The People Under the Stairs

Wes Craven likes to do horror.  But he also likes to mix it up most of the time (even though he’s no stranger to sequels).  He likes to do movies about monsters, voodoo, serial killers, vampires, werewolves and music that lies in your heart.  Right before I threw on The People Under the Stairs I thought to myself, “I’m in good hands.  Craven knows what he’s doing.  It probably won’t be great but it’ll at least be entertaining”.  I was sorta wrong.  This turned out to be a pretty funky movie.

Well it had the usual Craven start where you think for a minute that it’s not a horror movie but some pretty cheesy drama.  We see that there’s a young boy named Fool, played by Brandon Quintin Adams (The Sandlot, Ghost in the Machine), who lives in the projects with his sick mother.  Leroy played by Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction, Con Air) is a family friend or something and he lets us know that Fool and his mother are about to be evicted.  We also see in another part of town that there’s some couple that’s being real strict with their daughter.  So no killers or vampires or Freddy Kruger yet.

Leroy has heard that there’s a house in a nearby neighborhood that has gold hidden in it.  He and Fool need this money so he hatches a plan to steal it and he uses Fool to pretend to be a boy scout selling cookies to scope out the house.  The house was a former funeral home and looks all run down as shit with metal grates covering the windows.  He comes across a woman whose name we never learn but they call her Mom later.  Mom turns Fool away before he can get a chance to see inside the house.  He reports what he saw to Leroy and his partner in crime Spencer who is not Wes Craven by the way.  The guy looks like him and I thought it was him at first but when I double checked it wasn’t.  Anyway Spencer pretends to be a guy from the gas company and gets inside the house.  Leroy and Fool watch as Mom leaves the house and then Rhames says one of the best lines in the film.  They’re guessing why Mom left Spencer alone in the house and why he hasn’t given them a signal to come inside.  Fool answers that maybe he’s looking around to see if it’s safe.  Then Leroy says, “maybe the President is gonna make me Secretary of Pussy”.  You could use that line for anything.  No matter what someone says you could brush it off by saying that maybe the President is gonna make you Secretary of Pussy.  It’s part of the Department of the interior.

So after Leroy and Fool break in they are hit with all sorts of problems and booby traps.  Craven loves booby traps.  He’s even admitted in at least one interview that he needs to scale back on how much he uses them.  Well he certainly used the shit outta them in this.  This house is like a sick twist on Home Alone.  Instead of a kid setting traps for adults it’s adults setting traps for kids and adults.  And these traps will kill you not just knock you to the ground in some hilarious fashion.

This movie delivers on tons of weird stuff.  The couple that I mentioned we see at the beginning is Mom and the other guy goes by Dad played by the incredible Everett McGill (License to Kill, Under Siege 2: Dark Territory).  They’re actually brother and sister and what you think is their daughter is really some girl that they kidnapped.  Dad also dresses up in full gimp attire and chases Fool all around the house with a shotgun blazing shooting the fuck out of the house.  It’s interesting to note that this was before Pulp Fiction which also involves Ving Rhames and a gimp.

There’s always something weird to look at in this movie.  If it’s not a gimp with a shotgun then it’s booby traps or the weird fucked up relationship between Mom and Dad or Sean Whalen (Twister, That Thing You Do!) who lives in between the walls.  The shit just keeps coming.

Also, did you notice how I haven’t said a word about people living underneath stairs?  That’s because they’re barely in this movie and have almost nothing to do with the main story.  Fool is trying to find this gold so that his mother can get medical treatment and so they can pay their rent.  You see?  No people under no fucking stairs in that plot.  But that’s ok because the actual people under the stairs part of the movie is pretty awesome.  Spoiler.  Do not read if you’re actually going to see this movie.  You see Mom and Dad have been kidnapping children for years and pretending that they were their own.  But they keep them locked in the house the whole time.  When the children start to become a little unruly Mom and Dad stick them in the cellar.  And I guess they all eventually do act out because there are a lot of people under those stairs.  For their food Dad feeds them raw human meat.  They’ve also gone completely pale from lack of sunlight and have forgotten how to speak and act like a human.  It doesn’t make any sense that these regular people would turn into fucking zombies or some shit after a couple of years but whatever it makes the movie kinda cool.

Another thing is that these people are kept behind wooden slats.  They’re not caged in with iron bars or are tied up with chains or anything.  They could bust through that wood or the ceiling anytime.  I guess they’re afraid that Mom or Dad will kill them but there are so many of them.  Sure a couple will probably go down at first but they would definitely prevail.

The People Under the Stairs is a movie that doesn’t give a shit.  It does whatever it wants to do and makes up whatever device or character to make it more interesting.  I really like the yeah-I’ll-call-it-The-People-Under-the-Stairs-but-have-it-be-mostly-about-some-other-wacky-shit attitude that it has.  Craven really squeezed out a gem with this one.  Nobody gave a shit about him since Nightmare on Elm Street and wouldn’t again until Scream.  I’m gonna have to check out more of his movies that were made in between.

But I guess we shouldn't be too worried about the People Under the Stairs 'cause it looks like they're doin' alright for themselves.