Rambo (2008)

After Afghanistan Rambo went back to Thailand where he’s been captaining a small boat and catching large snakes as a side gig for a local reptile zoo/show.  A group of Christian missionaries want to hire him to take them to Burma (Myanmar) to aid the locals who’ve been ravaged by decades of civil war, genocide as Rambo puts it more accurately.  After four separate pleas Rambo relents to sneaking them in via the river.  The missionaries quickly get captured though and their church’s pastor recruits Rambo and a group of mercenaries to rescue his people.

This is a hard plot to swallow.  If we look back at Part II there were fellow POWs to save, then in Part III friend/mentor Colonel Trautman needed help and now…a group of young folks he met the day before?  Having no real connection to the captives is odd.  This turns the guy into a full-fledged superhero who will be there for (basically white) people when they need him.  And having a pastor organize the rescue mission seems to fly in the face of the reason for sending the missionaries in to begin with.  He has to know full well that he’s hiring unscrupulous guns to murder the captors.  What the fuck?

There’s a religious element to this one that the series hasn’t had before.  An attempt is made to give the titular character some depth by debating faith in humanity and doing the right thing and contemplating if the world can/will change and if that’s worth fighting for and etc.  It’s actually not that poorly done so I’ll give some credit for laying out a greatest hits argument for might vs humanitarianism to heal the world.  Of course the movie definitively says spilling tons of blood is the real answer.  The looks on the faces of the survivors and Rambo’s at the end settles that dispute.

Stallone, who wrote and directed, must’ve gotten some satisfaction out of making the missionaries go through hell to prove his point because he sets them up as idealistic wieners who are absolutely in over their heads.  One crucial scene has them encounter pirates during their passage across the border who hold them all at gun point and demand they hand over the one woman with them.  Rambo dispatches them at lightning speed with a pistol.  Afterward there’s some dissention from the head missionary over the tactic causing Rambo to grab the guy by the throat, slam him against the side of the boat and explain that the pirates would’ve raped the woman fifty times and cut their heads off.  In a stunningly ungrateful move the missionary still says he’s gonna report Rambo for homicide!  It’s bizarre how Stallone wants you to feel contempt for these people, maybe even see them hurt, while at the same time root for their rescue.

Speaking of the violence holy shit is it sky high.  The blood, gore and graphic nature of the combat is way more than in any of the other films.  With all the closeups, quick cuts, shaky cam and CGI blood splatters they did manage to make you feel like you’re in the middle of the action.  It’s a lot to take in and it’s a bit overwhelming.

This one’s sorta miserable to sit through.  It’s not The Nightingale miserable where you wonder if a movie can ever make you feel happy again but it’s not very enjoyable all the same.  I think that was partially Stallone’s intent though.  He wanted to highlight the atrocities going on in Burma by not shying away from some of the most horrific elements.  At least Parts II and III are kinda cartoony where you can brush off a bunch of the zanier shit with a chuckle.  This is totally different.  Rape, child murder, torture, mutilation and mass killings are centerstage and in your fuckn’ face.  The body count is upped again to a colossal 247.  That’s over a hundred more than the previous picture.

Another thing that makes this not fun is we never get to know the villain.  Our only scenes with him are when he’s committing a war crime.  However, this isn’t unique to this film.  A very underdeveloped and uninteresting villain is a staple of the sequels.  They’re all pure evil with nothing on their minds but killing and brutalizing.  They’re a shell of a character whose only purpose is to have something for Rambo to fight against.

I don’t entirely get why John Rambo has been so popular over the years.  I mean he’s pure testosterone so I understand a lot of dudes get off on seeing a jacked up no nonsense motherfucker butcher unequivocally vile foes.  But the sequels are thoughtless and even uncomfortable at times.  He’s a depressing person who doesn’t make me feel good to see him kick ass.  I’m sad that he’s so sad and he knows he’s incredible at warfare but basically a failure at everything else.

Rambo is probably the worst of the bunch so far.  I remember liking it a good deal more when it came out but it rubs me the wrong way these days.