It’s such a whore though.
We all know about the Bat credit card blah blah shameless blah. Fine internet, I got it. Who Schumacher states as being major factors
in the development of the script and the production design are the toy
companies. The film needed to be as “toyetic”
as possible. In other words they
demanded that there be a lot of shit in here that they could turn into toys and
sell to children (and adults). That’s
partly why there are unnecessary characters like Bane and Batgirl. And also why there are a bunch of costume
changes and a heavy emphasis on vehicular action. I wonder how much the toy companies influence
today’s comic book movies.
But that’s just one component in this perfect storm.
The script, especially the dialogue, is trite and hacky. However, it does feel like one person wrote
it. The tone and badness is consistent
and spread throughout.
The cinematography and production design are totally wacked
out. There are tons of crazy angles, the
lighting is even brighter and more neon-y than Forever, a lot of the sets and props look cheap and like they’re
made of plastic, the vehicles and costumes are even tackier than in Forever, and unfortunately there’s a
heavier usage of CGI this time. The
whole picture is like a surreal live action cartoon and I’m on board. They pushed the look of Forever pretty much to the breaking point. Everything is so exaggerated and made so
flamboyant that you wouldn’t believe this shit could exist in the real world. And this is part of the reason why I really
dig this movie. Just like how Forever is a visually beautiful film B&R is maybe even prettier. The images are so vivid and flashy that they
sear into your brain.
Now while the previous couple of items I listed are vital
for any production perhaps the most important choice is who you stick in front
of the camera. Because man oh man, every
actor was miscast in this. First off Schwarzenegger
can definitely play a bad guy. He was excellent
in The Terminator. He not being a good guy isn’t the issue. The things wrong with Arnold are his size and
his approach to the role. Schwarzenegger
is a bulky guy by himself but to put that gigantic awkward suit on him is just
too much. He looks like he’s having a real
hard time moving around in that thing. It’s
the most un-sleek superhero outfit I’ve ever seen. Arnie looks like a body builder or a robot and
not a scientist turned criminal. And I
don’t know if Schwarzenegger was the one that pushed for all the puns (it
certainly is his kind of cheesy humor) or if it really was in the script. This movie competes with Tango & Cash in the pun department. Jesus are there a lot of them. Schwarzenegger plays it too self-aware. There’s so much “I’m the bad guy maw haw haw”
shit that you forget this character is supposed to be a person who went through
a life changing experience.
Schwarzenegger’s portrayal was grown in a lab and possesses few human
qualities. It’s different from Tommy Lee
Jones’ Two-Face who focused on his villainous duties and didn’t wink at the
audience. Schwarzenegger comes off like
he’s never acted before and he tries to emulate Nicholson’s Joker and Carrey’s
Riddler too much with all the fuckin’ corny comedy. The main problem is he basically plays
himself. Schwarzenegger didn’t try and
it shows.
You already know I think Robin stinks and Chris O’Donnell
isn’t a great actor so let’s skip to Alicia Silverstone. I’m not sure if she can really act or not
because she’s terrible in this (surprise, surprise) but she was very good in Clueless. I haven’t seen The Crush or The Babysitter
yet so that one’s still up in the air.
Anyway, Batgirl is a superfluous character and perhaps the only real
element in the movie that’s bad and stays bad.
She doesn’t make the full journey from bad to good.
Finally there’s Clooney.
I don’t think this was automatically a mistake. Back in the mid 90’s, just thinking about all
the possibles, he could’ve conceivably been a good Batman. He’s kinda stiff, withdrawn, moody, mature
and has a dominant stare. It was totally
worth looking into. Now, I don’t know if
they made him audition for the part but they should’ve because it would’ve been
evident pretty quick that he doesn’t work.
They probably didn’t. Clooney got
it because was huge on ER at the
time. Maybe he was good on that show
(never saw it) but every line that comes out of his mouth falls flat to the floor,
and his would-be stoic presence comes off as someone who looks either kinda
irritated or completely indifferent to the events happening around him. I’ve come to realize that George Clooney is
not a good actor. He can only play one
character: a smug, smooth, wise-ass dude.
It hit me about a year ago when I finally saw The Thin Red Line. Clooney
is only in it for like two minutes but he was so out of place that it struck me
hard. The only time I’ve seen him pull
off a performance that wasn’t the usual guy he does was in From Dusk Till Dawn. Ok, it
was more like an exaggerated version but it was different enough. This apparently isn’t what got him the role
of Batman though. Schumacher said that
on a hunch he drew the Batman cowl on Clooney in a From Dusk Till Dawn ad in the newspaper but he doesn’t mention
seeing the movie. The point is Clooney was
wrong for the part.
Schumacher gets all the blame for this and I guess in the
end it does fall at his feet. He’s the
captain of the ship. But instead of attempting
to hang this albatross around other people’s necks he wants the public to aim their
anger at him and away from everyone else who worked on this. He’s acknowledged that no one forced him to
make the movie and that it was all of his own accord. Joel’s a standup guy that’s willing to take
the hit for the entire cast and crew.
The vibe I get from him is that this wasn’t really the film he wanted to
make but went along with it because of pressure from the studio and others who
had influence. He also must’ve been
presented with the biggest paycheck he’d ever seen and he couldn’t pass it up. But Schumacher wasn’t a mere hired hand. He chose the cast, the crew and the villains
were suggested to him by his godson who was like ten at the time. This was still Schumacher’s show. He just went a little crazy.
If you still think Schumacher is evil then maybe this will
help. First of all Schumacher said that
he wouldn’t take over the Batman series without Tim Burton’s consent. So to an extent (albeit a small one) Burton
signed off on this. Don’t forget, he
produced Forever guys. Second, Schumacher’s very honest and humble
about his directing ability. He’s
admitted that (and I quote) “I’m not a great director”. He’s said he likes some of his movies and
doesn’t like others. The man knows when
he fucked up. His advice that he tells
people (that was handed down to him from Woody Allen) is “if I can do this, you
can do this and you can do it better”. A
lot of people dismiss Schumacher but he’s a smart guy and he really loves
making movies. His heart is in the right
place and I think he really is a great director (watch Falling Down). It’s a little
rash to toss him aside based on this one film.
It’s interesting that the Burton sequel and the latter
Schumacher sequel are the extremes of these four Batmans. You have the
darkest with Returns and the lightest
with B&R. It’s like a second Batman picture screws you
up and makes you do strange things. I’d
say that’s even true for The Dark Knight. I’m not a Christopher Nolan fan but The Dark Knight was fantastic. I think he made a movie that even non Nolan
fans enjoyed. Speaking of the Nolan
Batman trilogy The Dark Knight Rises
is kind of like the B&R of that
series. It’s puzzlingly atrocious. You know, in the grand scheme of things B&R is not the worst Batman film
between its four and the new trilogy. I
think The Dark Knight Rises is (with Batman Begins finishing next to last). At the very least B&R is nice to look at and stuff happens fairly
frequently. Rises is long, boring, has a pretty dull production design, ok
cinematography and raises just as many questions about plot and character as B&R does. (If you haven’t been doing so already I’m
sure you’re yelling at the screen by now.
Well if you have something to say please leave a comment. I look forward to reading them.)
I can see why the public liked Forever but rejected B&R. It does ask a lot of the audience. But in my opinion Returns to Forever is a
bigger leap. It’s a totally different
equation. From Forever to B&R is an
exponential increase but we’re still using the same set of numbers. Sure, it’s a stupid movie but holy shit is it
entertaining. There’s always something weird
to look at or some facet of production so inexplicably bad that makes this an
amazing watch. It’s awe-inspiring how
awful yet fun this thing is. It’s
another anywhere anytime film for me. I really
do love this picture.
Fun facts: U.S. Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) is a huge
Batman fan and made an appearance in this as well as The Dark Knight and The Dark
Knight Rises.
Gossip Gerty, the reporter woman that talks in an annoying
way with the 60’s glasses, is Elizabeth Sanders Kane, Bob Kane’s (the creator
of Batman) wife. She appears in Returns and Forever too.
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