Single White Female 2: The Psycho and The Roommate

To absolutely no one’s surprise this is a pretty bad movie.  The script was definitely something else before someone said “there’s something about this that reminds me of Single White Female.  Hey, we should make a sequel to that, it’s a safer bet than whatever this piece of shit is.”  Then some poor bastard had the task of actually making that happen.  But it feels like whoever did the rewrite based it purely off their memory of seeing the original when it came out, thirteen years earlier.

The biggest problem is the new Hedy (Jennifer Jason Leigh) character, Tess (Alison Lange (Gacy)).  Hedy was an extremely disturbed person that was obsessive but Tess is a stone cold killer (she’s a nurse that kills her patients) that just happens to be obsessive.  They also kept the criminal mastermind part that was tritely introduced at the end of the first one.  Tess plots to eliminate anyone that she deems a threat as opposed to Hedy who acted more in the moment.  So what was once an interesting character that stood out among sexy thrillers (hell, even regular ol’ thrillers) is now a generic villain in a shitty straight to video piece of schlock.

I mean, they kinda fucked just about everything up here.  They poorly mimicked scenes from the original (the lead has red hair, the weird sex club scene, the on again off again boyfriend, etc.), the setup is unnecessarily complicated and actually continues on to be its own subplot (remember the smart money is on this-script-was-retrofitted-to-be-SWF2) and none of the characters are likeable or interesting.  That last one is particularly harsh.  The Bridget Fonda character in this one, Holly (Kristen Miller (That’s My Bush!)), is supposed to be the innocent victim you side with but they made her into an asshole for some reason.  You see Holly rigs her chances for a job promotion by having her boyfriend be “the big account” that she has to land.  She thinks no one will notice and that it’ll be easy pickins.  Well her roommate (and colleague who also has a shot at the promotion), Jan, finds out and has sex with the boyfriend as a sort of pre-revenge (she does this before the promotion is handed out).  This is what prompts Holly to search for a new roommate.  See what I mean about a complicated setup?

Anyway, Holly’s a jerk for trying to game the system and Jan isn’t much better.  She’s one helluva malicious person.  For no reason she’s completely mean to everyone.  Like, she insults Tess to her face even before she knows who she is and keeps on taking digs at Holly after she destroys the relationship between her and her boyfriend.  You got them to break up lady, you’re just kicking someone while their down.

And the boyfriend character is kind of a douche because, like the original, he’s a cheater and he’s a little slimy.  I don’t know what it is about him but I just get the impression that there’s this phony smarminess in everything he says and does.

On top of all of this crap they couldn’t find two actresses that looked alike for the lead roles either.  When Tess dyes her hair red she does not suddenly look like Holly.  In fact their faces are very different.  Everything about Tess’ is sharp and gaunt while Holly’s is round and plump.  The filmmakers kind of couldn’t have found more opposite people to play the leads, in terms of looks anyway.

This one plays more like a bad remake than a sequel.  There isn’t very much, if anything, that I liked about it.  Wait, I take that back.  There’s a part when Jan says that she can get the media in to do a promo for the boyfriend’s restaurant that’s about to open.  But she says “both print and electronic”.  Did people really refer to internet media as “electronic” back then?  I honestly don’t remember (and shit, that was like less than ten years ago).  I know 2005 was before we all had the news on our iPhones and tablets ‘n’ shit but that just seemed so awkward and weird to hear.  Whatever, it gave me a laugh and you should never see this movie. 

Sex Scenes: One.

After Sex Scenes: Two.

Strange Cameos: I got nothin’ for this one, sorry guys.

The Roommate is a straight remake of SWF and it’s just as bad as SWF2.  Changing the characters to teens, moving the setting to college and bumping the rating down to PG-13 was an obvious attempt to appeal to a younger audience.  Surprisingly it doesn’t feel as toned down as I thought it would though.

The only actual cool and somewhat creepy thing in here is when the crazy roommate sticks earrings through her unpierced ears.  I’ll give them credit for that.  It’s one of those things where it feels like I’ve seen that gag before in something else even though I’m pretty sure I haven’t.  If you have let me know.  

But otherwise I honestly can’t remember much.  The acting by the Bridget Fonda character is really bad.  Even at the end when she’s begging for her life she doesn’t get that emotional.  The other one, the psychotic one, is too noticeably a nut job.  She clings to her roommate and shits on everyone else almost instantly.  There isn’t any build up or mystery to the character.  She might as well of had “I’m a cracked bitch” tattooed on her forehead.

What a fuckin' cat killing asshole

One thing I did notice and want to bring up was the lack of technology present.  This thing came out in 2011 but the use of cell phones and computers ‘n shit is kept to a minimum.  They use the internet only once I think to look up some medication that the crazy roommate is supposed to be taking (but isn’t).  And there’s a scene where a cell phone is used to record a conversation as opposed to using it as, you know, a phone where you can have someone on the other end, like the cops or something, to hear the incriminating talk.  It’s a really weird but interesting choice to not have these modern college kids be on their phones and computers all the time.

I don’t recommend this one either.  There’s no reason for this to exist.  It doesn’t bring anything new to the table nor was it necessary to update and dumb down the original.  Single White Female has faded from the public’s memory over the years and that’s a shame.  If anything maybe The Roommate got a couple of folks to check it out and that’s the best thing I can say about it. 

Sex Scenes: One.  Actually, they intercut a sex scene and a masturbation scene together but I only counted it as one.

After Sex Scenes: None.

Strange Cameos: Billy Zane (The Phantom) plays a really cheesy fashion professor.  Oh and he also likes to fuck his students.