Original Sin

There are some trailers that we all remember that made the movie they’re showing us look like it could be the sexiest thing ever made.  Of course when you finally saw it there was only that one really steamy sex scene and the rest of the thing was shit.  You know what I’m talking about right?  Well for me Original Sin was one of those movies.  I mean it’s called Original Sin.  What else could it be about but sex?  Sex is so sinful ‘n shit.

This one starts simple in the late 1800’s with a wealthy Cuban, Antonio Banderas (Desperado, Spy Kids), acquiring a mail order bride, Angelina Jolie (Tomb Raider, Playing God), but she ends up running away with a lot of his money.  He doesn’t know what the hell is going on but he wants to find her and kill her.  This is where things get complicated because he ends up tracking her down with the help of private detective Thomas Jane (Deep Blue Sea, 61*) but he can’t do the deed and only wants her to stay with him forever.  Sounds like the makings of a sappy love story with a fair amount of sex no?  Well the problem is that this thing gets so rambly and there are a bunch of twists and many new things get thrown into the mix.  When it was all over it felt like I had been watching the movie all day.

After Banderas and Jolie make up then they have to go on the run to escape the detective because he thinks that she may have killed the woman that was actually supposed to meet Banderas.  Then Jolie starts to turn into a criminal again and Jane isn’t who you think he is and on and on.  At one point it even turns into Rounders where Jolie and Banderas cheat at cards to raise some money.  And just like Rounders the guys their scamming realize that these two are working together and proceed to beat up Banderas and rape Jolie.  The ending is probably the strangest part too. You think it’s clear cut who’s dead and who’s alive but this movie throws that out the window.  I don’t know if it’s supposed to be heaven or if these two lovers actually did escape to Morocco because everything’s white and dream like but at the same time they’re cheating at cards again and why would you need to do that in heaven?

The acting and the dialogue is pretty bad especially in the beginning with Banderas and Jolie’s first couple of conversations.  They’re boring and cheesily written with these long pauses between lines.  There’s also this narration that Jolie has at first where she says bullshit stuff that’s supposed to sound meaningful and clever like “no, this is not a love story but it is a story about love”.  But then it changes to her sitting in jail and telling the story to a monk.  It’s very weird and they should’ve went with one or the other all the way through because it was confusing for a while when they switched to her in jail all of a sudden.

Banderas and Jolie both aren’t great but Jolie is worse.  Her delivery is always so flat and her turn of the century fancy accent gives way frequently which is distracting.  Now I know I’m gonna get some hell for this next remark but I don’t think she’s that pretty either.  This is a character that’s supposed to be so beautiful that Banderas is willing to go into a life of crime and be a wanted man on the run for her.  Personally I don’t see it.  I mean I think she’s looked better in other movies like Mr. and Mrs. Smith but at the same time she’s also looked worse like in Gone in Sixty Seconds.  She’s somewhere in the middle in this one and I just don’t get the infatuation that our two male leads have with her.

Banderas was an alright choice for this I guess.  He doesn’t have any balls in this role though and I think he’s at his best when he plays a character with attitude like in Assassins (even though that movie wasn’t very good).  He comes to life and looks like he’s having a good time when he’s shooting a gun or trash talking his opponent.  In this piece he’s a wimp and stays one.  I would’ve liked to have seen him grow and learn to take matters into his own hands and become a stronger person like in The 13^th Warrior (which is an underrated picture in my opinion, I mean it’s not a diamond in the rough but it’s a fun one) but he doesn’t. 

Thomas Jane starts out as just a boring underdeveloped character where we know nothing about him but he does turn awkwardly evil and he gets better.  This happens when he’s got Banderas in a choke hold and starts asking him if Jolie rubbed her cheek on his and so Jane rubs his cheek with Banderas’.  He then asks “if I kiss you now will I taste her on you?” and proceeds to kiss him on the mouth.  Banderas has this look on his face like he wants to puke.  This is definitely the best scene.

This one’s not so good because it’s too long and convoluted.  This movie would have benefited from sticking more to the simple plot that it outlines in the beginning.  It was an interesting choice that this take place sometime in the late 1800’s though.  It could’ve easily been set in modern day but a period piece is a nice change of pace for a sexy thriller.  Actually if you want to see this modernized Francois Truffaut (The 400 Blows, Shoot the Piano Player) already did it back in the 60’s and it’s called Mississippi Mermaid.  Yeah, Original Sin is actually a remake.  So for the reasons I outlined above I would skip this one if I were you.

Sex Scenes: One.  They do deliver on that one sex scene that they used in the trailer to sell this thing.

After Sex Scenes: Three.

Strange Cameos: Sorry fellas I’m comin’ up kinda empty on this one.  The best I got is the guy who plays Banderas’ friend, Jack Thompson, was in Feed which I don’t remember.