Big Trouble in Little China

Kurt Russell and John Carpenter have forged a great relationship over the years.  They’ve given us some spectacular films.  I still get pumped when I watch the scene between Snake and Hauk (Lee Van Cleef motherfucker) in Escape from New York, my jaw still drops during the blood test scene in The Thing, I still think Escape from L.A. is great even though when it comes down to it it’s a not as good version of Escape from New York but come on that scene where Snake first tries to kill Cuervo Jones and he works his way up murdering dude after dude is a killer scene, and I still nod my head when we see Jack Burton rambling about badass shit into his CB radio to no one in particular at the beginning of Big Trouble in Little China : “You just listen to the ol' Pork Chop Express and take his advice on a dark and stormy night alright, when some wild eyed eight foot tall maniac grabs your neck and taps the back of your favorite head up against a barroom wall and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks if you've paid your dues.  Well you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye and remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that.  ‘Have you paid your dues, Jack?’  ‘Yes sir, the check is in the mail.’”

Holy shit man.  What the fuck does that even mean?  Burton says it in such a badass way and just the words themselves sound badass that it doesn’t matter.  I also love that he takes a bite of a huge delicious looking sandwich afterward.  This movie can do no wrong in my eyes.  I should make that clear.  Very little makes sense if you actually stop to think about it but if you just go with it then you’re gonna have the time of your life.  Alright one more Burton quote: “Like I told my last wife, I said ‘I never drive faster than I can see.  Besides that it’s all in the reflexes.’”  Now that one I understand.  Well I think I know what he means.  Actually that makes no sense at all.  You can’t see fast.  You can run fast and draw fast but what the hell does see fast mean?  And is the reflexes part about driving being a natural gift that some people have?  I dunno man.

Now I’m letting you guys know right off the bat that this is going to be filled with spoilers so if you haven’t seen this movie yet here’s what you do.  Close the “net” and go pick up a six pack of your favorite brew (and/or a bottle of wine if you’re entertaining a very special lady friend).  Then go to your local video store and rent Big Trouble in Little China (or buy it so you can save on having to rent it again and again because I know that’s what you’re going to do).  If you have the will to wait for Netflix to arrive then you’re a better human than I.  Maybe you can pick yourself up some snacks or make some delicious ones yourself.  Get settled, take your phone off the hook (I guess the equivalent nowadays would be to turn your cell phone off, not silent, not vibrate but off.  This is a serious movie we’re talking about here), pop on the movie and enjoy yourself.  After all of that then come back to this review.

Alright so from the quotes above I think you can tell what kind of a dude Jack Burton is.  He’s a trucker that wears jeans, boots (with a knife tucked away in them) and a wife beater that has a gorgeous Chinese Fu Manchu looking guy on it with a red sun in the background.  This shirt is iconic and synonymous with this film.  Now Burton is a badass but he is also a deeply flawed character.  I mean he has a bottomless supply of confidence, energy and optimism.  He’s the guy you want fighting in your corner because he’s always got your back.  But Burton isn’t necessarily the guy you want fighting with you.  He’s great at rifling off some shit to get you pumped or backtalkin’ to scumbags but when it comes to actually throwin’ some blows he’s pretty useless.  But I’ll get into that more later.

Burton has hauled some shit to Chinatown in San Francisco.  He meets up with his friend Wang, played by Dennis Dun (The Last Emperor, Prince of Darkness), and they gamble and shoot the shit awhile.  Wang needs to pick up his girlfriend at the airport so they go together.  Along the way he tells Jack that he’s madly in love with this chick which is a dead giveaway that something’s going to happen to either Wang or the girlfriend.  And in this case the girlfriend gets kidnapped by a Chinese gang when she arrives at the terminal.  The bad guys get away but Burton and Wang go back to Chinatown to try and find them.  So they turn down an alley because Wang has a hunch and they proceed very slowly.  This whole scene is like a western (hell the whole movie is kinda western-ish) with the hero walking slowly through the deserted town.  The only woman that’s out is on a balcony.  But when she sees Burton and Wang she goes in her house and closes the door.  She knows that some serious shit’s about to go down.  After they drive a little further into the alley they see a Chinese funeral procession.  Then the two of them notice some tough looking sonsabitches coming down the alley behind them so they stay in the truck.  These guys are the Wing Kong (bad guys) and are wielding some crazy shit too like butcher knives, machetes, pipes and bows.

The funeral guys are called the Chang Sings (good guys) and are dressed in black, white and yellow and the rival gang is in black and red.  They standoff facing each other for a while, again like a western, with fingers twitching next to their guns and eyes locked on their opponents.  I swear you can almost hear the whistling theme from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.  Carpenter loves westerns and puts touches of them in many of his films.  And what ensues is one of the greatest fights ever filmed.  First of all there are a ton of people going at each other but there aren’t thousands like Braveheart or some shit (but don’t get me wrong, that movie kicks ass).  It’s just the right amount.  What’s great to see is that even though they have guns they’re used in a rather small capacity.  The meat of this fight is done hand to hand with dudes throwing other dudes into store windows, breaking their bones and smashing them against brick walls.  It really feels like you’re in the middle of total chaos and that there’s no escape.  Everywhere you turn someone is beating the shit out of someone else.  Keep in mind that Burton and Wang are still in the truck.  They can see the whole thing going down and don’t want to get caught up in this massacre.

Then out of nowhere these three super powered dudes join the fight.  They’re called the three storms, Thunder, Rain and Lightning.  They’re all super strong and can do magic ‘n shit but the Lightning guy has an extra power in that he can well…shoot lightning.  Now I know this is where I lost some people and so did the movie.  This is the fork in the road.  Either you’re with the movie which involves supernatural magic ‘n shit or you’re not.  As soon as these three guys show up you make that decision instantly.  You know where I stand on this but I’m sure a lot of people were with Carpenter a hundred percent and then just refused to go along with him when he shows us the three storms flipping and flying all over the place.  But that’s ok ‘cause you know, different strokes for different folks.

To top off this pretty bizarre encounter with the three storms we get introduced to our villain, Lo Pan played by James Hong (Wayne’s World 2, Blade Runner).  After the three storms start killing some dudes Burton and Wang have had enough but the only way to escape is to drive forward right at these guys.  But they step aside to reveal Lo Pan who welcomes the truck by waving his finger in a “come here” manner.  Burton doesn’t slow down and mows that sucker down but stops because you know, he’s a concerned citizen and he doesn’t want to be one of those assholes that hits and runs.  So when he gets out of the truck Lo Pan comes around from the back of the truck looking fucking creepy as all hell man.  He’s wearing this long Chinese robe, a real tall hat, his face is pure white with a long black beard and long golden fingernails.  Oh yea and light starts shooting out of his eyes and mouth which causes Burton to say one of the funniest lines a little later in the film. 

But I’m telling you this scene is a masterpiece.  It feels so weird but also very cool that this is all happening in modern day San Francisco and not ancient China.  There are also no other innocent people around getting in the way or watching this shit go down and that was a smart move because most of the movie is from Burton’s perspective and you feel like there’s no way out of this gang fight or the alley.  It’s the same for us as it is for Burton, it’s all coming out of nowhere and Wang is the only guy explaining things to you.  And even then this shit is almost too crazy to take in.  I mean your buddy’s girl gets kidnapped for an unknown reason, then you’re in the middle of a gang battle, and then these magic dudes fly in and start fucking people up.  You think you know the kind of movie you’re watching but then it goes into an entirely different direction that you never saw coming.    

On the commentary track Carpenter says that this is probably his fastest cutting film that he’s made and it sure feels like it.  The tempo is so fast from the moment that the gang steals Wang’s girlfriend and it doesn’t stop for a long while.  This fight goes on for quite a bit and even after the fight the energy doesn’t subside that much until Burton and Wang finally get out of that alley.  One last thing about this scene is that the set was built for this film and was later used in Janet Jackson’s “When I Think of You” music video.

I could write about every scene in this movie in extreme detail like I just did with that last one but who the hell wants to read that?  So I’ll just go on about a few other things like that Kim Cattrall (Sex and the City, Porky’s, Mannequin) is in this.  She does her usual brassy dame character and in this one she’s called Gracie Law.  She’s kind of annoying because she doesn’t stop yammering about shit and she’s a take charge type of person.  But she’s supposed to be annoying.  She’s supposed to appear strong, and she is a strong woman actually, but she also needs to be rescued more than once during the course of the movie.  Law is also the love interest of Burton and they do the typical love-hate thing but Burton is so fucking awesome that anytime he’s irritated, which is often, he says funny shit and only gets cockier like, “would you stop rubbing your body up against mine because I can’t concentrate when you do that”.  And seeing Cattrall in roles like this and The Ghost Writer shows me that she can act fairly well and not just be a one dimensional character like Samantha from Sex and the City.

Victor Wong (3 Ninjas, Tremors, The Last Emperor) plays Egg Shen in this, he’s the wise old sage that knows what’s going down in Chinatown.  Wong is great in this role because he wears that fatherly type character so well.  He also has an unforgettable face and voice.  His face can get so intense that it looks like it’s about to explode.

Let’s see, what else can I mention?  The sick and twisted labyrinth that is the “Wing Kong Trading Co.” is really awesome.  You have no idea where you are or what the hell is going to be around the next corner.  The elevator into the underwater chamber scene is particularly eerie.  And when Burton and Wang finally have a talk with old man Lo Pan it’s such great dialogue.  Burton is genuinely lost in that conversation and tries to rationalize things while Lo Pan grows increasingly impatient trying to explain things.  This scene also gives a tremendous amount of depth to Lo Pan.  He feels cursed and trapped but at the same time he also wants to be omnipotent.  Hong plays the dynamic of the character very well.

Another great part is the scene where Lo Pan changes from old man to immortal ghost.  The effects for that just look amazing.  The glowing head looks so cool and then when he hovers through furniture and walls it becomes a holy shit moment.  You know this guy is pretty all powerful but when he doesn’t even need to walk or go around furniture or use the fucking door then that’s when you know that Burton and company could be in trouble.  Well actually I think you can tell that they’re in trouble already but this ups the ante.

I’m not going to discuss the final battle sequence because it’s going to make this thing too long.  But it’s another great scene in a long line of great scenes that make up this fine film like the underground cave monster attack, the death of Thunder and the fight between Wang and the Wing Kong while Burton is out cold because he fired his gun into the air causing a piece of the ceiling to hit him in the head.  When he comes to he then throws away his knife accidentally and when he’s finally ready to take the bad guys on the fight’s over.  But that’s Burton for ya. 

Carpenter actually throws in some interesting things to add some layers to his character.  For instance Burton is a tough guy and he has a pretty macho attitude but when he gets a gun in his hands he needs to be told to turn the safety off.  Also right after that he kills a guy and seems shocked and/or horrified.  A guy asks him if that was the first time he had killed someone.  Burton hesitates at first but then answers firmly, “of course not”.  So Carpenter lets the audience decide if Burton is really as tough as he talks or if he’s just some blowhard.  He’s definitely not a coward and he doesn’t really get scared either but Carpenter makes you think about this character instead of just taking him as another badass action guy.

If you think about it Jack Burton is like the opposite of Snake Plissken.  Burton doesn’t really get shit done but tries real hard and talks all the time.  Snake hardly talks and gets everything done that he sets out to do but is so lazy that he needs the motivation of certain death to get him going.  But the thing is with both of these guys you feel confident that they can pull it out.  Even though Burton is unsuccessful most of the time in his efforts you’re still with him all the way.  Because he’s so confident that he can pull off anything you can’t help but get caught up in his enthusiasm and get behind him.  With Plissken it’s just as effortless to embrace that character but for different reasons.  Plissken is so calm and cool that you have no doubt that he’ll come through and even though he’s not excited about any of this rescue shit you’re totally with him. 

And one more thing, the scene that opens up the film with Egg Shen was added later because the studio insisted that Burton seem like more of a hero.  Now I actually kind of like this scene and I think it does make for a good opening because they’re setting up the legend of Jack Burton.  It makes you wonder who this guy is and why they’re talking about him.  Sure this intro isn’t really necessary but it doesn’t hurt the movie either.  Oh and the magic lightning thing that Egg Shen does is also kinda cool.

The commentary track on the DVD is priceless.  John Carpenter and Kurt Russell do it together and they get off sometimes on other things but they sound like they’re having the time of their lives.  They’re reminiscing about the film and cracking each other up throughout the whole thing.  But in all seriousness Carpenter does the best commentary tracks.  I’ve heard a bunch of them now such as Vampires, Halloween, The Fog, The Thing (also with Kurt Russell and it’s the same type of track as on Big Trouble in Little China) and he always has something interesting to say about every scene.  He also doesn’t get stuck talking about a scene that happened five minutes ago, he keeps up with the movie and doesn’t leave huge gaps with nothing to say.  He remembers everything about the films that he’s made and shares great stuff like how he achieved effects shots, what things were changed from script to production, during shooting, in post, what his influences were for certain aspects of the film or for specific scenes and on and on.  If you’ve rented a John Carpenter picture and there’s a commentary track on it then you should definitely listen to it.  I mean if you haven’t seen the movie before then watch it without it first but you should go back and listen to the track.  Trust me it’s not like watching the movie all over again.  It’s like he gives you a private tour of the film.  And I love that he ends them all with “see you at the movies!”  I certainly will buddy.  

On this track Carpenter says that this movie tested extremely well and people were telling him that he was going to have the biggest movie of the year.  But when it was released in July of ’86 it did not do well.  According to Carpenter the studio did very little to promote the film and also people didn’t realize that this film is supposed to be funny and not totally serious.  It’s a little unfortunate that Aliens came out shortly after this but at the same Aliens is fucking unbelievable.  Damn, what a summer.  But Carpenter and Russell go on to say that anyone that they’ve come across who’s seen the movie has loved it or they haven’t seen it.

And don’t think the irony of this thing being PG-13 has been lost on me because it hasn’t.  It’s strange because everything works so well that you don’t notice or you forget.  I think maybe the only other time this happened to me was when I saw Lakeview Terrace.  I assumed it was R when I saw the trailer and when I went to go see it.  During and after the movie I never thought about it either.  It was only when it came out on video that I noticed the PG-13 rating.  It really surprised me and I started to run the film through my mind to think if there was anything in there that was R material and also how I could’ve missed the rating from the trailers and commercials.  Now it’s certainly not Big Trouble but it’s an ok movie that fooled me into thinking it had a harder edge than PG-13.   

So there ya go, Big Trouble in Little China.  I didn’t mean for this thing to get so long but at the same time I could’ve said more like that there’s the usual badass John Carpenter music.  I think this is enough at least for now.  This one’s for all you devoted Carpenterants you there.