Harefooted Halloween: Cursed

What I Liked: They went for a human sized wolf that stands on its hind legs which is probably my favorite type of design when it comes to these creatures.  When you can get a decent glimpse the elongated snout and teeth and muscular body are menacing features.  Even though this guy passed through many different effects artists (I’ll explain soon) the final product turned out surprisingly good.

When there are practical werewolf effects they’re kinda cool looking.  I mean when it’s a guy in a suit (Derek Mears (Friday the 13^th (2009))) maybe it’s a little too obvious and cheesy (although that could’ve been how they decided to shoot and edit) but to have someone in the room for real goes a long way and is very charming.

It’s really all about the second half of the film.  Once we have a better idea of what’s happening things start to get a lot more fun.  The protagonists are discovering their newly acquired powers, villain motivation garners a neat twist, the fight scenes are energetic and choreographed alright and some characters become less annoying to the point of fully redeeming themselves.

*Mild spoiler on this last point* I really appreciate that the finale doesn’t involve a bunch of full on werewolves battling each other but rather humans with some super power werewolf abilities.  This is a clever way for the audience to follow the action.  Otherwise it would be furry animals bouncing all over the room and we wouldn’t be able to tell who the fuck is who.

What I Didn’t Like: In order to get to the more enjoyable second half you unfortunately have to sit through an abysmal first half.  There’s uninteresting characters, internet sleuthing, a bad dream sequence, a strained romance and stupid high school bullying leftover from the 80’s.  Everyone is either bland or annoying.  Our leads Ellie (Christina Ricci (The Smurfs 2)) and Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg (The Squid and the Whale)) exhibit both those qualities.  They’re brother and sister living in a house in LA by themselves which isn’t explained, they have no chemistry, everyone’s kidna mean to both of them, Eisenberg’s fast talking schtick is grating, Ricci looks checked out and it’s just terrible.

Most of the CGI doesn’t look so great.  It’s mainly the transformation scenes that are the ugliest with the body and face distorting in cartoony ways.  When it’s the werewolf running around it blends shockingly well with the practical effects but not well enough to totally shed the plastic shiny ragdoll appearance.

In some spots the editing is ridiculously coked up and absolutely horrendous.  I think the editing is too fast paced in general here but in three or four spots it goes off the fucking rails into Saw territory.  Boy, that mid 2000’s style hasn’t come around to being nearly as funny as I want it to be yet.  How much longer do I have to wait?

This is such a fucking dated movie.  Ellie works for Craig Kilborn’s late night talk show, Scott Baio (Zapped!) has an oddly large role as himself, there’s an angsty nu metal-esque soundtrack, Jimmy goes emo when he becomes a werewolf by straightening his hair and letting it hang in front of his face, primitive (by today’s standards) internet websites, there’s a bunch of gay jokes and the aforementioned CGI.

Overall Impressions: Ok so here’s the deal, this picture went through the fucking wringer with the original script being almost completely shot before the Weinstein’s at Dimension and Miramax decided none of it was any good.  So after several rewrites, three rounds of reshoots, a bump down in rating from R to PG-13 and various characters being dropped (whose scenes were already filmed) what should’ve been a couple of month process took two and a half goddamn years!  What may have been the biggest crime is the legendary Rick Baker did the original effects but none of them wound up in the film.  After that another illustrious effects house, KNB, were brought on to the project but apparently most of their practical shit also got cut from the movie and was replaced by CGI.  Jeez Louise.

So that explains why this thing definitely feels like a mess.  But it’s not all bad which is the curious part.  You can see flashes of cool ideas, entertaining moments and yes, bits of badass effects.  Stuff like starting the third act earlier than normal and not letting up until the end credits helps.  But it in no way erases the awful crap you have to sit through before that.

I don’t know if I can recommend this one.  It’s Wes Craven’s werewolf picture so of course it has to be seen if you’re a big horror fan.  If you’re looking for a study on a train wreck of a film this wouldn’t satisfy though.  It was essentially entirely remade so there isn’t much figuring out how the filmmakers tried to glue the old and new fragments together to form a Frankenstein concoction.  So the piece ends up in a real messed up strange area.  Everyone got screwed on this job, Wes Craven, writer Kevin Williamson (Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Faculty), the actors who got cut (Skeet Ulrich, Mandy Moore, John C McGinley), the effects work that didn’t get shown off, my ears and eyes for some questionable soundtrack and editing choices, etc.  But you know, fuck me.  It was right there in the title.  The movie truly is cursed.

Harefooted Halloween: Halloween Kills

What I Liked: Michael Myers takes on a group of people twice which is something I don’t think we’ve seen before, at least not like this.  In Halloween 4 he fights a mob of vigilantes while racing down the road in their truck and then gets shot by them shortly after.  But here Michael goes up against several opponents simultaneously on the ground in the open like in an action movie.  While this is a fun novelty thing to do the character definitely works better as a menacing figure when he engages in one on one or even two on one combat.

Michael looks and moves pretty well.  The singed mask from the fire at the end of the previous film (and beginning of this one) adds a cool bit of weathering to remind you he’s been through some shit.  James Jude Courtney (Soccer Dog: The Movie) gives a slightly stiffer performance than last time from what I can remember but he can still lunge and quickly dispatch anyone standing in his way.  Although at points they may have pushed it a touch too far (we’ll dive into this a little later).

John Carpenter, his son Cody and frequent collaborator Daniel Davies (Dave Davies’ son and Carpenter’s godson!) return for another solid soundtrack.  Maybe the choral additions to the main theme aren’t the best but the rest of it is good heart pumping atmospheric tunes.

There are more nods to the previous pictures for fans to pick out.  Michael hops on top of a car and smashes a window with his hand from the original, eating candy embedded with a razor blade from II, the Silver Shamrock masks from III, the raging mob from 4, skewering someone with a pitchfork through the back from 5, and I’m sure there are others.  Oh and is the baseball bat that grown up Tommy Doyle (Anthony Michael Hall (Edward Scissorhands)) picks up from the local bar to use against Michael a reference to Silver Bullet?

What I Didn’t Like: They had no idea what to do for this movie.  It follows the tradition of the ’81 and 2009 Halloween II in that we pick up right where the last film left off on Halloween night and there’s a lot of hospital stuff.  But it’s simply Michael continuing to kill people.  We don’t know why and there isn’t a driving force to anything.

A whole bunch of times someone tries to shoot Michael with a gun and except for one instance it never goes well.  Either they miss, are out of bullets or Michael is so fast he swats the gun away at the last possible second.  It’s so noticeable because of how often it happens, like to the point where it becomes comical.  The filmmakers seem to want to emphasize that Michael is lightning quick in this one but really it’s slick editing and people being terrible shots.

The narration at the end is cheesy and unnecessary.  It’s about how Michael isn’t human but made up of pure evil which we know.  We’ve known that since 1978, Loomis told us.  That’s just ham fisted filmmaking.  And there’s another example of this earlier in the picture when a good chunk of the town has been whipped into a frenzy because not a single person has been able to stop Michael so naturally they’re frustrated and extremely pissed off.  They chase after a completely different escaped mental patient and want to kill him because they erroneously think he’s the killer.  Then some character has the out loud realization that Michael has turned the good citizens of Haddonfield into monsters.  Yea, we can see that.  Thanks for knocking us over the noggin.

Jump scares galore and they can all go fuck themselves.  I will be eternally hopeful that one day we will move past this bullshit as a society but today is not that day.

None of the humor lands.

Overall Impressions: I wasn’t the biggest fan of the 2018 Halloween but it had a few neat ideas like Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis (Beverly Hills Chihuahua)) becoming a paranoid survivalist who’s convinced Michael will return one day and attack her and there were some impressive showcases of Michael dispatching his victims (the one long tracking shot following him through different houses, the flood light in the yard turning on and off so you never know where he’ll pop up next, etc).  This installment has almost nothing to cling onto and keep you engaged.  The only scene I really dig is Michael vs a team of firefighters during an actual fire.  The concept is weird enough and executed well enough that it made for some entertaining imagery.

Even with all of that said my main issue might be that there’s a mean spiritedness to this film that I don’t care for.  A lot of innocent people die and in horrifically grisly ways and it’s like why?  I mean one poor bastard gets his head pounded against a wall and three or four knives stuck in his back.  And he wasn’t setup as an asshole or gave us any reason to dislike him.  If the filmmakers were trying to remind us that Michael is the devil and to not root for him they went about it the wrong way.  Good guy characters need to be built up so we have a connection with them and then you can kill them off for an emotional gut punch.  But to murder too many random folks who are just minding their own business is a fundamental misunderstanding of storytelling in my opinion.

Additionally, massive crowds of folks blinded by fury attacking an innocent mentally ill person isn’t the most enjoyable aspect either.  There are so many people they take over practically the entire hospital.  This and having Tommy Doyle recruit townsfolk all over Haddonfield to hunt down Michael feels sorta out of place.  In Halloween 4 it was a handful of guys but here it’s like half the damn town.  It bogs down the movie and leaves you with very few characters to get behind.

On top of this there are technical problems that don’t add up like characters inexplicably teleporting in scenes or Michael putting on music after posing the victims’ bodies which seems amazingly out of character.  All this shit is annoying but also incredibly tedious so I’ll just leave it at that.

Oh man, the more I think about it the worse this movie gets.  It’s very violent and not really in a fun way.  And while it initially may have seemed awesome that they’re doing two sequels back to back they don’t appear to have a roadmap on where they’re going.  What the hell is the next one gonna be like?

Harefooted Halloween: Halloween II (2009)

What I Liked: Like its predecessor the gritty production design is cool.  They went for even more blood and dirt and clutter this time.  Michael’s mask is barely holding together so he wears a hoodie to help conceal more of his bearded face.  And of course there’s awesome Halloween decorations all over the goddamn place.  I mean I love it but this doesn’t exist in real life right?  No town really gets this adorably decked out for the boos, do they?

What I Didn’t Like: Again, like the beginning of the first film the opener is stupid.  I guess spoiler but the first twenty five minutes or so is a fake out dream sequence where Laurie is being chased down by Michael in a hospital.  You could even count this as a double switcheroo because you wouldn’t be wrong to think they’re redoing the ’81 Halloween II where the whole thing is set in a hospital.  Now while this stretch isn’t as bad as showcasing Michael’s shitty home life filled with unbearably repugnant characters it still amounts to a waste of time.

There’s not much of a story and what’s here is rather aimless.  Michael disappeared after being shot in the head by Laurie (which admittedly was a badass way to close out the first picture: gun shot, screams, hard cut to black) and has been wandering the world (or just the immediate area, who knows?) for two years.  He decides to strike Haddonfield once again on Halloween because well, it’s a Halloween movie.  There’s supposed to be a big revelation that Laurie is Michael’s sister and when she finds out she completely loses her shit.  The sorta big problem is the previous film already told us this.  So Laurie might be learning this for the first time but it’s old new for the audience effectively deadening this character turn.

Overall Impressions: There’s nothing all that special about this entry.  I think Rob Zombie (31) tried to make it more psychological and a character study on Michael Myers (Taylor Mane returns in another good performance) and Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton (Grey’s Anatomy)).  They both have visions of their dead mother (Sheri Moon Zombie (3 from Hell)) leading a white horse around even though Laurie never knew her.  Maybe there’s a supernatural psychic connection?  I dunno.  And I’m sure these figments mean something, innocence, guiding force, haunted past, etc.  A decent amount of time is spent on Laurie grappling with the fact that Michael is her brother and how it’s causing her to have a mental breakdown.  But for whatever reason none of it is very effective.  All the actors seem to be trying hard though giving it all they got.  The entire package just doesn’t come together.

Not a lot of redeeming qualities here.  The obnoxiousness of the previous film isn’t nearly as prevalent so the lows aren’t as low.  However, on the flipside the highs aren’t nearly as high.  It’s not shot or edited as well, there aren’t any thought provoking twists in the story, the characters aren’t that exciting and the murder setups are standard.  Unfortunately it lands in the zone of unremarkable.

Harefooted Halloween: Halloween (2007)

What I Liked: Nice detailed production design.  They went for the grit and they deliver.  Michael’s mask isn’t as pristine as it sometimes is and he only gets filthier the further the film progresses.  Not everything is dirty though.  The mental hospital, streets of Haddonfield and most homes are appropriately cleaner.  And I love the tons of Halloween decorations and jack-o-lanterns everywhere leading to a souped up fall feel.

I’m impressed with Tyler Mane’s (Troy) performance as Michael Myers because he moves just the right way.  If you’ve seen any of the sequels in the original run then you know this is something that’s difficult to nail.  While Mane is a hulking beast that towers over everyone he’s quicker than most other versions which makes him more of a threat than normal.  Writer/director Rob Zombie (House of 1,000 Corpses) wanted to portray a more down to earth version of this character by building up the backstory and having him act almost like a feral man and more often than not he succeeds (although there are certain issues which we’ll get to).  I really think this is one of the best Michael performances ever done.

It’s interesting to get a taste of the mental hospital period of Michael’s life.  We’ve never seen this before and it’s surprisingly effective at giving both he and Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell (Bombshell)) some sympathy points.  Michael is there for his own good but it’s a sad existence to be locked up and studied.  And Dr. Loomis wants to help Michael but after years and years of therapy he hasn’t been able to reach him.

Rob Zombie didn’t mess with John Carpenter’s music from the original whenever it’s used.  He knew it was perfect as is and didn’t need any embellishing.  The rest of the soundtrack is largely forgettable though with an overuse of those loud stings typically reserved for jump scares.

The nods to the previous installments were kinda neat to spot.  Michael drowns a guy by dunking his head in water like in Halloween II, Danielle Harris (The Last Boy Scout) who starred in Halloween 4 and 5 plays one of Laurie Strode’s friends, there’s a sports car in the background at one point that looks like the one from Halloween 5, Michael terrorizes someone in a bathroom like in H20 and I’m sure there are plenty of others.

What I Didn’t Like: Oh boy, the first ten or fifteen minutes are excruciating.  They show the abusive and toxic home life of adolescent Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch (American Horror Story)) which wouldn’t have been as bad if everyone wasn’t yelling hurtful and inflammatory shit at each other non-stop.

Similarly to my previous point, almost all of the characters are insufferable.  Any scenes that don’t involve adult Michael Myers doin’ his thang are pretty fucking rough which is maybe about a third of the film.  Everyone is so crass, disrespectful, obnoxious and thoughtless.  Hanging out with anyone besides Michael, even the protagonists who you’re supposed to like, is a chore and a half.

The action is shot and edited too franticly for my tastes.  This approach of using many closeups and cuts was very popular at the time making it hard to understand exactly what’s happening.  I mean it’s not Batman Begins bad but it pains me a little whenever I come across a victim of this particular style choice.

At a certain point the movie comes to a what feels like a natural ending but for some reason goes on for another ten or fifteen minutes.  This extra time is more of Michael chasing his prey around which is alright but it certainly comes across as unnecessary.

Overall Impressions: This piece is such an extreme mixed bag.  On one hand it’s actually one of those movies where you can pause it at any time and it’s a 50/50 chance that you’ll land on a really cool looking image.  Plus Mane’s performance as Michael is very well done and the mental hospital stuff is worthwhile.  However, on the other hand some of the additional backstory crap with Michael’s abusive home life not only takes away too much mystery of the character but it’s also just unpleasant to sit through miserable assholes shouting the stupidest and worst things they can come up with at each other.  What’s even more frustrating is Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton (The Runaways)) and her friends and the people at school and the hospital all act basically the same way.  The only time we get a merciful reprieve is when Michael kills one of these irritating dumbbells.

I really wanna like this picture more but I can’t defend a good portion of it.  What’s especially disappointing is Rob Zombie was coming off his best film, The Devil’s Rejects, so he was in prime filmmaking shape.  Look, it’s not the worst horror remake from that period but it’s not the best either.  Any die hard Halloween fan is definitely gonna want to check this one out eventually.  If you’re more of a casual fan you can skip it.

Harefooted Halloween: Spiral (From the Book of Saw)

What I Liked: The only horror thing that was kinda cool was the finger trap.  Not only is it freaky looking with long wires attached to your fingers which are in turn attached to a motor that will rip your digits off but the bizzarro metal catcher’s mask that sits on the victim’s head is a nice touch.

While Chris Rock’s humor is out of place in the universe of this series he did make me laugh a couple of times.  The Forrest Gump rant he starts with is pretty good and makes you think a bit.  And there’s a part where he’s forced to apologize to the other cops in his precinct for acting like an asshole saying he’s sorry for this and sorry for that and then ends with “and I’m sorry that I fucked your mother”.

Police corruption and abuse of power is a big theme throughout.  This plays into the idea of the world not working as it should that we’ve seen in previous chapters.  Jigsaw saw injustice everywhere and tried to correct society one person at a time (while enacting his own revenge against those who he perceived wronged him).  It’s very topical of the movie to highlight this particular subject of bad cops but it’s a timeless issue and a good target for the villain in keeping with the series.

What I Didn’t Like: There are two really big problems with this movie.  The first is the script was not ready for prime time, even by Saw standards.  It doesn’t really feel like a Saw movie until the finale.  They play up and stick with the cop movie portion for most of the running time which isn’t exactly what this franchise is about.  The main focus is usually on the traps and the people that are being “rehabilitated”.  I can appreciate the filmmakers trying something new but in this case the movie comes off more like a bad Se7en clone.

The second is Chris Rock (Top Five, CB4) was miscast.  Yea, I know he produced and is the main guy that put this picture together but he’s distracting in the lead role.  He cracks a ton of jokes which again, doesn’t sit right in a Saw movie.  Aside from a few brief comic relief moments in the original I don’t remember there being any humor in any of the sequels.  So to all of a sudden crank that dial way up is awkward.  And I kinda hate to say this but Rock doesn’t do a great acting job in the dramatic parts either.  He plays it so pissed off and moody that he’s not enjoyable to be with for 90 mins.  He’s trying so hard to be a miserable fuck that his performance veers off into unintentionally funny territory (at least I think it was unintentional).

Cliches in cop movies are tricky because if the rest of the film works I’ll embrace that shit with open arms, but if they’re in a film that doesn’t come together they grate on me badly.  Unfortunately this time they irritated the shit out of me.  This one’s got it all: the loner cop who plays by his own rules, fights with his captain, riles his fellow officers, has a haunted past, etc.

The filmmakers very noticeably attempted to patch up a lot of stuff in post production by cutting some scenes off abruptly and/or inserting a whole bunch of ADR.

The voice they settled on for the new killer doesn’t sound threatening or cool at all.

I can’t quite make heads or tails out of the subtitle “From the Book of Saw”.  Did the filmmakers tack it on later because the actual title “Spiral” is incredibly bland and had to let folks know “Hey!  It’s a Saw movie numbskulls!”?  Or was it there from the beginning and they thought it sounded cool?  If the subtitle was intentional though why phrase it like that?  Books aren’t a part of the series, like at all.  The movies aren’t based on books, Jigsaw never wrote a manifesto and books aren’t used to create or solve the traps.  I wanna say it’s an odd attempt to make the franchise, and this installment in particular, sound much more sophisticated than it is.  However, in my mind it has the opposite effect.  It’s like faux pretentious which is just trash.

Overall Impressions: The thing I enjoyed about the original series was the fucking ridiculous soap opera storyline that had a million and a half twists.  The traps are a draw for sure but more in a spirit of “ok, let’s see what crazy contraptions they dreamed up this time” and not “oh man I can’t wait to see these traps FUCK…THESE…FOLKS…UUUUUP!”.

Strangely, on paper I should’ve loved this ratio recalibration with more emphasis on the story and less on the death traps.  But it doesn’t have the same magic that the previous films do and I think it might be that the plot is too run of the mill and conservative.  I mean I was able to figure out who the villain was almost immediately.  With the others yea, twists are a staple but they still somehow came out of left field and put a goofy smile on my face because of how absurd everything ended up being.  They didn’t push the drama far enough here in my opinion.

So not a very good movie.  Lots of problems in different areas.  But you know what?  I did chuckle to myself when they re-created some of that mid to late 2000’s frantic coked up editing when the victim has the horrible realization they’re in a Jigsaw trap.  That’s a funny call back I didn’t expect.

Friday the 13th Series Wrap Up

*Wondering why I skipped Freddy vs. Jason?  I took a look last year when I went through the Nightmare on Elm Streets.

 

A rundown of all the Fridays wouldn’t be complete without a wrap up.  So let’s step back and get a little perspective on what we just saw.

Unlike virtually every other horror franchise that have their killer fully developed right out of the gate Friday took three movies to finally produce its iconic villain as we know him today.  That’s a testament to how massively well that first film performed and how loyal the fans were to stick with sequels that kept tweaking the formula.  To be fair Jason is essentially there in Part 2 (albeit a Michael Myers clone) but once they added the hockey mask that was it.  The filmmakers and fans latched on to that sucker instantly making it the symbol of the series.  Ok, now you got a cool timeless design that’s undeniably intimidating.  The mask is similar to Michael Myers’ white mask except this takes it a step further and is featureless.  No hair, no outlines of a face, no mouth and only a bump for a nose.  I think that’s what makes it stick in your brain as so effectively creepy.

Different actors have played Jason over the years with each giving their own spin on him.  Some play him more agile (Derek Mears in the remake and Ted White in Part 4 The Final Chapter) and others play him more on the stiff side (Tom Morga in Part 5 A New Beginning).  The most famous actor to take up the role is Kane Hodder who donned the hockey mask four times (Part 7 The New Blood through Jason X).  He does a fantastic job in those with Part 7 The New Blood probably being his best performance.  He threads the needle by being as stoic as he can while flashing moments of quickness to remind you he has a nimble side that can sneak up on you.

Each entry is packed full of special effects and they all look good.  Tom Savini’s work on Part 1 and 4 The Final Chapter and John Carl Buechler’s efforts on Part 7 The New Blood are the standouts.  Very special shoutout to KNB for the incredible body melting scene in Jason Goes to Hell.  These effects are just as influential as the ridiculous shit the Nightmare on Elm Street movies were churning out during the same period.  Unfortunately not all of this superb hard work got to be seen in its full glory (or gory? *wink*) as the later installments became infamous for getting a lot of the carnage trimmed by the MPAA.  So while they might seem tamer today that’s just the way shit went back then.

Despite the copious number of films most of them were not much of a launching pad for the actors involved.  However some notable alums include Kevin Bacon (Footloose, The River Wild), Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys, The Goonies), Crispin Glover (Back to the Future, River’s Edge), Miguel Nunez Jr (Return of the Living Dead, Black Dynamite), Thom Mathews (Return of the Living Dead I & II), Tony Goldwyn (Kiss the Girls, Ghost), Jeff Bennett (who’s done voice work on a bajillion shows including Batman the Animated Series, Gargoyles and every goddamn Disney cartoon show since the 90’s), Kelly Hu (X2, The Scorpion King), Steve Williams (It (2017), The X-Files) and Richard Gant (Stone Cold, The Glimmer Man).

Steve Miner on the left, SC in the cowboy hat

In terms of directors Steve Miner who did Part 2 and 3 and produced the original had the most high profile career.  He went on to direct House, Warlock, Halloween H20, Lake Placid and a good amount of TV including episodes of The Wonder Years and Dawson’s Creek.

Sean Cunningham, the man who stared it all with that 1980 gem and went on to produce Jason Goes to Hell, Jason X, Freddy vs. Jason and the remake (as well as the original and remake of Last House on the Left), is a somewhat controversial figure depending on who you talk to.  He’s fostered proteges like Steve Miner and Adam Marcus who went on to direct Friday sequels so he can be generous and helpful.  Although Marcus has made him out to be a micromanager from hell and I have no idea what’s true or not.  There’s also litigation between Cunningham and original screenwriter Victor Miller over the rights to the property.  Look, all I’m saying is Cunningham appears to be less like a creative guy who had a yearning to tell a story with that first film and more of a business man who saw horror pictures as a viable way to make some bucks.  It seems in the ensuing years he’s taken it upon himself to be the caretaker of the Friday brand and he’ll do what he feels he must to protect it, even if that means butting heads with former cohorts.

Ok, now for some observations I kept track of during the viewings.

There are a few traditions that show up throughout the series.  Thunderstorms make an appearance in every entry except Jason Goes to Hell and Jason X.  And in Part 7 The New Blood we get thunder and lightning but no rain.

A body gets thrown through a window in Part 2, 3, 4 The Final Chapter, 5 A New Beginning, 7 The New Blood (Jason also throws himself through in that one) and Jason Goes to Hell.  In Part 6 Jason Lives a body gets tossed half way through but then gets dragged back inside.  And I decided not to count the body crashing into a car windshield in the remake.

The finale occurs in a barn in Part 3, 5 A New Beginning and the remake.

Part 2, 3, 4 The Final Chapter and 7 The New Blood begin with clips from a previous film.  This made sense back when these were released a year or two apart so the audience could get caught up on where shit stands but if you watch them all back to back like I did this becomes fairly annoying.

We tend to think of Jason as a silent steady slow moving force but he runs in Part 2, 4 The Final Chapter and the remake.  We get to hear him grunt in Part 3 too.

An astonishing thing you come to realize after watching a few Fridays is the insanely high body count each one racks up.  Only one (Part 2) dips under ten.  And three (Part 5 A New Beginning, Jason Goes to Hell and Jason X) score over twenty (it’s worth noting Part 6 Jason Lives, Part 8 Jason Takes Manhattan and Freddy vs. Jason only fall short by a kill or two).  Other series have run similar numbers but not this consistently so the amount of dead bodies just feels more noticeable in this franchise.

One totally bizarre thing is the fucked up timeline.  Part 2 happens five years after Part 1 placing it in the mid 80’s which means Part 7 The New Blood is supposed to be the late 90’s and Jason Goes to Hell occurs in the early 2000’s.  That’s hard to wrap my head around.  I think it’s obvious the filmmakers either ignored or didn’t know about these dates when they made their own sequel and simply set it in their respective modern time.  Of course none of this really matters but it remains a curious tidbit.

Sticking with the timeline angle, you’d think that all the pictures take place on a Friday the 13^th but that’s not the case.  Only Part 1, Part 6 Jason Lives and at least the opening of Part 7 The New Blood nail the date.  I can say that with some confidence.  However, according to the internet all the films except Part 3, 4 The Final Chapter and 8 Jason Takes Manhattan get the date right (even accounting for those that occur over multiple days).

Best Installment: Friday the 13^th.  It’s a super solid horror picture that delivers maximum thrill while staying within the classic slasher formula.  Honorable mention goes to Part 6 Jason Lives which is the best sequel in my opinion (unless you include Freddy vs. Jason then I might have to go with that).

Worst Installment: Jason X.  I’m not against new directions for a franchise (especially if you’re on your tenth fucking movie) but holy shit is this bad.

Beyond the eleven movies there was a TV show boringly called Friday the 13^th: The Series that came out in 1987 in between Part 6 Jason Lives and Part 7 The New Blood.  It was your run of the mill horror anthology show with a framing device consisting of two cousins who inherit an antique shop from their deceased devil worshiping uncle that’s full of cursed items.  When they find out all the shit they sold is killing people they decide to track down the antiques leading to each episode’s story.  It came out a year before Freddy’s Nightmares and was more successful lasting a season longer with three total.  They had some noteworthy writers and directors take part like David Cronenberg (Crash (1996)) and Atom Egoyan (Exotica).

And I can’t forget about Crystal Lake Memories which documents the making of each film.  It’s an awesome peek behind the curtain with a wealth of info.  But similar to Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy this sonuvabitch has a beefy runtime of over six and a half hours so plan accordingly.

Alright!  So the series as a whole is definitely fun but kinda rough at the same time.  It lacks imagination like the Nightmare on Elm Streets, doesn’t have the unbridled mania of the Texas Chainsaws and while the first entry is strong I hesitate to call it a certified masterpiece like Halloween.  The sequels offer very little to sink your teeth into with either no plot or not fully committing to a direction (like setting up Tommy Jarvis to be Jason’s successor twice and abandoning the idea twice!).

But I don’t wanna end on a bad note here.  While not my favorite franchise it’s required reading for any horror fan.  Excellent effects work, some creative kills and spooky atmosphere are the three legs that the movies stand on.  And I want to expand on atmosphere for a moment because it really is exceptional in most cases and Harry Manfredini is a big part of that.  He created an all time amazing score that carries through many of the sequels.  His music, including the distinctive use of voice, is a major reason why these movies endure.

What started life as a Halloween knock off became a monster of its own.  What Michael Myers did for the suburbs Jason did for the campground.  Something lurking in the woods at night is a common fear that dates back to prehistoric times.  Add hockey mask, machete, wordless hulking behemoth who murders without a second thought and there you go.

Harefooted Halloween: Friday the 13th (2009)

What I Liked: One of the best designs for Jason out there.  Sure he’s big and imposing but I like that they gave him some scraggily hair and his drooping almost Toxic Avenger looking face is great.

Jason is way more agile here than we’ve seen in a long time.  Not since Part 4 The Final Chapter have we seen him run and move this quickly and it’s awesome.  Stalker Jason is good but the filmmakers made a smart decision by switching up the athleticism and flexibility to make their version stand out.

Another welcomed change in Jason is he’s sort of a survivalist type who only goes after folks that invade his territory.  He sets a few traps, knows how to use a bow and arrow, utilizes an underground tunnel system to move around and employs hunting tactics to lure out his prey.  It’s important to make the distinction that he’s not out there looking for victims necessarily which gives him a very slight sympathetic edge.  If you stay out of the old abandoned Camp Crystal Lake you’ll be fine.  But if you venture in there you’re fair game.

What a fantastic looking movie this is.  The production design in particular is amazing.  Lots of junk and trinkets strewn about Jason’s home and tunnels presumably from his victims and whatever else he could find to live on.  The mansion on the lake is a beautiful location to shoot a movie that provides the perfect amount of isolation needed.  It’s also big enough for Jason to hide out in.  And this is shot and edited pretty well.  It reminds me of the original film where characters are always doing something giving the picture a kinetic energy.  Plus, crucially, the action scenes are shot and edited coherently.  I didn’t have to strain to make out make out what was happening during the kills or chase sequences.  I can’t stress enough how pleasantly surprised I was to discover this because that was not the popular way to do action at the time.

What I Didn’t Like: Unfortunately the one really big minus on this film is the majority of characters are extraordinarily obnoxious.  Not all, but a large chunk.  Horny, bro-y, arrogant, disgustingly creepy, etc.  I don’t understand why horror filmmakers have their victims be such dickholes.  A little annoying is ok but usually they’re over the top.  I guess so you don’t feel as bad when they bite it.  But I argue their deaths would have more of an impact if you cared about them.

Overall Impressions: Shockingly this is fine.  Nearly all the other horror remakes from the 2000’s are fucking trash: Texas Chainsaw Massacre (same director as this by the way), House of Wax, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Hills Have Eyes, etc.  The jury’s out on Halloween.  We’ll revisit that later.

Despite the movie simply titled “Friday the 13^th” this is more of an amalgamation of Part 2 and 3.  We open with Jason witnessing her mother getting beheaded by a camp counselor and then we flash forward to present day.  Jason starts off wearing the sack on his head like in Part 2 (which looks much better than the original sack, sort of a wrap motif that combines pieces of the mummy and the invisible man) before it eventually gets torn during a fight and he needs to find a replacement.  Luckily the brawl takes place in the loft/storage area of a barn so a hockey mask is right there waiting for him.  Nice touch.

There’s also the gross shriveled severed head of Pamela Voorhees that Jason worships, again, nodding at Part 2 and 3.  We even get a finale in a barn which is a mild tradition in the series (this marks the third time).

I’m really surprised at how much I enjoyed this one.  So now I don’t get why it got so much hate when it came out.  The box office numbers were pretty good so people were definitely excited to see it.  At least for me if it wasn’t for the awful teens acting like loathsome asswipes this would rank higher on my list.  Maybe that combined with putting Jason back in the woods like we’ve seen many times before and making him less of a robot was too much for everyone.

Look, I know this is gonna sound weird but this really is a smarter Friday installment.  It seems the filmmakers put more thought into Jason than probably ever before (one exception would be Adam Marcus’ unused idea from Jason Goes to Hell that the character is part of the Evil Dead universe) which leads to the rest of the picture making more sense than most of the other sequels.  There are certainly worse Friday movies and worse horror remakes.  Don’t dismiss this guy outright.  Give it a shot.

Harefooted Halloween: Jason X

What I Liked: They used a blend of practical and CG effects and it looks alright.  Half the CG isn’t terrible which is a relief but the other half is about as awful as it gets for the early 2000’s.

I’m stretching a bit on this but the most famous kill of freezing a woman’s face in liquid nitrogen (or whatever super cold liquid it’s supposed to be) and then smashing it on the counter causing it to shatter into a billion pieces is genuinely kind of disturbing.  Like it made me squirm.  There’ something about the harshness of absolutely obliterating a person’s face like that in an instant and only leaving behind a portion of the neck and back of the head.  Usually I know what types of kills get to me and this is a new one that I didn’t know I would react so strongly to.  So good job on making me feel icky movie?

What I Didn’t Like: All the sci-fi stuff is really generic.  I don’t think there’s anything original about the spaceships, technology or aesthetics.  You can get away with that if the story and characters are more robust but not in this case.

Wow, I do not dig the Uber Jason design.  Does anyone else think the metal chunks just look like shitty molded plastic?  He looked better as regular Jason which, to the film’s credit, the form he’s in for most of the running time.

Overall Impressions: I can understand wanting to break out of the rut of Jason in the woods killing teens but spaceships and androids and miraculous medical nanotechnology isn’t the best direction for the series in my opinion.  They were exploring some fairly interesting territory with Jason Goes to Hell where the spirit of Jason can pass from person to person through a huge worm-like creature.  Couple that with the Evil Dead theory that they’re actually part of a shared universe and you had something to go on.

Look, I feel a little bad being so dismissive of this entry because a lot people worked hard on it and weren’t trying to make a dreadful picture.  But it’s pretty boring and just feels so cheap.  Maybe Jason in space could legitimately work somehow.  I dunno.  I don’t have the patience for sci-fi schlock though.

Harefooted Halloween: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

What I Liked: Instead of a straight ahead Friday the 13^th they went for something new altogether.  Jason gets blown up in the opening by a SWAT team but his heart seduces the coroner and the spirit of Jason takes over his body.  He can pass to any person via a giant slimy mouth worm and continues this trick until he can be reborn by invading the body of a blood relative.  While the story initially seems bonkers keep watching because it slowly wins you over and eventually finds its groove about half way through.

Part of what makes this entry enjoyable is how action packed it is.  There’s little down time in between “Jason” knocking off teens, passing his worm along to others, people busting out of jail and the many fights in various locations.  The second half turns into a total Terminator picture with “Jason” constantly charging after his niece and her child so they’re always on the move and battling him wherever they go.  The diner scene is a highlight where they employ nice gunplay, slow motion, moody blue lighting and naturally they put the deep fryer to good use.

The effects are a bit of a mixed bag but holy shit the melting scene.  In one part the Jason worm jumps to a new body causing the old body to convulse and horrifically melt away.  The guy’s shaking all over the room and blobs of his skin stick to the wall and floor until he completely liquifies.  It’s unbelievably nasty to witness and fuckin’ badass as hell.

Our hero (John D. LeMay (Friday the 13^th: The Series)) is a nerdy guy with a short haircut and glasses who wears a letter jacket and I like the subversion of expectations.  This is not at all what your lead in an action/horror movie looked like in the early 90’s.  He’s totally up for fighting Jason though and never shies away from the seemingly impossible task so he definitely proves his worth.

*Slight spoiler here* They totally deliver on the whole going to hell angle with demon arms shooting up from the dirt grabbing Jason as he struggles to stay on earth.  And what a cute touch to have Freddy Krueger nab Jason’s mask from under the ground like “I think you forgot something buddy”.  I remember hearing about that at the time in school and thinking it was the coolest thing.

What I Didn’t Like: There’s a certain cheapness to the production that’s slightly unfortunate.  The all-knowing all-wise Duke character (Steven Williams (The X-Files, Birds of Prey)) is pretty cartoony and convenient, the music uses a lot of poor sounding synth horns and strings that was popular at the time on lower budget productions, while there’s plenty of effects work in general they don’t use the regular Jason in full makeup very much and his mask has a sort of plasticky sheen.

Speaking of Duke, I wish they had found a way to incorporate this character better.  He’s introduced in the beginning as having all this knowledge about Jason and his family (we don’t know how he acquired this) and then he kind of disappears until the ending so he can tell the protagonists how to defeat Jason.  He’s important to the story and should’ve been fleshed out more and given more to do.

Overall Impressions: To give a little background this is the first film to be made after New Line Cinema purchased the rights to use Jason (everything else associated with the series was off limits like the name “Friday the 13^th”and any other characters).  And Sean Cunningham (director of the first movie) returned as producer and meticulously oversaw the production.  So that’s why this has a different vibe.

Writer/director Adam Marcus has talked in recent years about how he came up with a fascinating new backstory when he wrote this movie that Jason is actually a deadite from the Evil Dead universe.  Jason’s mother got ahold of the book of the dead and used it to turn her son into a killer zombie.  This would explain why he keeps coming back in all the sequels and can’t be destroyed by conventional means.  However, NONE OF THIS IS IN THE FILM.  Only a quick shot of the Necronomicon in the old Voorhees house provides the connection.  But what a neat idea!

I can see the concepts they tried out here probably working better as a graphic novel because I think some aspects come off silly or cheesy on film.  Plus it’s perhaps too much of a departure for the majority of fans.  I kinda dig it though.  It doesn’t exactly feel like a Friday movie but the baseline of a relentless demon man machine who kills anyone that crosses his path is there.

Over the years I’ve always had a soft spot for this one due to its weirdness, elements of body horror, quick pacing and largely likeable characters.  It might be like the third best one, top half of the list for sure.

Harefooted Halloween: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

What I Liked: Giving lead Rennie (Jensen Daggett (Major League: Back to the Minors)) haunting visions of young Jason drowning isn’t a bad idea.  As a child she was thrown into Crystal Lake in a harsh effort by her uncle to teach her to swim and little ghost Jason grabs her causing her to nearly drown.  Some character having a connection to Jason is welcome especially one that avoids having a blood link which would’ve been the easy thing to do.  These visions go unexplained for too long though in my opinion leaving you wondering what the fuck is going on until near the end.

What I Didn’t Like: Everyone always complains how the subtitle is “Jason Takes Manhattan” but so little of the movie is actually spent there and it’s a valid complaint.  To be fair the last half hour technically does take place in the Big Apple but 99.9% of it is in back alleys, docks, rooftops, sewers, etc.  Even the subway and diner scenes could be practically anywhere.  When they show Jason in Manhattan for real, this is unmistakably NYC, we did it folks, here he is, it’s less than a minute in Times Square.  And he looks as out of place as you can imagine.  The image reminds me of those dirty costumed characters that hang out there taking pictures with tourists.  The lesson learned from this is you can’t put Jason in a highly populated area.  He loses his menace.

And maybe I could get on board with such a strange premise if the rest of the movie wasn’t so terrible.  Now, trapping victims on board a ship with Jason is a perfectly acceptable idea.  There’s nowhere anyone can hide, no help is coming, parts of a ship can certainly be eerie and so on.  That’s not the issue.  The issue is having almost no plot again, making all your characters be extremely irritating, giving Jason teleporting powers and then having the guy stomp through one of the biggest cities in the world for no real reason other than the filmmakers thought it would be a good selling point.  The whole thing is so messy and lazy.  Here’s a quick example: some street thugs kidnap innocent high schooler Rennie and force her to shoot heroin at knife point but it doesn’t affect her at all.  She even drives a car right after.  What was the fucking point of including that?

The teleporting power I just don’t understand either.  The movie is clear that Jason can move from one place to another instantaneously yet he still chooses to stalk after his prey most of the time.  Like when the last group of survivors rows away in a lifeboat he simply stands there watching.  Why doesn’t he teleport into the boat and kill everyone?  It opens the door to this character being even more god-like which is completely unnecessary.

Overall Impressions: There’s an odd carelessness to this installment that’s very frustrating to sit through.  But I wanna be careful because this isn’t the film writer/director Rob Hedden (writer: MacGyver) intended to make.  Originally he wrote a lot more scenes using NYC landmarks like the Brooklyn Bridge and Madison Square Garden but the budget wasn’t there.  Well, if they couldn’t get the locations they needed to make the film work (particularly if you’re gonna advertise a specific locale in the goddamn subtitle) then they should’ve nixed the idea altogether.  Hedden wasn’t happy with the results and is just as disappointed as anyone in the final product.

Knowing the backstory doesn’t make the picture go down any easier though.  Like they use a large creepy cargo ship for a handful of people to go on a cruise, and only about ten kids from the graduating class go, and the dock they launch from is very obviously somewhere in the pacific northwest and not New Jersey, and NYC is devoid of people outside of Times Square, and one of the teachers/Rennie’s uncle (Peter Mark Richman (Naked Gun 2 ½)) is an absolutely insufferable asshole who does nothing but shit on everyone around him and etc.

I feel bad saying this because Hedden seems like a nice enough guy but this is a dumb fuckin’ movie that’s kinda shoddily made.  There aren’t many redeeming qualities about this entry.

Harefooted Halloween: Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

What I Liked: Ok, Jason looks fucking incredible.  Best design we’ve seen yet.  He’s been under Crystal Lake for a while so he’s been decaying quite a bit.  His clothes are all torn, you can see pieces of his skeleton sticking out like his spinal chord and his bony hands, the chain around his neck leftover from the previous film adds a ghostly element like one of the spirits from A Christmas Carol or something, his hockey mask is falling apart in some areas and you can see his torn up jaw and teeth and it’s prefect.  This is how I want Jason to look every time.

To piggyback off of the previous paragraph, the makeup effects work on Jason when he loses the mask and we see his face for the final portion is fantastic.  I thought he looked nasty in Part 4 The Final Chapter but this tops that.  His face has become so gnarly with mangled teeth, decaying skin and almost no nose.  And this would certainly be an acceptable creature design for any horror franchise.  I mean the hockey mask is iconic, you can’t ditch that, but in a parallel universe if this were the design of Jason from the beginning I’d be on board.

Jason uses a wider variety of weapons than usual like a sickle and a party horn.  This one also has probably the most infamous kill in the series which is when Jason picks up a woman in a sleeping bag and whacks her against a tree.  Honestly I don’t exactly get why that one is so beloved.  It’s unique and has a definite degree of silliness but it’s not the craziest thing I’ve seen these movies dish out.  For my money the one that stands out the most and seems genuinely frightening (which is another well known kill) is when Jason wields some sort of portable gas powered buzzsaw with a long handle.  Can you picture encountering that fuckin’ bullshit in the isolated woods at night?!  Jeez is that an image.

What I Didn’t Like: While the filmmakers tried to craft a story about a girl with telekinetic powers (Lar Park-Lincoln (Knots Landing)) who killed her father at Crystal Lake many years ago it’s not something I’m terribly interested in.  It’s a slightly unusual direction for the series to introduce other characters with supernatural abilities.  It also doesn’t help that Halloween 4 used a similar gimmick the same damn year.  They wanted a character who could go toe to toe with Jason and basically they came up with Carrie.  Freddy is a better matchup in my opinion.

Besides the story about a lady with mind powers and her doctor (Terry Kiser the year before Weekend at Bernie’s) who’s trying to exploit her in some way (his full intentions remain very unclear) this is another sequel that’s simply about killing the partying teens in the house next door.  A definite step backwards from Part 6 Jason Lives.

Overall Impressions: It’s no wonder the makeup effects are so spectacular in this installment because the director, John Carl Buechler, is actually an effects guy who worked on a bunch of stuff including Re-Animator, From Beyond and Prison before getting this gig.  Afterward he worked on tons of other stuff like Nightmare on Elm Street 4, Halloween 4 and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  So yea, he’s legit.

Other than that it’s not very interesting.  I would say it’s better than Part 5 A New Beginning though.