Halloween (2018)

This is par for the course for a Halloween sequel and that’s a pretty sad statement.  I was hoping for something smarter and possibly a little different than what we’ve seen in the past.  Instead the filmmakers went straight up the middle and threw in just about every slasher movie trope in existence. 

Plus there’s so much goddamn fan service.  At almost every turn there’s a reference to one of the previous installments and it’s really distracting.  “You’re the new Dr. Loomis”, a model of the Myers house in Laurie’s house, “the shape”, the falling off of a balcony from part I, the taking of a chef’s knife after a woman uses it to make a ham sandwich from part II, the Silver Shamrock masks from part III, transporting Michael from one sanitarium to another and escaping en route from part 4, the two goofy cops from part 5, bathroom stalking from part 6 and H20, Laurie’s borderline alcoholism from H20, someone else putting on Michael’s mask from Rob Zombie’s Halloween II and a zillion others.  (I didn’t pick out any obvious lifts from Resurrection or Zombie’s Halloween I)

The comedy is very silly and some of it is funny but then the movie is also extremely violent.  I don’t think those two elements fit well together here.  These drastic tone shifts are gonna wear you down after a while and they bring into question how seriously you should take the film.

There are two scenes that are very well done however.  The one where Michael is finally decked out in full garb and goes on a killing spree through several neighborhood houses has impressive camera work that’s done in a few long tracking shots.  The other is when a babysitter is trying to close a closet door after searching her kid’s room for the boogie man.  They intercut that with her douchbag boyfriend smoking a joint and revving a motorcycle outside so there’s good subversion of expectations in not knowing who’s gonna get slayed.

The sensor light gag is a good idea but the timing of when the light goes on and off seems to be convenient for whenever Michael needs to do his thang and doesn’t follow any sort of normal pattern.  I know that’s nitpicky but I couldn’t help but notice.

They did get Michael right which is nice.  He looks and moves appropriately, not too stiff and not too agile.  The only moment that’s out of character is when he dumps a fist full of teeth into a bathroom stall to intimidate a lady that’s in there.  Michael kills and moves on.  He doesn’t torture or play with his victims.  He may be slow to pounce due to him being mentally deranged and maybe mulling over how he’s going to dispatch his prey, but he doesn’t do shit to fuck with them on purpose.

So besides a few good scenes, giving us a good Michael performance and the kick ass John & Cody Carpenter soundtrack (you better believe he (they) still got it in the music department) this comes off like bad fan fiction.  The dead giveaway is all the callbacks to the other Halloweens and how that almost seems like the driving force.  It’s disappointing more than anything and all the hype around it about this being a true love letter to the series, especially John Carpenter’s original, certainly doesn’t help.  We don’t need a love letter.  We need a script that doesn’t make you wonder how it passed inspection and filmmaking decisions that don’t make you roll your eyes in frustration.  Look, it’s not the worst movie (actually, it could be the second or third best installment) and I know I’m being harsh but damn, it sure is a whole lot dumber than I was expecting.  Like, all the other Halloween sequels kinda dumb.

Harefooted Halloween: Phantasm II

What I Liked: Turning almost any series into a road movie is a great idea.  The Devil’s Rejects, Logan and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly all worked well when put into perpetual motion.  Ok, Leatherface was crap, but you can add Phantasm II to the mix now.

Mike (James Le Gros (Point Break)) and Reggie (Reggie Bannister (Survival Quest)) become truly badass as armed to the teeth Tall Man hunting possessed maniacs on a mission.  This is a fantastic evolution for these characters.  It’s another proven route like Sarah Connor in T2 or Ash in Evil Dead II.

The practical effects are nice like the weird Tall Man slime baby that’s growing out of someone’s back or when a priest gets hanged by his own rosary in mid air.

What I Didn’t Like: The plot is almost nonexistent.  It seems like writer/director Don Coscarelli (The Beastmaster, John Dies at the End) had ideas for scenes but there’s not much connecting them.  And this is more of a problem than you might think.  I’ve seen this picture before and couldn’t remember what in the hell happened, but I just watched the fuckin’ thing now and still can’t really remember a whole lot.  The lack of a narrative and significant events is devastating to my memory.

Overall Impressions: Besides not being able to retain very much of the story it’s fun in the moment.  The Sam Raimi-ish attitude of just fucking around (which must’ve been intentional because Coscarelli and he are buds and there’s a reference to the guy on a bag full of cremated human remains) makes for an easy going experience that doesn’t take itself too seriously but still delivers on the creeps.  While the incredible original remains king it’s still a good one night stand.  Just don’t expect to remember anything in the morning.

Harefooted Halloween: Tales from the Crypt (1972)

What I Liked: Four of the five stories are great twisty tales about assholes getting their comeuppance.  The wife who murders her loving husband but then has to deal with an escaped lunatic dressed as Santa Claus might be my favorite segment.  The take they do on the Monkey’s Paw is pretty neat too where the undead husband gets his guts hacked up by his wife.  The only yarn I don’t like as much is the one where a young upper crusty brat drives his old disheveled neighbor across the street to suicide simply because he thinks the guy and his rundown house are bad for the neighborhood.  The kid doesn’t even know the man or have a strong motivation for fucking with him so it comes off too mean spirited.  The ending to that segment is appropriately gruesome though because the kid is a total piece of shit.

The brevity of each story works well.  These fables are relatively simple affairs so spending about fifteen mins on each one is perfect.  Everything is streamlined to cram as much suspense into the plots as possible.

What I Didn’t Like: The segment concerning the douche who abuses his power in running a home for the blind tips its hand too early with how they’re going to conclude.  I wish they had shown a little more restraint there because it would’ve been kind of a nuts reveal had we not known what the residents of the home were up to.

Overall Impressions: This film is a favorite of Robert Zemeckis (Flight, Romancing the Stone) who produced the much more well known HBO version of Tales from the Crypt and directed some episodes.  If you’re curious to check out this ancestor from almost twenty years prior you won’t be disappointed.  They share some of the same stories and it’s interesting to see the different approaches each took.  

This is definitely one of the strongest anthology horror movies out there.  All the sections are solid, the performances are excellent and there’s a nice broody look and atmosphere to the entire piece.  They walk the fine line of presenting you something that’s truly creepy and not too silly, gory or light.  Everyone likes a good old fashioned ghost story and this is as traditional and classy as it gets.

Harefooted Halloween: Pet Sematary II

What I Liked: It’s all about Clancy Brown’s (Extreme Prejudice, Blue Steel) demented performance.  He plays a cop/step-father who gets brought back from the dead except he’s all psychotic now.  The funny thing is he sorta pretends to be normal, or at least does semi-normal stuff and it takes forever for anyone to catch on.  Like he farms rabbits on the side and when he becomes zombified he kills a whole bunch, cooks them up and proceeds to stuff wads of food in his mouth and laugh about it with these dead eyes.  That scene alone is worth the price of admission.  Jeez…

The story gets exponentially crazier as it goes but it still manages to sneak up on you.  Before you know it you’re knee deep in zany shit.  For example, after Edward Furlong (T2, Detroit Rock City) witnesses how horribly wrong reanimating a dead dog and a dead Clancy Brown turns out he still decides the best thing to do is resurrect his deceased mother.  Also, Anthony Edwards (Zodiac, Miracle Mile) dreams he has sex with his late wife except she has a rabid dog’s head that wants to bite his arm off.  Man I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had that dream.

The rockin’ soundtrack is fuckin’ rad with The Ramones returning to once again contribute a song.  While “Poison Heart” isn’t as good as “Pet Sematary” and wasn’t written specifically for the movie it’s still a pretty cool tune.

What I Didn’t Like: The story involving yet another group of people who bring once living things back to life is silly as shit.  The whole town seems to know about the magical Indian burial ground but they feel it’s just something they have to live with.  Sometimes people are gonna want to mess around with the laws of nature and hey, what can you do?

The acting is pretty terrible all around except for Brown how hams it up so much I can’t deny it brought me a good amount of joy.  He does the same weird, and I guess exaggerated (?), Maine accent that Fred Gwynne did in the original and it comes off laughably bad.

Overall Impressions: Interestingly I don’t think you need to have seen the first film to understand this one.  It works on its own because there aren’t any of the same characters and it’s a brand new plot line.  Well, new-ish.  The same shit happens where you progress from a dead animal to a dead human and they’re all fucked up and a bunch of folks get murdered as a result.  But the existence of an Indian burial ground and the process needed to revive a departed creature is explained all over again.

An unusual aspect is that there are two main stories happening at once and both are given equal attention.  There’s the Ed Furlong/Anthony Edwards dead mother/wife plot and the Clancy Brown is an awful person plot.  If this were more traditional the Clancy one would take a backseat but I wonder if the filmmakers liked the madcap acting so much that they gave him more screen time.  In any case the dual story idea actually works and keeps things moving along.

By the time it’s over we’ve gone on some kinda journey and we’re watching all the victims of the film inexplicably flash across the screen for one last awkward goodbye.  Seriously, who puts a little compilation clip of the dead characters at the end of a horror picture, or any picture for that matter?  if it was a true story, maybe.  But otherwise, what the hell?

Boy I’d really like to recommend this based on the bizarre creepy fun factor, but I know that’s slightly unethical.  It’s not a good movie exactly.  However, with the right group of people (you know, the type who enjoy watching someone take a power drill to a guy’s open shoulder wound) then there’s a good time in here.

Harefooted Halloween: Leatherface

*Not to be confused with Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III

What I Liked: The lighting is pretty sometimes.

What I Didn’t Like: Almost everything else.

Overall Impressions: You can place this in the “movies that never needed to get made” category.  Part of what makes Leatherface formidable and creepy is that he’s a hulking brute in a skin mask wielding a noisy powerful chainsaw.  Oh, and he’s fucking psychotic too.  Here he’s a normal sized teen with a heart of gold that acts rationally.  He only goes crazy because the movie requires it after a certain point.  I mean somebody’s gotta freak out and get all Leatherface-y, right?

I have a sneaking suspicion the script was a different film before some sloppy scenes were added to the beginning and end to tie it into the Texas Chainsaw universe.  The middle portion is a road rampage picture involving a deranged couple that go on a crime spree like Badlands, True Romance, Kalifornia, Natural Born Killers, Wild at Heart, The Sugarland Express, etc.  It has nothing to do with anything else and it definitely doesn’t feel like a Chainsaw or even a horror movie.

This was directed by the French team of Julien Maury and Alexandre Bustillo who did the infamously insane gore-extravaganza Inside (2007) so I was hoping there would be a bunch of smart filmmaking and brutal chainsaw action.  Well ok, there’s one part where a guy gets ripped to shreds with buckets of blood pouring out but unfortunately in the end this picture isn’t interesting or very fun or yield any meaningful insight into the titular character.  In fact I outright reject the childhood and adolescence that they present.  The whole thing is completely off.  I can’t imagine Leatherface was ever remotely normal and that’s what they’re trying to sell you.  But I ain’t buying.

Harefooted Halloween: Inside (2007)

What I Liked: They get a lot of mileage out of the very simple idea of a mysterious lady trying to kill a pregnant woman in her own house on Christmas Eve night.  The decisions are smart even though it feels like they’re making it up as they go.  The filmmakers had a good sense of what would work and it flows like a wide open wound.

The camera is locked down and the shots are nicely reserved.  Back in the mid 2000’s shaking your shit all over the goddamn place was the rage but thankfully there’s none of that garbage here.  All the camera movements are focused with the operator and editor making good choices about what to show and what to hold back on.

(Spoiler on this last point) I dig the downer ending.  It’s one thing to have your protagonist (a nine month pregnant woman) go through all of this horrific shit, like being beaten, tortured, stabbed, sliced, self-perform a tracheotomy, and not to mention she kills her own mother by accident, but it takes some serious balls to then also have this character be murdered AND have her baby cut and stolen from her body.  That’s fucking crazy.  To top it all off the image of the intruder lady all fucked up from being burned and battered with the baby in her arms rocking in a chair bathed in red light is creepy as shit too.

What I Didn’t Like: The lighting is a bit too dark at times.  I know the filmmakers were going for a dark look but they probably could’ve taken a half step back and been ok.

Overall Impressions: Things go off the fucking rails pretty quickly and my favorite part might be when the cops show up because it doesn’t go down exactly how you think it will.  I was genuinely nervous for everyone during that.  The madness escalates sharply and can’t seem to contain itself.  Eventually we hit cartoon country which at first I wasn’t thrilled with but they kept me engaged and the more I think back on it the more I’m into just how far they take shit.

This film is notorious and beloved and I get it.  It’s a fucking gore-fest which isn’t always my cup of tea because that usually means either torture porn or the filmmakers are desperately trying to get your attention.  This is neither.  They certainly are pushing buttons with a maniac not only going after a pregnant woman but also with having her pierce scissors into the protruding belly several times.  They start there but the building of tension and how insane the situation gets is really cleverly done.  Sure a helluva lot of blood gets spilled along the way and some parts are more than likely going to make you feel incredibly uncomfortable but goddamn, what a ride.

Harefooted Halloween: Hereditary

What I Liked: No jump scares!  Amazing!

Well shot, well cast and well acted.

The family history shit is crazy and makes you feel really sorry for all members.

What I Didn’t Like: The story is slightly confusing.  In fact first time writer/director Ari Aster must’ve known his movie wasn’t very clear because he adds in a block of dialogue at the end to explain what you just witnessed.  You definitely should not have to do that.

The payoff isn’t great.  In these atmospheric horror films that isn’t always the most important thing but in this case there weren’t enough other good moments to make up for it.

Overall Impressions: People have been raving about this one nonstop calling it one of the scariest pictures ever made and all that kinda hype.  I can half see why it’s getting so much attention.  The lack of jump scares in exchange for eerie imagery and unpredictability is a good swap.  However, I don’t think the movie is quite as smart as it thinks it is. 

The main issue is the spotty script.  This film should not work but it goes the distance on pretty shots and outstanding performances.  SPOILERS FOR THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH But plot-wise one of the many things I don’t get is that if it’s so essential for the cult to channel the daughter’s spirit into a new body then why don’t they just do it by force?  Why don’t they kidnap the son, tie him down and perform the ritual?  Actually, does it even need to be the son’s body?  And if it does then why do they possess him to smash his head against his desk and allow him to throw himself through the attic window?  You’d think they would want his body to be pristine and not all fucked up.  Or did he die?  Is suicide part of the ritual?  Despite the piece of dialogue inserted at the end none of this is explained.

This is a slow burn and to be honest I’m generally not into slow burn horror movies.  It’s too much work for the usually disappointing reward.   

This is just an alright picture.  The technical filmmaking is very good but I question the story choices.  The horrible family drama parts are fantastic and where the movie shines.  That should’ve been the focus in my opinion.  Leave out the supernatural shit and the weird ending and have this be about a family with the worst fucking luck in the entire world.  Every member goes through some insane ordeal where it’s a myriad of tragedies.  That stuff is so much more interesting and handled so much better than the horror bits.

Harefooted Halloween: Trick 'r Treat

What I Liked: Sooooooo Halloween-y.  This movie is more Halloween than any of the Halloween pictures and most of those are fairly Halloween-y.  You know how in a lot (or even most) Christmas films the town/family/community/homes are decked the fuck out to the max on decorations, trees, presents, caroling, hot chocolate, banquets, snow and all that shit?  We now have an equivalent Halloween movie on that scale (at least in the live action category, The Nightmare Before Christmas is right there too in the animated field).

It’s neat how the stories intersect with each other.  I’m not always a fan of this method of storytelling but it works here.  I think it’s because the different tales don’t really interfere with each other.  They could be told separately (although you’d have to re-edit the movie to get all the pieces of each related story together) but instead we’re shown that all these characters and incidents are happening in the same small vicinity.  This lends a nice cohesiveness to the whole thing.

What I Didn’t Like: I don’t have any real hard negatives to say here.

Overall Impressions: The movie’s fun and all but none of the stories really stand out or excel at the type of horror they were going for.  The child killing school principal, the band of voluptuous ladies looking for a good time, the group of young kids checking out the site of an old school bus massacre, the home invasion, the woman who hates Halloween are all executed competently without much memorable flair.  That’s strange though because the filmmaking is on the slicker side with very moody lighting, great production design and expert camerawork.  But somehow it lacks.  Maybe it’s that I’m not too interested in most of the story segments, or that they’re not unique enough, or that the characters don’t have much depth, or that first time writer/director Michael Dougherty (Krampus) tries too hard with the plot twists.  I’m not sure.

One really bizarre thing is how much child death there is in this piece.  Like a whole slew of kids eat it at various points and that didn’t occur to me until I was talking about this movie with a buddy of mine.  It doesn’t come off so dark or in bad taste though.  I don’t know how they managed that.

Anyway, if you like these horror anthology type deals this fits the bill but it’s nothing to get too excited about.

Harefooted Halloween: Happy Death Day

What I Liked: The basic concept of being forced to relive one day over and over until you find out the identity of your killer and stop them is good.

What I Didn’t Like: The execution of the concept.

Overall Impressions: The endless time loop idea is so novel and linked to Groundhog Day that it took twenty four years to base another whole movie around it.  And even then they had to do a twist and turn this one into a horror/murder mystery picture.  That was a really great idea.  The problem I have is they made an incredibly cheap dumb horror/murder mystery picture.

The lead character Tree (Jessica Rothe (Forever My Girl)) is really unlikeable.  I guess part of what the filmmakers were going for is to make her such an asshole that you actually want to see her get killed multiple times.  Of course part of her arc is she learns to become a better person and that’s great ‘n all but they made her a dick to the point where it was hard to overcome my dislike of the character.  She treats everyone like crap including her supposed friends, admits to getting someone fired from their job and spitting on an Uber driver ‘n shit.  They could’ve and should’ve scaled that back.

There’s a bunch of unnecessary shit thrown in too like when Tree dyes her hair pink, puts on camo makeup and wears night vision goggles during one loop or when she walks through the campus square naked during another.  What does this add to the movie and how does this help her solve the case?  I don’t get it.

Look, the people that made this thing seemed like they had a lot of fun.  They kept the tone fairly light and tried to goof around with the death scenes to make it entertaining for the audience.  There’s a lot of comedy in this (too much in my opinion) and folks ate it up.  I mean the sequel is already in the can.

This isn’t a good movie though.  It has such a schlock feel that I can’t get past it.  It’s all about the central idea and how remarkably strong it is that makes this watchable.  Everything else around it is terrible.  The deaths aren’t even interesting or crazy which is the least they could’ve done.  But they made that lame too.