Runaway Train

Oscar “Manny” Manheim (Jon Voight (Heat, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2)) has been locked away in solitary confinement for three years.  He’s a safecracker not convicted of any violent crimes, but after multiple escape attempts and many other prisoners looking up to him like a god he’s deemed too dangerous to be treated like a normal inmate.  The warden (John P. Ryan (Best of the Best, Class of 1999)) would be more than happy to leave him in there forever but the state of Alaska rules Manny can’t be treated like that anymore.  As soon as he’s let out someone tries to shank him, a desperate move coordinated by the warden, so Manny decides to escape once more.  Buck (Eric Roberts (Best of the Best II, Final Analysis)) tags along for the ride and the two board a train.  Unfortunately they have some shitty luck because the conductor dies of a heart attack and the brakes fail leading to the train careening down the rails picking up more and more speed and facing more and more obstacles.  We got ourselves a runaway train my friends.

The idea of an out of control unmanned train is really cool.  The filmmakers exploit all the dangers very well like having a collision with another locomotive, high speed turns that threaten to tip the cars over, an unstable bridge, our characters moving from car to car while avoiding falling in between them and all that kinda great shit.  There’s also the excellent addition of a panicked group of folks in a control room tearing their hair out over how to switch tracks and other trains around to evade total catastrophe.

All of that is wonderful but what makes this a top tier picture are the characters and performances.  Eric Roberts is so good as a slimy motor mouth punk full of energy.  He’s in prison for raping a fifteen year old girl which adds a grotesque layer to his young-dumb-full-of-cum demeanor.  And this character is essential because we need a contrast to Manny’s wisdom as well as his cruelty.

Manny truly isn’t afraid of anything.  He takes his three year solitary in stride, confronts his assassin head on, breaks out of jail into snowy below freezing conditions and doesn’t give up trying to solve his runaway train problem.  And if you cross him or get on his bad side he’ll cut you down to size both physically and verbally.  We witness this abuse when Buck is unable to climb to the lead engine which could potentially save their lives.  Manny beats Buck within an inch of his life.

Voight is perfect in the role and gives one of the most incredible badass performances of all time.  He’s confident, driven and always has a wild look in his eye.  One of my favorite parts is when Manny delivers a speech to Buck about how he shouldn’t be a petty criminal anymore and get some shitty job and hang on to it like it’s the best thing in the world.  Voight’s passion in the scene jumps right into your heart and you wouldn’t dream of being on that crazy train with anyone else.

There’s one aspect of the film I don’t care for though and it’s how the warden is handled.  He’s a terrible person who doesn’t seem to give a fuck about his prisoners.  Hell, it’s implied that he even tries to murder them if he thinks they’re too much trouble.  And the movie validates his behavior several times throughout.  For example, he doesn’t want to let Manny out of solitary because he thinks he might escape again and then that’s exactly what happens.  He thinks Manny is an animal who will hurt people and that ends up happening too.  At one point he shoves the chief control room guy’s face in a toilet because that dude was curt to him for being preoccupied with finding ways to save people’s lives and dodge further destruction caused by the train.  Of course the control room guy apologies and I think it’s meant to be sort of a comic relief moment.  I wish they either hadn’t made the warden such a mean bastard or show that his brute tactics weren’t all that effective.

You could also argue that Rebecca de Mornay (The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, Risky Business) being on board the train isn’t necessary.  It’s true that if she were removed nothing would really change.   However, she’s there to convey information to Manny and Buck (and the audience) and helps to move the story forward.  Including this character actually comes off kinda lazy but the rest of the picture is so strong it’s inconsequential.

This was originally written by Akira Kurosawa (yes, that Akira Kurosawa) who couldn’t get it off the ground and eventually gave up.  I don’t know how much of the story remains from his version but that baseline kernel plot is gold.  And I’m sure I’m not the only one that would’ve been interested to see Kurosawa’s take on the material.

But I don’t want to shortchange what we have.  This was directed by Andrey Konchalovskiy (Tango & Cash) and he did a fantastic job.  The plot moves well, the acting is superb and all the gimmicks with the train are a lot of fun and keep you short of breath.

I love this movie for not only taking us on an awesome adventure but also for introducing and letting us spend time with enduring badass characters.  If you haven’t jumped on board this mother then what are you waiting for?

Vertical Limit

Vertical Limit pushes me to the limit of what I’ll accept with its limitless nonsense limiting my enjoyment of the film.  Alright, alright I think I’ve come to the number of “limits” I can use.  I’m limiting myself from here on out so beware, this will be a limited review.

Oh boy, nothing about this movie holds up.  From the casting of leads Chris O’Donnell (Batman Forever, Batman & Robin) and Robin Tunney (The Craft, Empire Records) to the bad CGI avalanches to the cheap looking green screening to the stoner dude bro comic relief characters to the idea of scaling K2 (the second highest mountain in the world) not being dangerous enough so they throw in human bad guys as well (they pulled the same shit in Twister where apparently deadly tornadoes weren’t adequately villainous) and etc.

Then there’s the just flat out stupid shit.  One of the most baffling things is each member of the rescue team that goes looking for the three trapped climbers carries nitroglycerin with them so they can blast away the snow to get to the survivors.  First off, they procure it from a Pakistani military commander guy (I have no idea why the Pakistani army has this stuff and is storing it on K2 to being with) who has absolutely no problem with these foreign visitors taking it off his hands, then they make a point of demonstrating how unstable the substance is where one little gyration will set it off (but of course it’s never really a concern until the movie needs it to be) and then to top it all off the shit is neon green like some cartoony toxic waste goop!  What the fuck?!  The nitroglycerin angle is entirely unnecessary and like something a seven year old came up with.

There are also a couple of weird coincidences.  One is that Chris O’Donnell and Robin Tunney, who play siblings, happen to be at K2 at the same time but for different reasons and neither knew the other was going to be there.  That’s awkward and an easy fix script wise. 

I do kinda love that Paxton yells "fuck you!" at K2

Another coincidence is the fate of billionaire Bill Paxton (Frailty) who’s attempting to climb K2 for the second time.  His first effort resulted in him and a few others being trapped in the snow for days with few supplies while they waited for a rescue crew.  And wouldn’t you know it, the same exact shit happens again.  Look, I know conquering K2 is extraordinarily perilous but this guy has some bad fuckin’ luck to be caught in an identical situation two times in a row where it all almost plays out the same way.  And both times he turns into a heartless beast that wants to save all the water, food and medicine for himself.  This is a character without any redeeming qualities, a pure asshole to the core.

But maybe the worst aspect of the picture is how it yada yadas over two key scenes at the beginning and the end.  At the start Chris O’Donnell, Robin Tunney and their father (Stuart Wilson (No Escape)) are rock climbing but shit goes sideways and Chris has to make a decision to either cut the rope, which will kill his father and save himself and his sister, or not cut the rope and they all die.  *Sorta spoilers here, it’s the opening of the movie though* Chris cuts the rope leading to a comical setup shot of the calm desert floor and then suddenly wham!  The father splats in front of you.  I’m pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to be funny but it certainly doesn’t come off as a serious moment.  The next thing we know we’re on K2.  Chris and Robin were still dangling there off the side of a rockface hundreds of feet off the ground with no help in sight.  We don’t know how the fuck they got out of there.  The film simply moves ahead after the father slams into the earth.

And then they do this again *yes, actual spoilers this time but fuck this movie* at the conclusion of the finale where Chris and Robin are hanging on a rope in a chasm and we don’t see how they get out.  At least this time there’s someone at the top who can help them but last time we saw her she was struggling to hang on herself.  Instead we hard cut back to base camp where Chris and Robin are resting up and everything’s hunky dory.  C’mon movie, you can’t keep fuckin’ doing this.

Not only is the script bad and the production poorly executed but from what I’ve read none of the mountain climbing shit is accurate either.  Everything you’re seeing is wrong.

So this is a bad movie.  Like, yelling at your screen and shaking your head in frustration kinda bad.  Director Martin Campbell had two huge hits back to back with Goldeneye and The Mask of Zorro but completely fucked up his third major Hollywood outing missing the hattrick.  It’s even stranger to me that he went from one of the best action adventure summer popcorn films ever made with Zorro to one of the worst.

I don’t think I’ll be coming back to this one.  Limit reached.

Happy 8th Anniversary!

Well, I guess that’s about how I feel right now, running away from an enormous explosion with a baby in my arms.  The baby being this here blob and the explosion being…every day life?  I dunno where I was going with that.  Whatever, eight years!  Cool.  Thanks to anyone who reads these posts and a double thanks to anyone who comes back for more.  I love ya.  See you soon.

Russian Ark

You know how some films have long takes that can last for minutes (like Rope), or others that appear to be edit free but really aren’t (like Birdman)?  How about an entire ninety min picture done in a single take for real without trickery?  And not a stripped down thing where it all takes place in one room or with minimal camera movements like you’re watching a play, but a full blown production.  Well a crazy sonuvabitch named Aleksandr Sokurov did just that back in December 2001.  And I guess he felt it wasn’t enough of a challenge already so he went for an epic period piece as well.

As the title implies this is a Russian production and takes place entirely in The Hermitage, the famous gargantuan sprawling art museum (2^nd largest in the world) in St. Petersburg.  The story is about a man who is either dreaming or he’s died and wanders through the endless wings of the museum encountering Russian historical figures like Peter the Great, Catherine the Great and Nicholas (Romanov) II.  This covers from about the late 1600’s to the early 1900’s.  We never see the narrator whose pov we’re using but he meets a travel companion early on, a French aristocrat who is referred to as the European.  Everyone can see and hear the European but the European is the only one that can see and hear the narrator.  That may sound confusing but it’s not at all when you’re watching it.

The two take in many paintings, philosophize about art and a little about life and overall enjoy the collection and various individuals they run into along the way.  They see part of a stage play in a small theater, converse with a woman about van Dyck, sneak through a grand formal ceremony where Russia is hosting Persia and crash a ball where everyone is having a blast doing the latest waltz.  It’s like those Night at the Museum movies where the place has come to life only it’s not incredibly asinine.

The movie works just on this simple abstract story idea level.  I wanna be clear about that because it gets overshadowed by its impressive technical achievements.  I think even if this were shot in a traditional fashion it would still be very engaging and a great piece.

However, half the film really is about the gimmick of one solitary take.  This is the central premise out of which the project grew.  The story came later and was tailored to be relatively modest so the filmmakers could focus enough attention on how to pull off such a feat.  And it took years of planning and a customized steadicam rig and an immense understanding of filmmaking to undertake. 

Sokurov and co only had one day to shoot because that’s all The Hermitage would allow.  So they had to install sets, props and lighting overnight, get all the actors into costume and makeup (over 1,000 in period dress!) and then break it all down.  They managed to get the magic take on the fourth try.  Each time before that they made it less than twenty minutes.  Cameraman/cinematographer Tilman Buttner (Run Lola Run, Downfall, Hanna, Hitman: Agent 47, Metallica: Live in Concert) was suffering from such extreme exhaustion and pain by the last stretch he almost gave up but got an adrenaline boost when he saw the finale ballroom sequence play out before him with hundreds of people dancing and socializing while the orchestra plays the Mikhail Glinka Mazurka.  He fuckin’ powered through and made it to the end.

The Hermitage is a metaphorical ark that houses the finest Russian (and some non-Russian) art.  Anything within its walls, as well as the gorgeous architecture of the museum itself, is to be preserved for future generations even if there’s a catastrophic flood, you know like in that bible doohickey.  As it turns out though the museum ends up being a literal ark as well (I promise that’s not a spoiler), which is pretty silly but at the same time kinda fitting for this dream we sweep through.

This is probably the most Russian-y movie ever (I honestly don’t know if I’ve seen another Russian picture).  It’s serious at times, lighthearted at times, elegant yet disciplined and arty as hell.  But it’s also about one-upmanship (you have a ten min long take?  I have a ninety min long take!), technical prowess, pride and a statement on Russian culture.  One of the most interesting aspects is how critical the European is of Russia and the narrator doesn’t like it.  Sokurov is saying these things about his own country but he uses an outsider to convey them.

Actual shot from the movie and not a
cast photo after they've wrapped

I was expecting this to be pure gimmick with little to no substance but the film turned out to be a very special viewing experience.  Visually the movie is stunning with jaw dropping attention to detail and floating majestic camera work.  It’s clear that this is meant to be seen on a big screen which unfortunately I was not able to do.  That didn’t diminish its effect on me though.

As much as I want to recommend this guy to everyone I come across I know it’s gonna turn a lot of folks off.  Yes it’s pretentious, yes it’s arty, yes it’s an abstract concept, yes it’s pretty damn Terrence Malick-y.  But I’d still say give it a shot.  It’s an amazing journey.

Stan & Ollie

Stan & Ollie is a weird movie.  There are several reasons for this but the biggest might be how dead on Steve Coogan (Night at the Museums) and John C. Reilly (The River Wild) play the famous comedians.  I really forgot I was watching two actors pretending to be other people and fully accepted what was presented to me without hesitation.

And their charm sucks you in immediately.  The picture starts with the team in their dressing room just bullshitting about ex-wives, how much trouble they’ve caused them and having a few laughs.  Then they get up and take the lengthy walk to the soundstage where they’re getting ready to film the dance scene in Way Out West (which this movie fetishizes the shit out of and ends up showcasing three fucking times throughout, I’ll never understand some fans obsession with it).  Along the way Ollie tries to get Stan to come with him on a trip to Tijuana and Stan makes cracks like “I’m never marrying again.  I’m just gonna find a woman I don’t like and buy her a house.”  You know, real slice of life type shit.

This shot from the dressing room to the set is done in one very long take, or it appears to be, either way it’s impressive as hell.  The backlot is bustling with activity as everyone’s either hauling props, scurrying off to shoot or taking a break in between scenes.  The camera keeps moving from behind Stan and Ollie to the side and in front and all around.  And it’s so elegantly done with the boys playfully chatting away and giving their hellos to passersby that it looks effortless when you know it must’ve been a goddamn nightmare to get right.  If this first seven or eight minutes were it, just a short, it would be incredible and even magical how the filmmakers were able to recreate such a specific mood and actually nail the characters.

However, some people thought there was a full fledged movie here.  And that’s probably the next weirdest thing, there’s no story.  At the end of their career in the early fifties Laurel and Hardy embark on a UK tour putting on live comedy shows.  At first the theaters are only half full but by the end they’re selling out several thousand seat venues.  The thing is they don’t have to overcome some challenge to rise to a high level of notoriety and acclaim again.  It happens because the boys do some extra publicity for the media, word of mouth eventually gets around and once folks find out about the shows they want in.

The bit of story that’s wedged in is fabricated and that’s another weird part.  The film shows animosity between Laurel and Hardy over a film Ollie made without Stan in the late 30’s due to their contracts ending at different times with producer/studio owner Hal Roach.  In real life I don’t know if there were hard feelings over that or the other couple of pictures Hardy did without his partner (although later in the late 40’s) but there was no fight in public where they called each other terrible things and threw shit across the room.  I know the protagonists-fight-before-the-climax cliché is in every single thing that’s released nowadays but come on, the fucking Laurel and Hardy biopic too?  If they had scaled it back to where the pair only had a few brief cross words I could accept it more, but the confrontation is so serious and mean that it feels totally out of place in an otherwise lighthearted movie.

Pretty much everything else that happens is true though from what I understand.  And when I say “everything else” I mean the team goes on a tour, it’s a success and they end their career on a high note.  There’s really nothing to tell.  And it’s not like Stan and Ollie led fascinating lives off camera but the filmmakers fucked up and focused on the wrong era.  They were comic geniuses and amazing performers but they were not interesting in real life, like at all.  Between films Ollie was either golfing or betting on the ponies most of the time and when Stan wasn’t in the editing room essentially re-directing the movie (because he would more or less direct during filming) he was constantly working on gags for the next project and writing scripts.

The final weird aspect I wanna point out is the film itself is a comedy.  Going into this I didn’t realize that.  There are bits like the boys hauling a heavy trunk up a flight of stairs only for it to slide all the way down to the bottom like in their short The Music Box, and Stan and Ollie’s wives are like a comedy team unto themselves with Ida Laurel’s (Nina Arianda (Midnight in Paris)) thick Russian accent and misunderstanding of words or phrases and Lucille Hardy’s (Shirley Henderson (Trainspotting)) quick wit.  Again, Laurel and Hardy used silly wife characters in many of their pictures.  This stuff is cute but not laugh out loud funny.  Sure, ridiculous exaggerated characters were a staple of their films but it goes to show you can’t simply recreate gags and assume they will automatically be funny.

This film isn’t for everyone.  If you’re unfamiliar with the comedy team this isn’t going to get you into them.  A better introduction would be to watch the pictures they made (start with the 30’s shorts).  This movie is pretty much only for die hard Laurel and Hardy fans (and if you couldn’t tell already I might be one of those).  There isn’t an intriguing story or characters that you can latch onto even if you otherwise don’t care who these two guys were.  I mean look, Reilly and Coogan are remarkable but if you don’t know where they’re working from it’s probably gonna be lost on you.  I have to admit this actually isn’t a great film but there are great things in it.  The 100% sixty plus crowd I saw it with seemed to enjoy it.

And seeing Reilly in a huge fat suit and tons of prosthetic makeup and believing that that’s really Oliver Hardy and it doesn’t look creepy as shit ok maybe in a few spots when he turns his head too far or opens his mouth too wide and he got the soft southern accent down and the inflection Coogan gives when he speaks that’s instantly recognizable as Stan Laurel and the rhythm of his speech and his child-like facial expressions and the comedy timing of the two guys, well, it’s an extraordinary achievement.  Just don’t expect a plot of any kind.

Voyage of Time: Life's Journey

Ever since those glamorous space shots set against hypnotic opera music in The Tree of Life I’ve been impatiently waiting for this one.  That was seven and a half goddamn years ago.  But that’s nothing compared to what Terrence Malick’s been through.  Since the 70’s he’s been compiling nature footage, filming narrative parts with actors, constantly rewriting the script, crafting CGI creatures and developing methods to film chemical liquids at high speed.  And after all that painstaking work globetrotting, reworking story and narration, editing forty years worth of material, not to mention making other movies, the final result is…pretty not that great.

To be clear I saw the 90 min Life’s Journey version with the Cate Blanchett (The Lord of the Ringses) voice over.  I couldn’t get my hands on the shorter 40 min Brad Pitt (Allied) narrated version to compare which is too bad because I would’ve liked to have seen the differences.  Oh well.

Anyway, the documentary bits like a volcano erupting, weird ass sea life going about its weird ass business and all of that is stunning to behold.  Not only are the events fascinating to witness and give you a glimpse of the world beyond your TV but they’re also beautifully photographed.  At times everything can be so vibrant and awe-inspiring but at others subdued and even off-putting.  The varied mixture of images gives off an equally varied mixture of feelings.

Along with nature there are scenes of modern people from around the world except it’s very different from everything else.  It’s more like a home movie because it’s in standard definition, the camera is jittery and the people appear to be real and not actors.  They’re doing all sorts of stuff like celebrating in the street, holding a wedding, wandering, performing rituals, etc.  I’m not sure what Malick was going for with these sections which are sprinkled throughout.  I would understand more if it came at the end, like now humans are on earth and everything is still chaotic and strange but in a totally different way than before.  But inserting these vignettes every so often is puzzling.  It’s not nice to look at and seems to paint humans in not the most flattering light.

The space parts are fine but I think most of it is fake and some of it isn’t that attractive.  I’ll lump the couple of primeval animals in here too with that remark.  It’s silly looking shit that the movie didn’t necessarily need.

The score?  It’s kinda forgettable but that’s fitting because it’s there to support the visuals and not fight for your attention.

For me the best scenes are the ones with prehistoric man.  Supposedly this was filmed back in the 70’s but I don’t buy that.  It matches too well with the rest of the footage and is in the same style Malick has been using since The Tree of Life (everything before that, including The New World which immediately preceded it, had relatively more focused and restrained cinematography).  But this is the closest we get to any sort of story where we hang out with aboriginals hunting, gathering, traveling, laughing, fighting and marveling at the world around them.  It’s incredibly touching and I wish the entire film was about this.  It feels like real cavemen and not people in ape suits like in 2001 (as much as I adore that picture) or an action adventure expedition like Quest for Fire or some god awful trash like 10,000 BC.  It’s gorgeously elemental and really perfect for Malick because he’s big on pure emotion and down on dialogue anyway.  I wanted to see what our ancient ancestors were gonna do next but it’s such a small part of the movie and that’s extremely unfortunate.

I don’t think I can recommend this based on the early man parts alone.  Sure the nature stuff is cool too but the movie doesn’t know what it wants to be.  All life on earth isn’t portrayed in some manner either.  It’s mostly marine life so that’s off kilter as well.  Plus it’s impossible to get past the pretentious obnoxious Cate Blanchett narration where she cries out shit like “mother, what do I love when I love you?”  I guess it’s more of a free form film.

It’s tough.  I enjoyed parts of it and that makes me wonder if I might like the shorter version better.  Even though this is sort of an amorphous blob of a picture I’d still take it over Song to Song.

Mish Mash Horror Edition (Queen of the Damned, Drag Me to Hell, The Brood, Thirst)

Queen of the Damned

A vampire as the lead singer of a world renowned nu metal band you say?  I’m in!  Or at least I was until I actually saw the picture.  It’s fucking terrible.  The awful special effects and gothic sullen angsty music date the movie into an early grave.

I have to admit the set and costume design is kinda awesome though.  So at least parts of the image are nice to look at.  But the real star here has to be the powerhouse soundtrack with tunes by Korn, Disturbed, Papa Roach, Static-X, Linkin Park, Marilyn Manson and Orgy.  Not really my type of music but holy shit, what an impressive collection of bands from that very specific genre.  I think the only nu metal darling they left out was Limp Bizkit.  And this is all so ironic considering R&B sensation Aaliyah plays the titular role whose music I like a million times more (and which isn’t feature  here whatsoever).

But seriously guys, please don’t watch this movie.  It’s an affront to any creature with eyes and ears, dead or undead.

Drag Me to Hell

Great idea about a cursed woman (Alison Lohman (Matchstick Men)) who must battle a demon that wants her in hell very badly, like yesterday.  Sam Raimi (Darkman) knew how to start and end his movie but didn’t quite know what fill the middle portion with.  There’s an unfortunate stagnation and aimlessness that sets in.

The comedy is hysterical and spot on but the horror stuff is just alright.  There are flashes of that old Raimi magic like the knock down drag out fight in the parking garage, but they’re few and far between.  Overall it’s decent.

The Brood

This one woman’s (Samantha Eggar (The Phantom)) wrath is so powerful that she has the ability to manifest it as physical beings.  She literally gives birth to little deformed five year old girls that go around murdering anyone their mother despises.  And when I say “gives birth” it’s not in the traditional way.  She sorta grows this sack on her abdomen and then tears it open to get the rage babe out.  It’s a pretty fuckin’ weird ass concept but I wouldn’t expect anything less from David Cronenberg (who was going through a divorce and child custody battle at the time…a touch bitter are we?).

Oliver Reed (The Adventures of Baron Munchausen) is fantastic as Dr. Hal Raglan (the opening scene with him in particular is amazing), the intense score by Howard Shore is incredible with echoes of Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho and the visuals get all gross goopy fleshy in classic Cronenberg fashion.  I liked it.

Thirst

A priest volunteers his body for scientific research by agreeing to contract a deadly disease so a cure can be found.  All the test subjects die except for him.  Looks like he dodged a major bullet there.  Well the only teeny tiny snag is that now he’s a vampire.  Not only does he have an insatiable thirst for blood but if he doesn’t feed regularly then grotesque lesions form all over his body.

That plot synopsis may sound relatively straight forward but this is a big story with a lot going on.  It’s too much for me to really get into plus it’s better if you don’t know very much going in.  There’s tons of drama, tons of nasty blood splattering kills and tons of off kilter sexuality.  This is another pip from Chan-wook Park, the writer/director of Oldboy and The Handmaiden.