Wednesday, March 8, 2017

The Hitman (1991)

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A good cop named Garrett (Chuck Norris (Lone Wolf McQuade)) gets riddled with bullets one night by the bad guys but doesn’t die.  He gets taken to the hospital where his commanding officer will tell the world that Garrett is dead.  This way he can recover, infiltrate the mob unrecognized and take down the assholes that tried to kill him.

Does any of that sound familiar?  Yea, this is mostly a Hard to Kill knock off.  It’s not bad though, especially as Chuck Norris movies go.  You all know I’m not a big fan of his but I found this one to be pretty tolerable.

One of the weird things though is that Norris in this looks just like Van Damme in Hard Target.  They both have the long black trench coat, the black shirt underneath, the greased back mullet and the scruff/beard.  But The Hitman came out two years before Hard Target so now I’m left wondering if John Woo stole this shit from some obscure Chuck Norris rip off.  I dunno guys.

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Don't worry, Chuck doesn't try to merc a porpoise 

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Van Damme, Hard Target

Anyway, there’s a lot to keep things entertaining like the caricatured mob bosses, the young kid that Norris takes under his wing and teaches to defend himself against a bully, the sparse but effective action scenes, etc.  Plus it was neat to see the usually-respectful-of-all-cultures Norris walk up to the Iranian mob, try some hummus, spit it out and exclaim “you guys eat this shit?!”  Then of course he beats them up.  Talk about insult to injury.  Moments like that are priceless.

It ain’t no Hard to Kill but I still had a pretty good time.

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