Harefooted Halloween: 31

What I Liked: In spots this can be very pretty to look at like the big theater type hall where the 31 game is introduced and of course the gorgeous black and white intro scene.

Richard Brake (Hannibal Rising) gives a really good performance as the psychotic Doom-Head.  Unfortunately he’s not in the movie a whole lot and there isn’t much dimension to his character but his enthusiasm rubs off big time.

What I Didn’t Like: The dialogue is incredibly asinine.  It’s overloaded with bad dick jokes, unsubtle sexual come-ons and a large helping of pompousness.  Rob Zombie wrote this and has the actors deliver the lines like he thinks they’re so damn clever.  This is probably my number one complaint with the movie in general.

None of the protagonists are particularly likeable and the bulk of that has to do with the terrible dialogue I just mentioned.  It’s not that they’re bad people it’s that they’re annoying.  They think grinding on an old man gas station owner is a funny joke or that putting on a show centered around a guy in a gorilla mask is the greatest idea.  I don’t care about any of these people.

The shaky cam with quick cuts during the fight scenes is inexcusable today.  Thankfully that shitty trend went out a number of years ago so to see it pop up in 2016 is a head scratcher.  Maybe Zombie shot it this way to sneak in more carnage and still get an R rating.  Or maybe he genuinely thought it looked good.  Either way it stinks.

Overall Impressions: Essentially this is a Running Man rip off.  You have a group of people taking part in a game against their will that are let loose in a controlled environment and pursued by a “stalker”.  If they survive for a certain amount of time they win.  31 is nowhere near as good though.  The gore is amped up prominently and the stalker characters are ghouled up to push this into horror territory.  Oh and by the way 31 refers to Oct 31, you know, Halloween.  It’s when the movie takes place.

What’s most disappointing is Zombie was improving on his filmmaking skills and this feels like a step backwards.  31 goes in a more broad horror direction with generic shit like the filthy boiler room/factory setting, chainsaw wielding clowns, bland characters, etc (to be fair though the little person Latino Hitler stalker is certainly a memorable bizarre standout).  The premise is also much more basic than anything he’s done since the 2007 Halloween remake.  It’s just uninteresting and not the best made movie which is a shame considering Zombie’s shit has always been captivating for one reason or another.

The film Zombie did before this, Lords of Salem, is his strongest visually.  And even though I didn’t care for the story all that much at least it was a different weirder tale about witchcraft.  The Devil’s Rejects remains his best piece though and a great horror picture in any regard.

31 isn’t a total wash however.  The intro that’s shot in stunningly crisp black and white and showcases Blake’s gripping performance is fucking tremendous.  It seems tacked on compared to the rest of the film and maybe it really was a short that Zombie decided to throw in there, but it’s my favorite part.  That scene is definitely worth checking out.

“I should apologize in advance for not sharpening this thing.  It might take a couple of extra whacks.”