Indecent Proposal

Let’s say some billionaire offered you a million dollars to have sex with your wife/partner/significant other/what have you.  Would you take the money?  Would you reject it on moral grounds?  Well this completely fantastical situation is the premise of Indecent Proposal.

Woody Harrelson (Game Change, Kingpin) and Demi Moore (Disclosure, Nothing But Trouble) are a cheesy married couple.  You know, they goof around and make each other laugh at stuff that isn’t funny, an innocent quarrel over dirty laundry leads to sex on the kitchen floor, they make googly eyes at each other and say shit like, “have I ever told you I love you?”  *Barf*  Woody is an architect so naturally he wants to build their dream home and Demi is in real estate so she finds the perfect plot of land by the ocean.  Unfortunately hard times hit and they lose their jobs as well as their half built house.  They only have a couple of thousand dollars left to their names.  So to remedy this Woody has the dumbest fucking idea ever: go to Vegas and win money.  To absolutely no surprise at all he loses everything.  This is where billionaire Robert Redford (The Sting, Jeremiah Johnson) steps in.  He eyes Demi and wants her proposing the indecent boning.  Woody and Demi think about it, agree to go through with it and then their relationship falls apart.

This film is fucking terrible.  And it’s not from a technical standpoint because this is veteran director Adrian Lyne (9 ½ Weeks) we’re talking about here.  At the same time this is director Adrian Lyne we’re talking about here.  I don’t think I’ve ever been so frustrated while watching one of his flicks before.

Ok so there are three main reasons why this thing sucks.  The first is that it’s predictable (and incredibly corny).  From the point that Woody and Demi go to Las Vegas forward you know everything that’s going to happen.  It couldn’t be any more formulaic if it tried.  First of all you know that this couple is going to accept the proposal because we wouldn’t have a fucking movie if they didn’t.  And you know that they’re going to have a rough time staying together afterwards  because it’s not the kind of thing that you can just forget about which, and I shit you not, is exactly what they try to do.  Demi says that once it’s done they’ll never talk about it.  Now I’m no therapist but it has got to be very unhealthy to just try and forget that you or your wife got poked by some dude for a million goddamn dollars.  It’s a big deal.  Also, you can totally tell that Redford is gonna try to steal Demi away.  The man could have sex with a lot of other chicks and pay way less for it so the fact that he’s going after someone else’s girl probably means that he wants more than just a roll in the hay.  And the ending is so lame with no surprises or shocking revelations.  This whole thing is love triangle 101.

The second hindrance is that the characters suck.  I did not feel sorry for Woody and Demi when they lost all of their money at the roulette table.  If you’re gonna do a dumb fuckin’ thing like bet your last couple of thousand all at once on red then you deserve to lose everything.  This scene is supposed to be vital too because it’s when they hit rock bottom and have like not even a penny in their pockets.  But because they actually won initially when they first arrived in town I hate them even more.  When they get to Vegas Woody is up an unbelievable $24,000 on the first day.  They’re so happy they have sex on the winnings.  But the next day his luck runs out and he blows it all.  Like everything.  If it were established that he’s a gambling addict then I would feel sorry for him a little but I think it’s that he’s blinded by desperation.  Demi reminds Woody that he wasn’t supposed to go below a certain amount (I think it’s like $5,000 which is too low in my opinion, it should have been more like $20,000 or $18,000) and that piles on to my hatred of this character.  If you’re not a professional gambler then you shouldn’t be betting everything you have at the tables.  It’s really naïve to think that you can just go to Vegas and waltz out with a ton of money like it’s an ATM.  Fuck ‘em.  They deserve to be broke.

And Demi isn’t any better.  She goes along with Woody’s gambling idea without question and she’s the one that comes up with the “let’s never bring up the sex for money deal again” idea.  Plus she ditches Woody during his darkest hour.  Sure he was being a dick constantly mistrusting her and being suspicious of every move but she refuses to have a fucking conversation about her romp with Redford which would clear the air.             

And Redford’s a louse of a character which leads me to the third and final overarching point.  Like Mickey Rourke in 9 ½ Weeks I think Robert Redford is supposed to be charming and we’re supposed to be on his side ‘cause you know, underneath all those billions he’s a human being with feelings, needs and wants just like the rest of us.  But his fucking creepy bargain with Woody to have sex with his wife for bills isn’t some clever romantic ploy.  It’s fucking arrogant.  Redford never doubts for a second that they won’t take his offer either.  So he knows that if he ropes in the right people at the right time and throws enough money at the situation then he’ll get what he wants.  I also found it really terrible that Redford asks Woody and not Demi for permission.  They both treat her like a fuckin’ toaster, an object that’s incapable of forming her own thoughts or making her own decisions.  Redford comes off as slimy, first trying to buy up and then steal away Demi.  It’s like the prick feels entitled.    

This isn’t a good picture.  The whole thing seems unwarranted.  We’re not shown if Woody and Demi try to get other jobs or think of other ways of getting money besides borrowing.  So it’s like one day all of their money’s gone and a few days later they go to Vegas.  We don’t see their plight as they become poor or feel their pain because they never experience things like the power being turned off, running out of food, struggling to get critical medication or other oppressive shit.  Instead we see that they live in a nice house with a garden out back.  There aren’t any cockroaches, rats, a leaky roof, jammed doors, a broken heating/cooling system, a busted stove, dilapidated furniture, etc.  I mean I thought to myself, “why would they want to give this place up it seems really good?”  But I guess it’s a dream to have a house that they built together and I can’t fault them for that.  You have to keep in mind that the main reason why they take the indecent proposal is to finish construction on their dream house.  It would’ve helped me see their motivation if the place they are currently living in is a shithole.  But since we don’t see these two suffer (and them gambling their money away willingly doesn’t count unless you have an addiction) I never got on board with their crisis.  There wasn’t any tension.      

The question that the movie poses is a fun hypothetical to ponder but when you see it in action you realize that it’s not an elegant affair by any means.  With that said there’s a strong possibility that I would take the cash.  Hell, I could use it.

Sex Scenes: One and it’s not the sex deal sex.  What a jip.

After Sex Scenes: One.

Strange Cameos: Seymour Cassel plays Redford’s valet.  I know he’s famous for Cassavetes’ Faces but I know him from the lost classic Tin Men and the disappointing Boiling Point (1993).

Oliver Platt (The Three Musketeers, Lake Placid) is Woody’s lawyer friend/comic relief that sets up the contract for the sex deal.

A rather chubby Billy Bob Thornton (A Simple Plan, Armageddon) has one scene as an onlooker that tells Woody who billionaire Redford is while he’s playing $10,000 a bet cards.

This is a really weird one but Rip Taylor (lots of TV and comedy shit) plays Demi’s boss later in the movie who threatens to fire her if she doesn’t sell Redford a mansion.

Weirder still is Sheena Easton and Herbie Hancock make brief appearances as themselves.  Herbie gives an intimate performance for only Demi and Redford on Redford’s private yacht but they don’t seem to give a shit.  At least Sheena gets to sing at a party.  She looks like she’s having more fun.