Y'all ready for dis?

Y'all ready for dis?  Another Harefooted Halloween is on the way.

Men of Honor (Billy Sunday Bar Speech)

Men of Honor is a forgotten gem about Carl Brashear who was not only the first African American Navy Master Diver but also the first African American Navy Master Diver with one leg!  He lost his left leg in an accident in the middle of his career but recovered and continued to dive and rose to the level of Master Diver.

Of course when Brashear was coming up in the late 40’s and 50’s he had to deal with racism and bigotry at every turn.  This film chronicles all the terrible shit he had to endure and his glorious triumph over all those assholes and institutions to achieve his dream of diving for the US Navy.

Cuba Gooding Jr. (Chill Factor) does a pretty good job in the lead role turning on that irresistible charm or intense scowl when needed.  But Robert De Niro (The Fan) as Brashear’s diving instructor/eventual friend Master Chief Billy Sunday steals the show.  This guy didn’t exist in real life but these types of inspirational movies always have a character like that (Mickey from Rocky, Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back, John James Urgayle from G.I. Jane, etc.) and this is one of the greats in my opinion.  As per usual he’s one tough bastard who’s seen it all and pushes his recruits hard as hell to whip them into shape.  He even tells his men “I am God!”  And goddammit, he’s the very best teacher in his field.

But the real reason I wanted to bring this underappreciated movie up is the speech Sunday gives in a bar to Brashear about the time he and his men were trapped in a sunken ship during WWII.  I couldn’t find a clip of it so here’s the transcription (I know there’s no substitute for De Niro’s badass performance but this shit reads well anyway):

Sunday: You see this pipe?  General MacArthur himself smoked this pipe.  I served with him in Leyte Gulf.  Biggest naval battle in history.  Kamikaze ripped into this escort carrier, name of Saint Lo.  She went down on a shallow reef trapping me and six boys in the fire room.  Only one way out.

Brashear: Flood the compartment and swim up.

Sunday: Five decks, cookie. Five fuckin' decks. Locked bulk heads, dead bodies everywhere - you got to have your balls screwed on tight for that swim.  We still had intercom. Old MacArthur himself came over that squawk box, "Sunday, you cocky son of a bitch I bet you can't hold your breath for four minutes and swim out of there."  Know what I said back?  "No Mac I can't, but I'll bet you your cob pipe I can hold it for five, 'cause that's what it's gonna take, motherfucker."  There's six men still breathin' today, 'cause I led 'em out of that fire room.  And now just 'cause you pulled little Isert's white little fuckin' ass out of some row boat sunk in a mud puddle, you think you're better than me?  Well, let's just see.

Mish Mash 13 (Faceless Holes, Crossdressing Commander Krill, Useless Margo, Faceless Henchmen)

Faceless Holes

Does anyone know why in The Man Without a Face Mel Gibson makes Nick Stahl (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines) dig square and triangular holes as part of the tutoring?  I mean I know Gibson’s trying to teach about calculating volumes ‘n shit but the holes don’t come back around later like Mr. Miyagi in The Karate Kid showing Daniel he had been learning martial arts all along with the various assigned chores.  There isn’t a lightbulb moment where Stahl realizes the digging and filling in of the holes was actually time well spent because he learned a lesson.  We don’t even know if he correctly dug them to Gibson’s requested specifications.  So this kinda just comes off like child manual labor to me.

Crossdressing Commander Krill

Commander Krill (Gary Busey) definitely did not need to dress up as a woman during the captain’s party in Under Siege.  He wasn’t trying to go incognito and sneak past people or fool folks into thinking it wasn’t him.  By the time he gets to the captain’s quarters his wig is off so the silly time is over quickly.  It wasn’t misdirection either because we don’t see anyone smuggle anything past the officers at the party.  And if you say Krill needed the wig to conceal the gun he used to kill the captain with I don’t buy it.  He could’ve put anything over the gun to hide it like a jacket or a hat.  Did Krill dress up for shock value to temporarily distract the captain before murdering him?  That also doesn’t make sense because Krill doesn’t shoot the captain immediately.  He takes the time to deliver one last line before the assassination.  Plus it isn’t setup that the captain is always armed and ready for an attack.  So then what was the point of Krill cross dressing?  If you take it out of the movie nothing changes.  I guess it was purely to have some fun with the audience?

Useless Margo

Along the same lines as the previous section in Big Trouble in Little China Margo (Kate Burton (127 Hours)) is a completely unnecessary character.  She doesn’t help in any way by possessing unique knowledge, fighting off bad guys or doing any other goddamn thing at any goddamn time.  At some point the filmmakers must’ve realized this plus the fact that they already had two damsels in distress (Miao Yin and Gracie Law) because they sideline her ass for the third act.  I can’t believe it took me this long to see how much of a useless character she is.  If you took her out nothing would change.

Faceless Henchmen

Faceless henchmen have always been around.  You can go back to the stormtroopers in Star Wars or the king’s forces in The Adventures of Robin Hood to find a boatload of baddies being killed like it’s the easiest thing in the world.  They’re setup for us to believe that their lives aren’t worth a damn, or that they’re not even real people.

Things changed in the 80’s and 90’s though where we actually got to know our main villain’s henchmen.  Maybe we couldn’t tell you all their names but we would recognize their faces and they may have even had a few lines of dialogue.  Think back to Die Hard, Out for Justice and Robocop, we know these henchmen.  Of course not every movie made during that time was like that.  Commando, The Matrix, Cobra and True Lies all feature faceless henchmen, generic men that only show up on screen to get mowed down in an instant.

My recent viewings of Logan and John Wick: Chapter 2 got me thinking about the whole faceless henchmen thing because both have them.  And I realized I generally prefer to get acquainted with a bad guy’s crew.  It might seem insignificant but that extra touch can go a long way.  It should get you more invested in the story and characters which is nice.  So I say give these henchmen faces and personalities.  They’re out there dying for us.  It’s the least we can do.