Everything feels off.
The story, cinematography, editing, acting, it’s like everyone involved
was on pills. Sometimes uppers but most
of the time downers. And then they drank
a shitload of booze ‘cause they thought it would even them out using some
horribly misguided logic. The filmmakers
stayed up all night and then decided to shoot their scenes for the day. I can’t solidly prove any of this but it’s my
best guess.
I mean look at Kidman’s (Batman Forever, Eyes Wide Shut)
haircut. That short choppy look is
absolutely terrible. The buttered toast
(or whatever color that is) dye job throws me off too. Who thought this was acceptable?
Sometimes the movie tries to get arty like the opening where it’s a long tracking shot of Kidman’s husband out for a run. This goes on for several minutes with no credits, no dialogue, nothing happening at all until the shot finally cuts away to him keeling over and dying. None of that was necessary. We could’ve opened with Kidman at the cemetery visiting the grave but no, gotta show the guy running. He was an avid runner. Maybe. I dunno ‘cause we never learn a single thing about the motherfucker and I mean not a single solitary thing.
These guys also throw in a full two minute uncut closeup of
Kidman’s face as she’s trying to process if the boy could really be her
deceased ex. Even if you cut that in
half it would still be a long ass time.
But the main problem with that shot is the entire film is about
this woman grappling with the idea that a little boy could be her old
hubby. So why have something this
distracting in here like its waving its arms in the air yelling yoo-hoo?
But man, some of the performances are one of the oddest
aspects. Kidman does distraught alright
and I’ll give her credit for rambling nervously a few times when she’s so
thrown by the situation that she doesn’t know what to say or how to say
it. She doesn’t get annoyed or freaked
out quite enough in my opinion but she’s not really the issue.
Danny Huston (30 Days of Night, Stan & Ollie) as
Kidman’s fiancé plays it pretty strange.
On the surface he seems to be supportive most of the time and takes an
active interest in what exactly is going on with this kid. However, there’s something real assholic
about him. For example he gives this
speech to his party guests about how Kidman didn’t want to go out with him at
first and didn’t want to marry him initially either but he kept after her until
she finally said yes. We’re talking a
whole bunch of years of pursuit here which isn’t romantic. Dude, she said no at least twice. Get a fucking clue.
Huston also has a moment where he silently stares creepily
out a window for a while. We never see
his point of view so we don’t know what he was looking at or really what he’s
thinking either. Perhaps they were
trying to show his exasperation and confusion with what’s unfolded lately but
the scene doesn’t convey that very well.
And then of course there’s the tirade this guy goes on when
the boy kicks the back of his chair too many times. Huston goes ballistic chasing the kid around
the apartment, moving the grand piano into a doorway and then climbing over it
(I have no idea why he moved it there in the first place), he grabs the boy by
the back of the shirt and then spanks the shit out of him. Three people need to hold him back several
times throughout because he won’t give it up.
He’s a dedicated man, that’s firmly established.
The actor who plays the ten year old boy though (Cameron
Bright (Juno, Twilight movies)) is the worst. He shows no emotion whatsoever. He’ll say “I love you” and it’ll fall
straight to the floor. He never smiles,
raises his voice, shows concern, laughs, cries or anything else that a human
being does. He probably has the funniest
line in the movie though where he says to his mom “I’m not your stupid son
anymore”. What a little bastard.
Going the emotionless route was a bad decision but it
actually fits considering where the film eventually goes. Spoilers from here on out (but you might
want to read this anyway) The boy isn’t really the reincarnation of
Kidman’s dead husband. What?! Yes! He
found a treasure trove of their old love letters (long story, don’t have time
to go into it) and decided to steal this dead guy’s identity
for…some…reason. Well here’s the deal, the
kid is an utter psychopath. Like totally
fucked in the head one of the craziest characters to ever be put in a movie. He has no motivation. It’s not like we see that his home life is
unbearable or that he gets picked on at school or any goddamn thing that makes
him want to escape from himself. Sex
could be a driver with that bathtub part but he stays curled up in his corner
and otherwise only kisses Kidman once in a later scene.
The cold, lethargic behavior and complete detachment from
reality suddenly make sense now. The boy
has a total lack of empathy which falls in line with his psychosis. He doesn’t seem to realize how badly he’s
fucking with not only Kidman’s life but all those around her. Her engagement breaks up, her family and
friends think she’s insane for believing this boy is her deceased husband and
he strings Kidman along to the point where she’s gonna run away and start her
life over with him. And what about the
kid’s parents who must be really upset but it’s unclear because they’re only in
two or three scenes.
Amazingly Kidman and Huston reconcile and even get married
after this fiasco. But this fuckin’ ass
wipe has fucked with Kidman’s mind so hard that she can’t let her dead husband
go and stands sobbing on the beach in her wedding dress looking like she’s
contemplating suicide. Huston is able to
make her reconsider but it’s obvious she can’t go on like this. The only way this ends is with her death
sometime after the credits.
Jesus, what a bizarre picture. And what the fuck does the title mean
anyway? It’s so generic and unconnected
to the events of the film even in a metaphorical way.
I dunno guys. This is
maybe a half decent Twilight Zone episode but not a serious dramatic
feature length production. This is one
awful inexplicable movie for the ages.
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