My Bloody Valentine

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day again.  Flowers, candy, a romantic evening with someone special, dunking someone’s face in boiling hot dog water, you know, the usual.  Mines, miners, mining equipment, mine shafts, mine carts, hmmm…we seemed to have taken a turn here.

Seriously though despite my stupid jokes one of the strongest aspects of the original My Bloody Valentine is how much it leans into the holiday theme.  The setting is a small Nova Scotian town called Valentine Bluffs (“The Little Town with the Big Heart”), there are heart decorations and streamers lining main street and in stores, the killer leaves heart shaped boxes with real human hearts in it for the police, there’s a themed dance party being prepared, a central plot point involves a love triangle and the events take place around the 14^th (as compared to the Friday the 13ths where it’s debatable how many installments actually occur on the titular day).  So kudos.

Along with all that the killer has one of the best looks in any slasher picture.  He’s a miner dressed in a black jumpsuit with a hardhat and headlamp, wears a full face creepy gas mask like you’ve seen in old World War I pictures and wields a pickaxe.  I love that the outfit is head to toe and real stuff a miner would wear.  It’s ok when it’s simply a random mask and weapon combo like so many other slashers but the filmmakers hit upon something special here.  The gas mask is very off putting with its extremely large circular eyes, flat pig nose and long tube running out from the mouth area.  It has the appearance of a large insect or alien humanoid.  The light atop the helmet lends a somewhat disturbing edge to the kill scenes as well because it focuses your attention and accentuates the terror on the victim’s face.  It makes the entire ordeal feel almost like a snuff film, like you shouldn’t be watching this.  Finally, the pickaxe is an implement that certainly looks imposing with its hefty weight and sharpened point.  Just by appearance you know it can do serious damage.  It may be a bit bulky but the imagery is striking and pretty perfect.  And while the killer isn’t opposed to employing other methods of murder I appreciate that he uses the thing quite a bit.

Pacing is another important attribute the movie gets right.  We don’t go too long without another target getting knocked off and all the while in the background the town sheriff is investigating the incidents.  As mentioned above there’s a love triangle between two guys and a gal and that’s set up well too.  One of the guys left town for a while but returned and wants to hook up with his old flame who’s moved on to someone else.  It’s a legitimate reason for there to be tension and rivalry.

Of course there’s the typical slasher stuff too.  Like the town suffered a past incident that no one wants to acknowledge which is linked to the current homicides, the sheriff who means well but ultimately ends up being useless, an old kook who tries to warn others of impeding doom, a whodunit mystery and rowdy partying teens. 

Well technically they’re not teens (I don’t think).  The cast of young folks are made up of miners and their girlfriends who work at different establishments in town.  The attempt to swap out the regular batch of high school students for everyman/woman townies is noted but this ends up making no real difference in the end product.  They all act obnoxious, drink, goof around, have horny make out sessions, do dumb shit they’re not supposed to like trespass into the mine so they can explore and etc.  I guess having them be adults makes it more plausible that they all wind up in the mine at the end because the guys work there and know how to get down there and navigate it?  I dunno.

There are some other parts that aren’t so great like the acting, the bland dialogue, the ham-fisted exposition of past events and the prominent use of the killer’s Michael Myers/Darth Vader type heavy breathing.  However, when you add it all up the strengths outweigh the weaknesses.  The film has a nice dingy dirty vibe due to all the mining stuff and the tiny blue collar town, the makeup effects are good, the cinematography is decent, they put a twist on the final girl trope, the killer’s motivation isn’t too complicated and the finale in the mine works well because it’s a legitimately dangerous dark maze with plenty of crap around to maim you if you’re not careful.

It's also Canadian as shit which I didn’t remember from years ago.  The Nova Scotia license plates, the royal seal on the cop cars, the accents, Moosehead Lager, flannel shirts and the like.  Neato.

While not a top tier contender like Halloween or A Nightmare on Elm Street it’s a solid effort that’s fairly streamlined and goes by quicky.  There were a billion slashers released in the late 70’s and early 80’s so it’s a difficult category to make yourself stand out in.  This one is totally competently made and plays with the formula in a clever enough manner for this to be a small cut above.