Mish Mash 20 (When the Leading Man Goes from Hero to Assho')

The Way You Look in Swing Time

You know in Swing Time when Fred Astaire sings “The Way You Look Tonight” to Ginger Rogers while she’s in the other room shampooing her hair but then she’s so taken by his affection that she walks over, puts her hand on his shoulder and he turns to gaze lovingly into her eyes, only when he goes for it his smile turns into shock and bewilderment at the sight of a scalp full of suds?  Why the fuck did Astaire do that?  He’s in love with the woman yet almost vomits when he catches her mid-shampoo.  What a shallow dick.

I get that they were going for a comedic moment with the juxtaposition of the song lyrics about how gorgeous this person looks while trying to make Rogers appear unglamorous during it.  But of course Rogers doesn’t look bad at all.  She just has some foamy white hair.  No big deal.  Rogers eventually catches herself in the mirror and scurries away embarrassed which certainly would’ve been enough.  But to have Astaire shoot her a disgusted look is well, disgusting.  Who the fuck thought that was good cinema?

This is a really weird and awful moment in an otherwise great film.  Although Astaire also cheats on his fiancé here so that’s not so cool.  Oh wait and there’s that blackface number he does.  Dammit Fred!  Even though the dancing and the songs are off the charts there are some questionable moments.

Professor Jeff Bridges

Jeff Bridges plays a professor teaching a class on domestic terrorism in Arlington Road and boy is he bad at his job.  He clearly foists his personal point of view on his students that no terrorist operates alone and the authorities sweep horrific incidents under the rug as quickly as possible to make everyone in the country feel safe.  He’s also condescending, obnoxious and unsatisfied with America’s approach to domestic terrorism.  In one scene he impatiently asks one of his students how she felt after a major attack involving a bomb explosion in St. Louis a few years earlier (made up for the film but this obviously references the Oklahoma City bombing) with “When you first heard the news of a terrorist attack in your own country how did that make you feel?  Come on.  Well, how did you feel?!”  This prompts the student to finally give the answer he was fishing for of being scared and angry.

One of the worst things Bridges does though is take his class on a field trip to the remote cabin where his wife died during an FBI raid.  She and other agents were there to scope out a suspicious family but a firefight ensued and she was killed.  It turns out the family weren’t really terrorists and it was all a terrible misunderstanding.  Bridges tells the story in dramatic fashion with big hand gestures and yelling all while fighting back tears.  I’m sure there were similar examples he could’ve used that didn’t involve the death of his wife but I guess the filmmakers thought this was a good way to get that backstory in there.

This douche’s behavior is entirely unprofessional.  You don’t drag your personal shit into the classroom and preach your own beliefs without having any real discussion or debate.  This aspect along with other missteps make the movie way worse than I remember from twenty years ago.

The Big Clock’s George Dowd is a Big Cock

Mighty publisher Janoth (Charles Laughton (Island of Lost Souls)) treats everyone like dogshit including his mistress, Pauline (Rita Johnson (The Naughty Nineties)), and his editor for a crime solving magazine, George Dowd (Ray Milland (Dial M for Murder)).  These two decide to team up to blackmail Janoth as retribution but when they meet to discuss the idea they get plastered and go from bar to bar all night.  George just quit his job because he refused to give up his honeymoon for work so he doesn’t give a fuck.  The problem is he misses the train his wife was on due to the booze binge.  He doesn’t have sex with Pauline but it’s still an incredibly shitty thing to carouse around for hours with another woman who you just met.  Our protagonist folks.

This is only the setup to a genius but incredibly complicated plot involving Janoth recruiting George to find a murderer.  What Janoth doesn’t know is he’s actually looking for George and George isn’t aware he’s actually looking for Janoth.  It’s very difficult to explain in writing so I know that sounds confusing and probably impossible but it miraculously works if you see the movie.

While the picture overall is alright I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that the remake done in the 80’s with Kevin Costner (Waterworld) and Gene Hackman (Extreme Measures) called No Way Out is kinda better.  Sure it doesn’t have the ultra cool film noir look and vibe but the way they setup the characters and their positions of power just makes more sense.  It’s still all about a guy who’s tasked to search for himself while trying to stay a step ahead of his own team of investigators at every turn and hunt for the real killer at the same time.  Plus Costner is single and doesn’t pull the butthole move of galivanting with some broad while his wife waits for him at the train station so they can finally go on their honeymoon.

Both titles are pretty bad though.  The Big Clock sounds as dumb as it turns out to be, which is an actual giant clock that doesn’t really play a role (apparently in the book it was more of a metaphor), and No Way Out while fitting is astoundingly generic.