Here’s a bunch of other shit I saw this season:
Happy Birthday to
Me
The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre 2
I’m glad I re-uped on this because it was better than I
remembered. The opening with Leatherface
racing down the road side by side with this other car tearing into it with his
saw is fucking great. I love the creepy
corpse costume he wears during that too.
Sure it’s a lot of rehash of the first Chainsaw but it still works.
It’s all good stuff. The father
character seems even crazier, the metal plate guy that looks like David Cross
is entertaining, Leatherface is just as loveable as ever, the female lead is a
strong independent woman and Dennis Hopper’s tilted performance where he’s fueled
on revenge and Jesus is a welcome addition to the family.
The thing I appreciate the most is that this isn’t a formula
slasher movie. You won’t find any group
of bland unlikable teenagers that cross paths with a maniac here. Instead it’s about a guy looking to get some
payback for what happened to his brother (Franklin) in the first installment
and a disc jockey that was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Just that setup alone feels refreshing. Tobe, you did good.
If you put this one off because it looks dumb and bad and, perhaps
mainly, because they spoofed The
Breakfast Club with the cover I can totally understand that sentiment. But I think you should check it out. It ain’t no Chainsaw 1, but then again what is?
It’s a really fun sequel that has a nice blend of new and familiar shit.
Dracula: The
Vampire and the Voivode
This was a very informative documentary. They go through what may have inspired Bram Stoker,
the places he visited and the research he did for Dracula. It seemed like he took real life events and
places and twisted them a bit to fit them into his book.
There’s also a history of the guy that the novel was named
after, Vlad Tepes. Vlad and his family
were members of the house of Dracula (the Dragon or the Devil)…or some name
like that. He had nothing really to do
with the title character, except he was apparently one merciless sonuvabitch that
did kill a lot of people in gruesome ways.
But Vlad totally wasn’t a vampire, not even a little.
You all know by now that I’m a big Dracula fan so I enjoyed this quite a bit. For you casual fans this probably won’t float
your boat. If you don’t care about the
movies or the character then you sure as hell aren’t going to care about the
creation of that character.
Just one last thing I want to mention, some guy in the doc
says that Dracula is the “biggest single selling novel ever written” and that’s
not true, not even a little.
Frankenstein (1994)
Remember when I said Chainsaw
2 was a good re-up? Well this one
wasn’t.
The biggest problem is everything is too rushed. All of the scenes are executed at a rapid
fire pace with no time for contemplation.
Victor chooses his horrible creation over his fiancé? Don’t worry about it, we have to get this
monster up and running. Victor and his
fiancé get back together? Forget it, he
has to hunt down the creature and destroy it.
Fiancé is dead? Just reanimate
her without thinking twice. Bang, bang,
bang.
The part where the fiancé creature sets herself on fire and
the whole house goes up like it’s soaked in kerosene is pretty hilarious
though. And why does the monster have an
American accent? And how the fuck does
he keep sneaking past the guards like a goddamn ninja? He’s the most ungraceful thing that’s ever
existed and somehow no one sees this guy breaking into houses.
So it’s kinda funny and kinda entertaining but that’s
because it’s put together poorly. Take
that for what you will.
Rabid
It’s a Cronenberg picture about a new type of rabies
epidemic. This strain takes effect
almost immediately and turns humans into flesh craving, mouth foaming, beady
eyed monsters. The carrier is Rose
(Marilyn Chambers (porn)) who craves blood.
She sticks her victims with this needle dick thing that shoots out of
her armpit. When she takes the blood
this turns the person into a rabid mad dog and they eventually die.
What’s not totally explained is how Rose developed this
unique ability. You see, she was in a
motorcycle crash which put her in a coma.
The doctors had to do some experimental skin grafting procedure and I
think they want you to buy that that’s how this whole thing started. It’s kinda weak but I suppose it doesn’t
really matter. You got a person
spreading mega-rabies and all of Quebec (at least) is in a panic. Deal with it.
Initially I thought of this as a vampire zombie mash
up. Rose is like a vampire because she
needs to suck folks’ blood and that process creates a zombie byproduct. The zombie then produces other zombies
because it too needs to chomp on some human.
Seems like an interesting concept to me.
I was actually a little disappointed when they tell you it’s rabies because
that’s too ordinary an explanation for a movie with a chick that drinks blood
through an armpit barb. Although the
thing is called Rabid isn’t it? I guess the title should’ve tipped me off.
This movie’s a lot of fun.
It’s a bit strange and fleshy but that’s just Cronenberg for ya. All of his shit is like that. I wouldn’t say I’m rabid for Rabid but everything about it is
solid.
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