Harefooted Halloween: The Ring Two

What I Liked: The opening scene with the dickhead teen trying to get some girl to watch the tape so he can be off the hook is good…until Samara shows up.  Then the guy’s death gets kinda weak.

Also in that opening scene they show us an interesting situation which leads to some food for thought.  If you put the tape on but close your eyes and don’t actually watch it do you still get cursed?  If you don’t get the curse then wouldn’t that make blind people immune to the tape?  What if you only saw a part of the tape and not the whole thing?  Cursed or not cursed?  What if you didn’t put your glasses on and you could kinda see the images on the tape a little but really it’s blurry as shit?  Cursed or not cursed?

The part where the doctor injects a syringe of air into her neck was a cool death.

It was funny when Rachel says her one liner “I’m not your fucking mommy”.  It’s incredibly silly but also sorta badass.

What I Didn’t Like: Everything else.

Overall Impression: Shifting the story to focus on Aidan was such a big mistake.  He was awful and horribly annoying in the first movie and he’s even worse here.  He’s not scary, he’s a way too serious not-at-all-like-a-real-kid kid.

And when you throw in stupid shit that doesn’t belong in a Ring movie, like the deer attack scene, and just other unnecessary crap, like finding out Samara’s mother is actually alive and locked away in a mental hospital, then you get a messy and unthoughtful picture.

The Ring Two feels like a movie that nobody was into making.  If you haven’t checked out the original Japanese Ringu and Ringu 2 then I would suggest seeing those first if you’re hungry for more of this series. 

Harefooted Halloween: Ringu 2

What I Liked: There were some cool and fairly creepy scenes.  My favorite part was when they recreated in real life that part in the video where Sadako’s mother is combing her hair in a mirror.  This is so nerdy but I actually said “whoa” out loud to myself when Sadako shows up and they do that mirror switch thing from the tape (if you saw it you’d know what part I’m talking about).

The tension is kept sorta high most of the time.  You don’t know where things are going which put me on edge a little.  They got the tone pitch perfect for a Ring movie with some startling imagery and almost no music.

What I Didn’t Like: I could list some minor issues I have with the film but really the biggest problem is that there’s no payoff.  It’s kinda un-fuckin’-believable that with all the buildup and taught atmosphere the filmmakers so carefully developed that they didn’t give us a worthy ending.  Maybe that’s just from an American standpoint.  Although I dunno, I have a hard time thinking that anyone could be fully satisfied by the time the credits roll.

Overall Impression: Rasen was boring as all hell so I’m very glad that they made this more appropriate sequel to replace it.  The picture has its moments of genuine eeriness that I ate up, like when the TV in the mental hospital switches to show the well and Sadako starting to come out of it.  But it all adds up to not very much.

The feel of this one is particularly interesting because they didn’t continue the story of Sadako or go the other route and essentially remake the first film.  You would expect one of the two of those to happen.  Instead they did this weird lateral move where we follow Ryuji’s girlfriend around.  She doesn’t necessarily try to solve anything though.  She just gets caught up in shit.  It’s a strange way to go for a sequel to your extremely big hit movie.

Like Rasen there’s a medical angle to this installment too.  A doctor tries to figure out scientifically what’s going on with these Sadako survivors.  These are people that didn’t die from the tape but are severely affected by it in some way.  Unlike Rasen the filmmakers managed to make this intriguing.

Ringu 2 is a slow burn except there isn’t an explosion at the end of that burn.  The thing ends sorta mildly.  Everything in this movie is very deliberate and delicately handled which is fascinating from a filmmaking perspective.  However, they were perhaps a little too careful and definitely held back too much for the finale. 

With all of that said I enjoyed the few creepy scenes that are in here.  I’ll take this over the American Ring Two any day.  If you liked Ringu this is worth checking out, just don’t get your hopes up.  

Harefooted Hallowen: John Dies at the End

What I Liked: The stream of consciousness approach.  I mean everything feels like a dream…or like you’re on drugs.  Yea, probably drugs is what they were going for.

The story changes constantly which keeps you on your toes but don’t worry, somehow it isn’t confusing as shit.  It’s not the clearest thing ever put to film but you can follow it alright.

And finally, who doesn’t dig that fuckin’ title?

What I Didn’t Like: The finale seemed rushed.  There wasn’t quite enough build up and the final confrontation ends kinda quickly.

There’s a whole bunch of really bad CGI.  The filmmakers used some practical effects wherever they could but the low budget forced them to use computers more often than I would’ve liked to have seen.

Sometimes the editing can be a little too choppy.  It’s cut very tightly, which I don’t mind, but almost every scene felt like they were trying to get through it as fast as possible.

Overall Impression: Don Coscarelli (who did the fucking awesome Phantasm) shows he’s still got some fire in the ol’ belly.  It’s incredibly imaginative and takes you on a real trip.  I can’t believe this was based on a book.  It seems like it would be next to impossible to follow in that format.

This is definitely not for everyone.  You have to be very flexible because they keep switching up the story and just about everything.  It’s also really over the top with a monster made out of freezer meats, creatures from another dimension, a hot dog is used for a cell phone and all sorts of other wacky shit.

I guess I cautiously recommend it but you have to be willing to go with the flow and not get hung up on, well, anything.  John Dies is definitely one of the weirdest and also most creative films I’ve ever seen, horror or otherwise.

Harefooted Hallowen: Rasen

That actually looks kinda cool

What I Liked: Uhh…I didn’t care for much of anything here.

What I Didn’t Like: Just about everything.

Overall Impression: Ok, here’s the deal.  The original Japanese Ring and Rasen were filmed and released at the same time.  But they had different directors and screenwriters.  Also, Rasen was based on Spiral, the book sequel to the first novel.  Ring 2 was not based on Spiral, it was its own thing.

Rasen bombed big time and, after seeing it, that completely makes sense.  It shares none of the same characteristics that made Ring so goddamn great.  It’s such a fucking bore.  They try to explain how watching the cursed video, or even reading Asakawa’s diary from the first installment, will give you the ring virus.  It’s an actual disease here that gives you a tumor in your throat or some shit.

The Rasen version of Sadako

They also turned Sadako into a regular girl that tries to seduce guys and wants to cross over into the real world.  Gone is the hairy faced demon child.  Even when it comes to the video we only see a small part of it for a brief moment.  The mystery is supposed to be what this curse is doing medically to people which could be totally fine but so little happens and they move things along at a snail’s pace.

Do I dare make a joke about this being less interesting than a raisin?  Nah, skip it.  Boring as shit movies are the worst.

Harefooted Halloween: The Blob (1988)

What I Liked: The special effects are awesome.  Most of the time the purplish blob looks great and kills its victims in different ways.  I’m not sure which death I like best because they’re all pretty good.  What really makes it is that the blob doesn’t just absorb people but it melts them into these grotesque creatures.

The story is pretty streamlined with the blob itself taking center stage.

What I Didn’t Like: There are your usual bunch of clichés that you find in a lot of horror movies.  There’s an outcast biker dude who becomes the unlikely hero, the cheerleader sheds her innocent side to become a badass broad, the mindless and bodiless blob stalks its victims and teases with them before pouncing, etc.

There’s also the strange angle that the blob is really a military made chemical weapon that got out of hand.  Having a backstory like this for the blob does make the movie slightly more unique but at the same time I had a hard time buying it.  I guess I would rather the blob just be from outer space.

Overall Impression: This film has a fairly bad reputation and I can understand why with the poor acting, dialogue and faceless villain.  It’s difficult to get into a blob I think, to have it be scary and interesting.  Plus the plot unfolds like every other story in a horror movie which doesn’t help either.

Director Chuck Russell has kind of a fascinating resume with A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, The Mask, Eraser and The Scorpion King.  He makes fun movies and this is no exception.  It’s not great but if you want an easy going horror film that you don’t have to get too involved in, and especially if you’re into special effects, then check it out. 

Harefooted Halloween: Wolf Creek

What I Liked: The filmmakers tried to do something sort of different with a slasher picture and came up with a talkative and pretty charismatic serial killer.  The guy is so friendly at first that it truly was a little difficult to believe that he’s a total maniac that will kill some strangers at the drop of a hat.  The villain is definitely the best part of the movie and shows that you don’t have to hide your killer behind a mask or have them be a brooding shadowy figure.  A chatty and outgoing psychopath can actually work.

It was nice to have main character victims that were likeable and not total assholes.  Sure the one dude is a stereotype of a bro douchebag but he comes off as a charming bro douchebag.

What I Didn’t Like: Half the movie is setup which I’ll admit didn’t feel as long as forty five minutes but man, that’s a long time to get your slasher picture going.  So because they took half the running time to set shit up the pacing is incredibly off.

There isn’t a final confrontation exactly between the killer and our survivor.  I get they were going for something different here but it was pretty unsatisfying to see one of the three victims killed in such an impersonal way (of course I won’t give away how it was actually done).

And filmmakers, guys, you gotta put the fuckin’ camera down.  There was way too much shaking for my taste.

Overall Impression: I can appreciate the attempt at thinking outside the box on this one but in the end it didn’t work great for me.  The movie is very lopsided with everything of interest happening in the second half.  Sure you want to setup your characters properly and set a mood and all that but if it’s gonna be some slasher/madman movie in the end then I don’t think you used your time effectively.

This isn’t terrible.  You could certainly do worse.  I was expecting more of a torture porn type picture (a sub-genre that I really don’t like by the way), but it was more tasteful, so to speak, than that.  It’s not groundbreaking or anything-breaking.  If you love horror you’ll probably enjoy the twists and somewhat unique things the filmmakers tried to do.  If you’re looking for something more than just ok, keep searching. 

Harefooted Halloween

Alright guys I’m gonna try something new this Halloween season.  Instead of just doing a couple of full length reviews I’m gonna do my best to do…more than a couple of shorter ones.  It’ll be somewhere between one and thirty one.  I honestly don’t know how many I’ll end up doing.  They’ll be quick rapid fire Talkin’s with three sections: What I Liked, What I Didn’t Like and Overall Impression.  I call it Harefooted Halloween (you know, quick like a rabbit ‘n’ shit).  So sit back on the edge of your seat ‘cause this here Halloween thang is going to get a little Hare-y.