Mortal Kombat (2021)

The new Mortal Kombat movie is surprisingly confusing.  It starts off in 1600’s Japan with the guy who would eventually become Sub-Zero (Joe Taslim (The Raid: Redemption)) invading the home of the guy who would eventually become Scorpion (Hiroyuki Sanada (Ringu)).  We’re thrown into this situation where guards and baddies are being picked off left and right and one dude can form icicles out of his hand and another guy’s body disappears in flames and we don’t know why they’re fighting and it’s supposed to be very emotional and this doesn’t look too much like the video game and I don’t know what’s going on.

Skip to modern day where washed up MMA fighter Cole Young (Lewis Tan (Deadpool 2)) scrapes by on $200 matches he never wins.  Jax (Mehcad Brooks (Glory Road)) pays a visit because they both share a dragon shaped marking on their bodies.  We find out this means they’ve been chosen to fight in a mystical otherworldly competition for the fate of Earthrealm (Earth) and must travel to Raiden’s (Tadanobu Asano (Thors)) temple to train.  Now we’re getting into more familiar territory.  I can follow this part.

But what’s really kinda weird about this film is (and spoiler) there’s no tournament.  Instead villain Shang Tsung (Chin Han (2012)) decides to cheat and kill off his opponents before the official bouts.  Not a cool move.  So I get the filmmakers wanted to do their own thing instead of replicating the 1995 picture which followed a classic kumite structure but ditching the tournament altogether definitely comes off as a sequel idea.  I kept waiting for the contest to formally start and was disappointed when that never happened.

Another strange mix up is creating an original character for the lead.  I thought maybe Cole Young was from one of the later games because I didn’t recognize him (I’ve only played the first two entries) but read afterward he was made up just for this movie.  Why?  You’re telling me there isn’t a character from any of the games that could be a suitable main hero?  Why not give it to Sonya (Jessica McNamee (The Meg))?  The only change you would need is to have her be less knowledgeable about the tourney from the get go so she can learn with the audience about what’s happening.

It’s not only Cole Young that’s an issue though.  All the characters are pretty bland except for Sonya who’s alright and Kano (Josh Lawson (Bombshell)) who steals the show.  Literally every one of his lines is a smarmy joke and normally that would get real fuckin’ old real fuckin’ fast but I didn’t mind it here.  I think because most of the stuff he says I actually found funny.  This was probably one of those situations where he had a smaller role initially but then the filmmakers realized they had struck gold and gave him more lines during production.

Can we touch on the special powers for a minute?  Each fighter has some sort of unique ability and the movie attempts to explain this by saying every contender has it in them already and they need to unlock it through pain/will/aggression, something like that.  The powers are ridiculously random though like throwing fireballs, a magic hat that can act as a deadly frisbee or sawblade, a laser eye and there’s a human sized lizard that can spit acid and turn invisible.  Anything goes.  Yes, these are the characters from the games.  I know.  It’s just silly that they felt like they needed to give some reason for their abilities like it’s a metaphor for tapping into one’s inner strength/confidence.

Ok, let’s move on to the fighting.  While a lot of it is fairly choppy in the editing, overall it’s fine.  Nothing really crazy or impressive to marvel at but solid martial arts mixed with fantasy elements like teleporting or forming an ice sword in mid combat or summoning a gargantuan fire dragon to…set someone on fire.  It’s the video game inspired maneuvers that make these scenes stand out and one of the coolest moments in the whole piece (which was in the trailer so you’ve seen it already) is when Sub-Zero freezes Scorpion’s blood that’s shooting out of his body to form an instant ice spike to stab him with.

From that last statement you can probably guess they don’t shy away from the gore either.  Although, they wait until towards the end to amp it way up.  You got shit like folks getting sawed in half vertically, intestines spilling out and heads getting crushed.  The filmmakers stayed faithful to the source material in this area so I have to at least give them credit for that.

However, the catchphrases like “flawless victory”, “Kano wins” and the infamous “get over here!” all feel extremely shoehorned in.  Like they sound sorta stupid in the context of everything else in the movie which is mostly serious.  It’s more like what a little kid would say rather than something truly badass.

Unfortunately the dialogue and acting in general is not very good.  Lots of tropes you’ve heard before and delivered flatly.

Even though this review came out pretty damn negative this isn’t a horrible picture.  Some of the fights and Kano are enjoyable enough.  Everything else is either forgettable (the characters) or doesn’t exactly seem Mortal Kombat-y (the opening, the plot).  And there’s unnecessary confusion sprinkled throughout concerning special abilities and how they work, the fact that they constantly talk about this incredibly important fate-of-humanity-hangs-in-the-balance tournament yet they never actually deliver on it, etc.

Look, the 1995 version is a dumb fuckin’ movie but there’s a charm in how campy it is and it feels more like the video game come to life.  I can appreciate they went in a different direction this time but there were a bunch of questionable choices made.  I’m not sure if I’ll end up revisiting this.

Father Hood

Strap in ‘cause this one’s gonna get weird.  Tone, the circumstances during filming and the possible inspiration for the plot are all questionable decisions.

Let’s start with the last part first.  Jack Charles (Patrick Swayze (Dirty Dancing)) is a small time thief who’s about to take down the biggest score of his life.  His wife died leaving him with two kids, eighteen year old Kelly (Sabrina Lloyd (Sliders)) and ten year old Eddie (Brian Bonsall (Blank Check)).  He stuck them in foster care though because they cramp his style.  Kelly escapes and goes to Jack for help telling him the kids at the center are being beaten and sexually abused.  Jack isn’t interested at first but when he looks into her accusations he sees that they’re true.  He breaks Eddie out and now the three of them are on the run from the cops.  The bulk of the film is a road adventure from LA to New Orleans with Jack and co. dodging trouble at every turn.

Now according to IMDb some of these events (or maybe just one) were based on a guy named Mike Hardy who was a con that also kidnapped his daughter from foster care and he’s listed as a technical consultant on the film.  And this shit seems to line up because I found an LA Times article from 1990 about a Mike Hardy who was being charged for murdering his wife and it mentions the kidnapping incident.  He rammed into a van and held folks at gun point while in the movie Jack Charles pulls over a school bus and shoves a gun in people’s faces.  When Hardy was convicted a second article talks about Nicholas Pileggi testifying in the case. Pileggi produced Father Hood (and Goodfellas).  Fuckin’ out there, right?

OK, let’s talk about the tone.  It’s erratic as a sonuvabitch.  A lot of what the movie deals with like child abuse, child abandonment, child endangerment, juvenile centers being run like prisons, sexual abuse, trauma, etc. are pretty heavy topics.  And the picture is mostly shot and edited in a serious manner.  What I can’t fucking understand are the music choices.  They smack a rockabilly Stray Cats sorta thing on there every once in a while and it instantly makes the scenes ridiculously silly.  Either the filmmakers hedged their bet and hoped to appeal to a broader audience by lightening up the mood or they had no goddamn clue what they were doing.

The relationship Jack has with his kids is supposed to be humorous at times as well but I don’t find that to be nearly as big of a problem as the soundtrack.  Jack is a larger than life figure, Elvis wannabe, wears gaudy silk shirts with ugly ass designs, gold rimmed sunglasses, rings, sports a 50’s greaser hairdo, drives a 70’s Cadillac, you know exactly who this guy is.  He’s too cool for school so I can see the comedy in pairing him with kids aged eighteen and ten who argue and call him out on his bullshit.

This is a movie so odd matchups can be charming.  In real life though Jack would be a total piece of shit who pawned his kids off on the system long ago.  This is another tonal issue.  Jack lets it be known he’s not into his children, even yelling at them that he’s not their father (untrue), yet he never fails to rescue them from danger or put his own life at risk to save them.  I know humans are complicated but bouncing back and forth the opposite ends of the spectrum of love and hate wears on you.  It feels more like he learns to love his kids because the film needs him to rather than the progression happening naturally.

And the corny as shit courtroom speech at the end (without a doubt the worst part of the film) about how his children were ripped from his arms and he only wanted the best for them and you gotta be a responsible parent rings utterly hollow.  The head of the juvenile center protests “the man kidnaped his children, doesn’t that mean anything to anyone here?!”  Earlier in the movie this guy is shown to be a scumbag of the highest order but he’s not wrong right there!  The whole proceeding then devolves into a farce with arguments flying up and down unrelated to the current trial, death threats and assault.  No real judge would ever allow this crap.  At least there’s some correction of events with Jack getting fifteen months.

So we have a disreputable anti-hero guy, intense themes being vaguely explored, a terrible choogling slap bass soundtrack and a clash of personalities for comic relief.  What else does this need?  You guessed it, ACTION!  This crew goes on several car chases, a speedboat chase, commits attempted armed robbery and Jack jumps from the hood of a fuckin’ truck onto a fuckin’ boat being towed by a fuckin’ trailer.  Somehow, amazingly, these parts are done really well.  It’s crystal clear, has satisfying hits and is nicely choreographed.  And this is where I’m conflicted.  The more adventure-y aspects of this thing are kinda great because there’s a drive to them.  Jack needs to be in New Orleans by a certain day and has to keep moving if he’s gonna make his mark.  Ducking the police along the way adds to the sense of danger and urgency.

Another highlight are the performances.  Sabrina Lloyd is definitely the best.  She’s acting her ass off trying to convince Jack that foster is a hell hole and demands a better life for her and her brother.  She’s tough as nails and is careful to not let her guard down because she’s had a real rough upbringing and been through a lot of shit.  Lloyd gives the character some breathing room too like she gets a little giddy when Jack asks her to take over driving for a while so he can sleep.  She’s never driven before and with a smile exclaims “this is cool!”

Patrick Swayze is fun too and he looks like he’s having an awesome time but then I read he was hitting rock bottom with his alcoholism during the shoot.  Makes me view his performance a bit differently.  I mean he still brings joy to the movie but it’s really sad to know he wasn’t in a good place.  He checked into rehab the same year this film came out so he finally got the help he needed (until his relapse ten years later).

This was written by Scott Spencer (Endless Love) who’s more of a novelist.  It’s difficult to tell his original intent but I wanna say he meant for this to be taken seriously and the studio then tried to fill it with jokes and a boogie woogie soundtrack.  Who knows?

South African director Darrell Roodt (Sarafina!) got the call and as far as the actual shooting and performances go he does a fine job.  On certain technical levels it’s totally competent.  Like Spencer I’m not sure how much of the messy end result is his fault.  Disney made the movie (through Hollywood Pictures) so that makes me think they did some enormous meddling to shave the hard edges off.  Of course that raises the question of why they would greenlight the film in the first place considering the subject matter and their brand.

Jeez guys, I was all set to say maybe check this one out if sudden tonal changes don’t bother you but I dunno if I can do that anymore.  The really weighty shit like a pregnant teen being torn away from the woman who raised her and being dragged back to foster is heart wrenching.  But then Swayze’s kinda funny with his cocksure performance.  And then there’s that speedboat helicopter chase that’s really neat.  It needs to pick a lane badly.

The more I found out about this movie the creepier I felt about liking it even a little.  Between apparently basing the lead character on a shady crook (and later convicted murderer), knowing about Swayze’s alcohol addiction during filming and the bizarre choices in tone puts a damper on the enjoyment.  I mean how does this shit sound to you?  Do you wanna hang out with a hood who’s also a father and watch him grow into the idea of fatherhood while the rest of the picture comments on how fucked up a whole bunch of kids are treated both in foster care and by their parents?  It’s a lot.  It’s too much for a movie pushing a somewhat family friendly spin on a story about a criminal with a heart of gold who falls in love with his abandoned kids during a road trip (crime spree). 

Dragonslayer

This one’s refreshingly straightforward with just enough nuttiness for a thoroughly enjoyable watch.  What’s it called?  Dragonslayer.  What’s it about?  A group of medieval villagers recruit a wizard to murder a motherfuckin’ dragon.  Bam.  Right to the point.

What’s kinda interesting is the story around the task at hand.  For instance the dragon is holding the town hostage.  Unless she (you bet your boots it’s a strong independent woman dragon) gets her human female virgin sacrifice once every five years she’ll burn the place down.  Oh and the dragon’s name is Vermithrax Pejorative.  Wow, cool.  Although I had to look it up, I don’t remember anyone actually saying it in the movie but whatever.

Another odd tidbit is there’s this one local virgin named Valerian (Caitlin Clarke (Blown Away)) who pretends to be a boy to get out of the death lottery.  She knows her days are still numbered though, plus she’s had enough of this bullshit, so she spearheads the plan for help.  Problem is the sorcerer (Ralph Richardson (Tales from the Crypt (1972))) gets killed before he sets out on the journey (sorta complicated to explain) leaving his apprentice, Galen (Peter MacNicol (Heat (1986))), to take the job.

At first Galen seems personality-less but he grew on me.  What’s different about this character is despite his youth and inexperience he’s actually very brave.  He never backs down from a fight and doesn’t think twice about hunting down the dragon.  Ok, he displays some mild arrogance here and there.  But at the same time he’s devoid of macho man bluster that was incredibly popular at the time.  In appearance he’s basically the opposite of Conan the Barbarian, short and lanky with soft features.  I think that’s ultimately what makes him appealing though.  He’s a seemingly average dude that’s definitely in over his head but he wants to help these people and admirably sees his task through.  Well, he’s also in love with Valerian but his heroism doesn’t come off as showboating either.

While the story could’ve been adjusted a bit (the finale is unfortunately anticlimactic) and there are several superfluous characters the main draw is that dragon and the showdown with Galen.  Leading up to this we only catch brief glimpses of the creature’s claws, tail, back of the head, fire breath and her swooping by in the sky quickly.  It’s the usual mix of building suspense, keeping you hungry for more, smart filmmaking and trying to keep the budget down.

When Galen’s ready to duke it out mano a draco he gets ahold of a super sharp spear from the local blacksmith and a shield made of dragon scales woven by Valerian.  The shield idea is particularly clever because if a monster can breath fire then wouldn’t its outer skin be somewhat flameproof to help protect itself?

Anyway, there’s some silly business outside the beast’s lair with Galen having to first fend off the film’s human antagonist (John Hallam (The Wicker Man)).  This asshole is absolutely unnecessary.  Not only does he want Galen to fail in his mission but he wants to actively kill him just because.  There’s no real reason.

So once we’re through with that dipshit we go deep inside the ominously lit rocky cave where Galen encounters dragon babies.  They’re nasty demons that look like grotesque mutated bats the size of a large dog.  They’re gnawing on a virgin sacrifice with one biting her foot clean off (did I mention this is rated PG?).  This sequence reminds me a little of the rodents of unusual size part of The Princess Bride.  The movie may have come out after Dragonslayer but the book was released well before.

After all that fooling around Galen finally makes his way into a colossal cavern with a lake…that’s on fire!  Vermithrax sneaks up out of the water from behind and we get our big reveal and holy fucking shit this thing is fuckin’ awesome looking!  It was such a dramatic build up to this confrontation and it delivers in spades.  A bunch of filmmakers (nerds) have said this is their favorite dragon on film and you know what?  I agree.  It has the perfect shape with a sharp snout, beady eyes, a serpent neck, horns, spikes, pointed wings, razor talons, etc.  Alright fine, that sounds like every dragon ever.  I’m not doing this thing justice.  Look up pictures.

And the ensuing bout is badass as hell.  Galen uses the shield to protect himself against massive streams of fire and tries his best to get stabs in whenever he can.  They figured out how to not make the fight feel completely one sided like the dragon should obliterate him in a second.  Galen works with what he’s got and gives the bitch a run for her money.

Now of course this achievement is largely due to the phenomenal effects.  The good folks at ILM put forth an amazing bonanza of practical gags.  They use every trick in the book including new ones for the time like go motion, an offshoot of stop motion that attempts to incorporate motion blur making the movement seem more realistic.  They were also using this technique in The Empire Strikes Back and ET.  And at least in Dragonslayer it does look better than stop motion.

One minus is Vermithrax doesn’t look so hot while flying which appears jerky, stiff and sorta blurry.  Part of the reason why the finale falls flat is an overreliance on having the dragon fly.  And I totally get it on paper that it sounds tremendous but it doesn’t look nearly as nice as when she’s slithering around in her cave.

This is your typical boys adventure film that was made immensely popular by folks like Lucas and Spielberg from the 70’s to the 90’s.  And that makes sense since collaborator Matthew Robbins wrote this (with his buddy Hal Barwood) and directed.  He also wrote The Sugarland Express, did some additional writing on Close Encounters of the Third Kind and even the THX short.  His biggest claim to fame directing wise is probably *batteries not included which was produced by Spielberg.

While it’s got its fair share of issues the positives are real strong.  Aside from the kick ass effects the production design (Elliott Scott (Indian Jones, Roger Rabbit)) and score (Alex North who apparently recycled his unused music from 2001) are also top notch.  The characters aren’t the strongest but they’re likeable and the story throws in a few curious details to keep your interest.  It’s worth checking out for that lady dragon alone.