Runaway Train

Oscar “Manny” Manheim (Jon Voight (Heat, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2)) has been locked away in solitary confinement for three years.  He’s a safecracker not convicted of any violent crimes, but after multiple escape attempts and many other prisoners looking up to him like a god he’s deemed too dangerous to be treated like a normal inmate.  The warden (John P. Ryan (Best of the Best, Class of 1999)) would be more than happy to leave him in there forever but the state of Alaska rules Manny can’t be treated like that anymore.  As soon as he’s let out someone tries to shank him, a desperate move coordinated by the warden, so Manny decides to escape once more.  Buck (Eric Roberts (Best of the Best II, Final Analysis)) tags along for the ride and the two board a train.  Unfortunately they have some shitty luck because the conductor dies of a heart attack and the brakes fail leading to the train careening down the rails picking up more and more speed and facing more and more obstacles.  We got ourselves a runaway train my friends.

The idea of an out of control unmanned train is really cool.  The filmmakers exploit all the dangers very well like having a collision with another locomotive, high speed turns that threaten to tip the cars over, an unstable bridge, our characters moving from car to car while avoiding falling in between them and all that kinda great shit.  There’s also the excellent addition of a panicked group of folks in a control room tearing their hair out over how to switch tracks and other trains around to evade total catastrophe.

All of that is wonderful but what makes this a top tier picture are the characters and performances.  Eric Roberts is so good as a slimy motor mouth punk full of energy.  He’s in prison for raping a fifteen year old girl which adds a grotesque layer to his young-dumb-full-of-cum demeanor.  And this character is essential because we need a contrast to Manny’s wisdom as well as his cruelty.

Manny truly isn’t afraid of anything.  He takes his three year solitary in stride, confronts his assassin head on, breaks out of jail into snowy below freezing conditions and doesn’t give up trying to solve his runaway train problem.  And if you cross him or get on his bad side he’ll cut you down to size both physically and verbally.  We witness this abuse when Buck is unable to climb to the lead engine which could potentially save their lives.  Manny beats Buck within an inch of his life.

Voight is perfect in the role and gives one of the most incredible badass performances of all time.  He’s confident, driven and always has a wild look in his eye.  One of my favorite parts is when Manny delivers a speech to Buck about how he shouldn’t be a petty criminal anymore and get some shitty job and hang on to it like it’s the best thing in the world.  Voight’s passion in the scene jumps right into your heart and you wouldn’t dream of being on that crazy train with anyone else.

There’s one aspect of the film I don’t care for though and it’s how the warden is handled.  He’s a terrible person who doesn’t seem to give a fuck about his prisoners.  Hell, it’s implied that he even tries to murder them if he thinks they’re too much trouble.  And the movie validates his behavior several times throughout.  For example, he doesn’t want to let Manny out of solitary because he thinks he might escape again and then that’s exactly what happens.  He thinks Manny is an animal who will hurt people and that ends up happening too.  At one point he shoves the chief control room guy’s face in a toilet because that dude was curt to him for being preoccupied with finding ways to save people’s lives and dodge further destruction caused by the train.  Of course the control room guy apologies and I think it’s meant to be sort of a comic relief moment.  I wish they either hadn’t made the warden such a mean bastard or show that his brute tactics weren’t all that effective.

You could also argue that Rebecca de Mornay (The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, Risky Business) being on board the train isn’t necessary.  It’s true that if she were removed nothing would really change.   However, she’s there to convey information to Manny and Buck (and the audience) and helps to move the story forward.  Including this character actually comes off kinda lazy but the rest of the picture is so strong it’s inconsequential.

This was originally written by Akira Kurosawa (yes, that Akira Kurosawa) who couldn’t get it off the ground and eventually gave up.  I don’t know how much of the story remains from his version but that baseline kernel plot is gold.  And I’m sure I’m not the only one that would’ve been interested to see Kurosawa’s take on the material.

But I don’t want to shortchange what we have.  This was directed by Andrey Konchalovskiy (Tango & Cash) and he did a fantastic job.  The plot moves well, the acting is superb and all the gimmicks with the train are a lot of fun and keep you short of breath.

I love this movie for not only taking us on an awesome adventure but also for introducing and letting us spend time with enduring badass characters.  If you haven’t jumped on board this mother then what are you waiting for?

Vertical Limit

Vertical Limit pushes me to the limit of what I’ll accept with its limitless nonsense limiting my enjoyment of the film.  Alright, alright I think I’ve come to the number of “limits” I can use.  I’m limiting myself from here on out so beware, this will be a limited review.

Oh boy, nothing about this movie holds up.  From the casting of leads Chris O’Donnell (Batman Forever, Batman & Robin) and Robin Tunney (The Craft, Empire Records) to the bad CGI avalanches to the cheap looking green screening to the stoner dude bro comic relief characters to the idea of scaling K2 (the second highest mountain in the world) not being dangerous enough so they throw in human bad guys as well (they pulled the same shit in Twister where apparently deadly tornadoes weren’t adequately villainous) and etc.

Then there’s the just flat out stupid shit.  One of the most baffling things is each member of the rescue team that goes looking for the three trapped climbers carries nitroglycerin with them so they can blast away the snow to get to the survivors.  First off, they procure it from a Pakistani military commander guy (I have no idea why the Pakistani army has this stuff and is storing it on K2 to being with) who has absolutely no problem with these foreign visitors taking it off his hands, then they make a point of demonstrating how unstable the substance is where one little gyration will set it off (but of course it’s never really a concern until the movie needs it to be) and then to top it all off the shit is neon green like some cartoony toxic waste goop!  What the fuck?!  The nitroglycerin angle is entirely unnecessary and like something a seven year old came up with.

There are also a couple of weird coincidences.  One is that Chris O’Donnell and Robin Tunney, who play siblings, happen to be at K2 at the same time but for different reasons and neither knew the other was going to be there.  That’s awkward and an easy fix script wise. 

I do kinda love that Paxton yells "fuck you!" at K2

Another coincidence is the fate of billionaire Bill Paxton (Frailty) who’s attempting to climb K2 for the second time.  His first effort resulted in him and a few others being trapped in the snow for days with few supplies while they waited for a rescue crew.  And wouldn’t you know it, the same exact shit happens again.  Look, I know conquering K2 is extraordinarily perilous but this guy has some bad fuckin’ luck to be caught in an identical situation two times in a row where it all almost plays out the same way.  And both times he turns into a heartless beast that wants to save all the water, food and medicine for himself.  This is a character without any redeeming qualities, a pure asshole to the core.

But maybe the worst aspect of the picture is how it yada yadas over two key scenes at the beginning and the end.  At the start Chris O’Donnell, Robin Tunney and their father (Stuart Wilson (No Escape)) are rock climbing but shit goes sideways and Chris has to make a decision to either cut the rope, which will kill his father and save himself and his sister, or not cut the rope and they all die.  *Sorta spoilers here, it’s the opening of the movie though* Chris cuts the rope leading to a comical setup shot of the calm desert floor and then suddenly wham!  The father splats in front of you.  I’m pretty sure that wasn’t supposed to be funny but it certainly doesn’t come off as a serious moment.  The next thing we know we’re on K2.  Chris and Robin were still dangling there off the side of a rockface hundreds of feet off the ground with no help in sight.  We don’t know how the fuck they got out of there.  The film simply moves ahead after the father slams into the earth.

And then they do this again *yes, actual spoilers this time but fuck this movie* at the conclusion of the finale where Chris and Robin are hanging on a rope in a chasm and we don’t see how they get out.  At least this time there’s someone at the top who can help them but last time we saw her she was struggling to hang on herself.  Instead we hard cut back to base camp where Chris and Robin are resting up and everything’s hunky dory.  C’mon movie, you can’t keep fuckin’ doing this.

Not only is the script bad and the production poorly executed but from what I’ve read none of the mountain climbing shit is accurate either.  Everything you’re seeing is wrong.

So this is a bad movie.  Like, yelling at your screen and shaking your head in frustration kinda bad.  Director Martin Campbell had two huge hits back to back with Goldeneye and The Mask of Zorro but completely fucked up his third major Hollywood outing missing the hattrick.  It’s even stranger to me that he went from one of the best action adventure summer popcorn films ever made with Zorro to one of the worst.

I don’t think I’ll be coming back to this one.  Limit reached.

Happy 8th Anniversary!

Well, I guess that’s about how I feel right now, running away from an enormous explosion with a baby in my arms.  The baby being this here blob and the explosion being…every day life?  I dunno where I was going with that.  Whatever, eight years!  Cool.  Thanks to anyone who reads these posts and a double thanks to anyone who comes back for more.  I love ya.  See you soon.