Creepshow 2

Did you guys ever see Creepshow?  It’s that movie that’s made up of a bunch of horror stories.  No not Trilogy of Terror, Campfire Tales, Trick ‘r Treat, Tales from the Darkside: The Movie, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Tales from the Hood, Body Bags or Nightmares.  It’s that one written by Stepehn King.  No not Cat’s Eye.  It’s the other one oh forget it.  I didn’t even really want to talk about Creepshow I just wanted to use it as an intro.  Let’s just skip to Creepshow 2.

There are three stories in this one.  The first is about a wooden Indian statue that comes to life.  A shop owner, Ray played by George Kennedy (Cool Hand Luke, The Eiger Sanction, The Naked Gun), is a nice guy that respects Native Americans and such.  He also takes care of an Indian statue that stands outside his store.  We see that Ray is owed some money by a real life Indian, Benjamin, so the Indian gives him some valuable jewelry to pay the debt temporarily until he can scrape enough dough together.  This turns Ray’s crotchety bitch of a wife around who didn’t seem to like Native Americans too much before but now thinks they’re honorable.  So when this guy owed money he and his people were scum but as soon as he pays he’s a great human being.  Nice lady. 

Anyway, after they see Benjamin out and it’s broad daylight, they then turn and walk back into the store and suddenly it’s night.  I guess the sun sets in a nanosecond in Creepshowland.  Once the two of them are back in the store they get held up by Benjamin’s nephew, Sam played by Holt McCallany who apparently was in some cool movies like Fight Club, Alpha Dog and even played “Roadblock Officer” in Shakedown.  But this is his film debut and he lands a leading part playing a real asshole.  I mean this guy tries to act so tough you would think he was the leader of some big time gang or a crime syndicate but it’s just him and his buddies knockin’ over a worthless general store (by the way the fat thief that can’t stop eating is David Holbrook, Hal Holbrook’s (Magnum Force, Wall Street) son and Hal was in the first Creepshow).

So like any villain Sam tells the people he’s holding hostage about his plans to go to Hollywood.  He thinks he’s a movie star and that they’ll love him out there.  He also goes on and on about his hair.  At one point he goes into a photo booth to take pictures of himself and when he’s in there it’s really funny how he talks so lovingly about himself and how women will want to run his hair through their legs ‘n shit.  And when they cut back to George Kennedy he has this look on his face like he has no clue what the fuck this guy is talking about or what this has to do with a horror movie. 

So after they wreck the place a bit and steal some tools and candy (yeah I dunno either) Sam now wants Benjamin’s jewelry.  He’s holding a gun on Ray’s wife but Ray doesn’t want to hand it over.  Sam then shoots Ray’s wife accidentally.  Sam looks kinda shocked that it happened but has no problem reloading and shooting Ray.  I mean this guy keeps threatening to shoot someone and when it actually happens he’s surprised for a split second but gets over it real quick. 

This entire scene is pure gold.  Ray and his wife are an elderly couple and are of no threat to anyone so it doesn’t really make sense that Sam has to be so tough with them.  Sam himself is a funny character.  He tries to be a badass but then won’t shut up about his hair.  He calls his partners in crime “rich boy” and “fat stuff”.  He also calls “fat stuff” his slave at one point too.  Why did these guys have to hold up the store anyway?  They could have waited until Ray and his wife went to bed and then broke in.  Very little about this scene makes that much sense but it’s pretty damn funny.         

And there’s one last thing I want to mention, now I love George Kennedy but he and the lady that played his wife both do a really terrible job pretending to die after they get shot.  Two of the worst I’ve ever seen.  When they get shot it looks more like they’re having heat attacks or are dying of hypothermia or something.  It just isn’t the reaction I think one would have after being plugged with a shotgun.  And because they both act like they’re dying in the same way that must mean that it was Michael Gornick’s (Cin: Dawn of the Dead, Knightriders, Creepshow, Day of the Dead) directing that’s mainly to blame.  But you know what?  It just adds to an already bizarre scene.

So anyway the wooden Indian outside doesn’t like these guys comin’ in here and fuckin’ shit up so he decides to enact revenge.  Now even though I just knocked Gornick I do think that the Indian looks really good.  The makeup and the stiff movements are convincing.  I like how they used shadows and quick cuts to make a wooden Indian killing people look like…well…just that.  Good job.

The second story is about four college students that go to a lake to have a swim.  There’s a raft out in the middle and they swim to it.  When they get there they see there’s this black mass in the water and eventually find out that it kills whatever it comes in contact with.  The best part is the oversexed jock douchebag ‘cause those guys, especially in the 80’s, are just fun to watch.  His death is the best one too because it’s pretty cartoony.  And there’s a really weird part when there are only two of them left, the brainy wimp and the jock’s girlfriend, and Einstein here tries to cop a feel while the girl’s sleeping.  I mean you just watched two of your friends die, your lives are still in danger and you have no idea how to get out of this situation.  Why are you trying to get it on with this chick?  I can see an argument being made that the wimp was sacrificing the girl to the blob thing so he could get away but I dunno man.  I think he’s just a perv.  So anyway this one is a little more enjoyable than the last.  It’s more to the point and about half as long.

The third story is my favorite.  Annie, played by Lois Chiles (Moonraker, Coma), is out having some sex with a gigolo.  While she was there the power must have went out or something because the clock is blinking 12:00.  Of course this means that she’s running late.  So even though she needs to get her ass in gear so she can get back home before her husband does she takes her sweet time getting dressed and complaining about digital alarm clocks.  Yeah ‘cause you know those will never catch on.  With this beginning and the music that plays when she starts driving back home it feels like you’re watching a romantic comedy.  But then suddenly shit gets real when she drops the cigarette that she was smoking causing her to lose control of the car.  She ends up swerving across the road and hits a hitchhiker played by Tom Wright (Marked for Death, Weekend at Bernie’s II, Tales from the Hood).  And instead of checking on the guy or calling an ambulance or the cops she drives away.  What an asshole.

So when Annie starts driving again she keeps seeing the dead hitchhiker guy.  He keeps saying, “thanks for the ride lady” and even tries to attack her but Annie fights him off and guns it with him still attached to the roof of the car.  And that’s pretty much what happens for the rest of the story.  The hitchhiker shows up and attacks her and Annie tries to kill him.  It’s fucking great.  The guy keeps getting fucked up more and more with every encounter until by the end he’s just a bloody mess of meat. 

After a little while Annie loses it too and starts ranting to herself about how much it’ll cost to clean and fix her banged up as fuck car.  They really milk the simple idea in this story but it never feels like it goes on for too long.  It’s just right and you can’t wait to see when the hitchhiker will pop up again.  It’s a great way to wrap up the movie.

At the beginning and the end of this film and in between the stories is an animated tale of some bullies picking on a young boy.  It’s not very good but the narrator is a…well…I’m not sure.  It’s some sort of monster/demon thing voiced by legendary effects and makeup artist (and actor) Tom Savini (Friday the 13^th (1980), Dawn of the Dead, Maniac, From Dusk Till Dawn).  At the end of the movie though this demon guy throws copies of the “Creepshow” comic book out onto a deserted road from the back of a moving truck while laughing.  Why is he doing this?  There’s no one there to read them.  And who’s driving that truck?  I know it might be a weird thing to bring up but I thought it was hilarious.

Creepshow 2 is better than the first one.  It’s shorter, leaner and the stories are better overall.  The first one’s stories were alright but there were five of them and this one has just three.  That one with Stephen King and the one with Ed Harris could have been cut from the first one I think.  But even if they were I still think Creepshow 2 would be better.  The raft and hitchhiker ones are such simple yet effective ideas for quick horror tales.  The wooden Indian one is good too but more because of Sam’s hair obsession.  I like the multiple-horror-stories format because there really isn’t any room for a lot of boring filler.  The stories in Creepshow 2 get better with each one so it’s almost like it’s building towards something but not really.  I dunno.  It’s a fun movie and so is the first one.  Just don’t watch Creepshow 3 ‘cause that sucked.