Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Essentially the filmmakers said “people really liked the 2018 Halloween, let’s do that”.  And they’re shameless about it.  This one is a direct sequel to the 1974 film ignoring everything else, it’s set in modern day, features the original (now older) Leatherface, they bring back sole survivor Sally (although played by Olwen Fouere (Mandy) as Marilyn Burns had died a few years before production began) who’s turned into a take-no-shit hard boiled badass who’s been waiting for the day when Leatherface would resurface so she can have a winner-take-all showdown, the title is (frustratingly) almost precisely the same as the movie it’s a sequel to and you get the idea.

The setup is mostly routine except with an odd angle.  A group of young people buy an entire deserted town in the middle of nowhere Texas and plan to auction the majority of it off to investors to turn the place into a thriving cutesy hipster community, I think?  These folks look like they’re in their early 20’s making me wonder where the hell they got the money for this.  They appear to be chefs with a social media presence and they drive a fancy ass Tesla so I guess that equals big bucks.  Whatever, it doesn’t really matter.  Leatherface lives in the run down orphanage off of the main drag being taken care of by an old lady acting as his guardian (I don’t think she’s supposed to be his mother but I could be wrong).  The spry entrepreneurs confront the woman (whos’ sickly and on oxygen) about how she’s not supposed to be there, she has a heart attack, Leatherface goes apeshit and slaughters everyone.  Typical stuff, victims trapped in an isolated spot with no help on the way.  However, you must overlook that the movie very clearly establishes there’s an internet connection for the entire duration yet no one takes advantage of it to call in the cavalry.  Thanks.

Ok, so it’s primarily Leatherface going around gutting people like there’s no tomorrow.  Naturally the gore is amped way the fuck up making just about every kill damn brutal.  A good handful are particularly vicious that involve either head smashing, complete chain sawing in half with internal organs spilling out, decapitation and so forth.  This isn’t exactly my cup of tea with how much they show but they were successful in creating some startling moments that curled my face.  Mission accomplished guys.

Easily the best sequence is when Leatherface boards a bus full of young smug investors.  They have no place to escape so Leatherface has no problem mowing through the crowd.  There are so many targets he’ll chop off a limb and toss it aside or maim someone and let them bleed out ‘cause he doesn’t have time to finish.  It’s a frenzy.  I can’t recall seeing this specific idea done before and it’s great and simple and would be truly terrifying if you ran into that in real life.

When Leatherface initially steps on the bus everyone whips out their phone and starts taking video and live streaming not knowing who they’re dealing with.  One asshole threatens to cancel him if he gets any closer and this type of social commentary is something the film leans into hard.  Towards the beginning our main group of victims meet a local Texan who was hired to help fix up the town for the auction and there’s friction immediately.  They criticize him for openly carrying a handgun, pumping thick black exhaust from his truck and they act generally antagonistic towards one another.  Plus there’s an entire scene involving removing a confederate flag hanging on a building, a run in with local cops who are suspicious of the kids because they’re young, from out of town and one of them is black and you get the idea.  Look, I know everyone loved Get Out but that was constructed from the ground up to address racism and other social issues.  This ain’t that.  This is technically sequel number eight in a horror franchise with statements shoehorned in desperately trying to connect to today’s youth.  I’m not saying you can’t do this successfully in a Texas Chainsaw but from what I gather this sloppy shoving of topical shit in your face has turned a lot of fans off (including myself).  The filmmakers needed to put in a good deal more thought than they did here.

Now the movie isn’t all bad.  They got Leatherface right which is important.  Yes he’s a treacherous beast but he also has tender moments like when his…caretaker (?)…is dying and he rides with her in the police van cradling her in his arms.  He loves her and is a wreck over what’s happening.  Later he goes back to the orphanage, finds her dress in the closet and hugs and smells it as a way to remember and connect.  This is what sets Leatherface apart from Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger.  They don’t have the capacity to be nearly as emotionally open and actually weep and mourn in a way we can relate to (as opposed to stealing your deceased mother’s tombstone or corpse to create a makeshift alter).

And hey, the picture delivers on people getting massacred via chainsaw.  That happens like kind of a lot so I gotta hand it to ‘em.  In the ’74 and ’03 Chainsaws only one poor bastard gets taken down by that method.  Hell, TCM: The Next Generation possesses none such deaths!

Most of the rest of the film I’m not that into.  Leatherface’s skin mask is too droopy (almost melted in appearance), the little story that’s here isn’t very good, the characters aren’t interesting, the acting isn’t anything special except for Mark Burnham (Lowlife) who plays Leatherface and Alice Krige (Gretel & Hansel) who plays his keeper, it’s a touch extreme on the gore and the social statements are unwelcome.  There’s plenty of flat out stupid shit too like the fact that Leatherface must be in his 70’s at this point and can still run around like a vibrant youngster and take many blows without losing a step.  His chainsaw was bricked up behind a wall in the orphanage for some reason and it works fine after sitting for like fifty years.  Sally has the opportunity to blast Leatherface dead at point blank range but decides not to because she’s hurt he doesn’t remember her.  And you get the idea.

In the end it’s just another tired sequel to add to the fire.  I’ll admit I like it more after sitting with it for a few days to ponder over.  But still, the same beats are followed more or less with the surprising change of having Leatherface go solo this time around and ditching the other insane family members.  They tried that before with Texas Chainsaw 3D and it simply doesn’t work as well.  With the small number of positives I wanna say it’s better than Leatherface but I can’t be sure about the other installments.  Nothing’s gonna beat TCM 2 which truly is a worthy successor to the original and only gets better with each viewing.  And despite not being officially labeled as a TCM sequel I’ll give a shoutout to Butcher Boys for displaying the same spirited chaotic attitude.