Harefooted Halloween: Hell Night

What I Liked: Decent atmosphere throughout.  They filmed at real mansions so that’s instant production value right there.  They were dressed appropriately and even though the exterior and interior are two different locations they match up well enough.  The entire thing takes place at night so the filmmakers threw in appropriate mood lighting and shadows.  There are entirely too many candles used throughout though.  Like who would have the time and patience to set up and light them all?  As long as you don’t think about how dumb it is having a glut of candles in almost every room it admittedly looks kinda cool.

The lead characters aren’t total douches.  They’re not terribly engaging or memorable either but at least they’re not cloying assholes or anything.  Hey, I’ll take what I can get.

What I Didn’t Like: The premise is totally fine, a group of fraternity/sorority pledges must spend a night in an old abandoned spooky mansion as part of their hazing only to discover *gasp* there’s a killer picking them off, but the execution is not great.  Everything plays out how you think it will.  The last act in particular slows to a goddamned sloth’s pace with the characters taking forever to explore any area before eventually getting attacked.  And I mean c’mon, forcing folks to stay a night in a “haunted house” is incredibly lame for a frat ritual.  Sure it’s not devastatingly mean spirited which is nice, but if I were rushing and this is what they came up with I would dump these lame-o’s pronto.

While the leads are ok all the other side players are pretty damn annoying.  Surfer dude stud muffin, wild party girl, slimy frat bros, they’re all obvious cannon fodder but you wish they would die sooner.

Overall Impressions: This is a fairly typical slasher from the early eighties.  You can see the Halloween influence in the villain being an unspeaking brute, the entire thing taking place on Halloween night (or Hell Night, whatever) and the car attack scene.  Unfortunately there’s not much of interest here.  Linda Blair of The Exorcist fame stars but they give her nothing to do for almost the whole runtime.  The most curious aspect is director Tom DeSimione was really a porno guy who wanted to branch out into more mainstream stuff.  Weirdly there’s zero nudity in the movie.  Even when characters are supposed to be fooling around they all keep their clothes on.  Not common for that era of horror either.

Anyway, unless you’re a slasher purist who needs to track them all down don’t bother with this one.

Harefooted Halloween: Dead of Night

What I Liked: All the stories in this anthology film are in the, uh, sorta classier (?) realm.  They’re more Twilight Zone in spirit despite this coming out fifteen years prior.  So there’s nothing too gruesome or monstrous here.  These are gothic tales that involve death, ghosts, haunted objects, etc. and how they affect the living.

The (not really) twist ending is weirdly satisfying.  Don’t worry, I won’t spoil it.  It’s wide open enough to draw your own conclusions about what you just witnessed while also being definitive enough to be a grim finale no matter what.

What I Didn’t Like: One story about a pair of golfers who make a wager has a fairly disturbing suicidal setup but then they play the rest of it for laughs.  None of the other segments are comedic so that’s fine for one to take a different path but the movie doesn’t pull off the tone shift within this particular one.  It’s the only section I didn’t care for.

The actor who plays the doctor in the wrap arounds constantly takes off and puts on his glasses.  I don’t know if this was the actor’s or director’s decision but it’s distracting as all hell.  Every time this guy says a line he has to pull his glasses off in dramatic fashion just so he can put them back on a moment later.  Leave them alone you oaf!

Overall Impressions: This one may not be as flashy or intriguingly bizarre as the 60’s and 70’s British horror anthology pictures like Asylum, The House that Dripped Blood or Torture Garden, but it’s not as silly as those either.  This was made in the 40’s so there’s going to be more restraint all around.  I dig both styles for different reasons.  Dead of Night is probably more consistent throughout its stories (perhaps with the exception of the golf one I mentioned above) and they remain more mildly stimulating than scary.  Although there are a couple of scenarios that would be downright upsetting in real life due to them involving shit like domestic abuse, child murder and suicide.

The 1972 Tales from the Crypt is still my favorite of these I’ve seen so far though.

Harefooted Halloween: Saloum

What I Liked: Good setup where we have a group of mercenaries who are in the midst of their getaway after stealing some gold when their plane goes down.  Now they’re stranded in middle of nowhere Saloum, Senegal.  While staying in the tiny local town they try to keep cool but something seems off and new obstacles keep popping up like a cop who’s passing through.  So intrigue and tension build quickly.

The characters and performances are pretty nice too.  Our set of bandits each have their own personality like the mystical one with long white deadlocks, the brute with his mohawk who’s always smoking and chewing gum at the same time (gross), and the charmer who tends to keep his leather gloves on, even at dinner, and has a smile a mile wide.  I like these guys because they each offer a unique skill and seem to genuinely care for each other.

A lot of the time the cinematography is well done.  The African landscape plays a big role and they put the beauty of the desert, rivers and bush on full display.

What I Didn’t Like: This is tricky to talk about without going into spoilers but I’ll do my best.  There’s a point where you’ll either stick with the movie or you’ll take the off-ramp and honestly it kinda lost me.  I think I sorta understood what was happening but there isn’t a ton of explanation.  Of course the supernatural stuff could be well known mythology in African culture that I’m just not familiar with so maybe the filmmakers felt they didn’t need to hit you over the head.  Or maybe it’s perfectly clear and I’m just an idiot.

Overall Impressions: The way I feel about this picture is how I’m sure some folks feel about From Dusk Till Dawn, I kinda wish they stuck with the gritty crime thriller the whole way through.  Sure, there were issues with it but I found it more engaging than where the story ultimately goes.  A decent number of rewrites would’ve helped to flesh the characters and plot out more.  The whole thing comes and goes so fast (under 90 mins, which I usually praise) that it’s not enough time to lock in and get acquainted. 

There’s definitely a bunch of cool shit in here though.  There’s an almost Scorsese level of energy to it at times with the shot and editing choices.  And most of the performances are fun.  They’re characters I want to hang with.  Unfortunately it doesn’t totally come together for me in the end.

Harefooted Halloween: Heart Eyes

What I Liked: Boy do they deliver on the Valentine’s Day theme.  Not only does this take place on the day but everywhere you look there are hearts, flowers, reds, pinks, whites, etc.  The locations are typical romantic/date places too like a fancy restaurant, a winery and a drive-in movie theater.  Not to mention the killer is dolled up with literal heart shaped eyes, a smile and shoots arrows from a mini crossbow sorta like a deranged Cupid.

The concept for this is that all the parts where the killer is attacking should feel like a slasher movie and then all the parts where he isn’t should feel like a romantic comedy.  Well, mission accomplished.  And I have to admit after the initial kills of the opening I got a little caught up in the romance plot that follows.  Ally (Olivia Holt (Totally Killer)) and Jay (Mason Gooding (Scream VI)) have their meet cute in a coffee shop by finding out they share the same overly complicated order.  Then later they discover they work for the same jewelry company (another Valentine-y thing).  Ally is on the verge of getting fired because of her disastrous (but funny) ad campaign depicting famous couples in pop culture dying for each other over true love.  The public thinks it’s too insensitive with the Heart Eyes Killer on the loose, as if Ally could’ve predicted when and where this asshole was going to show up.  Jay has been brought on to save the company and work with Ally to come up with a new marketing strategy.  So naturally there’s friction over the delicate situation despite the two being attracted to each other.  As they get to know each other over the course of the day they start to fall for each other.  A pleasantly classic setup, right?  The thing is this section goes on for a decent amount of time so I temporarily forgot I was watching a horror picture.  And right as I’m wondering what’s going to happen next with these two bam! the killer strikes.  The pacing and execution of this stretch is nicely done.  They caught me with my guard down so I was genuinely surprised when the tone shifts.  Amusingly even when there are lulls in the action, like when Ally and Jay are hiding from Heart Eyes, the film momentarily resumes the romance plot where they start hitting it off again.  The particular way the filmmakers mash these two genres together is clever and successful.  Holt and Gooding have pretty good chemistry which is vital, and the killer is a genuine threat so both halves have impact.

What I Didn’t Like: You kinda need to turn your brain off for this one.  There’s a bunch of silly shit in here that doesn’t track for the sake of making the concept work.  While most of that applies to the horror side with your usual teleporting killer shenanigans and incompetent cops and such, I have to say that the romance side is also a bit creepy if you think about it.  Jay is Ally’s boss and on his first day of work he asks her out on a date under the guise of a “work meeting”.  Not only is Ally pressured into it but Jay doesn’t even know if Ally is single (she actually just got out of a relationship).  Then when they go on the date, sorry “business dinner”, Jay is offput by Ally’s dispirited view of romance and love so he decides to split.  This jerk conduct is meant to make you think he might be the killer.  However, as a consequence most of the time this guy comes off more like a predatory piece of shit than the hopeless Romeo he’s supposed to be.

Overall Impressions: If you can push past Jay’s gross behavior and some of the other nonsense there’s an ok slasher movie in here.  The film doesn’t take itself that seriously which helps a lot.  I appreciate the dedication to the theme and detail put into the romantic comedy parts (questionable as they might be).  And the horror parts are put together fine with plenty of carnage to go around.

Harefooted Halloween: The First Omen

What I Liked: When this came out buzz was flying around about Nell Tiger Free’s (Game of Thrones) lead performance and yea, she’s excellent.  It takes a while for things to really get going so in the beginning she comes across affable and a bit naïve maybe but nothing too heavy or special.  It’s when shit amps up in the third act that Free goes all out in being terrorized, traumatized and brutalized by Satan and his summoners.  The sheer physicality she puts her body through and the look of absolute horror on her face at times is astonishing.  Of course the big scene is the homage to the freakout in Possession which is a damn hard task to take on but remarkably Free rises to the challenge.

Interestingly what steals the movie for me is the cinematography (Aaron Morton (Evil Dead (2013), Our Flag Means Death)).  It’s pretty to look at with a mostly locked down camera that also somehow feels floaty.  There’s a sense that you’re gliding through the film and that nothing is completely solid, if that makes any sense.  The techniques used don’t come across show-offy either, just very confident.

What I Didn’t Like: Overall the story is fine, good even, but the first two thirds of the movie are a bit slow.  Things play out like a boiler plate ghost/demon picture with the protagonist seeing weird images or thinking creepy things are attacking her for a moment and so on.  And it’s all punctuated by lame ass dumb ass jump scares.  It’s frustrating because the elegance of the cinematography makes it seem like the film should be above that shit.

The title is strangely literal.  Going into this I thought “so there was another devil boy before Damien?”  Nope.  They’re saying “this is your starting point in the Omen series, this is what happened directly before the original.”  A generic subtitle like “Abomination” or “666” would’ve been terrible though, so at least that didn’t happen.  At the same time what they went with is lazy in its own way.

Overall Impressions: This is alright.  For a part 5 you could certainly do a lot worse.  Honestly, the script is kinda mediocre where I always felt I was one step ahead of it, but the execution is way better than what you would normally see.  Director Arkasha Stevenson does a bang up job here on her first big feature where you can tell she put a lot of care and effort into what should’ve been a throwaway cash grab.  I have to believe that her being a woman brought a fresh perspective to the franchise too.  Like even in a universe where a healthy young woman is absolutely crucial for the devil and his followers’ scheme to succeed she still gets treated like total crap.  I’m very curious to see what Stevenson does next.

So this film is a mixed bag with the first two acts feeling like something out of the dreadful The Conjuring pictures and the much better last act being a combination of The Omen, Rosemary’s Baby and Possession.  With that said I think it’s easily the best Omen sequel.  Parts 2-4 all follow the same formula as the first with folks catching on to Damien being the Anti-Christ and then Damien killing them before they can inform the rest of the world.  This one takes a completely different approach by digging into the backstory of the religious group that wants the devil to walk the Earth.  The filmmakers do some retconning, which may or may not annoy you but it didn’t bother me, and they actually leave the door open for a sequel.  I have no idea where you go from here but I guess I could do another one.

Harefooted Halloween: The Purge: Anarchy

What I Liked: Frank Grillo (Warrior) as the action lead is fine.

What I Didn’t Like: The rest.

Overall Impressions: Guys, I got beef.  After seeing two installments I can conclude I strongly dislike The Purge series.  They’re not fun or clever or artistically well made or anything.  They just stink.  And I know I’m being harsh but these movies are infuriating.

I was hoping Part 2 was going to get me on board after an unsatisfactory Part 1 but nope, still not into it.  The concept of crime being legal for one day of the year while the rest of the time American society is supposedly completely normal is an impossibility that I can’t wrap my head around or accept.  This would need to be a post-apocalypse type scenario to get any sort of traction but that’s not the setup.  In fact hours and even minutes before the purge begins people are out casually driving around, going to the grocery store, calmly boarding up their homes and acting like total mayhem and ruin is not about to occur.  It’s such an awkward notion that these two ideas of society could co-exist that it doesn’t compute.

And I know I said this in the Part 1 review but I believe the legal crime gimmick actually makes these films worse.  Motivation is eliminated.  People kill simply because they can.  There’s no reason for you to get invested.  There’s no depth, consequences or stakes.  Let’s take an example from Anarchy.  At one point we’re shown a ballroom full of elegantly dressed rich folks who auction off kidnapped lower class people to be murdered.  Since this is all above board, and even expected to a certain extent, in the context of the movie there’s no bite to it.  Anything goes, so do what you want.  But if this scene took place in the regular world it would be incredibly disturbing in a Most Dangerous Game type way because it’s an insane underground event that’s completely against all societal and moral norms.

Here's another example (spoilers…who fucking cares?), we eventually find out that the government is covertly purging the population because citizens aren’t racking up enough bodies (meaning poorer people) on their own.  This is intended to be a holy shit moment but again, with the setup presented this is all totally legal so why should I give a shit?  Now if this storyline took place in the regular world this would be some really scary shit and a legitimate conspiracy.

Even though Anarchy is ever so slightly better than the original it’s still bad.  Writer/director James DeMonaco said he went for an Escape from New York vibe which definitely comes through.  Instead of one family defending a single location we have a random group of non-purgers (those that may or may not condone the holiday but abstain from participating regardless) get stuck on the streets of LA and try to stay alive until dawn.  Most encounters go down the same way with little ingenuity where it’s just some asshole with a gun shooting at them.  And a lot of scenes end deus ex machina style with someone coming to the rescue at the last second with a gun of their own.  It gets tedious quick.

This is repetitive, I know, but the core idea of this franchise is too flawed for me to turn off my brain and enjoy.  Even putting aside the major mistake the filmmakers made of having ALL crime be legal for twelve hours (so shit like rape, torture, devastation of food supplies, billion dollar theft, etc. are fine yet the filmmakers didn’t want to touch on these horrible acts in any way (in the first two Purges at least) because they’re, you know, sorta unpleasant), when they really meant only bodily harm/murder is permitted, shit still doesn’t add up.

The opening exposition from the filmmakers, not characters within the film mind you but the filmmakers themselves, states that due to the success of the purge crime, poverty and unemployment are virtually non-existent.  In my mind this conjures up an image of a nation comprised essentially of 100% wealthy blood hungry psychopaths.  But that’s not what we’re shown.  Instead the world outside of the purge hours is revealed to be astoundingly ordinary and recognizable.  We see affluent communities sure, but also plenty of folks that don’t look well off.  Moreover, LA still has a dingy appearance, gangs continue to roam around and financial crimes still occur.  So not the utopia we’re led to believe.  I mean if anything you would think the purge would increase crime because once you let the dog off the leash why would society go back to acting like perfect citizens when the timer’s up?  But amazingly this is what happens.  People are pointing guns at each other, all hopped up and crazy, but then the bell chimes to end the purge and they all put their weapons down and walk away.  They obey instantly.  What the fuck?  I refuse to buy that.

No matter what angle you approach the concept, story or characters from it never makes any goddamn sense.  What sane normal non-purger person would put up with this?  Between the mass death, ravaged economy from the enormous destruction and immensely broken society I would think they would leave the country.  I don’t care that the film attempts to hand wave this away by saying everything is peachy beyond those twelve hours.  You can’t have both at the same time.

Say what you want about the Saws but the soap opera plot twists offer tons of intrigue plus the deathtraps are imaginative, if convoluted, contraptions.  And the Final Destinations with their Rube Goldberg-esque kills and ability to have a tongue-in-cheek attitude are plain fun.  Hell, the John Wick pictures may be live action cartoons where every sequence is over the top but visually they’re beautiful and the creativity put into the jaw dropping choreography makes them treasures.  The Purges on the other hand are ugly productions stuffed with poorly executed horror/action tropes with heavy handed messaging that take themselves way too seriously.  They’re not entertaining which is a shame.  They’re kinda trash.

Full disclosure, originally I was planning on covering the entire series but I can’t do it.  I’m tapping out after Part 2.  You could say I’m purging this franchise from my life.

Harefooted Halloween: The Purge

What I Liked: Nada.  Well ok, that one fight in the game room with the billiard table, the pinball machine and the ax is kinda fun.

What I Didn’t Like: Everything else.

Overall Impressions: Look, I’ve always thought the idea for The Purge was pretty stupid so when I finally sat down to see it I was a little surprised that it was even worse than I expected.  Nothing in the film makes a lick of sense or is all that compelling or suspenseful.

If this were a simple home invasion horror/thriller picture that took place in the regular world would it make a difference?  I argue yes, it would actually improve the thing.  I get that a huge part of the draw (or maybe the whole draw) is the crime-is-legal-one-night-a-year gimmick but in my opinion it detracts from the investment I’m supposed to have.  We know there’s no possibility of anyone coming to help the one family who’s fine with the idea of the purge but doesn’t participate themselves.  We also know there are no consequences for the intruders so again, why should I care?

I mean jeez, I could run down a long list of all the reasons why the framework for the film is total nonsense (which it wants us to take completely seriously by the way) like a good chunk of the country burns to the ground every year making a full recovery never achievable so commerce is basically fucked.  Yet everything seems to be hunky dory when it ain’t purging time.  But probably the biggest fuck up the filmmakers made when they put this crap together is they tell us that all crime is legal for twelve hours when I think they really meant bodily harm is legal.  So to be clear, every single crime on the books is fair game.  Sure, there are some bullshit exceptions like that the highest level government officials are off limits and only “class 4 weapons and lower can be used”, whatever that means, we never find out, but I doubt anyone with a murder boner is gonna give a flying fuck.  Anyway, shit like robbing banks, jewelry stores, cyber crimes, poisoning a water supply, creating your own army to wipe out entire cities (using class 4 weapons only of course), insurrection (without killing top officials of course) and so on is all totally fine!  The picture ignores this extremely ugly stuff even though the parameters allow for it.  What they really had in mind is what they show, physical one on one altercations, mostly murder.  It’s frickin’ weird how this slipped through.  I dunno, maybe they thought crafting very specific rules was going to be too hard for the audience to follow, plus “all crime is legal” has a cleaner nicer ring to it.  Whatever.

Boy, I hate to be this down on what should’ve been a fine thriller that just happened to be teed up on an idiotic, but ultimately ignorable, platform.  Unfortunately the setup and execution are so dumb I can’t get beyond it.  The most unique element of the film is also its worst aspect.  On top of that half the movie’s in the goddamn dark because the lights go out and we can’t see shit and can’t tell what the hell’s going on and every decision every character makes is infuriating and plot points are tediously predicable and the commentary and messaging is ham fisted as hell and, *sigh*, this thing sucks man.