The Matrix

It feels weird but good to revisit the Matrix pictures.  They were such a pop culture phenomenon that they became a loaded topic of discussion.  Were they genius masterworks or action schlock?  Those were your only choices in the matter.  At the time I thought the first movie was just ok and didn’t care almost at all for the sequels.  But now that it’s been about twenty years let’s see how they fare.

Right out of the gate this fresh viewing of The Matrix is by far the most I’ve ever enjoyed the grand sci-fi extravaganza.  The story is really tight with good pacing and the production design has an awesome David Fincher-y vibe.  Gritty, clear, dark, greenish tint inside the Matrix, blueish tint outside, shimmery to a degree, beautiful.  It’s very impressive how the Wachowskis were able to blend their major influences of 70’s and 80’s kung fu films with dystopian post-apocalypse, technobabble computer hackery, modern action sensibilities and intellectual philosophical messaging.  All while pioneering integrated computer effects into outrageous action scenes.  I mean the whole package just turned out really fuckin’ cool.  Congrats to the world for recognizing the high ambitions this mid budget blockbuster set and actually accomplished.

The part that interested me least back in the day was all the metaphor/allegory stuff.  I think I had a hard time reconciling the ridiculous fight scenes with characters speaking so academically about the world being fake in some way, a construct of our own imagination or a dream or whatever.  “Hey, shut it and stick to breaking off boots in asses like I’m used to with my boys Van Damme and Segal.”  But the dichotomy isn’t nearly as glaring as I remember.  The conversation the movie wants to have isn’t completely abstruse like I always thought either.  Having machines enslave humans and use them as batteries fits the nihilistic proposal that’s laid out pretty perfectly.

Along with that the Wachowskis put a shit ton of thought into their world, characters and scenarios.  This may not be so apparent upon first watch but with repeat viewings the plot, everyone’s motivation, the mechanics of the world and the drivers that push the flow of the scenes are all crystal clear.  It’s so rare when a filmmaker can convey their vision intact and comprehensible in the end product.

And the work that was put into the front end of the process along with hiring superb talent in all areas helps with the longevity of the picture.  I bet you everybody thinks this is dated as fuck but I was shocked as shit to discover this looks and feels timeless.  If anything you could be mistaken for assuming the Wachowskis were intentionally going for a retro vibe with the payphones and pixelated computer displays.  But haircuts, clothing, sets, the Matrix depicted as streaming vertical lines of green code, computer language (which is kept to a bare minimum) and a lot of the effects hold up.  Wow.  I would not have bet money on that.

Curiously the only minus I would give is the thing that was spoofed and mimicked for years after this came out.  The effects shots where the action pauses and the camera swivels to a new position before the scene continues comes off as pure show off-ery these days.  And I’m really only talking about two shots here.  The opening where Trinity (Carrie-Ann Moss (Fido)) jumps into the air to kick a cop and when Morpheus (Laurence Fishburne (Event Horizon)) takes a bullet in the ankle while running to leap onto a rescue chopper.  These ninety degree spins are only for the audience.  It’s the filmmakers pointing out what’s possible with computers instead of the effects enhancing the scene by showing the characters bending the rules of the Matrix (like the infamously badass bullet dodging scene).  These two shots boil down to a fancy cut and zoom.

This isn’t necessarily an action picture first and a heady sci-fi drama second or anything like that.  Like some of the best films each component works together to support each other.  They interlock to become a sum greater than its parts.  I can now genuinely appreciate this first one for the masterpiece it is.  Weirdly it had sort of an underdog status in my mind for a couple of decades because of the permeating professorial attitude weighing down the martials arts, gunplay, etc. parts that I liked.  But happily, that’s not the case here.  I’m so glad it pulled off beating my expectations by slow mo spin kicking me into a wall while opining on the state of the human race and psyche.

Straight Time

This one follows the hard life of Max Dembo (Dustin Hoffman (Mad City)) who’s newly released on parole after a six year stint.  He makes a real effort to do straight time and not get involved with dumb bullshit.  He finds a place to live, gets a legit job at a canning factory and even manages to snag a date with headhunter Jenny (Theresa Russell (Wild Things)).  It’s like a dream things are going so well.  But of course this doesn’t last.  When he reconnects with his old “bear hug” buddy Willy (Gary Busey (Drop Zone)) who likes to shoot heroin shit goes downhill fast.  Max doesn’t partake but the telltale sign of bent up matches are left behind for the parole officer (M. Emmet Walsh (Clean and Sober)) to find.  He throw’s Max’s ass right back in the can.  After a few days the parole officer lets him out because Max tests clean but presses hard for who was getting high.  Max flips out, escapes from the officer and goes on the run returning to a life of crime.

Hoffman is an actor I always enjoy (despite his less than stellar reputation off screen) because he brings so much intensity to his parts and this is a standout.  His stoicism and body language change before and after he gets busted the second time.  He goes from having a contented almost serene demeanor to shutting down and giving up on the world.  He’ll say he’s ok but inside he’s raging.  Hoffman puts on the layers and does a fantastic job.

Everyone else gives good performances as well.  Gary Busey is goofy but dials it back so he’s not bouncing off the goddamn walls.  M. Emmet Walsh is great at playing a bastard and in this one he’s the type that smiles while he’s screwing you.  Harry Dean Stanton (Fire Down Below) joins up with Max because he can’t stand the straight life anymore and Stanton is a lot of fun behaving like a kid in a candy store when he finally sees some action again.  Admittedly I’m not a huge fan of Theresa Russell who’s acting is wooden most of the time but she turns out a little more emotion than usual.  She also looks like she’s too young for the role even though she was twenty one at the time.  I found that to be distracting.

When Dembo looses it and grabs the steering wheel from the parole officer almost killing the two of them is when the movie kicks into a whole other gear.  Up until that point it’s been a heartbreaking tale of a man who made some poor choices for sure, but he’s also trapped in a system he can’t break free from.  He feels he’s left no other choice but to take control of his life despite that resulting in being hunted down by the cops for the rest of his days.  For him it’s better than being kicked around and treated like a piece of trash.

The last stretch of robberies are absolutely incredible sequences involving a bank job and a jewelry store being hit hard and fast.  Dembo and his partner are playing with fire when they stretch the self-imposed time limit to get in and get out.  They’re nail biters and exhilarating because you want to see these guys succeed.  We know their story so we’re on their side.  These crimes almost seem justified for a lifetime of abuse by cops, prison and society.  The issues are complex with no clear answers and criminal shit is all they know so how are they supposed to integrate into the outside world at the snap of a finger?

I get a lot of Heat vibes from this piece so I wasn’t surprised to discover Michael Mann wrote the initial screenplay.  However, other writers were eventually brought in and his name was dropped from the credits.  But the code of a con and the attitude Dembo takes on in the second half where he’d rather die than spend another second of his life in prison parallels Neil McCauley (Robert De Niro).  Stanton also reminds me of Michael Cheritto (Tom Sizemore) in that they get off on the juice of the score.  The tight and potent robbery scenes are another moment reminiscent in Heat where they basically combined the two ideas into one epic bank heist.

The movie is based on the book “No Beast So Fierce” written by ex-con Edward Bunker while still in prison.  It’s not an autobiography but most of the shit he writes about happened to him at some point.  Bunker’s personal experiences makes the story feel very authentic and tragic.  It gives the film a power that’s difficult to replicate without first hand knowledge.

Interestingly Bunker stuck around in the movie biz and went on to write Runaway Train and act in some big movies like The Running Man, Tango & Cash and Reservoir Dogs (which similarly involves a jewelry store heist, apparently Quentin Tarantino is a big fan of Straight Time).  He also has a small role in this picture as an old associate of Dembo’s turning him on to a poker game score.

It boggles my mind this film isn’t more well known.  I’ve never heard or read anyone talk about it.  Hell, I didn’t even know about the movie until like two months ago.  This thing is criminally underappreciated in my opinion.  It’s kind of one of the best urban crime dramas and character dramas I’ve ever seen.  You should really check it out next chance you get.

Mish Mash 23: Road Ragin' (Unhinged, Changing Lanes, Joy Ride, The Hitcher)

 Unhinged

A brand new road rager is loose on the streets and it goes by the bland name of Unhinged.  It’s about a psychopath named Tom Cooper (Russell Crowe (Virtuosity, The Nice Guys)) who terrorizes a woman (Caren Pistorius (Mortal Engines)) and her son (Gabriel Bateman (Anabelle, Child’s Play (2019))) because they honked at him at a light.  Tom was sitting there for a spell with a green so the honk, while long and therefore aggressive, wasn’t totally unjustified.  Anyway, Coop then starts to murder her friends and family while demanding she apologize for her actions.  The guy’s got a screw loose, as they say.

The main thing to know about the film is it relies on so many goddamn coincidences to unfold the way it does.  The victim’s car needs to be an old model with no security features, the protagonist explicitly states she turned off her passcode on her phone, she needs to have a tablet with her that has a data connection, Tom needs to have a spare flip phone on hand to place in the victim’s car and on and on.  This piling up takes away some of the fun of the concept.  In that sense the script feels like either it was written by someone who doesn’t quite understand modern technology (Carl Ellsworth (Red Eye, Disturbia)) or this thing has been laying around for a couple of decades and was hastily updated.

I have to point out Russell Crowe’s accent.   When he rolls down his window at first he puts on a hilariously thick southern twang.  I was getting very enthusiastic for the potential of the character.  But in a very bad move the drawl is dropped after this scene.  It’s middle of the road American accent after that.

Setting that bit of oddness aside a combination of how Cooper was written and Crowe’s performance takes the movie into a darker place than I think the filmmakers intended.  The character is a vicious out of control murderer who isn’t enjoyable to hang out with.  And Crowe plays him damn mean.  Beside one scene where he pretends to be normal before bashing a guy’s face in he doesn’t joke around or take any sort of pleasure in his torment.  And the material isn’t nearly well written enough to be taken more seriously.  By the end it’s a pretty depressing affair with Crowe pummeling mother and son and it’s just nasty.

I have to admit Unhinged is a fitting title for the harsh messy picture it is.  Unfortunately it’s also kinda ungood.

Changing Lanes

Man, I remember the trailer for this movie like it was yesterday.  Two supercharged individuals get into a car accident, it doesn’t get resolved because they’re both in a hurry and then somehow all of a sudden each of their lives goes down the drain.  Now some of that does happen but those marketing folks pulled a switcheroo on us.  This is way more of a drama than a high concept thriller.

Basically the story’s split between Ben Affleck (TheVoyage of the Mimi, Paycheck) who plays a slimy Wall Street lawyer and Samuel L. Jackson (xXx, xXx: State of the Union) as a insurance salesman who’s also a recovering alcoholic.  Affleck has the more exciting story involving high stakes fraud, courtroom shenanigans and surreptitiously digging up info on his shady bosses.  But Jackson is definitely the more interesting character who struggles to not take a drink while dealing with rage issues.  Plus his wife is divorcing him and moving with their kids across the country to Oregon.  On top of all this he’s got Affleck up his ass demanding he return a very important file that was left behind at the accident.

Out of everyone though Kim Staunton (Heat) who plays Jackson’s wife probably gives the best performance.  She’s angry, frustrated, worried and fed the fuck up with her husband’s bullshit.  So much emotion is carried through so well.  I could’ve had more of her in the movie but at the same time the relatively small amount of screen time makes her scenes stand out.

The only other thing I want to mention is the editing is whacked out in a few spots, most notably the accident that kick starts the whole plot.  I have no idea what the fuck happened.  I think Affleck was trying to change lanes at the last second before an exit and hit Jackson but I can’t be sure.

Changing Lanes isn’t terrible guys.  I guess I wish they picked one character’s story to tell instead of cramming two half movies together.  But as it is there are good messages on class and morals and looking within to try to better oneself (the title has multiple meanings).

Joy Ride

This one thinks it’s some smartass high level thriller but it’s definitely not that clever.  Initially the base idea of a trucker terrorizing a smaller car has an updated Duel vibe.  They flesh out the idea by giving the villain a name, voice, personality and motive.  They also expand the story beyond the road and car related gags.  The first half or so is passable and builds a decent amount of tension but then the last stretch of the movie gets pretty stupid.  What doesn’t help is there’s way too long of a break in the action before the third act deflating any edge that was gained.

I think one of the main things the filmmakers were banking on is the feeling that bad guy Rusty Nail (voiced by Ted Levine (Birth) but psychically on screen by Matthew Kimbrough (The Limey)) is omnipresent so you can never rest easy.  However, it comes off more like he magically appears whenever you need him.  So he’s more of a slasher villain but in a negative way.

I dunno, I have so many issues with the script which was written by J.J. Abrams (Star Trek Into Darkness) and Clay Tarver (Silicon Valley).  Weak characters, pacing problems, the nonsensical reason a CB radio is installed in the protagonist’s car, there are several times when the film seems like it’s over but keeps going and etc.  As the picture drags on the less sense it makes.

Don’t bother with this one.  It’s no joy ride.

 

The Hitcher

Out of the four pictures on this list The Hitcher is the best by far.  In fact this last viewing blew me away.  There are so many elements to love and the execution is impeccable.

To briefly sum up you have a teen named Jim (C. Thomas Howell (Red Dawn)) who’s hired to drive a car across the country but while cruising through Texas he keeps falling asleep at the wheel.  So to help stay awake he decides to pick up a hitchhiker.  His name’s John Ryder (Rutger Hauer (Nighthawks)) and he’s pure evil.  Almost immediately the guy reveals he’s a murderer and toys with Jim all throughout the movie by either trying to run him off the road or killing cops who get in his way so he can keep the game going.

One of the coolest aspects is the whole thing feels like a dream.  And you could interpret this as literal when Jim nods off towards the beginning causing him to nearly smash into a semi.  But of course I like to think that all this is really happening.  The story moves very fast and is constantly changing with Jim encountering Ryder, escaping from him, coming across his handy work at an abandoned car later on, surviving a gas station explosion and finding a severed finger in his French fries all within the first thirty mins!  So much happens.  Every five minutes we’re in some new insane situation.

I could go on and on about the incredible performances, excellent cinematography (John Seale (Mad Max: Fury Road)) and crazy fucking script (Eric Red (Near Dark, Bad Moon)) but it’s better to experience it yourself.  Suspension of disbelief is relatively high but the tradeoff is badass scene after badass scene.  The use of slow mo, the lack of people inhabiting this world, the delight Ryder gets out of the chaos all contribute to the fever dream.  It’s part thriller, action movie, horror movie, Hitchcockian high concept, it’s fucking relentlessness.  You gotta check this one out.

But please seriously, don’t ever pick up hitchers.  It’s sooooo dangerous.

The Long Kiss Goodnight

Pull out your Shane Black checklist ‘cause this one’s got ‘em all.  Black and white leads team up to combat evil.  Check.  White lead is crazy and black lead is more stable.  Check.  Secret government operations are the main driver of the plot.  Check.  Christmas setting.  Check.  Witty dialogue.  Check.  Frequent location hopping.  Check.

This is a B tier film for Black and director Renny Harlin though.  The major problem is the story is hard to follow and seems unnecessarily confusing.  It’s a total rip off of “The Bourne Identity” (the books, the Matt Damon movies hadn’t come out yet) involving a woman with amnesia discovering she used to be a government assassin.  When an old foe attempts to murder her she goes on a journey with a private investigator to dig up answers.

Geena Davis (The Fly) stars as Samantha Caine/Charly Baltimore (good name) and she does an alright job.  She has to play two vastly different characters, one a jolly corny school teacher and the other a take no shit stone cold killer, and mostly pulls it off.  What’s important is this was a high profile Hollywood action movie starring a woman which was practically nonexistent at the time.  And Davis is a solid actress who can tussle with the big boys when it comes to executing the tougher moments and be heartfelt with the tender ones.

Sam Jackson (Die Hard with a Vengeance) steals the show though as Mitch Henessey (another good name).  He has a rough past involving a stretch in prison and a lifetime of questionable choices.  But at his core he’s a decent man who’s trying to be a stand up father to his son and he genuinely wants to help this woman figure out who she really is.  At the same time he’s game for taking on the bad guys despite it being an extremely dangerous mission.  Jackson slips into this role so naturally with all his badass swagger it’s a lot of fun to watch.

When it comes to the action unfortunately it’s just ok.  They went for some large set pieces like a shootout in a huge multi-story train station and a massive bridge sequence finale involving cars, trucks, helicopters and some giant ass explosions.  I don’t know if it’s the way these scenes were shot or edited but they don’t have the impact they should.  It might be that I only have a basic understanding of what’s going on plot-wise so I’m not as invested.

I mean the movie’s kinda fun but it’s definitely missing coherence.  And while Black has good ideas, some of the most humorous dialogue he’s ever written and a cool as shit title there’s too much fat that should’ve been trimmed away.  For example Henessey becomes a superfluous character halfway through once Charly Baltimore’s assassin personality takes back over.  She remembers everything and is a warrior who can take care of herself.  She doesn’t need Henessey anymore and the movie acknowledges this by literally kicking him to the curb.  But she changes her mind and lets him tag along for the hell of it.

Oddly there’s also too little explanation.  It’s pretty frustrating to not have a grasp on where the characters are going and why they’re doing what they’re doing in any given scene.  I don’t know why this road trip with Caine and Henessey begins in the first place.  The destination is unknown until they’re already driving.

And there’s one particular part that hasn’t aged well at all.  Spoilers for this paragraph.  So it turns out the CIA plans to detonate a bomb in Niagara Falls, NY so they can prove there’s terrorist activity and get their funding increased.  They’ll just blame it on Islamic terrorists.  Now obviously the filmmakers couldn’t have predicted 9/11 but they got eerily close.  They even say about 4,000 people will die which isn’t too far off from the 3,000 that actually did.  Creepy.  The reason this is a negative for the film (albeit unintentional) is because all of a sudden I’m thinking about the horror of 9/11 when all I wanna do is enjoy a silly action movie.

So there’s no rush to get to this guy.  However, if you’re looking for a Christmas action picture to add to your rotation for the holidays this’ll fit the bill.  Otherwise everyone involved has made better stuff.  The big blockbuster Harlin and Davis did right before this, Cutthroat Island, is a much better picture in my opinion.

Anyway, Merry Christmas and happy holidays.  See you next year!

Hanukkah (2019)

As the movie says, “we need more Jewish horror films”, so we have this now.  But I’m gonna come right out and say this isn’t very good.  I appreciate what it’s trying to achieve but it falls really short of attempting to establish a holiday horror classic in the vein of Halloween, Black Christmas, My Bloody Valentine or even cult favorites like Silent Night, Deadly Night.

One huge problem is there isn’t much of a story.  The son of a serial killer, dubbed the Hanukiller by the media, grows up to take over where his father left off.  He seems to murder at random though and doesn’t only target who he deems to be bad Jews.  Other than that it’s your usual group of partying teens hanging out and getting picked off.

And these kids are some of the most obnoxious I’ve ever come across in a slasher picture.  They constantly bicker with each other over petty bullshit and spit out asinine jokes.  They’re hateful, thoughtless and uninteresting.  Plus they look like they range in age from teenager to middle aged and some have Russian accents and I don’t understand these people.

On top of this the filmmakers cranked up the debauchery.  There’s a ton of nudity and gore.  It’s all for entertainment’s sake and doesn’t necessarily feed into the infinitesimal story.  And some of the shit is torture porn which I’m not a fan of.  At the same time this is an area where they spent some money because those effects look pretty good.  There’s one gag in particular that’s sorta clever where the killer cuts off the top of a neo-Nazi’s skull (which has a tattoo of a swastika on it), peels off the skin, cleans it up and wears it as a kippah.

While that one idea is incredibly gruesome at least it’s a dark twist on something Jewish which the movie doesn’t take enough advantage of.  One of the most glaring examples is the generic title.  But I’ll give them credit for a few things like the badass looking boney menorahs, keeping the killer in the shadows so his brimmed hat and long trench coat give off an ominous vibe (and makes him look like The Undertaker), spinning a dreidel right before dispatching a victim and carving the scar of David into a corpse’s chest.  There’s also a part where the killer skins someone alive to remove their tattoos so the body becomes acceptable for burial in a Jewish cemetery.  Now I’m not Jewish so I’m sure there are a lot of other nods that went right over my head.

For being such a low budget movie they managed to attract some names to be in it.  PJ Soles (Halloween, Carrie), Caroline Williams (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2), Charles Fleischer (A Nightmare on Elm Street, Zodiac), Dick Miller (Gremlins, The Terminator) and Sid Haig (The Devil’s Rejects, Foxy Brown) all make appearances.  This was Miller and Haig’s final film with Haig also producing.  He’s almost unrecognizable here though because he lost an insane amount of weight due to illness towards the end of his life.  He probably gives the best performance in the film as the Hanukiller and it’s a non-verbal one to boot.

Additionally Kane Hodder (stunts: Friday the 13^th Part VII, Demolition Man) gets a stunt credit and Harry Manfredini (Friday the 13^th) gets a music credit.  Eben McGarr used his connections as a horror event coordinator to secure all this well known talent and get the movie made.  It’s strange to me that this guy is such a horror fan because the film feels like it was done by someone who was told what slasher movies are like but hadn’t actually seen one before.  I think it goes beyond lack of filmmaking experience.

Sadly this isn’t the defining Jewish horror picture that I hoped it would be based on the premise and the poster.  It’s surprisingly aimless considering the relatively simple goal the filmmakers were aiming for.  It also has insufferable characters and shows off too much nasty carnage for my taste.  The prize is still up for grabs if anyone wants to tackle this category.

A Hidden Life

It’s been a long time but we finally got a pretty straight forward film from Terrance Malick.  It’s also a true story about an Austrian named Franz Jagerstatter who refused to fight for the Nazi’s during World War II and was imprisoned.  I had never heard of him before but apparently his story is well known in Catholic circles as a shining example of never giving in to evil, even temporarily, for one’s own survival.

Jagerstatter’s stance comes at a price beyond his own life though.  His wife, Fani, and their young children are harassed and shunned in their town of St. Radegund.  Their neighbors pick fights, steal their crops, spit on them and give them dirty ass looks.  The villagers think Franz isn’t being loyal to his country or rising to the call of duty.

The story eventually splits off into two with one thread following Franz’s stay in prison and the other showing Fani’s life at home without her beloved husband.  Both have it hard but Franz definitely has it worse.  He’s humiliated, beaten and tortured by the Nazi guards.  Meanwhile Fani has to continue to live in a town that hates her and her kids’ guts.  She also makes days long journeys to different cities pleading for her husband’s life to indifferent bureaucrats.

Many questions are raised such as is it right to stand up for what you believe in even if it means certain death?  Is it ok to go along with the program for a while purely to try to survive?  Is it wrong to knowingly leave your family behind for your beliefs?

These are hard fucking questions man and yea, the movie is really sad.  It’s almost nothing but tragedy after tragedy and Jagerstatter is unshakable in his position.  Like his lawyer keeps waving a piece of paper in front of him which would get him out of prison and into the hospital as an orderly but Franz refuses to sign.  I mean it’s no guarantee he would live to see the end of the war or that the Nazi’s would honor the thing but it’s a glimmer of hope that he never gives a microsecond of thought to.  That’s a helluva strong will.

Interestingly unlike Malick’s earlier WWII picture, The Thin Red Line, this doesn’t contain any actual war footage.  There’s no combat, gunfire, planes, tanks, bombs or anything.  It’s almost like the movie itself is protesting what a war film can be or show.  With all the Nazi imagery though there isn’t any mistaking this for something other than a war picture.  It’s just on a very human level with all the machinery stripped away and it’s incredibly effective.

And of course the cinematography is absolutely stunning with magnificent landscapes and sweeping camera movements to swim in.  Malick does a few different tricks here as well including going to a POV shot a couple of times and inserting real WWII footage.  Other than that it’s the usual insane editing that only makes sense to a small number of people in this world.  And while I’m not one of ‘em it’s still so cool to see every so often.

August Diehl (Allied) and Valerie Pachner as Franz and Fani do a wonderful job.  They have good chemistry when they share screen time making the turmoil that tears their lives apart impactful.  Diehl always has a confident but worrisome expression like he knows what he’s doing is right but the road is going to be extremely painful.  Pachner’s performance is equally impressive because Fani is apoplectic over the situation but has to keep her shit together so she can take care of her children and continue to advocate for Franz’s release.

Despite what I said in the opening Malick’s films are always linear (with the exception of Tree of Life and Voyage of Time) it’s just that they’re so damn hard to follow.  This is the first since The New World (which was about fifteen years ago) where there’s a clear narrative and you don’t have to rack your brain trying to figure out what the fuck is going on.  It’s really nice to pull back from the inner sanctum where Knight of Cups and Song to Song reside.

I recommend this one.  Beside the natural grimness that a WWII movie exudes it gives you plenty to think about.  The film pays homage to those who kept their moral compass in the darkest of days.  We usually hear about the heroes on the battlefields who undeniably deserve our gratitude, but there’s also those who fight evil in their own way by refusing to participate in sadistic bullshit.

Mish Mash 22 (Blood Beat, Demon Wind, Night Train to Terror, Psycho Cop Returns, The Suckling)

A buddy was kind enough to gift me some movies from the good folks at Vinegar Syndrome.  They restore and release bottom of the barrel type schlock across all genres but whatever problems the films have they always tend to be entertaining.  I’m glad someone is taking up this crusade because you never know when you’ll come across a diamond in the rough or have your imagination captured.  The Syndrome does an excellent job with their releases so if you haven’t checked them out give ‘em a look.

Blood Beat

All the movies on this list are very low budget and I don’t know what kind of numbers the productions were dealing with but this one and The Suckling (which we’ll get to) feel the cheapest.  A small group of actors in mainly one location, not a ton of effects, 4:3 aspect ratio and the running time is padded the hell out with a billion superfluous shots added to many scenes.

The story is about a demon samurai who kills people in Wisconsin and he has a psychic connection with some of the other characters.  I don’t understand (get used to that phrase ‘cause it’ll pop up a few times) the superpowers some characters possess but I think the samurai is probably an attempt to craft a new scary slasher icon which was an era that was just coming to a close when this was released.  It takes a while to get going but once it does the guy can’t stop killing.  The watch would be more enjoyable if the runtime wasn’t so bloated with scenes that go on for too long (and it’s only eighty seven mins!).

Overall it’s surprisingly memorable though and the sound design may be a strong reason why.  For the music they use a mix of up tempo classical string quartet pieces, pulsating synth and down tempo moody synth all of which works great.  The sound of wind blowing and heavy mask breathing are used extensively as well.  Some scenes play out with just the music or sound effects over the footage which elevates the material in an interesting way.

This and Demon Wind are the two I would recommend out of the five here if you’re willing to subject yourself to less than spectacular but still oddly charming filmmaking.

Demon Wind

A group of friends travel out to a cabin in the middle of nowhere to discover what happened to the protagonist’s grandparents many years ago.  When they arrive they find they can’t leave and must battle zombie demon creatures that will turn you into one if they so much as scratch you.

I immediately pegged this piece for exactly what it is, an Evil Dead wannabe.  It actually does a decent job of replicating that formula with a good amount of nice makeup effects and a relentless ratcheting up of dire circumstances.  It really feels like there’s no escape from the hell these folks stumbled into.  I don’t understand the ending at all though where the hero transforms into some conehead looking guy.

Whatever, kinda fun but ultimately I don’t know how often (if ever) I’m really going to revisit this when The Evil Dead is sooooo much better and there are two of ‘em (yea I know, Army of Darkness, but it’s pretty different than its predecessors and I’ve always categorized it in my mind as sort of a standalone anyway).  Also, not a great title.

Night Train to Terror

Board the night train where you’ll find an anthology picture featuring three tales.  God (Ferdy Mayne (The Fearless Vampire Killers)) and Lucifer (Tony Giorgio (The Godfather)) are riding together in a compartment and they fight over the souls of the people in the stories.  In the other cars there’s a rockin’ band with dancers kickin’ it to a bluesy tune that has sort of a throwback 50’s vibe.  Connection?  Not a clue.

The first segment is about a guy who gets recruited by a team of doctors to lure female victims to their hospital so they can dismember them and sell their body parts.  The second involves a group of people who engage in games of Russian roulette except they use creative methods like letting a gigantic fucking deadly flying insect loose in the room to see who it stings or lying underneath a swinging wrecking ball to see who it’ll land on and smash.  And the third episode features Satan (or Satan’s assistant?) disguised as a human who hangs out around LA, kills anyone who attempts to discover his secret and looks for slimeballs to enlist in his evil army.

All the descriptions above aren’t entirely accurate though because there are a million weird details that I’m not gonna bother with.  Figures because apparently each story was their own individual abandoned film that was edited down to about twenty mins.  It certainly feels that way.

So despite the fact that there’s plenty going on all the time it’s marred by constant bewilderment.  Each section is hard to follow and it only gets worse as the movie progresses.  The film’s difficult to enjoy as a result in spite of the intriguing story ideas.

Psycho Cop Returns

I’m gonna say right up front that I have not seen Psycho Cop so I could’ve made a big mistake.  Oh well, can’t do anything about it now.

For Psycho Cop Returns it seems they were going for a Die Hard parody of sorts with the plot involving douchbags throwing a bachelor party after hours in their high rise office building.  Who the hell does that?  They invite strippers, guzzle booze and generally act like jackasses all while the psycho cop picks them off one by one in the empty skyscraper.  They play up the comedy which isn’t a very successful blend of corny jokes and cringy frat house humor.  Unfortunately the deaths aren’t all that creative or hard hitting either but again, it’s supposed to be part comedy.

However, the biggest problem with the movie is they don’t take advantage of the cop angle nearly enough.  He’s just a crazy person in a police officer uniform committing standard slasher activities.  He slings a lot of cop puns but he doesn’t abuse his authority to commit crimes Bad Lieutenant style.  The only effort he makes is when he fools his victims for a moment into thinking he’s a legit cop who’s there to rescue them but soon after he reveals his true intentions.

By far the best part is the opening credits.  It’s a fast cutting montage of the psycho cop’s squad car filled to the brim with various body parts and there are pentagrams and “666” written in blood everywhere (I forgot to mention he’s also a Satanist) while a screeching guitar track blasts.  It’s pretty fuckin’ awesome.

Lastly, the film has a weird ending (spoilers) where they recreated the Rodney King beating except with the roles reversed.  A bar full of people witness the psycho cop beating up a woman so they come to her rescue and pound the shit outta that dude with blunt instruments while someone films.  Commentary on the times.

The Suckling

Among this set The Suckling is the worst one which is too bad because it probably has the best title.  It’s about an aborted fetus that gets flushed down the toilet and grows into a mutant killer by way of toxic waste exposure in the sewer.  The thing enacts its revenge on the abortion clinic/brothel by tearing everyone inside limb from limb.

This one’s definitely the sleaziest entry with all the gruesome abortion stuff and the horrible way the prostitutes are treated.  It also has the worst acting, dialogue and creature effects.  The full sized monster suit actually doesn’t look half bad but everything else is very cheaply done.

I’m not sure what else to say except I don’t understand the beginning with one of the characters dreaming (maybe?) of getting drugged and having her throat slit.  I don’t get how that ties in.  Also, there are a few incredibly annoying characters that last almost the entire run so that was grating.

I dunno, it’s a creature slasher picture that’s not fantastic with an unpleasant concept at its core.