used to.

Unfortunately the film is extremely predictable.   This is partially a consequence of the story being more on the generic side this round.  The other part of it is if you’ve seen some of the other Saws then it’s obvious where the story is going and how it’ll play out.  These movies love to jump around in time so I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to let you know this one’s a prequel.  As a result there’s only one way the events can turn out.

Damn, this could be the goriest in the series, and one of the goriest pictures in general.  I’m not adverse to shit getting nasty but I’m not a huge proponent of it either.  The franchise is known for their brutal treatment of the human body and this entry is no different.  At one point someone cuts the intestines out of another person and flings them across the room to use as a rope to grab a cart.  Kinda funny but also yuck!

Overall Impressions: On one hand yep, it’s another Saw movie alright.  But on the other I appreciate the filmmakers trying a few different things, namely getting you on John Kramer’s side by successfully turning him into a victim.  The picture really takes its time setting this up (this runs a half hour longer than all previous films) and diving deeper into the teacher/student relationship between Kramer and Amanda (Shawnee Smith (The Blob (1988))).  Some fans might be annoyed by this because it takes a while to get to the deathtraps but I think it works (although they throw one in early on with John daydreaming about a guy getting his eyeballs sucked out of his head, it totally feels like something added later in production to satiate the audience).

This is kind of a self-contained movie that would probably actually play better if you haven’t seen any of the others.  Then you wouldn’t be able to predict the outcome as easily.  Not only that but the character study stuff is fairly well done and brings you completely up to speed.  So despite the absence of dubious insane plot twists I guess this could maybe possibly against all odds be my favorite Saw film?  Whatever that’s worth.  Not that the others are shoddily made exactly but the methodical storytelling makes this one come across the most professional.  It’s still the same director/editor from four previous installments, Kevin Greutert, and writers of three, Pete Goldfinger and Josh Solberg, which is interesting.  I’m glad they finally altered the formula slightly and found a new angle to tackle the material from.  I mean it’s not wildly different or anything though.  I don’t wanna oversell this.  It’s just gently refreshing.

So if you haven’t checked out one of these before this might be a good starting point.  If you don’t mind someone drilling into their own skull and picking out a piece of their brain that is.

Harefooted Halloween: Bones and All

What I Liked: The cannibalistic tendencies of this group called “eaters” isn’t overexplained.  We’re given enough information to know what the deal is and then we’re sent on our way.  These folks are born with the disease/condition/mental illness/supernatural ability and must consume human flesh.  They can have regular food as well but the desire for people meat only grows stronger the older you get and if you abstain for too long you tend to go crazy.  Magnificent straightforward premise.

Wonderful natural performances from everyone but of course Taylor Russell (Escape Room: Tournament of Champions) as Maren and Timothee Chalamet (Little Women (2019)) as Lee are the heart of the whole thing.  They both have to run the gauntlet where they’re trepid, suspicious, sorrowful, angry, confused, hurt, worrisome, anxious, joyful and madly in love.  It’s difficult to pull off a fraction of the emotional states the roles call for and they nail each and every one of them.  Maren is new to being on her own fending for her survival out in the world so she doesn’t know who to trust.  When she meets Lee she can sense they have the same affliction and that he could be someone she can befriend.  Lee meanwhile has been moving around solo for a while so he knows the ropes.  He takes Maren under his wing and they form a bond during their journey that develops beautifully and gets tested at every turn.

This is shot and edited very nicely.  Cinematographer Arseni Khachaturan captures both the gorgeousness and dinginess of the American Midwest.  Landscapes look stunning while towns look rundown and grimy sometimes.  I appreciate editor Marco Costa letting scenes breathe even during tense moments.  Just hearing the characters munch away while showing the victim’s personal effects drives home that this was a human being with a life that has plainly been reduced to sustenance for others.

Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross turn in another delightful soundtrack.  With the plucky acoustic guitar and synths it kinda sounds like a cross between the Brokeback Mountain score and Tangerine Dream.  It accents the young love of the leads and the turmoil beneath the surface very well.

Another thing I appreciate is how subtly 80’s the film is.  Most of the time a period piece feels the need to announce on a bullhorn the decade they’re in which is always distracting.  Here the outfits, haircuts and other trappings are stated matter-of-factly and it’s such a breath of fresh air.  The only pop culture reference we get is 80’s era Kiss when Lee puts on “Lick It Up”.

What I Didn’t Like: Minor complaint but if you’ve seen a few movies before it becomes sorta obvious what the final confrontation will be.  And even though it comes across a touch tacked on you do need the finale to satisfactorily wrap up the story.  Without it something would certainly feel like it’s missing.  Shout out to Mark Rylance (The BFG) by the way who plays the fantastic creepy older eater.  There are flashes when you think he might be ok but your gut tells you there’s something sinister about this sonuvabitch.  At the same time he’s a pathetic creature who’s been on his own too long and is desperate for companionship.  Great performance.

Overall Impressions: Man, what a cool take on vampirism.  I can’t think of anything else that’s quite like it.  It’s first and foremost a romantic drama with just a sprinkling of horror and killer-couple-on-the-road vibes.  I wanna say you could take away the cannibal stuff and it would still work with little changes but I’m not so sure.  It’s the overpowering drive to eat people that causes Maren and Lee to live on the fringes of society and murder so it makes them sympathetic and you forgive them.  Killing purely for the sake of it or for money or a car or whatever wouldn’t have the same emotional payoff.

This is a damn good script executed masterfully by Luca Guadagnino (Suspiria (2018)).  I’m curious about the book now of the same name this is based on to see how similar or different it is.  High level horror like this doesn’t show up very often and is always a fascinating experiment.  Films like The Killing of a Sacred Deer, Ringu and The Lighthouse also blur the line where you can’t be sure if supernatural stuff is occurring or if the characters are losing their minds.  The material ends up having a somewhat hazy dream-like quality where you’d like to question everything you’re seeing.  But if you allow yourself to slip into the stream you’ll be rewarded with a unique viewing experience.

Probably the biggest draw for this picture is less the premise, as intriguing as it is, but rather Maren and Lee themselves.   They’re cool dudes who are lovely to hang out with for two hours and you wanna see how their relationship progresses.  If they were simply drifters with no place to go and no one to turn to but each other that would be enticing enough.  But throwing in the complication of the necessity to feed on human flesh raises this to another level.  How does a couple navigate a world with a fucked up hang up like that?  You should definitely check this one out.  And maybe keep a few tissues on hand, or napkins.

Harefooted Halloween: Scream VI

What I Liked: Somehow the image of Ghostface with a shotgun is striking.  I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is but maybe it makes the character seem more down and dirty.  Like he’s resorting to killing folks from a distance and doing whatever it takes in this particular situation to get the job done instead of relying on the ol’ knife stabbing.  After his identity is revealed he might use a handgun but not while in costume.  It’s something different that stands out after six movies.  For a franchise that desperately avoids straying from its own path I appreciate this small moment.

What I Didn’t Like: Everything else.

Overall Impressions: This film probably expects you to buy the most bullshit presented since part 3.  From the setup to the number of murderers to a previous character suddenly becoming an FBI agent to motivations to the killer’s Ghostface museum located inside an abandoned movie theater filled with props, er, I mean all the police evidence from all the homicides from every previous installment lovingly displayed in glass cases to Ghostface being able to successfully coordinate a highly intricate plan in New York fuckin’ City without any issues to characters sustaining multiple horrific (read: fatal) injuries without consequence.  That last bit is especially absurd.  One character gets stabbed in the back and the gut and brushes both off.  Another one gets stabbed in the mouth all the way through to the back of the head and keeps on tickin’.

Yes I know, these pictures are just supposed to be fun.  Relax, eat your popcorn and enjoy the scares.  For the first time though I might go as far as to say I kind of, uh, strongly dislike this entry.  Aside from the list of nonsense above the meta stuff really got to me here.  The characters mention how this one’s different because all the rules are out the window, no one’s safe, anything goes.  Except none of that is true.  It’s a whodunit with Ghostface taunting his victims on the phone, appearing out of thin air whenever he attacks, the protagonists try to figure out who’s behind the mask and the killer’s motivations end up being revenge.  What’s different?  A Halloween train with several people dressed as Ghostface so you don’t know if the real one is mixed in there?  They already pulled that gimmick with a rowdy movie theater full of the sonsabitches all the way back in part 2, twenty six years ago.

Well the big selling point for this one is the NYC setting as opposed to California like all the rest.  While the new location does offer a change of scenery the filmmakers don’t take advantage of the city.  The only thing I can point to is when Ghostface stabs someone in a crowded subway car and no one notices or cares.  Aside from that the story could’ve taken place in the west coast suburbs.  Actually, I argue it would’ve made more sense.  You transported all your survivors from the previous installment across the country just to have shit play out the same way it always does.  Plus the entire city’s on camera which should make it significantly harder for Ghostface to carry out his scheme (naturally this is ignored).  And if someone’s going to create a secret museum dedicated to the Woodsboro murders why would they place it in New York?  If you’re that crazy about this shit wouldn’t you put it closer to where all the crimes went down?  The underutilization of the Big Apple isn’t quite as bad as Jason Takes Manhattan but it’s certainly not satisfying.

*Sigh* this is a dumb fuckin’ movie guys.  More than any of the others it comes off like bad fan fiction.  I know that sounds harsh but it’s becoming harder and harder to find value in the franchise.  They’re too much the same but progressively worse each time.  I’ve already gone over in my Scream series wrap up from last year how bafflingly popular these films continue to be despite lacking anything interesting going on visually, story-wise, effects-wise, character-wise and so forth.  What it boils down to is the Ghostface image, the Scooby Doo style mystery and the self-referential dialogue which was charming and fresh in the 90’s but is downright aggravating now.

Say what you want about the Exorcist, Alien and Child’s Play sequels but at least they all took chances and explored new territory within their respective realms.

Harefooted Halloween: Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence

What I liked: They saved all the good stuff, well the only good stuff, for the finale where maniac cop Matt Cordell (Robert Z’Dar (Samurai Cop)) has a car chase/battle with our heroes played by Caitlin Dulany (Oldboy (2013)) and a returning Robert Davi (Action Jackson).  Similar to the ending fight scene in part 2 Cordell’s on fire the entire time racing down the Los Ange, er I mean New York highway ramming into other cars, grabbing onto the other vehicle and driving like a nutjob.  It looks cool, is cool and keeps with tradition of putting stunts in these movies that seem ridiculously dangerous.

What I Didn’t Like: Boy is this one phoned in.  You definitely get the sense that nobody wants to be here and that’s because it’s true.  The script had to be altered significantly after foreign distributors demanded huge changes.  So the filmmakers cut out everything that didn’t fit with the new parameters which only left about fifty mins of runtime.  They either made up the rest or took leftover footage from the previous film.  And it’s a shame because all of this shows.  They couldn’t save it.

Overall Impressions: Unfortunately this last installment is sluggish, kind of on the boring side and nothing makes any frickin’ sense.  The weirdest part is they tried to do a half assed Bride of Maniac Cop thing by setting up a female cop who’s supposed to be out of control.  However, she comes across as reckless and overzealous, not psychotic so it doesn’t add up.  Cordell wants a companion because I guess he’s lonely?  I don’t really have a clue.

Even if you liked the first two pictures you can skip this one.  It’s not a satisfying conclusion to the series.  Although seeing Davi light his cigarette with Cordell’s severed burning arm as one last fuck you to the guy is pretty badass.

Harefooted Halloween: Maniac Cop 2

What I Liked: There’s an excellent car chase sequence with the maniac cop, Matt Cordell (Robert Z’Dar (Mobsters)), in his old 60’s squad car pursuing some victims in a cab.  A couple of the tires on the taxi blow so the metal wheels grind against the pavement creating tons of sparks (which apparently caused the car to catch fire for real halting production).  Directly after this the murderous cop handcuffs one of his targets to the wheel of another car and sets it into neutral sending the thing careening uncontrollably down the road.  Oh and did I mention this person is handcuffed to the outside of the car which ups the ante considerably?  This stretch is maybe the best set piece in either film.  Not only that but towards the end Cordell does an entire hand to hand fight scene on fire and it’s ambitious due to the sheer length of it.  Some of these stunts are incredibly dangerous and I’m impressed with what they put together.

What I Didn’t Like: The backstory and lore isn’t expanded upon at all.  We don’t get any further insight into Matt Cordell or his crimes.

Fuckin’ Robert Davi (Showgirls) plays the detective in charge of tracking down the killer cop this time and shit, he’s completely wasted here.  Davi does his usual stoic cool as all hell routine but the character doesn’t end up doing anything.  I mean (minor spoiler) he’s not even part of the finale.

Overall Impressions: The first film is a hybrid of horror and action making it somewhat unique.  It’s a detective movie with a slasher spirit.  This one leans much more to the action side with two car chases and a part inspired by (ripped off from?) The Terminator where Cordell storms into a police precinct and blows all the cops away in a glut of massive destruction.  The horror elements are fairly subdued and extend to Cordell’s now rotting zombified face and play with the ambiguity of if he’s supernatural or not.  Sometimes he seems like he is, sometimes he doesn’t.  I dunno.

Unfortunately nothing new is done with the premise or the characters.  The plot is very simple involving a police psychologist (Claudia Christian (The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All)) and a detective (Davi) trying to find and stop Cordell.  They repeat a couple of full scenes from the original to pad the runtime too which is kind of annoying.

This is a tough one because while it’s not really as good as its predecessor things even out with this film having the two best action sequences between them.  If you enjoyed the first one then yeah, this is worth your time.

Harefooted Halloween: Maniac Cop

What I Liked: A slasher picture with a cop (Robert Z’Dar (Tango & Cash)) being the villain is a cool idea.  He can blend in and target unwitting victims easily.  The rash of homicides causes the public to become distrustful of the police so who do you turn to for help?  This is exemplified in a scene where a lady is having car trouble on the side of the road and a cop pulls up to see what the problem is.  The lady is so terrified it might be the maniac cop that she shoots him dead right away.  That setup is genuinely unnerving.

In general this is a fairly well made film on a technical level.  It’s shot nice, it’s well cast and the pacing is good.  However, there’s some glaring continuity with the locations.  The setting is supposed to be NYC but there are parts that were clearly filmed in LA with palm trees in the background and too much open space.  Kinda distracting.

What I Didn’t Like: The mystery of the identity of the killer cop and his motivation end up being kind of exactly what you’re expecting.  The story could’ve used some sort of twist, even a small one to spice things up.  Is it possible for a movie to be too straight forward?

Tom Atkins (Lethal Weapon) and Bruce Campbell (Escape from LA) are the two leads yet their parts feel disjointed, almost like they’re in two different versions of the same film.  Atkins is the lieutenant tasked with hunting down the serial killer and Campbell is a cop who becomes suspect number one due to some circumstantial evidence.  They’re given equal screen time but the focus should’ve been on one of them with the other playing a smaller role.  Or they could’ve edited these threads together better.  The issue is we go for long stretches following only one of these guys around and it just makes the film unnecessarily confusing.  I kept forgetting about whoever isn’t on screen at the moment because we don’t cut between the characters often enough.

Overall Impressions: This is a title movie where the name pretty much says it all similar to Snakes on a Plane or Killer Klowns from Outer Space.  The script isn’t fantastic but the competent execution elevates the material.  There are enough neat camera angles and notable performances to push this one to be a very watchable and fun time.

It’s not a total horror movie either which is sorta interesting.  Things start out that way with the cop racking up a lot of bodies in the beginning but then it morphs into a thriller with Tom Atkins trying to chase down the perpetrator and Bruce Campbell doing what he can to clear his name of the murders.  By the end we find ourselves in full blow action movie territory with a car chase, a dingy warehouse showdown and what looks like an extremely dangerous stunt of driving a van off a pier into the water.  It all takes place during the day as well which again, makes it more action-y and less atmospheric.

So while I’m not convinced they utilized the cop angle to the fullest extent it’s solid.  Definitely better than the blatant Die Hard knock off Psycho Cop Returns (sorry, haven’t seen part 1).

Harefooted Halloween: The Last Voyage of the Demeter

What I Liked: Good production design especially with how lived in the ship feels.  You can tell she’s been around a while and so everything has a worn patina.  The griminess of the cargo hold, the narrow intimate corridors and mess hall all look fantastic.  The period costume design, set dressing and dim lighting build a nice creepy atmosphere.

Every creak and groan of the ship is wonderful.  They really help to fill out the spooky surroundings.  Plus the sound design of the mysterious backwards wispy voices heard whenever Dracula’s nearby is great.  The sound plays a bigger role here than normal because we’re stuck in one location looking at the same stuff over and over so audio cues are key to enhancing and shaping the mood of the scenes.

Luckly the film never falls into a lull which again, due to the limited location is trickier to avoid than usual.  It’s difficult to introduce new characters or outside forces to move the story along so the situation has to evolve regularly to keep a good pace up which they do.

The design of Dracula looks pretty neat.  It’s more of the Nosferatu style except he’s much more of a creature with large ears, a full mouth of sharp teeth, a hairless body, pale eyes and he sports wings at one point.  They kinda mixed the vampire from Salem’s Lot with the man-bat form of Dracula from the 1992 movie.  It’s challenging to come up with a new design for this character because there have been so many adaptations and while this version isn’t anything that new it works well.

*Spoiler on this last item* They utterly destroy a little nine year old boy.  At first I thought it was really lame to include a kid on the ship but it’s almost like the filmmakers put him there just so they could fuck with him.  Drac ends up biting into his throat sucking his blood which turns him into a vampire.  That would’ve been enough but later on he dramatically bursts into flames when he gets exposed to the sun causing the crew to finally throw his still burning body into the ocean.  Now this same fate befalls a couple of other victims but due to the boy being so damn young it got an audible chuckle from me.  They also kill off the dog and I’m into these moments where the film sorta flips the finger to the audience.

What I Didn’t Like: Anything I didn’t take to is fairly minor.

Overall Impressions: I’ve been hearing about this film being in development for decades so it’s bizarre to actually see it for real (for a long while I was dying to see what Neil Marshall (The Descent, Dog Soldiers, Doomsday) was gonna do with it).  It’s a fine idea to take this portion of Bram Stoker’s tale and turn it into its own piece.  Even though we all know who’s on board and what will happen it’s a testament to the filmmakers that it’s still an engaging movie.  Director Andre Ovredal (Troll Hunter) has said it’s basically Alien and I imagine a lot of folks are gonna think that while watching.  I know I did.  The other picture this reminds me of is Jason Takes Manhattan as that film is notorious for barely taking place in NYC and mainly being about Jason stalking his victims aboard a ship en route to the Big Apple.

And it was cool to see a slasher on the silver screen again that’s not a sequel or part of an established franchise.  A one off like this, despite being from an incredibly famous larger narrative, is the type of high concept horror that I can get behind.  What’s amazing is the initial idea still feels inspired.  Like this one small part of the book that I’m sure most people don’t think too much about could be its own movie.  And it can and it’s intriguing.  And I hope some folks don’t skip out because they aren’t familiar with the full story of Dracula and think they’ll be lost.  The film keeps shit self-contained by establishing everything you need to know from the top.

This is a fine little movie.  It’s not amazing but all the performances, setups, effects and camerawork are solid.  It’s just very competently made.  The biggest thing it has going for it is the excellent eerie atmosphere.  And after so many years of wondering if the thing would ever get made and eventually writing it off I gotta say the end result is the best I could’ve hoped for.

Harefooted Halloween: M3gan

What I Liked: M3gan’s design is fairly disturbing.  The uncanny valley face, the large pale dead eyes, the pursed lips, the rubbery complexion, she’s really tall for a doll at four feet and etc.  The part that puts her over the top though are the clothes, and to a lesser extent her hair style.  They’re aggressively hideously 70’s and I swear that’s what contributes at least fifty percent to her unsettling appearance.  And to be clear all these choices are intentional for a horror movie.  At least I think so.  If she’s supposed to look cute, cuddly and unassuming then I don’t know what the fuck the filmmakers were thinking.

What I Didn’t like: The biggest issue is the pacing.  It takes so long for anything to happen and when M3gan finally strikes it’s another long stretch before we get to the next event.  We spend a ton of time with this aunt and her niece awkwardly developing a relationship after the kid’s parents die and it’s just not very interesting or captivating.  Even when M3gan is introduced we hang on this new relationship for a long while to hammer home how strained things have become due to the robot basically replacing the aunt.  While there’s some tension building most of the action is crammed into the last twenty mins or so.  It’s not a lengthy movie either at only around an hour forty but damn does it drag.

Unfortunately M3gan doesn’t have much of a personality.  In the beginning she starts out as a somewhat stiff friend and slightly terse babysitter and later with the evil turn she becomes a full on pompous asshole.  Her character is largely her outdated wardrobe and waxy face.  She’s also too human with her plotting to take over the family and speaking in sinister sayings.  We see that she can tap into other devices to take control of them but this isn’t used in any meaningful way.  She can move all weirdly spider-like by crawling on all fours and do flips and whatever but again, she only busts them out to intimidate or show off.  The infamous dance scene is meant to distract her target while she creates a makeshift machete from a table top paper slicer but she could’ve ran up to the guy and crushed his throat with her speed and strength.  Yea I know the dance is for entertainment value and I’m supposed to shut up and soak in the fun but I can’t help being annoying by some of this stuff.

Alright this is a weird thing to bring up but there’s no mystery or wonder as to how the filmmakers brought M3gan to life.  She’s obviously just a person in a costume most of the time which does have a certain creep factor because her movements seem too smooth for a machine.  However, there aren’t moments when I didn’t understand what effects they were using or how they achieved a certain shot.  The end result is it makes the film feel oddly cheap.

Overall Impressions: Honestly I don’t exactly get why this was such a big hit with audiences and critics.  Sure, the story is very straight forward and M3gan herself is a bit memorable for having an off-putting appearance and performing some wacky movements in two scenes.  But other than that I’m kinda scratching my head.  The movie is a real slow burn which audiences don’t usually respond great to, the film doesn’t stand out in any particular area of production nor does it do anything unique with the killer doll concept.  The plot is almost exactly the same as the 2019 Child’s Play (including opening with a fake toy commercial).  And while I’m not a huge fan of that picture it’s at least better looking, has a well executed setup and the doll fully uses its ability to control other machines as a method of attack.

So why was M3gan a smash and the 2019 Child’s Play a flop?  The single biggest reason could be as simple as M3gan being a much less gory and violent PG-13.  I’m sure other factors like the doll being a girl this time and the niece being a more appropriate age for the toy played into its success as well.

This one didn’t get me though.  It’s just very whatever.

Child's Play Series Wrap Up

Wow, seeing all of these back to back is quite the experience.  Usually when I do a horror series like this I lock into a groove because each film tends to be more or less the same with only slight variances.  But not in this case.  There are clearly defined eras with their own aesthetic and agenda so every couple of movies it feels like a certified reboot even though it’s continuous.  I have to admit it’s a touch hard to link them all together in my mind.  With that said the results aren’t boring.  How many times have you heard me complain about sequels repeating the same plot over and over?  The Child’s Plays aren’t immune to that but they branched out and took more risks than most franchises and that’s great.  So let’s call to Damballa one more time to give us the power to tear through some final notes.

Chucky follows in the footsteps of Michael Myers, Freddy Kreuger and Leatherface in that he’s fully formed from movie one.  The personality, the voice, the look, his tactics, everything.  Sure he develops his joke arsenal much more in the sequels but he still pulls out some laughs in the original.  I guess it kinda makes sense because no matter what he does, film after film he can’t escape his ridiculous situation and he uses humor to cope.

One big thing that’s always in the background but never explained is Chucky’s biology.  Does he breathe?  He never appears to, especially when he goes into inanimate doll mode and he can be sealed in multiple layers of packaging and be sent anywhere in the world and survive.  We do see him smoke weed in Bride though.  Does Chucky need to eat?  The only time we see him eat is in Bride when he chows down on homemade Swedish meatballs (his favorite) and in the TV show when he noshes on an apple.  That also begs the question of does he poop or pee?  We never see either so not sure.  Does he need to sleep?  Probably not because not only do we never see that but he also appears to have endless energy.  Of course all the shit I just wrote is a pedantic exercise.  The biology is whatever the filmmakers need it to be in any moment.  “Will the scene play better with blood and guts pouring out of Chucky or as if a doll part is removed with zero gore?  Chucky’s gonna have sex in this scene and impregnate his wife so we gotta give him a fully functioning dick and balls.  It’ll be funny if Chucky reveals he’s killed a bunch of people by opening a closet door and three bodies come tumbling out so we’re gonna indicate that he’s at least as strong as an adult human.”  Whatever works.  But you know, we’re in a universe where supernatural shit exists so it’s fine.

Speaking of which, I do find it interesting that the first film is the only time when we encounter paranormal activity besides the soul swapping/splintering.  Chucky uses a voodoo doll to torture and kill the guy who taught him the Damballa incantation because he refuses to help get Chucky out of the doll.  While this technically makes sense it’s strange to see Chucky use magic for a death.  Everyone else must’ve felt that way too because only conventional means are used for murdering in all the sequels (well actually one time in the TV show Chucky places his soul in someone’s body and explodes it from the inside out).  And aside from Cult which uses a twist on the soul swapping no other spells or voodoo witchcraft is used anywhere else in any installment.  That’s a can of worms the filmmakers wisely did not open.  They know this is a slasher venture so a dash of supernatural can be acceptable but introduce too much and you’re gonna start frustrating people.

Unlike other slashers Chucky doesn’t target the usual teens partying, having sex and acting like assholes.  He couldn’t care less about that and so he ends up butchering adults almost exclusively (albeit adults that are set up to be jerks in some way or another).  He’s a very focused killer who’s doing what he must to get his soul into a human body.  This is an aspect that helps these movies stand out in a crowded field.  Even in part 3 when Andy is sixteen they could’ve put him in an ordinary high school environment but went with a military academy instead and avoided some, but certainly not all, of the typical tropes that come with that territory.

In order to turn this murderous doll into a believable threat the filmmakers utilized a wide selection of gags.  From closeups to POV shots to dressing children or little people in a costume and filming them from the right angle to quick editing to puppets.  A combination of any and all of these techniques are used throughout the series.  However, the big one to really sell Chucky is animatronics.  It takes a small army of people to work the arms, legs, fingers, head, face, etc.  Effects master Kevin Yagher (Sleepy Hollow, The Dentist) is responsible for bringing Chucky to life and amazingly no movie (or the TV show) strays from his initial work.  I applaud the producers and directors in their unwavering decision that Chucky must be represented by an animatronic on screen.  Some digital touch up has been employed here and there but a full on CG or motion capture version has been kept at bay and I think for good reason.  The sort of jerky imprecise movements of the animatronics quickly became part of the character’s essence in the early days so to smooth those out completely wouldn’t seem right.  He would almost certainly come off like an imposter.  And it’s somehow creepier when shots of a real person getting up from the ground for a second are mixed together with a robotic arm stabbing stiffly.  The juxtaposition of fluidity in Chucky isn’t a bug, it’s a feature.  Yagher and his team only worked on the first four pictures but they did such a tremendous job nobody wanted to change a thing and continued in their footsteps.  The series has a devotion to practical effects in general which is absolutely wonderful and hey, you can’t argue with the results.

On another note the Chuckys have surprisingly become a safe space for gay horror fans since Seed.  Creator Don Mancini modeled Chucky’s kid Glen/Glenda after himself where he’s conflicted about his sexuality at a young age.  Curse and Cult also contain characters in same sex relationships.  The TV show kicks this up a notch by stirring up a romance between its two adolescent male leads.  Incorporating LGBTQ+ elements is a mainstay of the series at this point and it’s really cool to see them embrace that.

I should expand a little more on the show developed for USA/Syfy because I did watch the first two seasons (the third is on right now).  The important thing to know is it’s not some offshoot or supplement to the films.  It’s the continuation of the saga so if you want to know what happens after Cult you gotta see all the episodes.  Chucky targets the community of Hackensack, NJ by picking off residents and turning the town into a chaotic mess.  Charles Lee Ray’s backstory is filled in as well, from childhood to that fateful night he was gunned down in a Chicago toy store.  It plays out like an expanded movie with all the usual slasher events stretched out.  They throw together the different styles of Chucky where it’s more serious at times and utterly absurd at times.  More than anything it reminds me of the Scream TV show from 2015 made for MTV.  They both take place in a small town, the leads are youngsters (this time middle school instead of high school), one of the characters has a true crime podcast, there’s a race to solve a mystery and stop the killings, the production is fairly cheap looking, it’s reliably trashy and the scripts are filled with so many cliches I swear they’re written by AI.  Similar to Seed Jennifer Tilly really gets a chance to shine playing a caricature of herself, especially in season two where her comedic timing is spot on.  I didn’t expect to like the show as much as I have so far, particularly with how off the fuckin’ wall it gets.  So I guess I do recommend it.

And hang with me for a sec because I wanna go off on a brief tangent.  The filmmakers/showrunners are fucking brutal to Nica (Fiona Dourif), the protagonist introduced in Curse.  Her fate is unbelievably tragic and she did nothing to deserve it.  She was minding her own business when her life abruptly turned into a waking nightmare.  Let’s recap.  (Some spoilers) Chucky stabs her while she’s in the womb causing her to be a paraplegic her entire life, he kills her whole family, she’s attacked by him in doll form, she goes to prison for years for several murders which she didn’t commit, gets sexually assaulted by her therapist, gets possessed by the soul of Chucky for who knows how long all during which he uses her body to commit more murders and have a bunch of sex, she gets kidnapped by Tiffany, is held prisoner by her for over a year and gets her arms and legs cut off.  Jesus fucking Christ!  And she’s still alive so it’s not over yet!  Yea Jennifer Tilly as occupied by Tiffany has been subjected to a lot of the same atrocities but she still hasn’t gone through quite as much trauma as Nica.  This poor woman is the series punching bag.

Anyway, Brad Dourif as the man behind the plastic deserves a lot of the credit for the success of the franchise.  His voice acting fits so perfectly with Chucky’s demented outlook it’s incredible.  He’s mean as shit, sarcastic, manic, witty, vulgar, emotional as all hell and the tiniest bit pitiful.  I mean it’s impossible to imagine anyone else in the role.  Although credit has to be given to Mark Hamill for his distinct and pretty neat spin on the character in the remake.  Instead of copying Dourif he found a different path in acting oblivious and naïve to the harm he causes.  It works better than I would’ve thought.

Out of everyone involved though Don Mancini is the guy to thank for giving us the Chucky-verse.  He wrote each movie, directed Seed, Curse and Cult and is the creator of the TV show.  There are also short films that he started in 2005 and continues to make today that involve different Chucky scenarios (none of which I got around to seeing for this series so you’re on your own for those).  The amount of Child’s Play content this man has pumped out is truly stunning.  This is his baby.  He’s steered the ship through three decades of success and shows no signs of slowing down.

What I’m shocked and impressed by most is the staying power of the character and premise.  It’s become one of the longest running horror franchises ever.  It might be the second oldest to use a singular timeline with consistent releases over the years after Hellraiser (and I could be wrong, I had to do some quick research as I tapped out after Hellraiser IV).  The longest gap between films is nine years, Seed to Curse.  No sequels skip over certain entries or commit egregious retconning.  Everything’s canon.  Not only that but Brad Dourif has voiced Chucky for every single damn picture including the TV show.  That’s friggin’ nuts.

The series as a whole is arguably stronger than other contemporaries too like the Friday the 13ths, Halloweens and Texas Chainsaws.  It’s more consistently entertaining and offers a greater variety to keep you engaged.  Sure, the first Halloween and first two Chainsaws are gonna shred any Child’s Play film but a lot of the sequels in those franchises are kinda trash which is a shame.  Chucky somehow always delivers regardless of tonal shifts, doll redesigns, zany plotlines and a rotating cast of characters.

Out of all the entries the best of the bunch is tied between parts 1 and 2.  Part 1 is maybe a better film but part 2 is more fun.  I can’t stress enough how excellent that showdown in the toy factory is.

The 2019 remake is probably the worst offender because they had decent ideas but botched most of the execution.  Within the main series Seed goes the furthest off the deep end but more because it’s not what I want out of a Chucky movie rather than it being so bad, which it isn’t honestly.  The TV show gets even crazier if you can believe it.  But there’s something about rolling with that level of madness and ludicrousness that’s fascinating and you’re so curious to see what bonkers bullshit they’ll do next.

Ok doke, that’s a wrap.  Go check out these Child’s Play pictures, they’re pretty fantastic!  They’re not scary so much as a helluva good time.  A doll coming to life and stalking you is a timeless tale and Chucky is without a doubt a character for the ages.  He’s the heart and soul of this whole thing (ironic since he wants to get his soul out of the doll).  He works because despite being an absolute psychopath he has a massive amount of personality and humanity so we all connect with the guy in some way.  We love hanging out with him.  And no matter the situation, whether serious or ridiculous, remarkably each film lands that connection.

Harefooted Halloween: Child's Play (2019)

What I Liked: Good setup.  There’s a commercial at the beginning that lays out all the features of the new Chucky doll and it’s a clever way to do an exposition dump.  Then we learn that Andy is the new kid in town and doesn’t have any friends.  When other kids see him with Chucky they go over and chat him up and they all hit it off.  So at first the doll is a positive force that gets Andy to cheer up, settle into his unfamiliar surroundings and act as a bridge to new relationships.

Gabriel Bateman (Unhinged) as Andy carries the movie.  He has a lot to handle with being a shy outsider, then finding some joy in playing with Chucky and befriending other kids in the apartment building, then anger towards his mother’s shitty ass boyfriend, confusion when Chucky becomes extremely overprotective, dread when he realizes Chucky’s killing people and ultimately finding the courage to battle him.  Aubrey Plaza (Ingrid Goes West) who plays the mother is a relatively minor character so it’s up to Bateman and he turns in a well done natural performance.

Mark Hamill (What We Do in the Shadows) does some nice voice acting as Chucky.  It’s the opposite of Brad Dourif’s legendary take where the voice is higher in pitch, almost angelic, he uses a soothing tone, not aggressive at all and he doesn’t tell jokes.  He’s a dork really and that’s an interesting change.

What I Didn’t Like: The design of this Chucky looks bizarre to me.  His head is very large and he has the face of a forty five year old man child.  He’s lumpy with bags under his eyes and I don’t understand these choices.  Another issue is he’s dressed up in 80’s kids clothing like the original.  He should be wearing what a kid in 2019 would.

While the first thirty mins is well done the movie goes downhill when Chucky starts killing people.  Instead of being possessed by the soul of a serial killer his deal is his AI has run amok.  A chip programmer in Vietnam, where the dolls are manufactured, is fired and he gets revenge on the company by removing all safety protocols on this one chip in this one doll.  That’s fine but Chucky starts to act too much like a human.  He stalks and plays with his prey before dispatching them plus he sets up these elaborate Saw-adjacent deathtraps.  I would think a machine would look for the most direct way to bump someone off and not get a thrill out of the process.  Even if the AI in this film’s universe is far more advanced than ours I still don’t think it makes sense.

Yet another problem with the doll being a straight up computer is there’s no mystery as to how to defeat it.  In fact Andy and his friends hold down Chucky half way through and remove his battery without a ton of effort.  The picture should be over right there.  It’s only when the apartment building’s maintenance guy finds him in the trash and repairs him that the menace continues.

Andy along with all the other kids are a little too old at around twelve or thirteen to be playing with a doll like this.  The movie acknowledges this and my guess is since Chucky does some nasty fucked up shit to Andy (taking inspiration from Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 which Andy and his friends watch at one point) the filmmakers wanted the audience to be ok with the brutality he’s subjected to so they aged him up.  It’s just strange to see these teenagers get so into the doll.  I know it possesses sophisticated technology but between the thing always wanting to sing a lame song about friendship, the horribly dated infantile clothing, the aesthetic of the box and app interface it’s clearly meant for younger children.

Overall Impressions: The filmmakers had a neat idea for this updated version of Child’s Play, AI gets crazy to the point where it sees anything but total devotion to it as a threat that needs to be eliminated (pretty much the same backstory as The Terminator).  I also like the warning about tech giants ruling our lives by giving Chucky the ability to control other devices because he and all the gizmos in the film are made by one company and share an ecosystem.  And of course this is exploited for some deaths.  But if they had made the movie more play-like and kept the action almost entirely in the apartment with Chucky acting weirder and more possessive of Andy it could’ve been a taught terrifying thriller.  Instead it kinda devolves into a run of the mill slasher where it feels like the filmmakers didn’t think the concept through all the way.  Or maybe it went through too many rewrites or studio notes or something.

This isn’t the worst horror remake out there but it’s not among one of the better ones either.  There are more problems than good points unfortunately.  If you haven’t seen any of the old Child’s Play pictures before I would encourage you to go back to the original first before tackling this one.  If you’re a fan of the series, especially the first three films that are less jokey, then this might be worth checking out.