Shit, don’t cross Walker (Lee Marvin (The Dirty Dozen)). If you happen
to rip him off after a routine robbery on abandoned Alcatraz Island and shoot
him and leave him for dead he will come after you for sure. He wants what’s his. He wants $93K. So promise me you won’t ever do that,
ok? Good. Thanks.
But there were a couple of stupid bastards who didn’t do such
a thing. Friend Mal (John Vernon (Ernest Goes to Camp)) and wife Lynne
(Sharon Acker (Happy Birthday to Me))
think they’ve gotten away with an easy score.
Mal needs the money to settle a debt with some sort of organized crime outfit
so he takes Walker’s share. Lynne
doesn’t love Walker anymore and decides to go along with the double cross. When Walker recuperates he focuses like a
laser beam on looking for these two so he can claim his money and be on his
way.
The beauty of this story is the simplicity. It truly is only about the money. Walker never expresses a desire for
revenge. If he gets some pleasure out of
beating up and bullying the scumbags he comes across we’re never clued in. It’s weird to imagine but I suppose if Mal
gave him the $93,000 immediately the movie would be over in like fifteens
mins. Of course it’s not that easy. In fact it seems impossible.
Walker has to go up against not only Mal but the entire
syndicate that’s backing him. He works
his way up the chain to get to the heads and shows them the same level of
insolence and impatience he would to any low level asshole. He slaps them around, shoves a gun in their
face and plainly states in the first ten seconds upon meeting them that if he
doesn’t get his money he’ll kill them.
He doesn’t take shit from nobody.
This is such a badass character but the thing is he’s not terribly
interesting. The combination of knowing
so little about Walker and his robotic single minded approach makes him seem
inhuman. He even uses his sister-in-law
as bait to get at Mal with little regard for her safety or feelings. Afterwards she tells him “you died at
Alcatraz alright, goodbye Walker” and he barely gets out a hurried “yeah, goodbye”
before coolly moving on to his next target.
Walker’s driven but that’s pretty much all he is which is a shame. They could’ve given him a touch more
personality and it only would’ve helped.
With that said Lee Marvin is fantastic in the role. He was born for this one. His hulking build and weathered face are
perfect for someone as humorless as Walker.
Marvin’s searing stare and stoic performance are really what make the
character fun to watch. You can’t wait
to see him shoot a mean ass look to the next guy he encounters and watch that
sucker squirm.
However I do have to say I’m not totally into the arty way
this picture is sometimes edited.
Director John Boorman (Deliverance,
Exorcist II: The Heretic) may have felt he had to make up for the
incredibly straightforward plot by using lamenting voice over, characters
staring off into space or aimlessly drifting around a room and cutting in
different, and sometimes alternate, shots of other scenes at various points
like Walker’s dreaming. And maybe that
was the intent, like this is Walker’s dream of revenge as he lays dying. I prefer not to believe that though because
the it-was-all-a-dream stunt is such bullshit in movies. It’s a cop out. Stand by your vision filmmakers. It isn’t explicitly stated either way in Point Blank but still, the editing gives
a fantasy hallucinatory tilt to the whole thing and I don’t think it needed
that. What’s even more frustrating is
this technique isn’t used consistently either with heavy employment during the
first and last thirds and leaving the middle of the film relatively normal.
So what should be one of the best most grizzled action
thrillers ever made and a slam dunk recommendation becomes muddied by stylistic
choices and perhaps an attempt to elevate the material. But look I’ll give it to ya point blank, I
definitely think you guys will enjoy it because the plethora of badass shit is
undeniable and inescapable. Actually,
it’s a must see.
As an aside this is based off a book called The Hunter by Donald E. Westlake which
was the first in a series featuring the protagonist Parker. Payback
starring Mel Gibson (What Women Want)
was the second film adaptation. I
re-watched that to see how it holds up and to compare to Point Blank. It’s not great
but not too terrible either. They go for
a surprising amount of jokes that aren’t very funny and the villains are even
bigger slimy assholes than in Point Blank. Although they did give Porter (this version’s
Walker/Parker) some emotional background and made him less of a Neanderthal at
times.
Brian Helgeland (42,
writer: L.A. Confidential) wrote and
directed but had the project taken away from him during editing. He put together his own cut called Payback: Straight Up which is better
than the theatrically released version.
The pace is tighter, a lot of the jokes are cut out and the entire third
act plays out differently including a simpler and more satisfying ending. If you haven’t seen Payback you aren’t missing anything but if you’re curious then try
to seek out the Straight Up version.
What a funny and touching forgotten gem in Eddie Murphy’s
repertoire. It’s about a player who gets
played. Murphy does whatever deceitful
action he feels necessary to get a sexy woman into bed and then tosses them
aside like a pair of socks. So naturally
when he falls in love with the lady who takes over his position as head of
marketing for a cosmetics company she (Robin Givens (Blankman)) turns out to be just as cruel as he is when playing with
people’s emotions.
There’s real good drama with Murphy’s job dilemma where he
faces possible termination. He also gets
pressured by the figurehead of the new company, who’s a much older woman (Eartha
Kitt (Ernest Scared Stupid)), to
sleep with her if he wants to keep his job. And there’s some…dare I say it?…cute romance
stuff like the brief fling David Alan Grier (Freeway 2: Confessions of a Trickbaby) and Halle Berry (The Last Boy Scout) have.
The highlight though might be the incredible cast of wacky
side characters. Tisha Campbell (Martin) plays Murphy’s neighbor who’s so
apoplectic over his deplorable behavior that she hopes he gets a disease where his
dick falls off, Chris Rock (New Jack City)
in an early role delivers the mail in the building where Murphy works and
steals the show every brief moment he’s on camera, John Witherspoon (Friday) is Grier’s embarrassing father
who shows up to Thanksgiving in a mushroom patterned suit and I already
mentioned the unsubtle seductress Eartha Kitt.
Martin Lawrence (Bad
Boyses) and David Allan Grier play Murphy’s best buds and their dynamic is
great together. While Murphy is the
suave one, Grier is the awkward shy one and Lawrence is the brash extrovert
that sees racism in everything. And
while this is meant to be funny as he even thinks the game of pool is racist
with the white ball dominating all the other balls, especially the black 8 ball
(this theory is fascinating actually), his outlook is justified when they’re
all confronted with an asshole white dude in a high end clothing store who
thinks they’re gonna steal shit.
So if you want a nice romantic comedy that has a touch of outrageousness
to it this should fit the bill.
Wind River
This thriller about a hunter/tracker (Jeremy Renner (Arrival)) and FBI agent (Elizabeth Olsen
(Avengers: Age of Ultron)) that team
up to find out who killed a teenage girl is pretty ok at best. There’s nothing here you haven’t seen before
and what’s there isn’t done exceptionally.
This is a bit frustrating because modern day stories about crimes on Native
American reservations, particularly those of rape and murder, are something
that really need to be told. The laws
are apparently so convoluted in terms of jurisdiction and authority that the
crimes become very difficult to investigate properly and litigate thoroughly.
I applaud the film for taking up this topic full on and for
shining a light on something that I’m sure most people have never thought
about, including myself. But
unfortunately this isn’t a great film.
It’s too much of a by-the-numbers predictable mystery picture. Taylor Sheridan wrote this (he also directed)
and it’s not as good as either Sicario
or Hell or High Water. I guess it should come as no surprise that those
aren’t the best either. I’ll still keep
giving Sheridan shots though. Hopefully
he’ll get better. I mean hey, at least
someone’s out there writing thrillers which we could certainly use more of.
But what I would really like to see is a movie (any kind of
movie) involving Native Americans without a white lead or the intervention of
white characters. Those have to exist
out there, right? I goddamn hope they
do. Can anyone point me to a good one?
Spider-Man: Homecoming
I got so burned out on superhero movies a long time ago but
the reviews for this Spidey were very encouraging so I wanted to see it. Plus besides Batman Spider-Man is the only
other superhero I really dig.
And man this was fun.
Just a lot of damn fun.
Surprisingly they went for pretty much a straight up comedy with some
fairly well done superhero action thrown in.
From what I gather this is supposed to be the most faithful
representation of Spider-Man done to date and even though I’ve only read maybe
one comic book of his in my life this seemed accurate. Somehow on a gut level it just felt like “oh
yea right, this is how the character’s supposed to be”.
Everyone was cast well, especially Tom Holland (In the Heart of the Sea) in the lead, and
the mix of comedy and huge spectacular action with characters flying around
doing impossible shit was well balanced. But most importantly this one has heart. It didn’t feel like they’re simply churning
out yet another Marvel movie because they have a quota to meet. They really did a nice job. Give this one a shot even if you think you
can’t stomach another comic book picture.
You’re in for a treat.
Killing Zoe
Seedy underbelly urban crime thriller, fuckin’…a-alright? Ok, that’s a bit harsh. The thing is this one had been brewing in my
mind almost since it came out in 1994 and I’m just getting to it now. The bar was set high with Roger Avary,
Quentin Tarantino’s old buddy who co-wrote Pulp
Fiction and True Romance, writing
and directing his first feature. It
doesn’t have quite the finesse I was expecting.
Instead it feels like what it is, a movie frantically written in two
weeks because Avary lied about having a script concerning a bank robbery when
he didn’t.
The scenes are a little too disjointed where Avary seems to
keep running into a brick wall and has to insert a new element into the story
to get himself over the obstacle. He probably
didn’t map out the entire plot before starting to see how things would fit
together and it shows. Although it’s remarkable
the film works as well as it does which is a testament to how talented Avary is
as a filmmaker.
Putting the uneven storytelling aside there’s plenty of cool
shit in here to sink your teeth into.
The idea of two pals who haven’t seen each other in a long time doing a
boatload of drugs and robbing a bank is fantastic. Eric Stoltz (Anaconda) does a nice job as the smooth calm safecracker new to
Paris. He looks very comfortable in the
role and that confidence is impressive.
Jean-Hugues Anglade (Maximum Risk)
as the mastermind behind the robbery is the star of the show though. He doesn’t give a fuck about anything or
anyone including himself. Like he’ll impulsively
pull Stoltz’s prostitute (Julie Delpy (The
Three Musketeers (1993)) out of the shower and toss her out of the hotel room
buck naked and then later shoot heroin in the middle of a club. And of course he has no qualms about killing
folks that get in his way. A total
maniac if there ever was one.
Now there’s the typical pop culture references and quirks
you would expect like Captain America, Nosferatu,
Billie Holiday and our motley crew having a penchant for Dixieland jazz, but
it’s not overabundant like in a Tarantino picture. There’s enough to give some personality but
not so much that it becomes a defining trait.
So overall it’s a good first effort. It would’ve been interesting to see what
Avary would’ve come up with if he had continued directing more. Anyway, you’ll probably like it.
How about one more horror review before taking a break from
that shit for a while? And this is
appropriate considering I kicked off Harefooted Halloween 2017 with Saw I-VII. After marathoning those fuckin’ things Jigsaw had to be seen. Not because I became such a fan of the series
but because it was all still fresh in my mind.
This was the best shot this film was gonna get from me. And how would a new installment compare seven
years later to a group of pictures that were all shot consecutively seven years
in a row?
Well to get right to the point this is sadly probably the
worst Saw movie in the bunch
now. It comes off like someone trying to
remember what these pictures were like only having seen one of them a long time
ago. They managed to stick to the two
main trademarks of the series, traps and plot twists, but they’re both handled
so goddamn sloppily. Let’s briefly go
over both.
First the traps. Almost
all of these fuckers in the previous movies required the victim to complete some
sort of mechanical action (which also usually caused unbearable self-inflicted
pain) in order to prevent the insidious contraption from killing you or someone
you know. They were more or less
self-contained. In Jigsaw the victims need to get out of the traps by doing something
only a human can recognize and that can’t be understood by a machine. This is not in keeping with the franchise. Here you need to do shit like inject someone
with a syringe full of an unknown substance to free you from your neck collar, or
you need to verbally confess your crimes to prevent lasers from splitting your
head open, or you need to get slashed by a spinning blade and spill some blood
to release the metal bucket on your head (and these aren’t those table saws
that can sense flesh and retract, these stay put and shut off when it senses
even a tiny amount of blood). So Jigsaw
needs to be standing there watching the whole game play out with his finger on
the button waiting for the exact moment to advance someone when they do what he
wants them to. And we know from the
other films he does not have time for that shit. He has so many traps to construct and people
to spy on and cancer treatment to go to and other crap. He’s an extremely busy person.
One trap with sharp metal objects falling onto the victims
in a claustrophobic silo particularly doesn’t work. This is in the middle of the game so any one
of the knives or pitchforks coming down could prematurely kill someone. In the past there was typically a way to
survive these things if you can hack it.
It’s not supposed to be pure luck.
The one trap that’s in the vein of the original series is
the sawed off shotgun loaded with one shell.
It lies in between two people and they have to decide who will use it. The twist with it is pure Saw and makes me think this was leftover
from one of the other movies because it’s way too clever compared to the rest
of the picture.
The other big thing the filmmakers fucked up are the twists.
The storyline is more convoluted than
ever, even to the point where I’m not sure how the last ten minutes (which is
what I’m really talking about here) fit together with the other installments. The crazy sidewinder turns these movies would
take used to be sincerely, and even pleasantly, surprising. All the twists in this one are just
perplexing without the added enjoyment of it somehow satisfyingly fitting in
with the overall scheme of things.
And maybe I’ve developed some sort of intuition when it
comes to these fuckin’ movies but I correctly guessed what the ending was about
half way in. So when they got to the big
reveal it didn’t have much of an impact.
I think the structure of the story and the editing telegraphed too much
which a savvy viewer can pick up on.
Events happen too close together for them to make sense so there’s a
weird timeline issue that’s confusing but at the same time only leads to one
logical conclusion if you think about it for a sec.
Oh boy, in Jigsaw
everything you liked about the Saw
films feels dumb and everything you thought was dumb about the Saw films feels a helluva lot dumber. Better luck next time.
What I Liked:
Good ol’ fashioned original design Sadako is finally back in action after a
sixteen year hiatus and even then her appearance in Ringu 0 was brief. With the
most recent entries Sadako 3D was all
stylized like you’re watching a live action anime and Sadako 2 3D is a Ring
movie in name only with basically no Sadako.
So to see that sadistic ghost girl out there again doin’ her thang was
kickass and really satisfying.
They expand the mythology to include repercussions for
interfering with Sadako’s curse. At one
point two cursed individuals go to a shaman for help but Sadako doesn’t like
that so during the exorcism she has these people kill themselves. It’s a pretty intense scene that goes on for
a while where shit gets weirder and crazier.
Everything is taken at face value here. There isn’t disbelief that a cursed VHS tape
and a haunted house exist, there aren’t really fake out moments that just
extend the runtime, we don’t delve into the backstory or motives of Sadako and
Kayako, it’s all very straightforward.
What I Didn’t Like:
Why do each of these Ring films
change the rules? This one shortens the number
of days left to live to only two, and I guess as long as you’re not staring right
at the video you don’t get cursed? What
you see on the video is different too.
They got rid of the iconic well in the woods and replaced it with a
large building that has an opened doorway and a walkway leading up to it. What’s accomplished by changing the contents
of the tape?
The filmmakers couldn’t figure out a way to naturally bring
Sadako and Kayako together so they copped out and included a know-it-all-take-no-shit
guru who helps guide our protagonists through the curses. Out of the blue he has the idea to have the
two entities face off in order to lift both curses from his clients (he’s
getting paid to do this). That’s very
lame.
Spoiler on this last
paragraph
The showdown between Sadako and Kayako goes how you would
expect, they each land a couple of blows using their signature moves but the
filmmakers had to be very diplomatic so as to not piss off fans of either
franchise. It’s the same exact mentality
as Freddy vs. Jason. I understand you can’t show one villain
clearly overpowering the other but at the same time it’s gonna feel like a bit
of a gyp if no winner is officially declared.
Overall Impressions:
This is way more of a Ring movie than
a Grudge movie which was great in my
case. I’ve seen (almost) all the Ring films but only Ju-on: The Grudge so I’m not as familiar with that series. The cursed video angle is more intriguing to
me than the haunted house concept so to get two thirds of a real decent Ring picture, which hasn’t happened in a
long time, was awesome.
With such a silly premise it would’ve been tempting to go
over the top in the production design and execution but it’s great that the
filmmakers restrained themselves. Interestingly
they went serious on this and tried hard to go for creepy atmosphere/imagery
and big scares. I mean it could’ve been neat
if they did an exaggerated take like Sadako 3D except even cartoonier but I’m glad they kept it in the styles and moods
that were established in each of these franchises.
And you know what?
This film is surprisingly quite good.
The ending is actually the worst part because it’s dreadfully
contrived. I get that having these
horror titans fight each other is supposed to be the whole idea but they
couldn’t come up with a way to truly make it work. And because all the other shit is mostly handled
very well it made the brawl finale even stupider.
Look, if you’re a Ring
fan check it out. Those parts are
fucking cool. It could be the second
best installment in the series strangely enough. If you’re a Grudge fan, I don’t know. It
definitely plays second fiddle here so you might not be into that. Either way this is something we all wanted to
see, right? RIGHT!?
What I Liked: The
story about a husband/father (Dale Midkiff (Love
Potion No. 9)) who keeps bringing dead family members back to life is
pretty fuckin’ cool. However you just
gotta roll with how they unfold everything and not think about it too much. If you can do that then you’ll be rewarded
with an interesting riff on Frankenstein.
Yet another movie with a killer kid in it. This one is by far the youngest too at like three
years old or some shit. The combination
of the child being preposterously young and the obvious use of a stunt doll in
some shots makes this infant murderer comical.
It was impossible for me to take that tiny bastard seriously. In that regard it was amusing and sorta fun
to watch, well up to a point. More on
that in a minute. And on a side note
what the hell’s up with the films I picked this year having adolescent slashers
in them? Such a peculiar trend to accidentally
inflict upon myself.
What I Didn’t Like:
The acting is not very good all around especially Midkiff who plays it too
monotone. Fred Gwynne (Fatal Attraction) is alright I guess but
his exaggerated accent, which I can only assume is supposed to be a Maine one,
is incredibly distracting.
Two scenes of “Nooooooooo!”
Once is really pushing it but two?
I’m calling foul.
There’s a bunch of superfluous shit in here like the laundry
lady who hangs herself and is never mentioned again, the wife’s backstory
involving a sick bed-ridden demon-possessed-looking sister who she hated, the
ghost that tries to guide and help the family out at various points but
ultimately doesn’t have any real impact on the story and etc. Maybe this stuff had more meaning or worked
better in the book but in the movie it’s thrown in without any thought of why
it’s there.
Midkiff doesn’t learn his lesson that he shouldn’t reanimate
dead creatures which is very frustrating.
Sure it’s a little funny because he’s such a stupid person but after all
the horrific shit he goes through he still doesn’t see anything wrong with
putting folks six feet under in that old supernatural Indian burial ground.
Overall Impressions:
This was a mixed experience. On one hand
I enjoyed the general premise and how we ramp up from evil dead cat to evil
dead person. It’s a natural progression
that you want to see and the filmmakers give it to you. On the other hand the story becomes
predictable which causes Midkiff to come off like kind of an idiot. Of course whatever you lay to rest in the
Indian cemetery, sorry, sematary is gonna come back all fucked up bent on
murdering everything in its sight.
And I can’t believe they actually went for the homicidal scalpel
wielding toddler full on. I mean his own
father has to take him down making this even edgier. The whole thing has a Child’s Play feel, particularly Child’s
Play 2 when Chucky has that switchblade towards the end, with how
relentless and vile the kid becomes. I
wonder if there was any influence but the timeline don’t quite add up so it’s
unclear (Sematary book (1983), Child’s Play (1988), Sematary movie (1989), Child’s Play 2 (1990)). The big notable difference however is one is
a doll and one is a human child.
This is a tough recommendation. It’s so well known that if you’re a horror
fan you should get around to checking it out at some point. If you’re not I don’t know if there’s enough
here. The odder things like the wife’s ghastly
sister haunting her and the final twist at the end are completely unnecessary
but at the same time kinda neat on their own merits.
Stephen King’s done worse and better. This one is fairly typical of him in that
there are good ideas but he has trouble fitting them all together.
What I Liked: In
spots this can be very pretty to look at like the big theater type hall where
the 31 game is introduced and of course the gorgeous black and white intro
scene.
Richard Brake (Hannibal Rising) gives a really good performance as the psychotic Doom-Head. Unfortunately he’s not in the movie a whole
lot and there isn’t much dimension to his character but his enthusiasm rubs off
big time.
What I Didn’t Like:
The dialogue is incredibly asinine. It’s
overloaded with bad dick jokes, unsubtle sexual come-ons and a large helping of
pompousness. Rob Zombie wrote this and
has the actors deliver the lines like he thinks they’re so damn clever. This is probably my number one complaint with
the movie in general.
None of the protagonists are particularly likeable and the
bulk of that has to do with the terrible dialogue I just mentioned. It’s not that they’re bad people it’s that
they’re annoying. They think grinding on
an old man gas station owner is a funny joke or that putting on a show centered
around a guy in a gorilla mask is the greatest idea. I don’t care about any of these people.
The shaky cam with quick cuts during the fight scenes is
inexcusable today. Thankfully that
shitty trend went out a number of years ago so to see it pop up in 2016 is a
head scratcher. Maybe Zombie shot it
this way to sneak in more carnage and still get an R rating. Or maybe he genuinely thought it looked good. Either way it stinks.
Overall Impressions:
Essentially this is a Running Man rip
off. You have a group of people taking
part in a game against their will that are let loose in a controlled
environment and pursued by a “stalker”.
If they survive for a certain amount of time they win. 31
is nowhere near as good though. The gore
is amped up prominently and the stalker characters are ghouled up to push this
into horror territory. Oh and by the way
31 refers to Oct 31, you know, Halloween.
It’s when the movie takes place.
What’s most disappointing is Zombie was improving on his
filmmaking skills and this feels like a step backwards. 31
goes in a more broad horror direction with generic shit like the filthy boiler
room/factory setting, chainsaw wielding clowns, bland characters, etc (to be
fair though the little person Latino Hitler stalker is certainly a memorable bizarre
standout). The premise is also much more
basic than anything he’s done since the 2007 Halloween remake. It’s just
uninteresting and not the best made movie which is a shame considering Zombie’s
shit has always been captivating for one reason or another.
The film Zombie did before this, Lords of Salem, is his strongest visually. And even though I didn’t care for the story
all that much at least it was a different weirder tale about witchcraft. The
Devil’s Rejects remains his best piece though and a great horror picture in
any regard.
31 isn’t a total
wash however. The intro that’s shot in
stunningly crisp black and white and showcases Blake’s gripping performance is
fucking tremendous. It seems tacked on
compared to the rest of the film and maybe it really was a short that Zombie
decided to throw in there, but it’s my favorite part. That scene is definitely worth checking out.
“I should apologize in advance for not sharpening this
thing. It might take a couple of extra
whacks.”
