The Substitutes 1-4

The Substitute

A mercenary named Shale (Tom Berenger (Major League)) is looking for a little r ‘n’ r after a botched mission in Cuba.  He heads to Miami where his girlfriend (Diane Venora (Heat)) teaches at an inner city school.  The head honcho gangbanger in her class (Marc Anthony (Hackers, music shit)) doesn’t like her though and has her taken out via a club to the leg.  Shale decides to fill in for her as the substitute only to find something more sinister going on at the school. 

Things are kinda convenient with this setup but that’s a trademark of the series.  Except for the fourth one none of these stories would get rolling if it weren’t for many layers of convenience.  But anyway, let’s see how these fine films shape up starting with the originale here.

What happens in this installment is pretty much what you would think just by looking at the poster.  Shale genuinely wants to teach the class history but has to resort to his military training to get them in line.  They talk back, bring weapons to class and some even try to kill him.  Shale gets back by yelling, relating to the students and, naturally, fighting a few.

This one was definitely trying to cash in on the hood craze that was happening at the time.  While a bunch of the movie doesn’t actually take place in the hood it still deals with hood lifestyle and shines a light on crumbling inner city schools.  The message of how gang life isn’t glamorous and is a one way ticket to the joint or an early grave is prevalent as well. 

I wonder how much of an influence Dangerous Minds was on this.  It came out the year before and is similar in tone and shares the basic premise of someone with military expertise teaching a tough streetwise high school class.  Dangerous Minds doesn’t involve a major drug ring using the school as a storehouse though.  So points to The Substitute.

It’s not real great but certainly satisfying.  Shale may be a merc but he’s a merc with a heart of gold and he kicks some ass to restore order in the troubled school.  Plus it’s got William Forsythe (Firestorm) as, what else, a crazy s.o.b. that forces Shale to fight a giant Samoan dude at gun point just to get even for…uhh…Shale making fun of the size of his balls.

The Substitute 2: School’s Out

Two teenage thugs go to steal a poor lady’s car but a local schoolteacher stumbles upon the situation and gets gunned down.  That teacher’s brother is mercenary Karl Thomasson (Treat Williams (Deep Rising)) and he wants to find out who the killers are.  In order to do that he has to go undercover as the substitute. 

They changed the setting to New York City (looks like Brooklyn or Queens) and decided to have this be a separate episode with essentially no connection to the first (even though one of Karl’s team members is supposed to be a leftover, but he’s not played by the same actor so why did they bother?).  But the story is pretty close to the first where you have the convenience of a military guy stepping in to settle a seemingly simple situation only to find out that a larger illegal operation is functioning inside the high school.  They also have some of the students realize that they don’t have to be in a gang and etc.

Treat Williams is surprisingly believable as a tough as nails bastard.  I mean I think Berenger was more believable with the weathered scared face and his build, but Williams has this cold and intense way about him that can be effective.  His wisecracks undercut any real threat though and the end result is someone that could maybe beat the shit out of you but you’re not really sure.

I actually like this one a little better than the first.  It’s not really any less cheesy or any more well made.  It’s sorta dumber but in all the right ways.  Like Karl gets help from the school janitor who was also an ex Green Beret or something and he gets around the school by crawling through the air vents.  Or Karl and his crew get in a firefight in a narrow hallway and it’s edited so that it looks like everyone is firing on each other without cover yet no one gets hit.  But what might be the dumbest thing in here is that Karl doesn’t even come close to finding out who his brother’s killer is.  That discovery is accidental and then the film abruptly wraps up.  His final fight isn’t with the killer either.  It’s with BD Wong (Oz, Jurassic Park) who runs the chop shop out of the school.  That shit is completely unrelated to his brother’s death.

All of these bad decisions and sloppy storytelling make for an entertaining experience.  The inner city stuff is there enough to get you your fix but that seems to be more beside the point here.  I would rank it second best in the series.  Sometimes if it’s weird enough and dumb enough it can be a fun ride.

The Substitute 3: Winner Takes All

I already wrote about this one back in August 2011, here’s what I said:

“This Substitute is definitely the best in the series and gets the not-as-rare-as-you’d-think honor of being a sequel that’s better than the original.  Actually, come to think of it I thought The Substitute 2: School’s Out was also better than the first one.  Whatever, Treat Williams (Deep Rising) pretends to be a smug college professor because he’s returning a favor for a dead buddy of his.  But what the kids don’t know is that he’s really a smug ex-soldier of some sort (I forget specifically what) that’s there to bust a drug ring that involves the school’s football team.

The story is a great one and the football players are all juiced up all the time so there’s plenty of confrontation (including in a pizza parlor and a classroom).  Everything about this one just works real well and I highly recommend it.  The good thing is that it’s pretty self contained so don’t feel like you need to see the first two before tackling this one.  In fact I would suggest starting with this one and if you like it then move on to the others.”

Sorry that wasn’t the most well written.  I should’ve clarified that steroids are the drugs involved.  The only thing I would add is the convenience once again of our merc knowing someone that’s having troubles at the school where they work.  Which of course leads to a larger discovery of, in this case, steroids and Mob influence. 

Of all the Substitutes this is the most ridiculous.  From the introduction of Karl’s sidekick (James Black (Soldier, The First 9 ½ Weeks)) practicing with his katana in the glaring sun, to the high school bell that concludes a college class (?), to the homoerotic workout montage, if you’re gonna see only one of these things this is it.

The Substitute 4: Failure Is Not an Option

A military academy is being run by a fascist tyrant named Brack (Patrick Kilpatrick (Class of 1999)) and he’s turning some of his cadets into vicious neo Nazis.  One of the trainee’s under Brack’s spell is the son of Karl’s old commandant.  So Karl is sent in as the substitute to see what’s what.   

Part 4 is different from the rest of the series in a number of ways.  First, Karl isn’t nearly as undercover as he usually is.  Everyone knows he’s an ex-military guy (Karl is supposed to be retired from killing scumbags for money at this point) and he even uses his real name.  What this really means is that the students don’t mistake him for a naïve outsider.  They know what he’s capable of.

Second, in the previous chapters Shale and Karl had to fight gangbangers and the mob, all with the assumption that military training trumps both of those types of bad guys.  For this one Karl and his crew go up against foes that share a similar background and Karl has a noticeably tougher time dealing with them.  He relies more than ever on other people to help him defeat his enemies.  In fact Karl doesn’t even have a final confrontation with Brack.  Instead the cadets intervene and finish him off which is awfully disappointing.

Third, the end goal isn’t well defined.  In part one Shale had to dismantle the drug operation, in part two Karl was looking for his brother’s killer and in part three Karl had to stop the steroid use and gangster stranglehold on the football team.  In part four Karl has to find out if his old friend’s son has become a neo Nazi.  But what then?  Is he supposed to kill people and un-brainwash the son?  Or just collect info and report back?  It’s unclear.

There are a couple of moments when Karl goes out of character too.  The weirdest one is when Brack dispatches his followers to blow up a local power plant.  Karl stows away in the back of their truck so he watches them set the bombs.  But the thing is he doesn’t do a damn thing about it.  This group of bad guys is only four or five strong so Karl shouldn’t have too much trouble taking them out and disarming the explosives.  But he doesn’t make any effort to sabotage the mission or even warn the workers in the plant that it’s going to blow.  He just looks around for a minute and then hides in the back of the truck again.  What the fuck?  It’s completely bizarre that he would fail to act in any capacity on this situation.     

It’s sad that they ended the series on the worst installment.  Maybe it’s me but I feel like part of it is that a military academy isn’t the best setting.  Child’s Play 3 and Major Payne I think are two arguments for that.  By the way these aren’t the same as boot camp movies like Full Metal Jacket and Tigerland which are fucking awesome.

It doesn’t have that heart of gold like the first one, the dumbness of the second or the inexplicable oddness of the third.  They didn’t go far enough in any particular direction which makes part four kinda bland.  Ironically failure is the option they ultimately went with.