The Beach Bum

Just wanna do a real quick shoutout on Harmony Korine’s follow up to Spring Breakers called The Beach Bum.  Matthew McConaughey (Killer Joe) plays Moondog, a guy who floats from bar to bar in Key West incessantly drinking PBR tall boys and smoking weed.  Sometimes he goes fishing, sometimes he bangs away on an old typewriter piecing together short poems.  He’s on permanent vacation.  When his wife/girlfriend/lover character Minnie (Isla Fisher (The Lookout)) asks that he come up to Miami for their daughter’s wedding he’s reluctant but knows he has to make an appearance.  I don’t wanna say much else on the plot because part of the beauty of this film is not knowing what lies ahead on Moondog’s travels.

The thing about Moondog is he’s enviable on one hand but a wreck on the other.  You wish you could lead his kinda life where you do whatever you want whenever you want seemingly without consequence.  You have a ton of friends and everyone loves you.  But Moondog is also a serious asshole who hurts people.  And he doesn’t care who he steps on if it permits him to continue to live the lifestyle he created for himself.  In a few instances he’s flat out mean to some folks for no reason like when he pushes a guy playing a tuba off a pier into the water.  He cackles to himself at the accomplishment.  This is a character we should either loath or admire.  Somehow I feel both.  Korine pulls off the damn near impossible by masterfully handling the complicated emotions we can have towards others.

Of course McConaughey is spectacular as the titular bum.  He was born to play this role.  The whole picture rests on his shoulders and requires a range of emotions which he nails perfectly.  When he’s blitzed (which is most of the time) he can be affable as hell and when he’s down he can be completely unreasonable.  McConaughey gets the balancing act right.

Another charming aspect is the good cast of supporting characters that show up.  Snoop Dog (Training Day) plays an R&B artist who’s best friends with Moondog and Minnie.  He basically plays himself but that’s what you want from Snoop.  His dialogue feels adlibbed and results in some pretty funny scenes (that goes for all the side characters really) especially when we discover he might also be a drug lord which would explain the armed guards he’s always surrounded by.  Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street) is Moondog’s publisher or agent or something and he sports a ridiculously thick Louisiana accent.  And Martin Lawrence (Boomerang) is a seedy dolphin boat captain who’s probably the funniest I’ve seen him in forever.  Again, I won’t divulge too much here because it’s better if you’re surprised with what happens when these folks get involved.

This is a gorgeous looking movie too by the way.  Lots of bright neon, setting suns, deep blues of the ocean, awesome production design with the gaudy clothing, tricked out boats, glamourous mansions, cars and etc.  And it has a killer fuckin’ soundtrack to boot featuring The Cure, Edgar Winter, Van Morrison, Jimmy Buffett and…Creed (in a funny scene where we’re not sure if Moondog actually likes the song “Higher” or if he’s only humoring the douche who put it on).  All around a very nicely made film.

Don’t fret if the movie seems plotless for a long stretch because Korine sneakily unrolls one without you realizing it.  As we tag along with Moondog and drift from one situation to the next the pieces eventually come together and by the end I didn’t want to say goodbye.  It’s part cautionary tale, fairy tale, comedy, drama, slice of (extraordinary) life, dream-like, sobering and everything in between.  It’s really impressive filmmaking.

Honestly this picture deserves a deeper dive than this short piece but well, I’m just not doing that.  I didn’t initially plan on writing anything but the more I thought about this movie the more I liked it.  I think I love it now.  So yea, go check it out.  It’s a good/sad/funny/poignant time.

Death Wish V: The Face of Death

Since Paul Kersey (Charlie Bronson (The Dirty Dozen)) fucked with the mafia drug cartels in the last picture he goes into witness protection and moves back to NYC (off screen).  You know, this is just my opinion but I don’t think the cops did a very good job relocating their witness.  He returns to his hometown where he’s notorious in law enforcement and organized crime circles, they only change half his name so now he goes by Paul Stewart and he teaches architecture which is really close to his original profession of architect.  Additionally he dates a high profile fashion designer named Olivia Regent (Lesly-Anne Down (The Great Train Robbery)).  So it’s no surprise that he gets found out pretty quickly.

Well considering what’s coming down the pike I can buy all that.  But would you believe the woman he’s engaged to gets killed by gangsters and they kidnap her daughter?  Paul Kersey’s bad fuckin’ luck is something else man.  I know I brought this up a couple of times already during this series but I’m genuinely dumbfounded how so much horrific shit can happen to one sonuvabitch.  You could say he deserves it and that wouldn’t necessarily be wrong seeing as he has a hard on for setting traps for would-be criminals and murdering them on the spot without a second thought.  But put that aside for a minute.  Throughout the course of these films he’s suffered the loss of his wife and his daughter, one woman he was engaged to, another woman he was about to commit to and her daughter, his housekeeper/friend, an old war buddy and yet another woman he proposed to walks out on him because she found out about his vigilante shit.  That’s seven dead people and a lost lover on two coasts.  And of the people I just listed only one dies as a direct result of Kersey’s actions.  The rest are happenstance.  Come...on!

Anyway, this time Kersey gets tangled up with the Irish mob and again, it’s not really his fault.  The ex-husband of Olivia is a no good hood named O’Shea and he orders her face smashed into a mirror repeatedly because she’s thinking of heading into witness protection.  On top of this O’Shea steals their daughter away (technically he gained legal custody but he strong-armed it) to keep as a hostage.  Sadly Olivia gets shot and falls off a roof nonetheless.  Kersey enters vigilante mode one final time.

O’Shea is played by Michael Parks (From Dusk Till Dawn, Kill Bills) and he gives a memorable performance.  This asshole is probably the most insufferable prick these movies have dished out.  He constantly makes fun and berates everyone around him, isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty when he takes an electric saw thing used for cutting fabric to a poor bastard’s abdomen and uses his own daughter as bait for Kersey.  He has no respect for anyone or anything.  Parks looks like he’s having fun hamming up how dickish he can be towards the world.  Makes sense ‘cause apparently he was allowed to adlib a lot of his dialog.  And even though I really hated this fuckin’ character at least he stands out.  Plus I mean you’re supposed to hate him.  He’s the bad guy.

Strangely there’s sort of a sadistic edge to this entry.  Kersey uses some unusual tactics we’ve never seen from him before which leads to horror movie type deaths.  For example he poisons a henchman’s cannolis with cyanide and the way this douchebag shovels those pastries into his mouth at breakneck speed makes the death disgusting to watch.  For another Kersey uses a remote control soccer ball (which is just a weird damn toy to begin with but evidently it really exists) to detonate a bomb in someone’s face setting them ablaze from the waist up.  And the award for strangest torture goes to the guy Kersey seals up in heavy plastic like in a warehouse where you would wrap an entire pallet full of shit.  Before the victim suffocates to death Kersey rips open an air hole but then proceeds to hang him up on a motorized rack for shuffling garments around the clothing factory.

But hold your horses ‘cause we have to address the gigantic open pit of acid.  Why is this in a garment factory?  No clue.  It’s there though completely exposed, no cover, no railing or safety equipment of any kind to prevent people from falling in, nothing.  Through demonstration we know it dissolves a mannequin almost instantly so this is like some of the strongest acid on mother earth.  Thankfully that death juice is saved for a big moment.

Unfortunately after four straight slam dunks there isn’t a young future mega star actor making their feature debut as a gangster in this one.  All involved were either already established or didn’t do much else.  Oh well.  That was a helluva stretch though wasn’t it?

Guys, I don’t know what the fuck is going on with this movie but I like some of it’s wild style.  It’s more interesting than Part 4 and it has a really cool subtitle: The Face of Death.  I wouldn’t have guessed that Death looks like a guy in his 70’s with a thin mustache and a wrinkled as shit face.  What was once a strength in the first picture has now become a touch sad.  It’s too bad Bronson has looked kinda checked out since the third film only adding a few drops of emotion in a smattering of scenes here and there.  Maybe better scripts would’ve made him care more, maybe not.

This last installment ends on a not particularly strong note but there are a couple of fun moments, it has a darker edge and perhaps the fiercest singular villain in the series.  And the movie tries its damnedest to build up Kersey as a “hero” who hasn’t lost his groove.  He’s definitely still a dangerous motherfucker.  He hasn’t met a foe he couldn’t handle or even physically injure him in any real way.  I don’t know if I would absolutely recommend watching this one on its own but if you’re going through the Death Wishes don’t skip it.