Crystal Lake Memories: The Complete History of Friday the 13th

Just like Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy this one goes through the making of every Friday the 13^th including the TV series and the 2009 remake.  Even though I don’t think the Fridays are quite as entertaining as the Nightmares there’s still plenty of outstanding filmmaking and horror insight to soak up.  We’re told how the hockey mask came about, we find out what the different actors brought to the role of Jason and how the whole damn thing started to begin with (they wanted to make a ripoff of Halloween).

I really like these comprehensive docs because when you examine all of the installments back to back it paints an extremely interesting picture.  My favorite parts are hearing the different director’s approaches and where they wanted to take the series.  Every film has its own frame of mind and it’s great to hear them explain the decisions they made and how they feel about it now looking back.

I would love to see more of these type of all-inclusive documentaries.  Of course the other big one in horror would be the Halloweens.  But what about action?  There could be Lethal Weapon, Dirty Harry, Die Hard and, eventually, The Fast and the Furious ones.  I know I would eat that shit right up and I’m sure a lot of you out there would too.

One last thing I feel I have to mention is that this movie is six and a half hours long.  But if you take it in bite sized pieces it goes down easy.      

Harefooted Halloween: The Witches

What I Liked: The first half is pretty dark, especially for a kids movie.

All of the makeup effects look great even though they can get kinda cartoony at times.

Anjelica Huston (The Addams Family) gives an over the top performance as the Grand High Witch that’s damn fun to watch.  She has a spooky witch look to her to begin with so the casting was spot on for this role.

The supporting players are excellent.  Bruno’s father was particularly entertaining.  The guy is such a dick with his constant complaining and arrogant attitude.  I could watch a whole film of just him and the Grand High Witch sharing awkward scenes together.

What I Didn’t Like: Unfortunately the second half really turns on the kid movie-ness with cute mice animatronics and general shenanigans.

This may seem kinda mean but the lead kid who plays Luke is not a very good actor.  He’s better when he doesn’t say anything because I do think his facial expressions are good.  However, he’s…uhh…sorta terrible with his dialogue.

The makeup and costume job they did for the Grand High Witch looks outstanding but we only get it for one scene.  It would’ve made sense to have her come back into her natural gruesome form at the end for the finale.  But they didn’t do that which leads to the next problem…

*Spoiler on this last point* There’s no final battle.  I guess it’s just how the book went (this was based off Roald Dahl’s book of the same name) but it doesn’t work very well, at least in film form.  The thing ends kind of unsatisfactorily with one of the supporting characters killing the Grand High Witch in her tiny rat form.  That’s bullshit.  Luke’s grandmother should’ve fought her.  She would’ve settled a decades old score by getting payback for the pinky the witch took from her (that’s another problem, albeit a minor one, we never learn how the grandmother lost her pinky to a witch).  I’m sure budgetary restraints plus an effort to follow the book prevented a bigger and more fitting ending from materializing.

Overall Impression: I remember this being kinda creepy when it came out and all these years later a bunch of that creepiness remains.  The first half is really good and surprisingly dark. 

I love that they start by telling us how witches work in this movie’s universe.  They throw in a lot of great details but some of them don’t even come into play, like that witches have no toes.  Really though, the atmosphere is well set.

The bravado of this picture is kind of astounding if you step back for a minute and think about it.  I mean one thing they do is kill off the parents after introducing them at the beginning of the film (that’s not a spoiler by the way).  That’s one of the ballsiest moves I’ve ever seen in a kids movie.  Usually if the parents are dead then they died before the movie starts and they totally could’ve done that here.  But no.  They wanted you see them alive and well and then kill them off a minute later.

There’s also the Grand High Witch’s maniacal plot of killing off every child in England.  She doesn’t merely want to murder more children than the year before, she wants to exterminate them.  This notion along with how the Grand High Witch rallies the crowd with sweeping speaking power and the eastern European accent and well…she’s Hitler essentially.  I wonder if that was how Dahl wrote the character or if that’s what they intentionally went with for the film or if it was unintentional or what.  And I really don’t think this is a stretch.  This character is clearly modeled after Hitler.  Again, kinda dark for a kids movie if you ask me.

If you also throw in shit like the kids convulse while they turn into mice and the Grand High Witch pushes a baby carriage down a hill potentially to its death just to lure out Luke from hiding then you got a pretty tilted production.

It’s no surprise that this wasn’t a hit and that it remains somewhat obscure to this day.  It doesn’t get romanticized like other non-hits from the same era like The Monster Squad or Near Dark.  Instead this one got quietly swept under the carpet.

Look, The Witches is no masterpiece but the first half alone is worth checking out for its eerie and somewhat unconventional setup.  If you’re looking for something that isn’t very scary but at the same time has a bit of a nasty edge then this just might be the ticket.  
     

Harefooted Halloween: Hellbound: Hellraiser II

What I Liked: The story is off the fucking wall.  This picks up right where the first installment left off so now the daughter is the focus and has to escape the clutches of Pinhead and his gang.  And the plot really doesn’t waiver from that.  Like, they tried for a minute to have your conventional romance in here between the daughter and some guy but then they said “fuck it” and went to hell instead.

This may be a strange thing to bring up but the acting is much improved over the original.  The characters feel more settled and like this is how they were supposed to be all along.

Just like the first one, incredible makeup effects.  The design for Dr. Channard is especially crazy with that giant arm thing attached to his head and those tentacles shooting out of his hands and jeez.  Whoever came up with that was on some heavy shit.

What I Didn’t Like: The biggest problem I have is that they recap the first film way too much.  The opening is the last fifteen minutes of the first film condensed.  And then later they do the same thing and summarize the other hour and fifteen mins.  There wasn’t a need to do that.  You’re making a sequel guys.  People seeing this have seen the first one and if they haven’t well then that’s their problem.

Overall Impression: This is one whacked out fuckin’ film.  It’s a trippy journey to hell that doesn’t let up once things start rolling (which is pretty quick).

All of these bizarre images flood the screen like a baby with its mouth sewn shut, a mental patient that sees imaginary maggots crawling all over his skin, a woman slipping out of her skin and all sorts of other shit.  If you want weird, they got some nice weird for ya.

But what makes this work so well is that it does all of the things a sequel should.  The main character grows and becomes stronger and wiser, the villain is more threatening than the first, the stakes are higher, new engaging characters are introduced, we actually get to see someone transform into a Cenobite and get to see a whole bunch of the Cenobite’s world.  It ticks all the right boxes.

This is just as good (or maybe even better) than the first.  Once you slip into that nightmare you don’t escape.  Like the original they keep the focus where you want it.  There aren’t unnecessary subplots or awkward lulls in the middle of the movie.  This is pretty much all meat folks.

Now this is not for everyone.  If you liked the first Hellraiser then you should definitely check out the two sequels (Hellraiser III is also very good, but I wouldn’t recommend venturing beyond that because shit goes way down hill).  It’s possible number two here might be the best of the litter.

I love that these movies actually live up their namesakes and raise some goddamn hell.  Good work.  See it.

Harefooted Halloween: Hellraiser

What I Liked: This one has a unique story.  A puzzle box summons demons, that were once human, to come and torture you for all eternity.  But that’s more the background.  The main plot involves a guy who escaped the weird torture world and needs human flesh to put himself back together.

Yet another movie with remarkable makeup effects.  The skinless human that drips blood everywhere is such a fantastic idea and man does it look good.

What I Didn’t Like: The acting and dialogue isn’t the best.  Both feel contrived at least half the time and fall kinda flat.

Overall Impression: This is a great little horror gem that everybody knows about but not a lot of people have seen (I think).  I can think of a couple of reasons why this got left by the wayside.  One big reason is that horror in general was starting to go on the decline in the late 80’s.  Slasher, zombie and all sorts of other horror subs had been around a while by then and audiences were getting tired of it. 

The other big reason is that Hellraiser doesn’t follow a conventional horror narrative.  There are, pretty much, no rules in this series.  How and why the puzzle box works, as well as how the Cenobites (Pinhead and co.) work is never explained.  I can see this being too much for most folks to want to put up with.  Definitive rules make for easier viewing (examples: Freddy attacks you in your dreams, kill a vampire by driving a stake through its heart, etc.) and this didn’t have that.  The Cenobites would appear whenever the plot needed them to and would get defeated because the film needed to come to an end.

I’ll tell ya though, I don’t mind being embroiled in the chaos of this picture because the design of the Cenobites is genuinely creepy, the story doesn’t get bogged down or sidetracked, the effects work is remarkable and the plot is pretty original.

Fair warning, there’s a lot of ghastly imagery that may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  But if you like lots of blood and spooky ass fucked up humans from hell in your tea then have a drink.  This tea goes down surprisingly smooth for being so sordid. 

Harefooted Halloween: Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

What I Liked: They go through every Nightmare on Elm Street in a good amount of detail.  All of the bits you ever wanted to know about the development, execution and release of these films is here.

What I Didn’t Like: The editing is pretty damn fast.  It almost feels rushed like they wanted to get through each installment (except maybe the original Nightmare) as quickly as possible.  I can sort of understand though because there are a whole bunch of movies that they needed to talk about.

Overall Impression: If you’re a fan (or even if you only like one installment) of the Elm Street films then this is a must see.  I know I said it can feel kinda hurried at times but it’s really a minor gripe, this thing is comprehensive.  Not only do they go through the five Nightmares but also Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, the television series, New Nightmare and Freddy vs. Jason.   

Every picture in the series has an interesting history and production.  Like I never knew that Nightmare 2 was intentionally written to have gay undertones which completely unintentionally turned into strong overtones in the final product.  Or that Renny Harlin (Die Hard 2, Cutthroat Island) got the gig for part 4 because he kept pestering New Line until they finally gave in.  And maybe one of the most surprising things to find out was that A Nightmare on Elm Street saved New Line Cinema.  The entire company was riding on the success of that one movie and if it wasn’t a hit then they might never have made The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Se7en or fucking Blade.

I can’t recommend this enough.  Don’t be scared of the four hour running time.  It’s totally engrossing and makes me appreciate these movies even more than I already do.

Harefooted Halloween: The Vampire Lovers

What I Liked: The production and costume design is gorgeous.  All of the locations and sets looked grand and elegant as well as ominous and creepy.  Beautiful work on the visuals all around.

It’s nice to see a vampire tale not set in modern day.  This one takes place in the late 1700’s and man is it refreshing.  Shit eventually goes down the same old way but it was great to be put into a slightly different mindset just by changing up the time period.

Ok, I’m gonna put my gentlemanly-ness aside for a minute and admit that all of the nudity was appreciated.  This was made in 1970 so that kinda shit was starting to become more acceptable in mainstream films.  It’s just so funny how the seducing vampiress bites some of her female victims on the boob.  I mean there was no other reason to have that happen other than to show some broad’s tits.  Good job.

Excellent title.  Sexy, sultry, scary.

What I Didn’t Like: Not a ton is explained very well and that certainly lessened the enjoyment a little.  It’s confusing for a while what exactly is happening and who’s who and all of that.  I understood the basic plot but the picture could’ve been structured in a clearer manner.

Overall Impression: Another cool Hammer horror delight.  It’s got a bunch of the things that make a Hammer production so easy to get into.  There’s an intriguing plot, solid acting, plenty of the actual monster/creature/supernatural type thing, the pacing feels leisurely but the story actually moves well and the production quality is easy on the eyes.

I don’t think this is a must see but it’s fun and even adds a touch of class to your Halloween season.  Sure, it’s mostly the accents and time period but a touch of class just the same.  Check out this vampire infested boob fest.

Harefooted Halloween: My Soul to Take

What I Liked: The fast paced story keeps things moving even though I had no idea what was going on.

And I kinda liked that I didn’t totally get it.

Oh, and the opening setup is really fun nonstop craziness that involves stabbing, shooting, car crashing, etc.

What I Didn’t Like: There’s your typical cast of characters in a slasher movie.  You have the main nerdy kid, his outcast best friend, the popular girl that the main kid has a crush on, the jock douchbag and so on. 

How the events unfold is also archetypal with the teens being taken out one by one and you have to guess who the killer is.

Overall Impression: What a totally conventional yet totally strange slasher picture.  It’s very confusing what exactly is going on and what direction shit is heading.  Every once in a while you’ll get something familiar that you can grab on to like when the killer calls up the asshole jock and taunts him on the phone before dispatching him.  But then it’ll go right back to a schizophrenic kid or move immediately into another death scene or there’ll be some exposition given that seems kinda late in the story to be dishing out.

There’s also a bunch of shit that gets setup but then there’s no development or payoff.  For instance, the lead teen has a crush on some girl and we can discern that she obviously likes him back but it goes absolutely nowhere.  They don’t ever hook up or reveal their hotness for one another.  Just weird for a movie like this.

I fully appreciated some of the out-of-left-field bits in here.  Even though I couldn’t get a strong footing I couldn’t stop watching and was fascinated by the muddled and erratic mess.  It feels like this picture was made by a first timer or someone who may be slightly insane for real.  Wes Craven has made some zany movies before but this is different.  You could understand those.  This one is a rambling blob of ideas.

Look, this isn’t a good film really but I completely enjoyed how odd it was at times.  It feels like it should’ve been at least a half hour longer to flesh shit out and explain crap.  But at the same time I’m kinda glad it isn’t because we got one helluva oddball slasher movie. 

See it?  I don’t know if I can recommend this in good conscious.