Harefooted on the Horizon

 

Look, I know I've been slacking off the past year or so with posting stuff to this here blob but Harefooted Halloween (patent pending) will go on as normal in October.  That's sixteen or so reviews in thirty one days with the usual mix of a couple of well established franchises and other random stuff I happen to come across.  Hopefully we'll discover some new gems.  Alright, see you in a few.

The Beast of War (aka The Beast)

Just wanna do a quick recommend on The Beast of War aka The Beast.  It’s set in the early 80’s during the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan.  The opening shows the appalling destruction of a small Afghan village in the desert by a couple of Russian tanks leaving only rubble, corpses and orphaned babies behind.  Kinda hard to watch.  After the blitz one tank takes the wrong path on their way to the next target and gets lost.  Their radio got busted in the previous attack and their map got partially burned so they can’t call for help or figure out where they are.  The survivors of the decimated village get word that the tank has broken off from their group and is essentially trapped in the middle of nowhere.  They decide to take advantage of the situation to seek revenge.  The story plays out like a cat and mouse game with the Soviets hopelessly marching on while doing battle with the Afghans every so often.

It's a wonderful and inventive setup that’s based on a play by William Mastrosimone (With Honors) which makes sense.  It’s an ensemble performance about the horrors of war, mania, redemption, honor, forgiveness, rage, etc.  This sort of story seems timeless and I’m sure just about every culture has an ancient tale that’s similar to it.  You could easily have this set in any time period, any location and with any two foes from any background fighting each other.

And while all the battle scenes are well staged and the effects are good and the production design is awesome and the cinematography is stunning (Douglas Milsome (Full Metal Jacket, Breakdown)) the centerpiece is definitely the performances which are all really impressive.  Of course the one that slaps you in the face the hardest is George Dzundza (Species II, No Mercy) as the tank commander.  He’s a ruthless fuck who doesn’t give a shit about anything but his tank.  Worse than that though is he has a Queeg thing going on from The Caine Mutiny where he sees conspiracy against him everywhere.  So you never know when he’ll turn on you and attempt murder.  Dzundza plays up the delusion and absolute confidence in his authority perfectly.  He darts these crazy shifty eyes all over the place waiting, even daring for someone to defy him.  He truly is a scary sonuvabitch.

However, the most interesting set of characters are the leader of the Afghan tribe, Taj played by Steven Bauer (Traffic, Gleaming the Cube), and the Soviet tank driver and mechanic Koverchenko played by Jason Patric (Rush, Narc).  Taj becomes Khan after his father and brother are killed in the attack on his village from the opening and he struggles with that.  It’s not how he wanted to inherit that prestigious position.  At first he tries to forcibly assert his authority with poor results but then over the course of the revenge mission he grows and learns how to handle his men and when to show mercy or implement violence.

On the flipside Koverchenko realizes he’s caught between a rock and hard place.  He knows that if he doesn’t carry out his superior’s orders, like needlessly running over an incapacitated man with the tank, he’ll get shot.  He’s not necessarily the best soldier because he thinks too much for himself instead of mindlessly following his commander.  He also tries to learn a little about the Afghani culture from an interpreter/soldier/Afghan communist in his squad.  His continued bickering with his commander escalates until finally the unit ties him to a rock, rests a grenade behind his head and leaves him for dead.  The Afghans find him and decide to take him prisoner instead of dispatching him on the spot.  Koverchenko is pissed so when the Afghans offer him the chance to join their venture to destroy the tank he takes it.

This relationship between Taj and Koverchenko is complex and beautiful.  They don’t know each other’s language, have different customs, values and motives yet they join forces and bond over this one objective to make the soldiers in that fuckin’ tank pay.  Is the enemy of your enemy your friend?  Or do you still hold a grudge because their past is irreconcilable?  Taj makes a ballsy move at the risk of losing his men’s respect by reaching out to Koverchenko for help.  His expertise and insider knowledge would be exceptionally valuable for the mission.  Neither man ever thought they’d be in this incredibly awkward and delicate situation which makes it all the more touching when they form an uneasy alliance.

Bauer and Patric are really great together and give passionate performances.  You can see the body language change as they slowly start trusting each other.  Patric puts on his trademark tough individualistic attitude ardent about his beliefs and Bauer displays his trademark big brother-like warm inviting demeanor.  Watching them play off one another is fantastic.

The trickiest aspect of the film is how it messes with your emotions about Koverchenko.  At first he’s a monster because he’s part of a crew that mercilessly destroys people’s lives.  Then he turns on his own squad so you want to root for him.  Taj doesn’t know how to feel either by asking “are you a devil or an angel?”  And I guess the answer is he’s both.  It’s complicated.  It depends on who you ask, when you ask and what your objectives are.  And I love that the film lets you decide for yourself where you stand.

So check this one out.  It’s Kevin Reynolds’ (The Count of Monte Cristo, Waterworld) best picture which…may…not be the best way to sell it.  Look, it’s a fantastic movie that I wasn’t expecting much out of and ended up really digging.

Urban Cowboy

A shorthand for this one could be country Saturday Night Fever, which is what some folks used at the time.  A young man works a menial job by day and storms the local bar scene at night looking for a good time, meeting women, dancing and trying to figure out his identity.  It also stars John Travolta and there’s a contest finale with our lead training hard aiming for the gold.  So yea, pretty similar.

Travolta (Domestic Disturbance) plays Bud, a transplant from rural farmland to the big city looking for work (hence “urban cowboy” as opposed to “plain ol’ cowboy”).  His uncle hooks him up with a job at an oil refinery where he’s glad to be given the opportunity to start at the bottom so he can climb his way up the ladder.  He works hard and plays hard spending all his free time hitting the area bar scene with tenacity.  I mean his first night in town he lands a threesome!  His second night he falls in love!  He’s not all workin’ and fuckin’ though.  There’s nuance to the character that unfurls with time.  At first glance you’ve seen this type of hard headed personality before where he’s quick to start a fight, says dumb shit like “you don’t know what hard is” and asserts dominance over his wife.  When he’s pleasant he’s your best friend but when he’s riled up he can’t be reasoned with.  Later on we see a change in Bud, a slow change but a change nonetheless.  He starts to display commitment to a new found hobby, doesn’t fly off the handle quite so fast and accepts some life lessons handed to his ass.  And Travolta does a nice job putting all of this together.  He’s affable, driven, a dick, loving, cruel, etc.  The important thing is by the end of the movie he grows by learning from his mistakes which Travolta definitely pulls off.

Sissy is played by Debra Winger (Forget Paris) who spots Bud the night he arrives.  She doesn’t approach him until night two where the pair proceed to dance harmoniously, talk, drink and smoke the night away.  She’s not a prissy girly girl who cakes on makeup and wears frilly dresses.  She sports jeans and tank tops and works as a mechanic for her father.  She’s a strong woman who forges her own path and doesn’t take a lot of shit from anyone.  For instance when Bud lightly slaps her in the face during a tickle fight she doesn’t appreciate that at all and lets him know.  Winger is so good and engaging and believable in the role.  Her happiness and sorrow are felt deeply in all her scenes.  And she and Travolta have really great chemistry (which is the lynchpin for the whole damn thing) so by the end you’re anxious to see these two work their shit out and ride off into the night together.

Along with the acting my main praise for the picture is how much good technical filmmaking they jam in here.  The cinematography (Reynaldo Villalobos (Risky Business, Major League)), editing (David Rawlins (Saturday Night Fever, Firestarter)), use of music and costume design (Gloria Gresham (Misery, Last Action Hero)) are top notch.  It’s all put to extraordinary use but especially the main honky-tonk where at least half the movie takes place, the famous Gilley’s in Houston (which burned down decades ago) that claimed to be the world’s largest nightclub at the time.  And we do get a sense of how massive the place is with a bandstand, huge dancefloor, several bars, endless rooms and a mechanical bull.  The contrast between life outside of Gilley’s and inside is kind of magical.  In our characters’ everyday lives the world seems flat, boring and almost a sickly pale color.  But when you step foot in the bar the lighting gets dramatic and colorful, lots of shadows, the crowd is lively, the music is pumping, the beer flows like water, fights break out occasionally and everyone has a smile on their face.  This is a refuge for a large swath of the community who swing by almost daily and the film treats it like the special person in your life you can’t wait to see at the end of your day.  The folks behind the camera truly turn the place into a main character unto itself.

Editing brings the whole package together by combining awesome music with the right moments.  For the jovial times high energy country is the ticket.  Quicker cutting and wider dancefloor shots give these scenes plenty of vigor while known acts like Bonnie Raitt and The Charlie Daniels Band blast their tunes (and this was back when country music rocked hard overall (while somehow incorporating instruments like pedal steel and fiddle fairly effortlessly) and artists and performers would pick spots in their songs to insert poppier elements like the funky adjacent breakdown in “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”).  Slower steamier moments make use of dissolves, spinning camera shots and songs like a down tempo cover of “Stand By Me” by Mickey Gilley (indeed the soundtrack was an enormous hit that included a bunch of heavy hitters like Joe Walsh, Jimmy Buffett, The Eagles and Bob Seger).  Furthermore, a couple of times we get scenes effectively intercut to contrast what’s going on in Bud and Sissy’s lives at that exact time.  For instance when Bud slips and dangles from a scaffolding hundreds of feet up wondering if he’s going to die we’re also shown Sissy having a ball being taught how to ride the mechanical bull.  Agony and ecstasy interwoven.  Beautiful.  And during a few of the mechanical bull riding rounds the shot stays on the rider without cutting away for the full eight seconds to drive home just how ridiculously hard and long that can seem.  All good editing tricks.

A fishnet shirt may not define you as an
urban cowboy, but it will set you apart

The one complaint I have is when Bud and Sissy fight they breakup for too long.  It feels like they’re separated longer than they’re together which throws the balance off.  Yes, we have to show them in pain and hurting each other by shacking up with other folks but it drags for a bit.  And the guy Sissy moves in with, Wes (Scott Glenn (Vertical Limit)), initially isn’t different enough from Bud.  It’s only towards the end when Wes takes a dark turn that we know Sissy is in trouble but before that both men are shown to be inconsiderate, chauvinist, carefree, stubborn, hard working, abusive, stoic, etc.  Crucially Wes doesn’t reflect on his life to become a better person like Bud does dooming him to repeat offensives and remain a piece of shit douchebag the rest of his life.  And of course, Sissy and Wes don’t have that spark.  Neither do Bud and his rebound lady.  You know Bud and Sissy are meant to be together which pushes the movie forward.

This is a damn fine picture.  There’s a lot to like across the board.  It’s the kind of film that spends the first half hour simply hanging out with the characters, soaking up the vibe and doesn’t worry about the main portion of the plot until later.  Plus it takes just as long to introduce the mechanical bull, the pivotal MacGuffin that kick starts everyone’s problems.

It’s also the kinda film that includes a very sexual dance done on the mechanical bull while in motion causing some yahoo to yell out “better than a vibrator, ain’t it!”  You know, if that sways you one way or the other.

Out of Bounds

First of all I know none of you give even the smallest fuck about 1986’s Out of Bounds, an action thriller starring Anthony Michael Hall (Halloween Kills) and Jenny Wright (The Lawnmower Man).  Second of all I know your time is precious and wasting it on this dumb bullshit will be at best a mild regret.  But I must convey how absurdly strange this picture is.  The safest approach might be what I did with another humdinger of a viewer, Ricochet, which is to rattle off bullet points.  It not only parallels the disconnected nature of the film but is also probably the most efficient method (again, thinking of you treasured reader).  Oooookay:

• We should do a brief plot synopsis, right?  Daryl (Hall) (hah, sounds like the guy from the pop outfit Hall & Oates) travels from Podunk, Iowa to the City of Angels (LA) to stay with his brother but his bag gets mixed up at the airport for one with a lot of heroin stashed in it.  The bad guy wants his drugs back so he kills the brother and his wife causing Daryl to go on the run.  He hooks up with a lady named Dizz (Wright) who he met on the plane ride over and the two scamper all over town trying to find/evade the bad guys and the cops.
• When Daryl discovers his brother’s corpse he grabs a gun he finds on the ground (his brother’s?  the killer’s?  I dunno).  At that moment some poor innocent bastard walks in to let the brother know his septic tank is overflowing.  He spots the gun, the two tussle and Daryl shoots and kills him!!!  I repeat, this wasn’t a villainous character of any stripe.  Just some guy in the wrong place at the wrong time.
• The cops spot Daryl shortly after fleeing the scene so he hops on the back of a motorcycle, holds a gun to the driver’s head and the two blast away on a wild bike/cop car chase.  Afterward the driver believes Daryl is innocent and commends him for evading the cops.
• In a precursor to Pulp Fiction Dizz works at a kitschy restaurant where they serve menu items such as Buddy Holly burgers and Elvis Presley shakes.
• Dizz is one of the most aggressively 80’s characters I’ve ever seen.  It’s difficult to describe her appearance but she has sort of a bleached tumbleweed for hair, caked on makeup, wears black ripped stockings and in one part an eye piercingly neon yellow super glossy raincoat.  She drives a pink convertible with a zebra skin interior and lives in a multi-colored, mish mosh style house filled with images and trinkets of penguins.
• Hall attempts a soft southerny/mid-westerny accent with disappointing results.
  
• Hall’s hair is distracting.  He sports a borderline mullet that looks unbelievably greasy like he hasn’t washed it in weeks.  Gross.
• I have no fucking clue what Daryl and Dizz are ever doing.  All throughout the film they meet up with the bad guy as if to make a deal of some sort but then they immediately run from him upon first sight.  The same happens with the cops.  They call the police, cops arrive, they run.  Look, I saw this sucker stone cold sober but can’t tell you for the life of me what the protagonists’ goals are or how any of the plot points make any logical sense.  If Daryl is seeking to prove his innocence regarding his brother’s murder then he’s shitting the bed really hard and nasty on that.
• Admittedly the only reason I put this movie on is because I had read that power pop royalty Tommy Keene was in it.  And in fact he does perform “Run Now” in the background at a club where Daryl and Dizz set a meet up with the villain.  It’s an unceremonious affair but still cool to see Tommy in his heyday slingin’ his trademark Telecaster ‘n’ all in an actual movie.  His biggest album, Songs from the Film (unrelated), dopped the same year so this was a promotional move.  Siouxsie and the Banshees also make an appearance at a different club earlier and get more of a spotlight.  Makes sense since they were already firmly established for about a decade at that point.
• The one big kick I got out of this thing is Jerry Levine has a role as a grimy slimy fast talking gregarious drug dealer/hustler guy.  This is almost the same exact character as Stiles from Teen Wolf that he played the previous year.  Therefore I am choosing to believe this IS Stiles and these two pictures take place in a shared universe.  Out of Bounds is so fucked anyway I would’ve welcomed werewolves into the scenario.
• Finally, Meat Loaf shows up for a quick minute as a drug runner pilot who abruptly gets shot during take off.  At one point I spotted someone wearing a Rocky Horror Picture Show shirt so I wonder if that was a coincidence.

As you can surmise this movie is baaaaaaaaad.  It’s not even that entertainingly bad either.  It just made me cranky because nothing adds up.  From the two random dudes going around killing people who we find out at the very end are rogue DEA agents to Daryl outwitting and out-brawling the pathetic villain at every turn.  I mean this asshole simply has some of the worst luck of all time.  Like to the point where I felt a little sorry for him by the end (kinda like the bad guy in The Net).

And because of Daryl’s utter idiocy and reluctance to turn himself him and clear his name he either directly or indirectly causes the deaths of a number of folks and ruins the lives of countless others.  By the time the credits roll he’s committed many crimes he didn’t need to (including murder!) and the cops let him walk away with his arm slung over Dizz as if to say “wow that was a crazy misadventure wasn’t it?”  Arrest him!

I would not recommend Out of Bounds.  The title says it all, leave it there. 

Mish Mash 27 (Eye for an Eye, The Chaser, Mortal Thoughts)

Eye for an Eye

Really what I wanted to point out with this mid level thriller is the villain portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland (Flatliners (2017)).  They make him so goddamn evil it’s comical.  Sutherland plays Robert Doob, a rapist and murderer which you would think would be enough to set the audience against him but the filmmakers take it much further.  He not only smirks and laughs when he gets off for said crimes but he also threatens to rape an eight year old and pours hot coffee on a dog.  Plus he’s just rude like when he pisses on a lady’s lawn and drives like an asshole swerving in and out of lanes.  Sporting a 90’s greaser look with slick pompadour hair, a gross goatee, A-shirt and a long ass wallet chain only puts this sonuvabitch over the top.

As for the film proper it’s not great.  I think they were aiming for a commentary on how the loss of a loved one through particularly violent and terrible means can change even a rich white liberal woman’s (Sally Field (The Amazing Spider-Man 2)) mind about vengeance, the death penalty, vigilante justice, etc.  In other words if you went through a heavily traumatizing tragedy would that alter where you stand morally on the ol’ eye for an eye sentiment.  And while this is definitely a dilemma worth exploring the movie isn’t subtle about who’s right/wrong, who’s good/bad.  As mentioned in the previous paragraph Doob is such a piece of fucking rat shit with the picture leaving zero doubt that he absolutely committed the crimes he’s accused of that there isn’t this gray area for debate.  Sally Field is absolved of any possible crimes she’s flirting with in striking back because we know her actions are essentially justified.  Anyway, that’s how eye sees it.

The Chaser

Late as hell to the party on this one (what else is new?) but yea, amazing.  This is one of those where you don’t wanna know a whole lot going in.  The basic premise is about a pimp whose girls have been disappearing.  He thinks someone is pulling a human trafficking job by stealing and selling them off as sex slaves.  He gets a lead on who might be behind this so he follows up only to find he stumbled into a fucking nightmare situation (as opposed to the non-nightmare world of slavery (*sarcasm*)).  Twists and turns abound with thrills packed to the gills.  I feel I should clarify it’s a cop film with a (sort of) mystery that (sort of) needs to be pieced together.  So if you were thinking it goes in a sci-fi or supernatural direction it doesn’t.  This thing does get pretty damn movie-ish towards the end however with some ridiculous coincidences but that’s easily forgiven because the rest of the story is so well told and the performances are very strong.  I know I’m being stupidly vague but really, if any of this sounds remotely interesting to you check it out pronto.

*Spoiler section for those who need more of a push* I do want to mention that the events in this picture were loosely based on real life Korean serial killer (and possible cannibal) Yoo Young-chul who murdered as many as twenty people in the early 2000’s (there’s a good doc on these crimes called The Raincoat Killer).  And having this knowledge makes the film even darker and spookier.  It adds a layer of reality you kinda wish wasn’t there but at the same time makes the film even more compelling.  This is similar to the early 80’s Austrian slasher Angst where real life and what’s supposed to be entertaining cinema clash in your brain for an uncomfortably mesmerizing experience.

Mortal Thoughts

In the wake of Bruce Willis announcing his aphasia and retirement I decided to finally pull the trigger on Mortal Thoughts which I had been meaning to watch for a long while.  It’s a thriller from 1991 about the murder of Jimmy (Bruce) at the hand of his wife, Joyce (Glenne Headly (Dirty Rotten Scoundrels)), and her best friend, Cynthia (Bruce’s then wife Demi Moore (G.I. Jane)).  The entire thing is told via flashback during Cynthia’s police interrogation and while she fully admits to covering up the crime with Joyce we’re given the impression that she isn’t telling the whole story.  The movie’s fine.  Not remarkable but engaging enough that I was interested in knowing what was gonna happen next.  This shit’s right up my alley so I’m a sucker for it.

Anyway, Bruce gives one of the two standout performances (Headly is the other who pretty much shows up anyone she shares a scene with).  It’s unfortunate that his character is an unbelievable major league piece of crap asshole with no redeeming qualities whatsoever but Bruce plays it wonderfully.  He’s constantly angry with Joyce over anything and everything including something as simple as having sugar in stock for his tea.  He goes from zero to a hundred in seconds and starts yelling then getting in your face then grabbing then pushing and he’s just so infuriating.  But again, Bruce parades the scumbaggery in a way that I was invested in the character despite his appalling behavior (including sexual assault by the way).  There’s even a part where Jimmy is high on coke and pills and because he broke the car radio on a previous occasion (off screen) he starts obnoxiously singing “Kung Fu Fighting” and it’s bewilderingly amusing.  It’s always weird to hate a character a great deal but still want to see more of them.  The picture might be worth checking out for Bruce’s work here alone.

One Shot

If you still had doubts that Scott Adkins (The Debt Collector) is the reigning champ of action cinema right now take a gander at One Shot and then get back to me.  Holy shit what a fun and exciting film.

At first I was worried because the beginning has a cheap amateur feel.  The setup of Navy SEALS and a CIA operative butting heads with other secretive US government spooks to transfer a terrorist prisoner isn’t particularly interesting.  It’s generic military crap that a zillion other movies use as a baseline for tension.  However, when a large force of insurgents armed to the teeth breaks into the compound it’s all out war.  They want the prisoner in question and it’s up to Adkins and co. to prevent that from happening by both fighting the enemy head on in firefights, sneaking around covertly dispatching victims and desperately trying to get the antenna up and running again so they can call for backup.

The main gimmick of this sucker is that it all appears to be done in one long shot.  It wasn’t but it becomes so engrossing it doesn’t matter (plus these motherfuckers ain’t crazy like those who made Russian Ark).  The closest equivalent that I (and I think most people) have seen is 1917, a seemingly single take war picture.  One Shot is sort of like a much rougher version.  The camera doesn’t glide nearly as elegantly so you definitely notice the movements more.  This is particularly obvious in the non-action scenes where the filmmakers don’t know what to do with the camera so they end up swiveling in a circle around the actors or swinging back and forth between whoever has the next line of dialogue.  They never lock the camera down.  For three quarters of the film this works though because there’s so much chaos with constant scrapes and shouting matches that you do get successfully emersed in the dire situation.  The rawness and limitation of committing to a one shot approach works incredibly well here.

And with the combination of a continuous shot and little relief from the onslaught certain deaths hit hard.  Most are your usual stormtrooper type with faceless guys being gunned or knifed down and you don’t really think about it.  But there are a couple of non-military administrative folks that work at the black site who get executed and it’s kinda disturbing.  And earlier one of Adkins’ team lies severely injured on a table after the initial attack slowly dying with his brothers in arms unable to help him.  They can only do their best to comfort him during his last moments.  The camera doesn’t cut away because it can’t making this scene especially heart wrenching.

One curious thing is the acting.  At the start it’s not very good adding to the preliminary shitty production feel.  But then, like every other aspect of this picture, it turns a corner when the attack begins.  Everyone switches on pro mode and gives it their all showing determination, frustration, agony, madness, fear, desperation, etc.  Even Adkins sports a much more successful American accent here than the trashy quasi southern one he did in Ip Man 4.  Although out of everyone the stand out is Waleed Elgadi (The 355) who plays the prisoner being transferred.  He does an amazing job all the way through as someone who’s been tortured, at the end of his rope and has been jerked around so much he doesn’t know who or what to believe anymore.  I would love to see Elgadi in bigger films and get more recognition.

This is a smartly made film.  They knew to keep the location in one contained area (a secret US black site somewhere), the scenario is simple (protect the prisoner), they plotted out the action and non-action scenes well so there would be proper breaks, good people were hired to pull this shit off and there’s a clever twist towards the end.  It’s just so impressive what these guys were able to accomplish on a tiny ass budget (compared to a major Hollywood flick).

You do have to accept certain views the movie throws at you however.  There’s an acknowledgment that these black sites are, maybe not good, but at least necessary.  The title has a double meaning beyond the technical standpoint that this target prisoner is our one shot at preventing a possible imminent terrorist attack on DC.  If he dies potentially hundreds or thousands of innocent people will as well.  Even though the movie makes an argument against torturing people for information the water gets muddied when whoops!  That’s a spoiler.  Look, I’d be lying if I said this ruined the film for me.  The rest of what’s presented is so enjoyable that I was able to compartmentalize this stuff.

So while I wouldn’t say this is the best action picture of the last however many years it’s a helluva good one.  And I don’t normally go for technical gimmickry or heavy military set pieces like this so that’s saying something.  There’s a ferocity to the experience that’s undeniably gripping.  I haven’t even mentioned the scene where the main villain summons one of his foot soldiers over and they both seem to know what’s up but we don’t yet.  They take a walk together in silence with some other members joining until finally someone pulls out a suicide vest.  They form a circle and do a ritual chant before continuing to walk towards their intended target.  The bomber is visibly upset and can barely hold it together but is also determined because he knows what he has to do and jeezy creezy.  Such an intense fucking scene.

Definitely not for everyone.  But if it sounds like it’s in your wheelhouse take the plunge, it’s exhilarating.

Strays

Recently I checked out Vin Diesel’s (A Man Apart) short, Multi-Facial, that he made back in the mid 90’s that he wrote, directed, produced AND starred in.  It’s a clever concept about an actor going on auditions in NYC but due to his ambiguous ethnicity he keeps getting rejected for not being quite right for any role (Diesel himself has said he’s unsure of his own heritage, partially stemming from never knowing his biological father).  Anyway, a good effort that shows promising acting and storytelling chops.  You should check it out.

What I do not recommend though is his follow up feature length debut Strays which came out a couple of years after.  Diesel takes on the same responsibilities of writing, directing, etc.  It’s the only time he’s done that on this scale (as of this Talkin’) so it’s his baby.  The story focuses on weed dealer Rick (Diesel) hangin’ in NYC going out to bars every night, boozin’, gettin’ high and havin’ tons of casual sex.  But he’s tired of this lifestyle and wants a real meaningful relationship.  One day he catches a glimpse of his neighbor down the street and decides to pursue her.  She’s a classy mild mannered mid-westerner (i.e. the opposite of who Rick normally sees) named Heather (Suzanne Lanza (The Night We Never Met)).  How will it go?

Well on their first meeting (like probably minutes in) Rick tells her to close her eyes and he starts to sing:

When a man's an empty kettle
He should be on his mettle
And yet I'm torn apart
Just because I'm presumin'
That I could be kind of human
If I only had a heart

Yea, fucking “If I Only Had a Heart” from The Wizard of Oz.  And he sings THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SONG!  He’s also gently caressing her hair during this by the way.  Heather goofily smiles at the conclusion and then Rick continues with their conversation as if that shit didn’t just happen (later Heather tells her friend it was wonderful *gag*).  This is one of the most awkward fucking things I’ve ever seen in a movie and I’m really not kidding.  It was a huge roll of the dice if that scene would work but holy shit, that sucker crashed and burned and took out several dozen innocent bystanders in the process.  I can’t stress enough how Weird this part is.  And of course Diesel and Lanza have no chemistry whatsoever adding yet another layer to this shit sandwich.

The movie has lots of problems but no other moment fails as hard as tough guy/baller/stud/drug dealer/hot headed Rick softly crooning a tune from The Wizard of Oz on the street to the girl he likes a lot.  Rick must’ve had this “ace” in his back pocket ready to go completely confident in its undeniable dazzling charm because otherwise I have no explanation for it.  And naturally this move does end up wooing the lady because hey, it’s Vin Diesel’s movie.

Interestingly when Rick and Heather have more of a real date the next night (dinner, etc.) they’re walking down the street and these two guys pass by and Rick thinks they’re giving his lady the eye so he starts in with them.  He turns on the macho bullshit promptly dishing out insults and dropping N bombs.  Heather is disgusted and immediately ditches his ass on the street corner.  Good for her.  Now, they eventually reconcile but in another scene later on she overhears Rick threatening to beat up a dude who owes him money.  Once again, Heather bolts instantly because this is a scary side to Rick that she doesn’t know how to deal with or want to tolerate.  So Diesel knew the right way to play out those scenes.  Too bad he didn’t have such good sense with the rest of the film.