Harefooted Halloween: HauntedWeen

(My usual format isn’t really going to work for this one so let’s just dive in)

The plot involves a tweenaged boy who works the gate at a haunted house in rural Kentucky.  He’s not allowed to go inside because he’s too young but that doesn’t stop him from sneaking in.  He traps a little girl in a secret room to scare her except he accidentally kills her in the process.  Or maybe it was planned?  Or maybe when she injures herself he takes the opportunity to satisfy his murder curiosity?  I dunno.  It’s confusing, which is a theme.  Anyway, the boy and his mother go into hiding.  Twenty years later he’s now a grown man and returns to lure a frat house full of partiers to the old haunted house attraction so he can kill them.  So sorta similar to Halloween.  A silent, hulking, mask wearing dude with a lethal past returns decades later to his old stomping ground to kill again.  There’s even a dead mother involved.

All the frat characters and their girlfriends should be completely insufferable but because these aren’t professional actors there’s a charm (you’ll see that word again) to their performances.  Most of them deliver their lines in very odd ways that make you wonder how they landed on that particular phrasing.  Some joke around constantly which should be grating yet it doesn’t get to the point where I want to cover my ears.  One thing that’s a pet peeve of mine though is they cast too many people who look similar so it can be hard to determine which characters are in which scene.  Aside from that the constant beer swilling and lewd behavior are the most annoying aspects.  However, the rest of the picture makes up for it.

And what’s gonna make or break the experience for a lot of folks is all the rowdy college shit plus a strained romance between the two leads because that’s the first two thirds of this.  The revived haunted house with a real killer inside doesn’t come on until the third act.  When we get there though it turns into a genuine horror show.  The guests who enter the torture chamber don’t realize they’re witnessing real victims getting slaughtered.  While this is a fine idea I think it was more novel at the time.  Other than Ghoulies II, which immediately springs to mind as a precursor that also did this, I’m struggling to think of more.  I remember Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse having a different story.  The 2010’s wore the concept out with a whole glut of movies about haunt attractions where the kills are for real.  But in the early 90’s it’s not something that had been done to death.  And they do a good job with it here.  I like how the killer relishes his time in the spotlight by striking a dramatic pose when the audience enters and having fun with the deaths.  For example, he reveals a backdrop with a box score and sports a Mets cap for a kill with a baseball bat.  This added flair goes a long way to making this section entertaining and memorable.

We never find out who this guy really is though or why he suddenly goes on a murder spree.  His mother just died so I guess she was keeping him in check?  You could argue it would’ve been nice to get more info.  You could also argue it doesn’t matter because we’re here for creepy shit and backstory or character depth isn’t a priority.  You decide.

There’s a charm to how amateur and low budget this piece is.  The actors aren’t professionals, the shooting and editing isn’t the best, the story isn’t that coherent, the effects are, well, passable actually.  In the end it all adds up to a product greater than the sum of its parts.  It’s more fascinating than it should be.  I wanted to keep watching to see how the next person would say their lines or what neat gore effect they had up their sleeve or what silly antic the frat bros were up to next, etc.  It kept me engaged.  Perhaps not always for the best reasons but I was present.

I think what carries the film through is its gung ho attitude.  You can tell the filmmakers were excited to be making a movie, down to the teased sequel at the end of the credits (which never happened), and that rubs off.  I’m sure some people will file this under so-bad-it’s-good but for me only the acting qualifies.  Ok, the story is definitely not as clear as I would like.  But the rest isn’t all that poorly executed.

From what I gather this has a small cult following and I get that.  It’s a peculiar little sonuvabitch.  And to pile on more mystique this was the only picture writer/director Doug Robertson ever made.  I hadn’t heard of it until the other day and was glad to be able to squeeze it in for this Halloween season.  You know, I kinda like the title too.  It’s a silly mash up like the movie itself.

Harefooted Halloween: Night of the Comet

What I Liked: The cinematography is pretty nice for the most part (Arthur Albert (Better Call Saul)).  Since this takes place during post-apocalypse times they added a red filter to all outdoor scenes.  It has a gradation to it with the top of the sky, or frame, being a darker ominous red and then turning into a lighter almost glowing yellow-ish hue towards the ground, or bottom of the frame.  In fact a lot of the movie is colorful with these various neon tinted lights popping up all over to set mood.  Some fog is thrown in as well of course.  Sure it may look cartoony at times but for the somewhat playful tone they went with it can be cool to look at.  On the flipside though they also managed to get some genuinely eerie shots of completely desolate LA streets to set a foreboding atmosphere.

Regina (Catherine Mary Stewart (Weekend at Bernie’s)) is a take-no-shit brassy dame that’s good to have in an end-of-the-world type scenario.  She’s really confident but not in a gross annoying way.  If she wants to sleep with the projectionist at the movie theater she works at then she has no regrets.  If some crazed zombie cannibal attacks her she fights back.  I feel like this balance of macho and feminine is rarely seen.  Her father is in the military so she has gun training and isn’t afraid of combat.  At the same time she takes advantage of her situation by trying on endless clothing and makeup at a now deserted department store.  It’s not like Regina never gets scared or concerned about what’s happening around her, quite the opposite, but she forges ahead because it’s instinctual.  Stewart does a great job calibrating each scene to what’s required.

What I Didn’t Like: The rules for those who got affected by the passing comet and those who didn’t are fuzzy.  It’s supposed to be anyone outside, or exposed to the outside air through vents for example, either turned to dust or will turn into a zombie in a matter of days.  And if you were inside protected by steel then you’re fine.  So yea, this is damn flimsy.  From what we see almost no one survived the comet’s passing which doesn’t seem right.  Regina’s sister, Samantha (Kelli Maroney (Chopping Mall)), was somehow unaffected simply by hiding out in a garden shed.  Meanwhile elite scientists in an underground lab are decaying because the vents in their facility were left open allowing the contaminated air in.  I mean I think the movie is meant to be a little tongue in cheek but this comes across pretty lazy as a setup to your scenario.

Unfortunately the entire middle portion of the film grinds to a halt after Regina and her sister meet up with another survivor and hide out in a radio station.  I’m not sure if writer/director Thom Eberhardt (Captain Ron) knew what to do after the comet wipes out almost all of humanity.  Characters sorta just bum around for a while until there needs to be a confrontation to kick start the third act.

There’s a very uncomfortable scene between Samantha and her asshole step-mother where they argue and then start slapping each other.  It culminates with the step-mother decking Samantha knocking her on her ass.  Like a straight up punch to a child’s mouth.  They definitely didn’t need to go that far to get the point across that these two don’t get along.

Overall Impressions: I think this is supposed to be a nod to 50’s and 60’s sci-fi horror that was a trend at the time like Invaders from Mars (1986) or The Blob (1988) (although those are direct remakes).  You know, something from space attacks Earth and creates a nightmare scenario and the government/military gets involved.  For this one they keep the tone fairly light by giving Samantha in particular a valley girl carefree attitude towards the entire situation (an inspiration for Buffy the Vampire Slayer).  It’s the end of civilization and she still yammers on about wanting to find cute guys.  And the bad guy scientists are bumbling fools who are supposed to be a threat but not a massive threat.  The zombie cannibals end up being the biggest danger.  Sadly, they’re not in this nearly enough.  They only make a couple of appearances but that was probably to keep the piece from getting too dark or frightening.

This isn’t anything you haven’t seen before and it’s executed fine but not exceptional enough to really stand out.  My biggest issue is that whole middle chunk where nothing much happens.  However, if you want a post-apocalypse film with a cutesy edge here it is.

Harefooted Halloween: Toolbox Murders (2004)

What I Liked: Tobe Hooper can sure make a setting look and feel utterly disgusting.  He did it masterfully with the first two Texas Chainsaws and he does it again here.  The slum apartment building where the whole thing takes place is dingy enough in the areas accessible to the tenants but it’s also under partial renovation making it even more unlivable.  Plus almost nothing works, including the ability to get clean running water, the neighbors are loud and/or obnoxious, the landlord is a total scumbag who refuses to fix anything, the handyman is a weirdo who wears dirty coveralls and occupants keep disappearing.  But again, that’s only the stuff you’re meant to see.  We find out there are secret areas of the building (minor spoiler) that are filled with nasty ass nightmare shit.  Is Hooper simply copying his own aesthetic from Chainsaw?  Well, yea sure.  But damn, it looks fantastically creepy.

Angela Bettis (Bless the Child) goes all out in the lead role, Nell.  Her and her husband (Brent Roam (The Sheild)) just moved in and immediately regret it.  They’re the only sane people in the place.  Nell keeps coming across unusual stuff like she finds a small box filled with human teeth hidden in her wall.  She’s rightfully concerned but since the landlord dismisses everything she takes it upon herself to investigate.  By the end Bettis is a hysterical wreck who goes surprisingly hard for this little slasher movie.  And really most of the cast goes beyond what you would expect for a small budget horror remake (we’ll circle back to that).  Maybe Hooper knows how to get good performances out of his actors.  Or maybe they were all excited to work with a legend despite him being on the outs and having not made anything of note in at least a decade.

The killer uses a different implement for each kill.  That may not be anything new for one of these but I appreciate the effort put into raiding the toolbox and figuring out which items would be the most devastating to employ.  So hammers, saws and the like are all fair game.

(Sort of spoiler on this last item, if you’ve seen one of the posters then you already know what the villain looks like) Even though the design of the bad guy is, once again, something straight out of Texas Chainsaw, it’s still grotesque and I dig it.  He looks more like Darkman than anything else where parts of his face are obscured by a head covering and other parts of his face are missing altogether.  This seems like kind of an extensive makeup job and it pays off.

What I Didn’t Like: The majority of the side characters are pretty annoying and flat.  You’re not really supposed to like any of them that much so you don’t feel bad when they die.  Of course this is typical for a horror picture but due to the handling of the bad guy and overall plot they play a bigger role than normal so that’s unfortunate.

Speaking of the plot, I don’t exactly understand what the hell the backstory is all about.  I won’t go too into it in case you decide to check this one out but, supernatural shit is strongly hinted at and then never fully explained.  We don’t find out why the killer is murdering folks or why anything is happening at all.  It’s confusing.  This is why I mentioned the characters are more important than normal because they need to pick up the slack and they don’t.

Some of the editing goes for that Saw technique that was popular in the mid-2000s where you cut out frames to make some actions seem faster/creepier.  Also, according to Wiki the production shut down early because one of the financing companies went under so they had to make some, uh creative, editing choices.  This is most apparent during the finale where we get some very awkward transitions and then the movie abruptly ends.

Overall Impressions: To be honest I had little hope going into this piece but actually had an alright time.  It’s no lost gem or anything but I will say it’s leagues better than the original film.  Guys, I tried to watch the ’78 version (which has a “The” in front by the way so you don’t choose the wrong one) and it was utterly atrocious, like in every way.  After a half hour I quit and jumped to the remake.  From what I can tell the only real commonality is that they’re about a series of murders in an apartment complex, but otherwise they’re totally different.

Although there are a few issues this is an ok slasher.  It’s fun in the same way that Butcher Boys is where once it goes off the rails it turns into a good time.  A perverse time, but a good time nonetheless.  While not nearly as crazy as that picture you do come out a touch exhausted on the other end.  And with some tweaking, ok a fair amount of tweaking, you could turn this into a Texas Chainsaw sequel.  Based on that you’ll know if this is for you.

Harefooted Halloween: From Beyond the Grave

What I Liked: My favorite story in this anthology set is the one where a demon, or “elemental” as they call it, infiltrates a mild mannered couple’s life.  It tries to strangle the wife in her sleep and scratches her so they call in a daffy psychic/exorcist named Madame Orloff (Margaret Leighton (Under Capricorn)) to get rid of the spirit.  As she’s performing the ritual shit’s flying off the walls and tables, the fireplace is exploding, the wind is rushing and stuff’s going everywhere.  It’s hilarious how much destruction there is.  It’s meant to be funny though.  The exhausting but grateful look on the couple’s face is priceless.  Madame Orloff may be in and out quickly but she’s a stand out character.  My second favorite is probably the first tale about a guy (David Warner (Scream 2)) who purchases an old mirror only to accidentally summon an evil within it.  He’s commanded to murder many people in order to bring the mirror ghost back to the world of the living.  It's actually really nasty because this sonuvabitch must kill like a dozen victims or something leaving a blood soaked apartment in his wake.  There’s also a neat shot when they do a séance with the camera mounted to the center of the table looking out at the guests gathered around and a candle flame in the middle of the frame.  The camera spins around the table as the ritual progresses showing each participant’s reaction to the candle suddenly shooting out a blue flame every couple of seconds.

Peter Cushing (Top Secret!) plays an unassuming vengeful antique shop owner in the wrap arounds.  Each segment revolves around the patrons who bought an item at the shop.  Cushing is always a delight to see and he plays it very understated here.  He knows that if anyone tries to cheat him they’ll get their comeuppance.  Hell, even if they’re perfectly honest customers he still fucks with them.

What I Didn’t Like: One segment involving a man who commits stolen valor and is married to a berating miserable wife is sorta confusing and weird.  He befriends a guy on the street peddling matches and shoelaces and eventually starts spending time at his house with his grown daughter and you wonder where in the heck this is going.  There’s a twist ending (well, they all have twist endings, kind of) that comes out of left field and it makes me think the writer either just starting putting a story together without an ending in mind or had to change the ending for whatever reason and now the whole thing doesn’t make sense.

The last tale about the intricately carved haunted wooden door is a bit weak.  I mean it’s not terrible or anything but it doesn’t amount to much.  Cool set dressing and atmosphere though.

Overall Impressions: Yea another solid anthology picture for ya.  All except one story do involve something from beyond the grave so that’s nice I guess.  The opening credits where the camera is floating through an overgrown graveyard with classic haunted house sounds like screaming, chanting and organ music is amusing and fun.  Not a must see but definitely a good time with minimal investment.

Harefooted Halloween: The Vourdalak

What I Liked: What a nice simple little vampire tale that’s based on an 1839 Tolstoy novella.  A French marquis gets robbed on his travels in eastern Europe so he’s told to go to the Gorcha house where they’ll supply him with food, shelter and a horse to continue on his way.  When he gets to the tiny estate he’s greeted hospitably but the family’s in the middle of a crisis.  Turks have attacked the surrounding area so the patriarch went out to hunt them down for revenge.  He tells them if he doesn’t return in six days then he’s become a vourdalak, or vampire (not sure how that works but ok).  And yep, that’s what happens.  Some members of the family believe he’s completely fine but others think he’s definitely a vampire.  While the family deals with this emergency a horse for the marquis will have to wait leaving him stuck in a sticky situation.  Vampire shit ensues.

On the technical side they knock it out of the park.  The movie is beautifully shot (on film too) with foggy woods, candlelit interiors, a mostly locked down camera and carefully chosen angles to accentuate the puppet’s features (you read that right, we’ll get there) and hide its operators.  The production and costume design also wonderfully immerses you in the late eighteenth/early nineteenth century.  The marquis’ look is the most striking with his almost neon blue coat, powder white face, red hair and red lips.  It contrasts nicely with the Gorcha family’s modest all tan and brown outfits.  The entire picture takes place in the eerie stony Gorcha house and surrounding forest and it all feels appropriately cold, uninviting and with little comforts.  Lastly I want to shout out the period suitable harpsichord soundtrack as well.  It lends effectively to the unsettling atmosphere.

All the performances are good but of course the stand out is Kacey Mottet Klein (Sister) as the marquis.  He’s such a fop in his appearance and manner but thankfully he isn’t a total sniveling annoying idiot.  Instead he’s grateful towards the Gorcha clan for helping him out and is open to the vampire lore.  The guy’s in a foreign land being taken in by folks whose customs he’s unfamiliar with, plus some weird shit has been going on, so he does his best to comprehend and accept the situation.  The marquis isn’t an angel though.  He tries to shag the gypsy black sheep of the group almost as soon as he arrives.  Klein does an excellent job of balancing the scared/concerned and curious/gallant sides of the character.  Not easy to do.

Alright let’s address the dummy in the room.  If you’ve heard of this film the one thing you probably know is that the Gorcha father, the vourdalak, is played by a human sized puppet.  Does it work?  I’m split on it.  On one hand the filmmakers were able to essentially have a corpse star in the lead role with its skeletal structure, hairless body, sickly gray blue complexion, sunken eyes and lipless mouth with protruding teeth.  The thing looks undeniably cool.  On the other hand…

What I Didn’t Like: …its movements are janky as heck, the mouth can’t do anything more than open and shut so talking looks silly and it has a smooth texture all over with no pieces of flesh, hair, veins or anything else you might find on an undead creature.  My point is I never forgot I wasn’t looking at a goddamn puppet.  The character is played seriously though with no hint at satire which I appreciate.  According to director/writer/puppet maker Adrien Beau the decision to use a puppet was made early on.  Budget constraints and a desire to use practical effects are the reasons given.  Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.  And sure, a puppet as your main villain is a kind of selling point.  It’s different.  I would say this decision is more quirky than anything else.  They don’t do anything unique with the puppet that would be impossible otherwise which is perhaps a missed opportunity.  A regular human actor in the role probably would’ve kept you engaged in the story more, but would it be as memorable?  I dunno.  This is a personal preference situation.  You’ll have to watch it for yourself and see how you feel.

Not a huge negative but the pacing is a bit slow.  The filmmakers take their time building atmosphere and suspense which is fine, however, the release of the tension is also a touch slow.

Overall Impressions: I dig this one.  It may not be the best vampire picture but the straightforward story and impressive technical achievements make for a pleasant outing.  I would love to see what Adrien Beau does next because this is a very promising start.

Harefooted Halloween: Hell Night

What I Liked: Decent atmosphere throughout.  They filmed at real mansions so that’s instant production value right there.  They were dressed appropriately and even though the exterior and interior are two different locations they match up well enough.  The entire thing takes place at night so the filmmakers threw in appropriate mood lighting and shadows.  There are entirely too many candles used throughout though.  Like who would have the time and patience to set up and light them all?  As long as you don’t think about how dumb it is having a glut of candles in almost every room it admittedly looks kinda cool.

The lead characters aren’t total douches.  They’re not terribly engaging or memorable either but at least they’re not cloying assholes or anything.  Hey, I’ll take what I can get.

What I Didn’t Like: The premise is totally fine, a group of fraternity/sorority pledges must spend a night in an old abandoned spooky mansion as part of their hazing only to discover *gasp* there’s a killer picking them off, but the execution is not great.  Everything plays out how you think it will.  The last act in particular slows to a goddamned sloth’s pace with the characters taking forever to explore any area before eventually getting attacked.  And I mean c’mon, forcing folks to stay a night in a “haunted house” is incredibly lame for a frat ritual.  Sure it’s not devastatingly mean spirited which is nice, but if I were rushing and this is what they came up with I would dump these lame-o’s pronto.

While the leads are ok all the other side players are pretty damn annoying.  Surfer dude stud muffin, wild party girl, slimy frat bros, they’re all obvious cannon fodder but you wish they would die sooner.

Overall Impressions: This is a fairly typical slasher from the early eighties.  You can see the Halloween influence in the villain being an unspeaking brute, the entire thing taking place on Halloween night (or Hell Night, whatever) and the car attack scene.  Unfortunately there’s not much of interest here.  Linda Blair of The Exorcist fame stars but they give her nothing to do for almost the whole runtime.  The most curious aspect is director Tom DeSimione was really a porno guy who wanted to branch out into more mainstream stuff.  Weirdly there’s zero nudity in the movie.  Even when characters are supposed to be fooling around they all keep their clothes on.  Not common for that era of horror either.

Anyway, unless you’re a slasher purist who needs to track them all down don’t bother with this one.

Harefooted Halloween: Dead of Night

What I Liked: All the stories in this anthology film are in the, uh, sorta classier (?) realm.  They’re more Twilight Zone in spirit despite this coming out fifteen years prior.  So there’s nothing too gruesome or monstrous here.  These are gothic tales that involve death, ghosts, haunted objects, etc. and how they affect the living.

The (not really) twist ending is weirdly satisfying.  Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it.  It’s wide open enough to draw your own conclusions about what you just witnessed while also being definitive enough to be a grim finale no matter what.

What I Didn’t Like: One story about a pair of golfers who make a wager has a fairly disturbing suicidal setup but then they play the rest of it for laughs.  None of the other segments are comedic so that’s fine for one to take a different path but the movie doesn’t pull off the tone shift within this particular one.  It’s the only section I didn’t care for.

The actor who plays the doctor in the wrap arounds constantly takes off and puts on his glasses.  I don’t know if this was the actor’s or director’s decision but it’s distracting as all hell.  Every time this guy says a line he has to pull his glasses off in dramatic fashion just so he can put them back on a moment later.  Leave them alone you oaf!

Overall Impressions: This one may not be as flashy or intriguingly bizarre as the 60’s and 70’s British horror anthology pictures like Asylum, The House that Dripped Blood or Torture Garden, but it’s not as silly as those either.  This was made in the 40’s so there’s going to be more restraint all around.  I dig both styles for different reasons.  Dead of Night is probably more consistent throughout its stories (perhaps with the exception of the golf one I mentioned above) and they remain more mildly stimulating than scary.  Although there are a couple of scenarios that would be downright upsetting in real life due to them involving shit like domestic abuse, child murder and suicide.

The 1972 Tales from the Crypt is still my favorite of these I’ve seen so far though.

Harefooted Halloween: Saloum

What I Liked: Good setup where we have a group of mercenaries who are in the midst of their getaway after stealing some gold when their plane goes down.  Now they’re stranded in middle of nowhere Saloum, Senegal.  While staying in the tiny local town they try to keep cool but something seems off and new obstacles keep popping up like a cop who’s passing through.  So intrigue and tension build quickly.

The characters and performances are pretty nice too.  Our set of bandits each have their own personality like the mystical one with long white deadlocks, the brute with his mohawk who’s always smoking and chewing gum at the same time (gross), and the charmer who tends to keep his leather gloves on, even at dinner, and has a smile a mile wide.  I like these guys because they each offer a unique skill and seem to genuinely care for each other.

A lot of the time the cinematography is well done.  The African landscape plays a big role and they put the beauty of the desert, rivers and bush on full display.

What I Didn’t Like: This is tricky to talk about without going into spoilers but I’ll do my best.  There’s a point where you’ll either stick with the movie or you’ll take the off-ramp and honestly it kinda lost me.  I think I sorta understood what was happening but there isn’t a ton of explanation.  Of course the supernatural stuff could be well known mythology in African culture that I’m just not familiar with so maybe the filmmakers felt they didn’t need to hit you over the head.  Or maybe it’s perfectly clear and I’m just an idiot.

Overall Impressions: The way I feel about this picture is how I’m sure some folks feel about From Dusk Till Dawn, I kinda wish they stuck with the gritty crime thriller the whole way through.  Sure, there were issues with it but I found it more engaging than where the story ultimately goes.  A decent number of rewrites would’ve helped to flesh the characters and plot out more.  The whole thing comes and goes so fast (under 90 mins, which I usually praise) that it’s not enough time to lock in and get acquainted. 

There’s definitely a bunch of cool shit in here though.  There’s an almost Scorsese level of energy to it at times with the shot and editing choices.  And most of the performances are fun.  They’re characters I want to hang with.  Unfortunately it doesn’t totally come together for me in the end.

Harefooted Halloween: Heart Eyes

What I Liked: Boy do they deliver on the Valentine’s Day theme.  Not only does this take place on the day but everywhere you look there are hearts, flowers, reds, pinks, whites, etc.  The locations are typical romantic/date places too like a fancy restaurant, a winery and a drive-in movie theater.  Not to mention the killer is dolled up with literal heart shaped eyes, a smile and shoots arrows from a mini crossbow sorta like a deranged Cupid.

The concept for this is that all the parts where the killer is attacking should feel like a slasher movie and then all the parts where he isn’t should feel like a romantic comedy.  Well, mission accomplished.  And I have to admit after the initial kills of the opening I got a little caught up in the romance plot that follows.  Ally (Olivia Holt (Totally Killer)) and Jay (Mason Gooding (Scream VI)) have their meet cute in a coffee shop by finding out they share the same overly complicated order.  Then later they discover they work for the same jewelry company (another Valentine-y thing).  Ally is on the verge of getting fired because of her disastrous (but funny) ad campaign depicting famous couples in pop culture dying for each other over true love.  The public thinks it’s too insensitive with the Heart Eyes Killer on the loose, as if Ally could’ve predicted when and where this asshole was going to show up.  Jay has been brought on to save the company and work with Ally to come up with a new marketing strategy.  So naturally there’s friction over the delicate situation despite the two being attracted to each other.  As they get to know each other over the course of the day they start to fall for each other.  A pleasantly classic setup, right?  The thing is this section goes on for a decent amount of time so I temporarily forgot I was watching a horror picture.  And right as I’m wondering what’s going to happen next with these two bam! the killer strikes.  The pacing and execution of this stretch is nicely done.  They caught me with my guard down so I was genuinely surprised when the tone shifts.  Amusingly even when there are lulls in the action, like when Ally and Jay are hiding from Heart Eyes, the film momentarily resumes the romance plot where they start hitting it off again.  The particular way the filmmakers mash these two genres together is clever and successful.  Holt and Gooding have pretty good chemistry which is vital, and the killer is a genuine threat so both halves have impact.

What I Didn’t Like: You kinda need to turn your brain off for this one.  There’s a bunch of silly shit in here that doesn’t track for the sake of making the concept work.  While most of that applies to the horror side with your usual teleporting killer shenanigans and incompetent cops and such, I have to say that the romance side is also a bit creepy if you think about it.  Jay is Ally’s boss and on his first day of work he asks her out on a date under the guise of a “work meeting”.  Not only is Ally pressured into it but Jay doesn’t even know if Ally is single (she actually just got out of a relationship).  Then when they go on the date, sorry “business dinner”, Jay is offput by Ally’s dispirited view of romance and love so he decides to split.  This jerk conduct is meant to make you think he might be the killer.  However, as a consequence most of the time this guy comes off more like a predatory piece of shit than the hopeless Romeo he’s supposed to be.

Overall Impressions: If you can push past Jay’s gross behavior and some of the other nonsense there’s an ok slasher movie in here.  The film doesn’t take itself that seriously which helps a lot.  I appreciate the dedication to the theme and detail put into the romantic comedy parts (questionable as they might be).  And the horror parts are put together fine with plenty of carnage to go around.

Harefooted Halloween: The First Omen

What I Liked: When this came out buzz was flying around about Nell Tiger Free’s (Game of Thrones) lead performance and yea, she’s excellent.  It takes a while for things to really get going so in the beginning she comes across affable and a bit naïve maybe but nothing too heavy or special.  It’s when shit amps up in the third act that Free goes all out in being terrorized, traumatized and brutalized by Satan and his summoners.  The sheer physicality she puts her body through and the look of absolute horror on her face at times is astonishing.  Of course the big scene is the homage to the freakout in Possession which is a damn hard task to take on but remarkably Free rises to the challenge.

Interestingly what steals the movie for me is the cinematography (Aaron Morton (Evil Dead (2013), Our Flag Means Death)).  It’s pretty to look at with a mostly locked down camera that also somehow feels floaty.  There’s a sense that you’re gliding through the film and that nothing is completely solid, if that makes any sense.  The techniques used don’t come across show-offy either, just very confident.

What I Didn’t Like: Overall the story is fine, good even, but the first two thirds of the movie are a bit slow.  Things play out like a boiler plate ghost/demon picture with the protagonist seeing weird images or thinking creepy things are attacking her for a moment and so on.  And it’s all punctuated by lame ass dumb ass jump scares.  It’s frustrating because the elegance of the cinematography makes it seem like the film should be above that shit.

The title is strangely literal.  Going into this I thought “so there was another devil boy before Damien?”  Nope.  They’re saying “this is your starting point in the Omen series, this is what happened directly before the original.”  A generic subtitle like “Abomination” or “666” would’ve been terrible though, so at least that didn’t happen.  At the same time what they went with is lazy in its own way.

Overall Impressions: This is alright.  For a part 5 you could certainly do a lot worse.  Honestly, the script is kinda mediocre where I always felt I was one step ahead of it, but the execution is way better than what you would normally see.  Director Arkasha Stevenson does a bang up job here on her first big feature where you can tell she put a lot of care and effort into what should’ve been a throwaway cash grab.  I have to believe that her being a woman brought a fresh perspective to the franchise too.  Like even in a universe where a healthy young woman is absolutely crucial for the devil and his followers’ scheme to succeed she still gets treated like total crap.  I’m very curious to see what Stevenson does next.

So this film is a mixed bag with the first two acts feeling like something out of the dreadful The Conjuring pictures and the much better last act being a combination of The Omen, Rosemary’s Baby and Possession.  With that said I think it’s easily the best Omen sequel.  Parts 2-4 all follow the same formula as the first with folks catching on to Damien being the Anti-Christ and then Damien killing them before they can inform the rest of the world.  This one takes a completely different approach by digging into the backstory of the religious group that wants the devil to walk the Earth.  The filmmakers do some retconning, which may or may not annoy you but it didn’t bother me, and they actually leave the door open for a sequel.  I have no idea where you go from here but I guess I could do another one.

Harefooted Halloween: The Purge: Anarchy

What I Liked: Frank Grillo (Warrior) as the action lead is fine.

What I Didn’t Like: The rest.

Overall Impressions: Guys, I got beef.  After seeing two installments I can conclude I strongly dislike The Purge series.  They’re not fun or clever or artistically well made or anything.  They just stink.  And I know I’m being harsh but these movies are infuriating.

I was hoping Part 2 was going to get me on board after an unsatisfactory Part 1 but nope, still not into it.  The concept of crime being legal for one day of the year while the rest of the time American society is supposedly completely normal is an impossibility that I can’t wrap my head around or accept.  This would need to be a post-apocalypse type scenario to get any sort of traction but that’s not the setup.  In fact hours and even minutes before the purge begins people are out casually driving around, going to the grocery store, calmly boarding up their homes and acting like total mayhem and ruin is not about to occur.  It’s such an awkward notion that these two ideas of society could co-exist that it doesn’t compute.

And I know I said this in the Part 1 review but I believe the legal crime gimmick actually makes these films worse.  Motivation is eliminated.  People kill simply because they can.  There’s no reason for you to get invested.  There’s no depth, consequences or stakes.  Let’s take an example from Anarchy.  At one point we’re shown a ballroom full of elegantly dressed rich folks who auction off kidnapped lower class people to be murdered.  Since this is all above board, and even expected to a certain extent, in the context of the movie there’s no bite to it.  Anything goes, so do what you want.  But if this scene took place in the regular world it would be incredibly disturbing in a Most Dangerous Game type way because it’s an insane underground event that’s completely against all societal and moral norms.

Here's another example (spoilers…who fucking cares?), we eventually find out that the government is covertly purging the population because citizens aren’t racking up enough bodies (meaning poorer people) on their own.  This is intended to be a holy shit moment but again, with the setup presented this is all totally legal so why should I give a shit?  Now if this storyline took place in the regular world this would be some really scary shit and a legitimate conspiracy.

Even though Anarchy is ever so slightly better than the original it’s still bad.  Writer/director James DeMonaco said he went for an Escape from New York vibe which definitely comes through.  Instead of one family defending a single location we have a random group of non-purgers (those that may or may not condone the holiday but abstain from participating regardless) get stuck on the streets of LA and try to stay alive until dawn.  Most encounters go down the same way with little ingenuity where it’s just some asshole with a gun shooting at them.  And a lot of scenes end deus ex machina style with someone coming to the rescue at the last second with a gun of their own.  It gets tedious quick.

This is repetitive, I know, but the core idea of this franchise is too flawed for me to turn off my brain and enjoy.  Even putting aside the major mistake the filmmakers made of having ALL crime be legal for twelve hours (so shit like rape, torture, devastation of food supplies, billion dollar theft, etc. are fine yet the filmmakers didn’t want to touch on these horrible acts in any way (in the first two Purges at least) because they’re, you know, sorta unpleasant), when they really meant only bodily harm/murder is permitted, shit still doesn’t add up.

The opening exposition from the filmmakers, not characters within the film mind you but the filmmakers themselves, states that due to the success of the purge crime, poverty and unemployment are virtually non-existent.  In my mind this conjures up an image of a nation comprised essentially of 100% wealthy blood hungry psychopaths.  But that’s not what we’re shown.  Instead the world outside of the purge hours is revealed to be astoundingly ordinary and recognizable.  We see affluent communities sure, but also plenty of folks that don’t look well off.  Moreover, LA still has a dingy appearance, gangs continue to roam around and financial crimes still occur.  So not the utopia we’re led to believe.  I mean if anything you would think the purge would increase crime because once you let the dog off the leash why would society go back to acting like perfect citizens when the timer’s up?  But amazingly this is what happens.  People are pointing guns at each other, all hopped up and crazy, but then the bell chimes to end the purge and they all put their weapons down and walk away.  They obey instantly.  What the fuck?  I refuse to buy that.

No matter what angle you approach the concept, story or characters from it never makes any goddamn sense.  What sane normal non-purger person would put up with this?  Between the mass death, ravaged economy from the enormous destruction and immensely broken society I would think they would leave the country.  I don’t care that the film attempts to hand wave this away by saying everything is peachy beyond those twelve hours.  You can’t have both at the same time.

Say what you want about the Saws but the soap opera plot twists offer tons of intrigue plus the deathtraps are imaginative, if convoluted, contraptions.  And the Final Destinations with their Rube Goldberg-esque kills and ability to have a tongue-in-cheek attitude are plain fun.  Hell, the John Wick pictures may be live action cartoons where every sequence is over the top but visually they’re beautiful and the creativity put into the jaw dropping choreography makes them treasures.  The Purges on the other hand are ugly productions stuffed with poorly executed horror/action tropes with heavy handed messaging that take themselves way too seriously.  They’re not entertaining which is a shame.  They’re kinda trash.

Full disclosure, originally I was planning on covering the entire series but I can’t do it.  I’m tapping out after Part 2.  You could say I’m purging this franchise from my life.

Harefooted Halloween: The Purge

What I Liked: Nada.  Well ok, that one fight in the game room with the billiard table, the pinball machine and the ax is kinda fun.

What I Didn’t Like: Everything else.

Overall Impressions: Look, I’ve always thought the idea for The Purge was pretty stupid so when I finally sat down to see it I was a little surprised that it was even worse than I expected.  Nothing in the film makes a lick of sense or is all that compelling or suspenseful.

If this were a simple home invasion horror/thriller picture that took place in the regular world would it make a difference?  I argue yes, it would actually improve the thing.  I get that a huge part of the draw (or maybe the whole draw) is the crime-is-legal-one-night-a-year gimmick but in my opinion it detracts from the investment I’m supposed to have.  We know there’s no possibility of anyone coming to help the one family who’s fine with the idea of the purge but doesn’t participate themselves.  We also know there are no consequences for the intruders so again, why should I care?

I mean jeez, I could run down a long list of all the reasons why the framework for the film is total nonsense (which it wants us to take completely seriously by the way) like a good chunk of the country burns to the ground every year making a full recovery never achievable so commerce is basically fucked.  Yet everything seems to be hunky dory when it ain’t purging time.  But probably the biggest fuck up the filmmakers made when they put this crap together is they tell us that all crime is legal for twelve hours when I think they really meant bodily harm is legal.  So to be clear, every single crime on the books is fair game.  Sure, there are some bullshit exceptions like that the highest level government officials are off limits and only “class 4 weapons and lower can be used”, whatever that means, we never find out, but I doubt anyone with a murder boner is gonna give a flying fuck.  Anyway, shit like robbing banks, jewelry stores, cyber crimes, poisoning a water supply, creating your own army to wipe out entire cities (using class 4 weapons only of course), insurrection (without killing top officials of course) and so on is all totally fine!  The picture ignores this extremely ugly stuff even though the parameters allow for it.  What they really had in mind is what they show, physical one on one altercations, mostly murder.  It’s frickin’ weird how this slipped through.  I dunno, maybe they thought crafting very specific rules was going to be too hard for the audience to follow, plus “all crime is legal” has a cleaner nicer ring to it.  Whatever.

Boy, I hate to be this down on what should’ve been a fine thriller that just happened to be teed up on an idiotic, but ultimately ignorable, platform.  Unfortunately the setup and execution are so dumb I can’t get beyond it.  The most unique element of the film is also its worst aspect.  On top of that half the movie’s in the goddamn dark because the lights go out and we can’t see shit and can’t tell what the hell’s going on and every decision every character makes is infuriating and plot points are tediously predicable and the commentary and messaging is ham fisted as hell and, *sigh*, this thing sucks man.

Harefooted Halloween: Q (aka Q: The Winged Serpent)

What I Liked: Now this is a wacky straightforward story I can get behind.  A huge flying creature is going around NYC scooping up folks from rooftops and killing/eating them.  It’s up to the cops and one unsuspecting low-life civilian to stop it.  Sure, why not?

While Michael Moriarty’s (Troll, A Return to Salem’s Lot) character, Jimmy Quinn, is an annoying sleazebag his performance is good.  Quinn is a small time criminal with a checkered past who always blames others for his problems and leverages his unique knowledge about the monster for financial gain.  Moriarty nails this guy.  The way he speaks, his mannerisms and intensity all feel true to life.  I think we’re supposed to believe he has a heart of gold deep inside but we never really see that.  In a completely superfluous scene we find out he can play decent jazz piano which I guess is supposed to add dimension?  I dunno.  My point is while Quinn is irritating I can make a separation in my mind and appreciate the craft that went into the character.  Shoutout to Richard Rountree (Earthquake) who also gives a memorable performance as one of the cops investigating the bizarre deaths around town.

You know I gotta give it up for how they handled the dragon (I’m calling it that; throughout the movie they say “bird” but it has four legs, a pair of wings, a long tail, no feathers and is at least a hundred feet tall).  David Allen (The Howling, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Willow) and Randy Cook (Fright Night, Poltergeist II, The Lord of the Rings trilogy) use every trick in the book to sell it.  Stop motion animation, puppets, models, rear screen projection, POV angles, quick editing, etc.  And the end result doesn’t look half bad.  By that extension it doesn’t look half good either but for a low budget picture like this they did a totally admirable job.

That badass hand painted poster is fuckin’ cool as hell.  Boris Vallejo of Barbarella and National Lampoon’s Vacation fame did an awesome job.

What I Didn’t Like: This was a very rushed production with a relatively low budget so there’s a lot of head scratching in here.  A bunch of the time you’ll be asking yourself why is this person doing this?  Or where are they?  Or what’s going on now exactly?  Or how does no one in NYC notice an enormous flying beast going around murdering people and who nests in the top of the Chrysler Building?  Sure, you’re not supposed to take the film deadly seriously but it’s still a lot to accept.

They give an explanation as to why the dragon exists and that wasn’t necessary.  Supernatural elements in the form of ancient magic are introduced which I personally don’t care for.  I would’ve preferred the creature just exists to leave more mystery.  Asking why could’ve been explored in a sequel (there wasn’t one).

Overall Impressions: Certainly not for everyone.  It’s a mashup of Godzilla, Ray Harryhusen and Jaws with all the positives and negatives that come with that territory.  It’s a B picture so the script, acting and dialogue aren’t the best.  You also really need to suspend your disbelief with the base premise.  However, if you like the 1998 Godzilla there are plenty of similarities.

For what this is though I had a good time.  This is such an effects heavy project and they pulled off a miracle, especially since almost no pre-production was done.  Writer/director Larry Cohen (It’s Alive, The Stuff, writer: Maniac Cop) just shot stuff and worried about all the effects later which sounds like a nightmare to piece together.  But his team pulled through and the end result is a fun watchable creature feature.  Not only that but the score is nice, the cinematography is dynamic with lots of helicopter footage and even some parts that look like they were shot guerrilla style around NYC, the pacing is great with the dragon taking plenty of victims throughout, they got to shoot at the real Chrysler Building including the very top attic that naturally looks gloriously like a garbage dump and so on.  It’s kinda more impressive than an actual good movie.