Play Misty for Me

Clint Eastwood’s directorial debut is about a smooth talking jazz-rock radio DJ that gets involved with crazed fan Evelyn (Jessica Walter (Ghost in the Machine)).  She stalks him, abuses him, attacks him and so on.  You know the drill.

The stalker movie was something newer back in ’71 but since it’s been done so many times between then and now this one doesn’t have a lot of impact.  All of the typical things happen that you’d expect like Evelyn seems normal at first glance, Eastwood tries to get back together with an old flame causing Evelyn to unleash her rage on the ex, the police don’t/can’t do shit ‘cause they think the scenario appears flimsy and all that shit.

Usually I love a good stalker picture but this one isn’t executed as well as most.  The biggest problem is there’s hardly any build up.  You know Evelyn is pushy and crazy from the second encounter leaving you only more and more drastic places to take the character for most of the run.  I’m surprised Eastwood didn’t kill her halfway through the film.

The bad pacing isn’t only due to the villain’s rushed character development but also the million fucking shots of people walking on beaches or in fields.  Every so often the movie has to stop to give you a very nice view of northern California which Eastwood clearly loves and just has to show you.  These parts are almost like high grade home movies or the stereotypical easy listening album cover.  Yea, it’s pretty.  I get it.  But this isn’t helping your movie man.  Neither is that unnecessarily long stretch showing off the 1970 Monterey Jazz Festival.

Gorgeous, it's just unfortunate these shots are mostly filler

This is one of the worst stalker films I’ve seen.  You’re better off watching Fatal Attraction, Obsessed, The Boy Next Door, hell maybe even The Perfect Guy.  But this was crucial for Eastwood as a director.  He needed to cut his teeth on something and this was the sacrificial lamb.  He got better really quickly too because his next feature was the fuckin’ High Plains Drifter.  He’s not the best director and never developed much of a recognizable style over the years but he usually does a decent job.  Just don’t ask him to play “Misty” for you.

This poster kinda reminds me of something...

...oh, right.

The Hitman (1991)

A good cop named Garrett (Chuck Norris (Lone Wolf McQuade)) gets riddled with bullets one night by the bad guys but doesn’t die.  He gets taken to the hospital where his commanding officer will tell the world that Garrett is dead.  This way he can recover, infiltrate the mob unrecognized and take down the assholes that tried to kill him.

Does any of that sound familiar?  Yea, this is mostly a Hard to Kill knock off.  It’s not bad though, especially as Chuck Norris movies go.  You all know I’m not a big fan of his but I found this one to be pretty tolerable.

One of the weird things though is that Norris in this looks just like Van Damme in Hard Target.  They both have the long black trench coat, the black shirt underneath, the greased back mullet and the scruff/beard.  But The Hitman came out two years before Hard Target so now I’m left wondering if John Woo stole this shit from some obscure Chuck Norris rip off.  I dunno guys.

Don't worry, Chuck doesn't try to merc a porpoise 

Van Damme, Hard Target

Anyway, there’s a lot to keep things entertaining like the caricatured mob bosses, the young kid that Norris takes under his wing and teaches to defend himself against a bully, the sparse but effective action scenes, etc.  Plus it was neat to see the usually-respectful-of-all-cultures Norris walk up to the Iranian mob, try some hummus, spit it out and exclaim “you guys eat this shit?!”  Then of course he beats them up.  Talk about insult to injury.  Moments like that are priceless.

It ain’t no Hard to Kill but I still had a pretty good time.

Happy 6th Anniversary!

Six years?  Sure, why not.  I mean it’s been a lot of fun.  Not sure what else to say here.  It’s not exactly a milestone year.  Hmm…what about the best part six of a film series?  That shouldn’t be too hard considering there aren’t a ton of franchises that make it that far and even less that I’ve actually seen.  So let’s see what part sixes I have under my belt then:

Fast & Furious 6

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Jason Lives: Friday the 13^th Part VI

Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell

Muppets from Space

The Pink Panther Strikes Again

Rocky Balboa

Revenge of the Sith/Return of the Jedi

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning

The Wolverine

Well the obvious correct answer is Fast & the Furious 6.  It’s not as good as Fast Five (the best overall) but there are a lot of damn good car action scenes with many of the spectacular crashes ‘n’ shit done for real.  Not only that but there’s a really great hand to hand fight between Michelle Rodriguez (The Fast and the Furious) and former MMA brawler Gina Carano (Kickboxer: Vengeance) that vies for best sequence in the whole damn thing.  If you haven’t indulged yet, check it out.

Runners up go to Lone Wolf and Cub: White Heaven in Hell and Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning.  The Lone Wolf and Cub movies are something else.  Each one is fucking phenomenal so you should stop what you’re doing and watch them right now.  White Heaven in Hell is the last installment and sorta one of the not as incredible ones but still so much fun.  Lots of carnage and stoic badass shit.

And ok, I’m cheating a little with Unisol: Day of Reck because it’s really supposed to be number four.  There were two direct to video sequels that got ignored when the series eventually picked up again proper.  But I’ll give Day of Reck a quick plug because it’s as gritty and manic as they come.  While not on the genius level like its predecessor (Unisol: Regeneration) there’s plenty of well crafted action and audacious storytelling.

*sigh* The elephant in the room is the Revenge of the Sith/Return of the Jedi entry.  Depending on how you think of the Star Wars lineage you could argue for either one.  I choose to argue for neither.  I’m kinda sick of those fuckin’ movies.  Plus they’re not the greatest of the Warses.

Did you notice kind of a theme happening?  As least from the part sixes that I’ve encountered none of them are the best in their respective franchises.  They’re all not as good as something else but that makes sense.  By the time you get to number six you’re probably reaching pretty far.  But I’m all for ‘em.  Keep making more.  You never know when you’ll hit on a cool idea.

Anyway, here’s to six years.  Keep on truckin’.

Roar

Let’s see, how can I get you all to check out a movie about lions and tigers and…other big cats roaming free and interacting with humans?  The delicate bit is there’s practically no plot.  Ok, how about tons of cast and crew members got horrifically injured during filming?  How does that sound?  Or maybe that the human and cat interactions (like mauling, tackling, scraping) are all real with no trickery?  Well if any of that sounds appealing keep on reading.

This was a passion project from husband and wife team Noel Marshall (producer: The Exorcist) and Tippi Hedren (The Birds) who wanted to spread awareness of lions by making this weird piece that doesn’t directly educate you on the subject.  Instead it’s done indirectly through observing how these animals interrelate with humans in this very specific multi-acre compound environment (which was Noel and Tippi’s real life cat sanctuary).

The terrifically loose narrative involves Noel trying to pick up his visiting family (which includes Tippi, real life sons John and Jerry and real life step-daughter Melanie Griffith (Another Day in Paradise)) at an airport somewhere in Africa.  Along the way he runs into obstacle after obstacle that relentlessly delays him.  So after a while the fam decides not wait any longer and takes the bus.  When they get to the house they find it overrun with dozens and dozens of huge fucking lions ‘n shit.  Nearly the entire movie has the family doing their best to try to escape from the creatures.  However, what they don’t know is that these guys are Noel’s friends and they don’t actually mean any harm.  If they would only give the furry fellas a chance they would find out that they’re not so bad and there’s nothing to fear.  I supposed this is the message of the picture?  Along with: stop hunting down and murdering these magnificent animals please.

All of the footage is some of the most unbelievable animal stuff I’ve ever seen.  It’s breathtaking and nerve-racking as hell to see the lions fight with each other, play (very hard) with humans and run around freely.  It’s all due to the extremely brave crew that stuck their necks out, literally, to get the footage.  There was a plethora of injuries over the multi-year shoot and many got hurt very badly.  One of the unlucky ones was incredible cinematographer Jan de Bont (Die Hard, Basic Instinct, Black Rain) who shot this very early in his American career.  He risked his life for this shit and got scalped by a lion at one point who nearly took his whole fucking head off.

Roar is a fascinating film and the story behind it is equally enthralling.  I won’t go into it too much but Marshall and family actually adopted these animals who lived in their house for years before filming.  When they finally got around to making the damn movie it took another five years to shoot (the picture is supposed to take place in one day by the way) and they were ravaged by constant animal problems, injuries and even a huge flood.

Boy is this one strange bird, er, cat.  But it’s definitely worth seeing not only from a crazy filmmaking perspective but also if you’re interested in animals and their behaviors.  It’s a miracle this thing exists at all.