Skyfall

Whenever November rolls around there’s the possibility that a James Bond film will come out because that’s what’s happened since 1995 (with the exception of Tomorrow Never Dies, fuckin’ thing had to be released in December screwing shit up).  It’s been spotty lately though with a bunch of years in between 007 features but this year we got one.  And for some reason I saw it.

Just to let you know I’m not a huge James Bond fan.  I mean I think the movies are fun ‘n all but they don’t blow me away or anything.  I don’t mark my calendar to make sure I don’t miss the opening of a new one.  The public is head over heels for this shit though.  I think it’s more of a nostalgia thing and it makes you feel safe like you’re in on the joke.  “Oh shit, this bad guy doesn’t realize he’s messing with James fucking Bond.  He’s gonna kill that sucker at the end of this movie.”  We give him a lot of leeway that we wouldn’t ordinarily dish out to some one-off character.  Imagine if Skyfall, Quantum of Solace or Casino Royale came out but weren’t Bond pictures.  People wouldn’t really give a shit.  It would do mild to acceptable business and then no one would talk about it again.  My point is I think the public knows these movies aren’t great but we go to see them in droves anyway and we even break Bond box office records (Skyfall had the biggest 007 opening ever and fuck me I helped make that happen).  It’s our de facto action film.  James Bond can do no harm in ours eyes.  For some reason the public likes to see these totally ridiculous movies but tends to shun other action.  It’s a double standard folks.

This latest installment is no better or worse than the other two Daniel Craig Bond pictures.  The short review is if you liked those then you’ll like this.  But I know you want to hear more so let’s do it.

Daniel Craig?  Sure I like him.  Well actually I never thought much about him until I saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) and then I recognized that he can be a real fine actor.  He works as Bond too, definitely more tortured and serious than previous incarnations.  They tried to go this route once before with the Timothy Dalton ones, The Living Daylights and License to Kill, but they’re pretty bad actually and I wouldn’t recommend them.  In general I think Bond is best when he’s at his most smug but I think Craig is a stand-up guy and I can get behind that.          

Javier Bardem (No Country for Old Men) as the dyed blonde bad guy is really where I take issue with this thing.  The filmmakers couldn’t make up their minds what this character was.  At first he’s a computer genius, then he’s possibly a homosexual, then he’s a deformed villain with no teeth, then he’s a master planner, an ex-agent and finally by the end he’s just a thug.  That’s a helluva lot to cram into one guy.  He meticulously plans everything perfectly yet applies brute force taking the bazooka-to-kill-a-fly approach when he fights Bond during the finale.  He says that he has eliminated everything superfluous in his life yet he wears fancy fucking suits and owns at least one prostitute.  And I keep saying “he” because I don’t even know what this dude’s fucking name is.  I’m sure they must’ve said it in the movie but I can’t remember when.  The man can’t be a combination of every bad guy type.  You gotta pick one, or maybe two, and go with it.  This character was so all over the map that it didn’t feel like he had an identity.  And if there’s no identity then I can’t get on board with him because I know that the movie will just have this sonuvabitch be whoever they need him to be at any particular moment.  I want my bad guys to have standards and values goddammit and not just be evil-ish.

I would’ve like to see them go with the gay angle which is what I thought they were gonna do for a second.  That certainly would’ve been different, especially for James Bond, and made this villain a lot more interesting.  But of course it only gets two lines of dialogue and then it’s never brought up again.

The opening action sequence is exciting and a fucking spectacle.  The only problem with it is that it’s so big they kinda didn’t leave themselves anywhere to go.  This is the same situation that The Expendables 2: Expendabler found itself in.  Of course you want something fast and wild for your opener but if you’re making an action picture you gotta ramp shit up and not blow your load right out the gate.  And for those that have seen this already, what the fuck is up with that chick Eve?  She doesn’t even say she’s sorry?  She just laughs it off and pretends like nothing ever happened?  That’s really fucked up.

Probably my favorite scene was the fight between Bond and a henchman in the Chinese skyscraper.  It was done beautifully with one uncut shot of the whole fight in silhouette and at the end of this shot the camera comes over the edge of a broken window to show the bad guy dangling out of it with Bond grabbing his arm.  Very nicely done.

I didn’t know that Sam Mendes directed this until like the day before I saw it and that surprised me.  I thought he only did serious Oscar nominated type shit.  Well I’ll tell ya, he’s not a bad action director and I think if he had better, non-Bond, material to work with he has the potential to put out a classic.  Road to Perdition was cool and Jarhead was pretty not bad but those are more dramas.  He needs a solid pure action script.  And Mendes seems to be interested in American culture as all of his films (even this one) have to do with shit we hold near and dear in this country like the mafia, the military and even good ol’ action.  He deserves credit for shooting a goddamn beautiful picture here.  It’s very pretty to look at but it’s too bad that the story isn’t really there.

Not to give too much away I won’t go into the ending even though there are some things to talk about.  Like that it turns into Home Alone for a little while and we find out that the title should really be “Bond Farms”.  Whoops.  Did I write that?  I don’t think I can erase it now.  Aw shit.

Oh yea I almost forgot Ralph Fiennes is in this too.
Looks like he's having a ball doesn't he?

The whole time I was watching this thing I kept trying to think of ways that these Bond movies could be freshened up ‘cause they’re all basically the same.  It’s just a matter of which ones are better versions.  But then it finally occurred to me that there really isn’t a way.  The thing about these 007 films is that they all have to adhere to a strict formula.  You have to have some sort of enormous opening sequence, then a totally ridiculous credit sequence with a current pop star singing the main theme, a bad guy that wants to take over the world or enact a revenge plot, gadgets, fancy cars, beautiful women (you need both a hero and a villain), extravagant suits and elegant dresses, exotic locales, gambling, drinking, and on and on.  If you stray from the blueprint and leave any of these things out then it’s not a Bond picture.  With practically no leeway there’s pretty much nowhere for the series to go.  They can only move laterally and maybe that’s why people like them so much.  They know what they’re getting.  They know it’ll include some action, some nice looking actors, some expensive cars and clothes, a little drama, and James Bond will always win.  No matter what, this character will never be killed off for real in one of these movies.  There’s security in that.  Bond will always be there for you and he’ll kick the bad guy’s ass one way or another.

I don’t see any signs that James Bond has wavered in popularity.  Folks seem to like him just as much as ever.  However when I went to go see this one the audience had had enough and half the theater started to empty out during the famous shooting at the camera sequence that they tacked on at the very end.  It was probably because the running time of two and a half hours was pushing it. 

For my money True Lies is a better action spy picture than any of the Bonds.  But this is coming from a guy that thinks the best of these movies is Goldeneye and the worst actor in the title role was Sean Connery.

If you want to know who I think makes the best James Bond and some further insight into the series check out the reviews I did of Moonraker and A View to a Kill.